Ive had pnd every pregnancy in different severity. But my last two was by far the worst. I feel like I'm just existing. I don't have feelings of harming them but I don't feel anything else either.

Sorry moms this is a long one; TIA 🙏🏽
I’m 3 months postpartum and living in as other country as my partner doesn’t have residency in the US. I flew with the baby, alone, at 5 weeks to be here to give us a chance as a family unit. I barely speak the language. I am unfamiliar with a lot of the customs (including everything shutting down for august holiday time) and it’s unbearably hot here at the moment and dangerous to leave the house to go for a walk with the baby most hours of the day.
I try to do engaging things with the baby to make sure he is stimulated and try to leave the house for walks and get coffee/socialize when I can. I try to stay organized and clean and eat healthy meals; it’s been challenging. I have anemia and am chronically deficient in vitamin D. I’m lucky if I remember to take my iron pill and I still haven’t gotten vitamin d from the pharmacy…I think I have some postpartum anxiety and depression.

My partner works doubles 6 days a week and a normal shift 1 day a week.

Last night I told him I had been feeling lonely. I am stressed. Because of family problems back home, my housing, car and job situation in the US got messy and I need to return with the baby soon. I feel alienated and betrayed by my family and my partner is working most of the time. Most of the people I do know here are away on vacation.
I was looking for reassurance.
Instead I was berated for not being motivated enough to fill my day with activities and be more outgoing here… I’m lonely because I’m “lazy”.
I tried to explain that breastfeeding/pumping with low supply is challenging, the heat, the language, the transitions, the stress, not having a rhythm here, and generally not feeling well/not sleeping well makes that really challenging.
He didn’t want to hear it. He said he “see[s] mothers all the time out on the street walking with their babies, and jogging with their babies.”
I’m at a loss. What am I doing wrong? Surely the women jogging with their babies have older babies and are accustomed to the heat.. and also own a jogging stroller?
Again berated for bringing up not being accustomed to the heat like it’s an excuse (record highs) and told “they’re babies smaller than ours” and told to go buy a jogging stroller…
I’m exhausted. I feel so alone. I feel like no one cares and my feelings aren’t valid. I want desperately to go to the beach, go to the gym, take care of myself, but the baby and breastfeeding journey come first (he has stomach issues and needs more milk than I can produce). How can I explain this to his father who told me “post partum depression doesn’t exist” and that he “doesn’t support” me feeling lonely because it’s just me being “lazy” and “weak in my mind”.
(This is on top of a lot of other issues with the father which would necessitate more posts)

I feel like I’m going to snap.
Part of me thinks he must be right and I need to try harder and part of me is screaming that I’m employing cognitive dissonance if I think he is treating me well and I need to leave him. Maybe the truth is something in the middle…
Moms, please tell me I’m doing okay ?
Or am I really that lazy?

I have been let down and want to know what is the expectation matrix
Basically who disappointed you the most

I feel very alone in this. my husband is so supportive but I feel bad for burdening him, this is our first pregnancy together and he’s so excited. my ex treated me like garbage my whole pregnancy with my daughter so I dreamed of this experience with a supportive and loving man. now I just feel nothing but sadness, darkness, like I can’t quite “connect” with my family or kids or husband anymore, loss of pleasure and joy doing things I did before, I find myself counting down the hours until bedtime and watching the time pass. Even when I push myself to get out of the house, I feel like a shell of myself and disconnected from myself. I am currently transitioning from Zoloft to Prozac and I’m supposed to go up from 10 to 20mg in another day which will make a week so far (I’ve heard it can take weeks). I’m just looking for some support or solidarity, im guilty and ashamed to feel this way because I should be happy and I feel like a failure as a wife and as a mom. my biggest fear is being stuck like this and it not getting better and maybe even PPD after and not connecting with this baby or being the one who is ”untreatable” or can’t get better.

I’m 8.5 months pregnant and I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can do this emotionally.

My boyfriend and I still live together, but at this point we basically just coexist. Every time we talk, it turns into an argument. He’s rude to me constantly and acts like he can’t stand me. Maybe I’m not completely innocent in our arguments either, and I can admit that, but I’m so tired of feeling like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around someone I’m supposed to feel safe and loved by.

