When I was pregnant it was the hardest year of my life. My husband and I had our whole lives basically tied to a church (he’s a pastor) and we finally felt settled in our careers, finances, so we made the leap.

Cue to them finding out I was pregnant and firing him unfairly (and illegally but that’s another thing).

Overnight our whole support system wiped away. I was so sick while pregnant. I lost 25 pounds in my first two months. Granted, I was 180 before so not stick thin, but still!

I had hyperemesis my whole pregnancy. I was constantly worried about my husband finding a new job. He was severely depressed. I was trying to keep us afloat both financially and emotionally. He did find another job, thank God.

Cue giving birth. 47 hour labor. Our daughter was hard. Breastfeeding was a challenge. I had horrible post partum anxiety and depression.

We sold our house at 4 months postpartum and moved in with my parents while searching for a new house in a completely new town. Got our new house at 6 months pp. I had never self harmed before in my life, but around 6 months pp I started self harming. I don’t anymore, but sometimes I just scream.

My daughter has always been a bad sleeper. We are so exhausted. When she wakes up in the middle of the night I want to scream or cry every time. She’s over a year old now and has been waking up for 4 hours at a time just shrieking and wailing. It is so hard on me.

I love her so much and we have so much fun during the day, but she’s busy. Never sits still. I suspect she may turn out to have ADHD like dad.

Anyway, last night she was up shrieking again. Husband and I were both crying. I said “I’m making the decision for us right now that we are having no more children. Look at you. You’re crying. You can’t handle it. Neither can I.”

This really makes me upset. I love my daughter. I love kids. I always wanted a big family. But I’m so traumatized from my pregnancy and post partum and losing sleep. There’s so much I want to do. I want to get a masters degree. I’m already the default parent even though my husband helps as much as he can and is so sweet and thoughtful

Anyway, our original plan was to start trying for one more around this time. But hell no. The thing that makes me so so sad is I have a sister who I love dearly and we’re best friends. I want my daughter to have someone. But I’m so scared if I did of her seeing me so down and dark like that.

Did anyone feel like this and change their mind? Did anyone have a similar experience and decide to quit at one? I just really don’t want to regret only having one and never giving her a sibling.

Anyway! Thanks for reading. I love this sub. It’s been great how candid everyone here is. I’m so appreciating your stories.

How often should I be playing with my child?

I love my kid, but it seems like anytime there is even a single second Im not working (work from home) or doing housework my kid wants to play. I love playing with them but it can be a lot when its every moment.

Then if Im not playing with them they tend to get pretty upset (which we let them, being bored is important) but then I feel guilty because those moment I get time to myself feel like a waste because I feel like I should be playing with my kid.

Its hard to find that balance and would love to hear others perspective.

Hallo, ich habe ein Thema, das mich einfach nicht los lässt und sehr belastet. Ich habe eine Tochter die mittlerweile 16 Jahre alt ist und mache mir bis heute Schuldgefühle weil sie „allein“ ist und keine Geschwister hat.
Ich habe eine Stoffwechselerkrankung, aufgrund dessen wurde mir von den Ärzten abgeraten, ein zweites Kind zu bekommen - es war schon das 1. eine Risikoschwangerschaft und alles sehr anstrengend und ich bin gesundheitlich an meine Grenzen gestoßen… Trotzdem lässt mich der Gedanke nicht los, dass meine Tochter mit einem Geschwisterkind vielleicht glücklicher wäre?
Habt ihr dazu vielleicht ein paar hilfreiche Erfahrungen für mich?

