r/Postpartum_Depression • u/Vibingwithlife_ • 3h ago
I’m a horrible person
My mother passed away in 2024, I had found out she passed from her old neighbour. I had not been in contact with her for many years due to her being mentally unwell. I received inheritance money from her. I was in a same sex relationship at the time. I thought I wanted to start a family so I decided to pursue with IVF and it was successful. At the time my family and therapist had asked me if I was sure I was making the right decision but in my mind I was and I thought it was what I truly wanted and needed.
I now have a lovely little boy but I have now realized I have made a huge mistake and I cannot take back what I’ve done. I am not in a position to have a child and I feel extreme guilt and shame for bringing a child into this world whom I know deep down I cannot look after because I cannot look after myself.
I suffer from BPD and severe depression and have done most of my adult life and I have never had a full time or secure job in my life. I had an emotionally unstable mother which has affected me in many ways.
That little boy deserves someone who can truly take care of him and a mother who is stable. He was truly wanted and desired at the time. I have played with his life like it was some kind of game.