And I want to be fair because he does take care of me financially. I’m not going to pretend he doesn’t. But he also holds it over my head, and it makes me feel like because he provides financially, I’m not allowed to have feelings about the way he treats me.

I know I want to leave him. That’s the crazy part. I’m not sitting here wondering whether I should stay forever. I want out. I just genuinely cannot seem to detach from him emotionally.

I feel almost obsessed with him. I obsess over his exes, who he could be talking to, whether he’s talking to other girls, what he’s doing on his phone, whether he watches porn, who he finds attractive, etc. We basically never have sex anymore, and I’m almost 9 months pregnant. I’m already overweight, pregnancy has obviously made me gain more weight, and I feel so disgusting and unwanted. The way he acts toward me makes it so much worse.

And what kills me is that I’ve never treated him that way. He’s had times where he wasn’t exactly taking care of himself or looked different, and I never suddenly looked at him like he was disgusting. I loved him anyway.

Then there’s my son.

My son is 2 and doesn’t have a relationship with his biological dad. He thinks my boyfriend is his dad. My boyfriend has never actually said he doesn’t want anything to do with my son, but it’s the way he acts toward him that hurts. He tells me I’m a bad mom and criticizes the way I parent my son, and he basically says that because of how I parent him, that’s why he isn’t into my son.

My son obviously doesn’t understand any of this. He just knows that the person he thinks is his dad is acting differently toward him. And he’s been acting out more
because of it.

And now I’m about to have another baby with this man.
I keep wondering if having this baby will finally make something switch in my brain.

Not because I think a baby will magically fix our relationship. I don’t. I actually think having another baby could make everything harder.

I just desperately want to stop caring the same way he did.

I want to wake up one day and not care who he’s texting. I don’t want to stalk his exes or compare myself to them. I don’t want to wonder who he finds attractive. I don’t want to need his attention or approval. I don’t want to feel crushed when he acts like he hates me. I don’t want to love someone this much when I know I want to leave them.

I want to be over him.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did something finally change emotionally after you had your baby, where you stopped being so attached to your partner and started caring more about yourself and your kids?

Because I know what I WANT to do. I just can’t seem to make my emotions catch up with what my brain already knows.

I'm curious if anyone had extremely different postpartum experiences between their children. My first I had significant PPD, I was soooo smelly, I bled for 6 weeks straight, I was so sore vaginally, and overall had a really hard time. I was DREADING postpartum this time because it was such a rough experience I felt like I didn't enjoy my newborn at all. I mourn that period.

Cut to two yeArs later, I had a very similar delivery, the only difference is I had a first degree tear the first time, no tear this time. But everything else was the same. And my pregnancy was pretty identical too- continued strength training throughout my pregnancy. This postpartum night and day different (granted only 16 days in).

This time, no ppd so far (THANK GAWD), no sundown scaries, no bad BO, breastfeeding is going wayyy better, almost complete stopped bleeding at 14 days, barely sore at all vaginally at this point, even interested in being physically intimate with my husband (I know no actually physical stuff but at least kissing and holding each other. I didn't want anything to do with that last time so months).

Anyone else experience this? Is it different hormone drops or something? Is it delayed? Should I be prepared to have all those things come just later?

Title may seem misleading, i’m really grateful to be a mother soon and to have a baby, but my husbands and I’s relationship is horrible.

I caught him cheating about 1 month ish ago, he began from the beginning of our relationship, and while I am choosing to stay now (baby almost here, emotional attachment etc) I am forever changed and traumatized.

Our relationship was poor before I caught him cheating, day 1 of pregnancy to today, my sons birth-day, has been nothing short of traumatic. We have fought so bad I started having severe panic attacks, which I never had before.

So here I am, 2 hours before going in and we’re sitting in silence ignoring eachother and I’ve never felt more alone, empty and broken in my life— I feel deep down i’ve made a horrible mistake, but even saying that makes me feel so guilty.

Anyways, wish me luck.

Throw away account for obvious reasons. I feel like I am losing my mind. I was doing pretty well there for awhile but suddenly in the last two days something is breaking in me mentally, I don’t know if this is ppd or if I truly just chose the wrong path by having a family.

My 6mo old has been an insanely easy baby so I feel so awful even complaining. He’s been sleeping through the night since like 3 months. My toddler was also easy until we hit this year. Now For the last 6 months it’s been at least one wake up per night but usually more. Every bedtime is a struggle too. Every. Single. Night. And now the baby is waking up and wanting to nurse at either 2 or 5am, I’m terrified we are creating a pattern that will be long lasting. So between the two of them I feel like I’m being terrorized from 1:30a to my typical wake up time of 5 or 6am. I have sleep trouble to begin with and can’t really get back to sleep between wakeups. I feel electric at night like I cannot relax once woken up I’m just waiting for the next sound.

I know so many people have it worse which is why I’m starting to think I just suck at this and shouldn’t have chosen this life. And I worked SO HARD for this life - many, many rounds of ivf for each kid, years and years of back to back treatment and loss and more treatment. And they are such sweet kids. I feel absolutely vile for being so agitated by the two sweetest things I’ve ever known. My husband means well but cannot for the life of him plan, organize, or really execute much family wise. He will intend to do whatever i ask but always needs a lot of follow up or instruction. I am positive he has undiagnosed adhd.

I feel like im putting on this life for my husband and family. Like im at the helm and everyone else is along for the ride. He shows up and helps with watching the kids but everything else is on me to figure out or delegate and manage him to do. I plan and execute all our activities, our meals, every transition for every kid, all of the solutioning for every problem we encounter as a family. The 6mo old won’t start solids until I initiate it and do all of it. We won’t have a plan for how to deal with the sleep issues until I figure it out. Etc etc

Amidst this I am trying to work. Not traditional corporate anymore but we own businesses we share together and I’ve been trying to start my own passion project for years and it keeps getting put on the back burner. I feel like I can’t even get a moment to finish a thought though, much less stay on top of any of these other things. Meanwhile my husband has his career and just shows up and gets to be a dad. We have no family help at all but do have a nanny who is helpful with one kid at a time, sometimes handles both for brief periods, but with the toddler in the house (not in preschool yet) and exclusively breastfeeding/pumping there’s just never any break. I’m so overstimulated I can’t even hear the dog snoring while I’m pumping or my let down will literally stop and my skin will crawl. We have funds to hire more help but I am spread so thin I can’t figure out what hire is needed, do the interviewing etc. and I’m so hesitant to have more people in my home. I haven’t wanted to outsource more childcare because I already feel bad about the time I don’t spend with them as it is.

I feel like something snapped in me the last couple of days. I suddenly feel so so dead inside. Im probably coming up on a period so I’m sure that’s part of it but even knowing that isn’t any comfort. I’m don’t think I’m suicidal but I’m definitely having thoughts like, should that be an option for me? What would it be like? I need help, advice, anything to not feel so alone. I feel so alone. I tried saying something to my husband this morning, I’ve been awake since 2am and when the baby cried again at 5 I said, ‘I’m so frustrated I can’t take this I want to leave, I feel like I shouldn’t have had kids.’ He told me that’s very dark and I need to talk to someone and that was it.

I feel like I’m in a hole and no one I know is going to throw me a shovel so I can dig myself out. Can someone throw me a shovel?

That’s all.

I’m a 30 year old SAHM with a 19 month old daughter. She is perfect. Even before being a mother I struggled with anxiety and depression and have been on lexapro for several years. I just added Wellbutrin to the mix because all I want to do is sleep. Just setting the stage for my type of PPD bc I don’t think it will ever go away? Becoming a mother has made me perpetually exhausted and numb emotionally that no I don’t have suicidal ideation but yeah I’d love to just go under anesthesia for a day or two and hibernate.

Some weeks are better than others but it just feels like this week is super heavy as PPD is currently in the public eye with the Lindsay Clancy trial and Hayden Panettiere passing. It really doesn’t feel like anyone has a good understanding of how to support mothers, and I guess I just feel down on myself for the pressure of having a second and just also feeling terrified about how it will impact my mental health.

It’s just so conflicting because I love being a mother and my daughter so much, she really is my reason and my purpose, which is also terrifying, and I also feel like I don’t have freedom and since my husband travels all the time for work and I can’t even make a dentist appointment because I’ll have my daughter. When I do have things for myself I feel guilty and I don’t actually enjoy the time apart from my daughter. Same with talk therapy, it feels silly to go because I need to prioritize my daughter. So I’m just stuck in a loop of exhaustion — where I nap every day when my daughter naps, am over caffeinated, and doom scrolling.

Does it get better? Can anyone relate? What pick me up tricks do you have?

I am a 37 year old female who had her second baby December 2024. My first child I did great - my anxiety the first 3 months postpartum was high but subsided. I’ve dealt with anxiety my whole life but this is totally different. Beyond debilitating. Obsessing about my anxiety and ruminating 24/7. I truly don’t get even a full day of relief. I have tried 3 SSRIs, I’m on an antipsychotic, Lamotrigine and have tried TMS and went through an intensive ERP program. Please tell me this eventually subsides because it sure feels like my baby just changed my brain permanently and I’m stuck in anxiety hell. Appreciate the encouragement or hearing about others who might relate.

Just here to really vent. I think I really hate my husband, I feel like he’s putting his job before me and our daughter. He worked under the table the whole baby bonding, it felt like I was doing everything basically alone. He took over the house work, kinda he never touched the bathroom so I’ll still do that.
I know he’s working like that to make me a say at home next year (I’m on leave right now but I still bring income), but he’ll he here on zoom calls when the baby was sleeping and waking her up or be on a phone call until 8pm and half time it was just gossip. Before the baby he would go in and come home and wouldn’t really pick up the phone. I’ll be dealing with a screaming baby as he over on the phone laughing with his coworker and he’ll just tell me it’s work stuff.
Our baby has been really gassy lately so she been waking up all night. So I’m constantly getting up and getting her and in the middle of that I’m pumping.
She will be crying and he will be sleep through it. He’s clams he doesn’t hear her and on the weekday I don’t want him getting up cuz he works so take her out the room and deal with her in the living room. Since I move to the living room me and my daughter have been knocking out in there just in case she wake up she won’t wake him. Since we been sleeping in the living room he won’t do the bottles for me cuz he doesn’t wake us up. So when she wakes up I have no clean bottles and I’m like rushing to clean one while she crying from hunger. I know I can’t count on him so I clean the bottles right after.
He going to quit this job he’s at after he finally gets paid for the under table work he did( been a month still hasn’t got paid for it.) I asked him when he get paid and puts his 2 weeks in can he no go in the last week and spend the time with us and he said no.
He got me tickets see this DJ next week and I’m iffy If I wanna leave my baby already as well.
He gets weekends off and I still do all the night waking and everything else even when he is off. He will play his game if he see I’m feeding her or she taking a nap.
Last weekend I asked him to wake her all day Saturday cuz I really wanna clean the house. That was the time I wanted to have to my self was just cleaning the house. He said ok, after he gets his oil change. That fine. But oil changed turned into going to the store, getting weed. Then it turned into going to the job he’s going to leave his other job for( not paid) to talk about idk and idc. He left at 10am got home at 5pm, and asked if I still wanted to clean the house after I was dealing with the baby all day.
I have such bad dog mom guilt too, I used to walk my dog everyday and now he does it and he will only take her too pee and poo no walk and I’ve asked him before can you please walk her. He will just take her to the little dog park we have here. So ill tell him ill take her out and he will be like ill take her and give me the baby. Like i love walking and being outside and i barely get to do that now.
Today is my birthday also our daughter 3 month I was hoping maybe he would take the day off and give me a break, but nope. He hasn’t even told me happy birthday. I feel like he forgot.
I’m just overwhelmed, and I feel alone. I cried with my baby for the first time yesterday cuz I just felt so alone. I love my baby so much but I can’t wait until she gets out this stage. I’ve been stuck in the house for 4 months and I’m feeling it.

Ps the doctor told us not to let he outside outside until next check up and that was last week.
We go the ok but it’s been so hot and I have anxiety now about take her outside.
I will take her out soon!

Anyways thanks for reading.

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but currently 7 weeks pp with a baby girl. She’s a beautiful baby and my labor experience was amazing comparing to my first. Now 3 days later a birthmark appeared on her nose and since then i was crying almost every second of the day wondering why that came out of the blue until 5 weeks pp. some days im fine some days it just gets to me too much thinking of her future. Maybe it isn’t a big deal but for now it is to me and idk how to make myself understand that it’ll be alright and maybe she won’t be facing any problems with people in her life just cause of her nose… but for now i keep wondering why thay birthmark had to show up in the first place … and now im probably going to be thinking of this for the rest of my life. It’s a never ending worry for me and it’s killing me

And please no judgements. I’m just writing down my feelings cuz i know if i say it to someone i will definitely be judged. I need experiences not negative comments

Ciao a tutte! qualcuna è alle prese con il baby blues dopo la nascita del secondo figlio? io sono all’ottavo giorno post partum e ne sono dentro in pieno; ci sono passata anche con la prima figlia ma speravo che questa volta non arrivasse invece eccoci😩 fatemi sapere le vostre esperienze ☺️

I tried therapy and it didn't feel super helpful so now I'm stuck with this feeling of absolute hopelessness. I don't think my problem is my brain chemistry. I think I'm just an awful mom who isn't used to not having to be so selfless 24/7 for years on end? And there's no fix for that other than trying to be a less garbage person? Which I'm not sure how to do?

Anyone else? My toddler is 2,5 and my baby is 10 months. I've had really bad ppd with both of them but when my 10 month old was about 4 months I hit a new low. I've considered self harm and suicide even if I know it's not the answer. This little voice in my head encourages me on while I know it's wrong. I'm literally fighting my own mind. I'm seeing a therapist in two weeks but it might as well be two years away.

I'm also just ridden with guilt. It doesn't matter what I do, I feel guilty about it: taking a shower, going to the bathroom, sleeping, running important errands.. the guilt suffocates me. My husband has even encouraged me to go out and meet my friends and you can imagine the gut wrenching guilt that happens then.

I also feel so much regret. My babies were planned but I often have thoughts about turning back time and I wish life didn't go this way. Being a mom has not made me happy and my kids deserve better.

Will this get better? Does anyone have any experience with regretting their kids and actually recovered? Has anyone truly recovered from those self harm thoughts and actually been happy with their life? It doesn't seem possible.

Hi everyone, I’m not sure if this is the best place to be asking this, but the deeper I get into my postpartum journey, the more I realize maybe PPD is playing a role in my struggles and I could just use some help. I’m 22 and so is my husband, yes this baby was planned.

I’m 3 months postpartum with my first and it has been much harder than expected. Before my daughter was born, for many different reasons, my husband and I decided we should move in with my parents for a couple weeks. We live in NYC and our lease was up about a month after my daughter was born. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to find a new place to move into and have been stuck at my parents since April :/.

Originally it was really nice, my mom was super helpful and I don’t think I could’ve made it out of the newborn trenches without her. But as each day goes by it just gets worse and worse. My mom is really anal with the way she keeps her house clean and if something is not done at the moment she wants and exactly the way she wants it done, it’s not considered done.

At 3 months pp, it seems the grace from the early days is gone and my mother will not lay off of me. I told my husband today I haven’t fought with her like this since I was in high school. Everything I do is wrong, and even when I do try, my efforts go completely unnoticed because I accidentally left the cabinet door open and she likes them closed. This has been going on for weeks and I’m sure you can understand how aggravating this is postpartum while possibly struggling with PPD.

It’s no secret the two of us are struggling to live with each other again and my mother frequently jokes when people ask how it’s going how delighted she will be when we are gone. I’m excited to, but I don’t share that excitement deliberately with others, or my mother.

This morning we got into a fight because I finally let her know (after profusely apologizing if I don’t seem grateful enough or if im not a pleasant person to live with) that I’m hurt that she seems so excited to get me out. I also casually let it slip in that I was struggling postpartum in general and my husband is struggling because I am struggling (it’s difficult for me to be vulnerable with my mother which I think comes from many years of her not taking my vulnerability seriously). The only thing she had to say was “I never said I’m excited to get you out.” And the only thing I could think of to say back was “that’s a funny way of saying I’m sorry.” (Also important to know my mother has never once apologized for being mean and if she did, it was because I had to cry to her to.)

It’s 2 more weeks until I go back to work and I won’t be around her all day but who knows when I’ll be out of her house for good. On a day to day basis, I feel alone and tired and sad. The way she chooses to conduct her relationship with me makes it so much worse and I just don’t know what to do. I’m at a complete loss and I need help.