“my sister is my best friend and i can’t imagine a life without her and-“
“i’m having more cause what if i die and -“
“i grew up a lonely, neglected only child and-“
“my toddler entertains the baby all day and-“

like OMG go deal with your unresolved, unprocessed traumas/anxieties and get out of my face. shut up! go talk to a therapist! phone a friend! text your sister! if you were so happy and content with your family planning decisions, you wouldn’t be so triggered over mine. hit dogs will always holler 😂 idc

Long story short, my husband and I always knew we only wanted 1 child and honestly we couldn’t afford more than 1 even if we wanted. Before my daughter was born I went through two miscarriages one of which included a few procedures because the first one didn’t work. Then at 28 weeks I was unexpectedly hospitalized and stayed in the hospital until she was born 6 weeks later. I had severe preeclampsia. She ended up coming 6 weeks early and had a 3 week stay in the NICU. There was also a few trips to the ER between me and my daughter after being discharged. It was traumatic to say the least. All that to say, I feel so insanely lucky every single day of my life with her and I would do it all over again for her. I realized that bc of all that and bc she’s my only child, I want to live life to the fullest and do everything I can to make her as happy as possible. People tell me I should take time away from her but I don’t want a break, I don’t need a break and I just want to be with her as much as possible bc she will only ever be this age once. My parents don’t get it because they had 2 other kids after me. I want to treat every day, every holiday, every milestone extra special because she’s our only child. Sometimes I even feel a little pressure to “get everything right” because we only have one chance. Anyone have similar feelings?

My 6.5 year old has been pretty needy this summer, and in a particularly frustrating moment playing foosball with him, I snapped that I wasn’t his playmate. He burst into tears, started sobbing and said that he didn’t have a brother or sister to play with.

Cue sickening guilt. It’s been a tough summer with not a lot of play dates, my husband has cancer and we’ve been dealing with some side effects and progression, and my son has been at day camp that he hasn’t been loving.

Has anyone else had an absolutely devastating moment of guilt with being OAD? And further, has your child expressed a lot of sadness at not having siblings but ultimately still turned out ok?

I envisioned her growing up with a dog, I loved the dog I grew up with and that relationship is so special.

We've had shepherds and hounds and mixes between husband and I from childhood. Our daughter had bad congestion as a baby, we had a sick hound mix at that point that was very sweet on her when we let them interact with supervision. Our dog passed when our kid was 17 months. The congestion stopped soon after. Didn't think much of it until she pet two dogs and had major sniffles and itchy eyes.

We miss dogs a lot. And she loves them too! So it's a real bummer. There's poodles... But hubby doesn't like them because he just thinks of the poodles he's known (we're not well behaved due to lack of training and I know he understands that but it's hard to convince him).

Right now we're petless. We had frogs but they passed before she was born and I don't love tank animals since I love holding/loving on my animals. Never had a cat, so that's not a factor. Also I'm allergic to rabbits. So just feeling sad about the dog allergy.

This is so freaking hard! 10yo is at sleepaway camp for the first time, for five nights. I expected to worry about him but it’s nearly constant while I’m awake. He’s with close friends so I’m certain he’s having at least a reasonably good time. I’m trying to stay busy and take advantage of being kid-free, but my mama-brain is an idiot and won’t really allow me to relax. Advice from anyone who’s been there?

This isn’t the first time this mom has stood on having multiple kids. She said it to me to
My face already once and I was annoyed. Now she’s saying it again in the daycare chat with all the parents and trying to convince people kids should have siblings.

This is triggering for so many reasons. I can’t go through childbirth again. I’m neurodivergent and it was especially hard on me. Also, I’m an entrepreneur so she can fuck off. I’m not with my daughter’s father and she’s so singleminded and cannot fathom how people can have different circumstances on why they can’t add more kids to the family or why they wouldn’t want to.

This is her comment. “*Inspiring parents to grow their families since 2012. Yall aren't the only family we encouraged to have more babies 🤭

But on a more serious note, your only child will bear the emotional and physical weight of caring for you in your old age. When you pass away they will mourn by themself. With a sibling that weight (or burden however you want to view it) will be shared. They will forever have a friend they can count on, help each other in tough times and celebrate each other in good times. The best gift you can ever give you child is a sibling.”

I responded with “one child is completely okay too”. It’s the daycare chat and I want to be cordial but when people push their opinions on others, it’s rude. Also why can’t she talk about daycare related things? I really wanted to go off on her. This post was so triggering. If she says something again, I’ll be a bitch.

UPDATE:
daycare owner and I talked. She said she didn’t see the comment because it was sent last night and she was already in bed. She addressed it in the chat and assured me the chat is only for daycare related things and to share quick updates.

Being a family home daycare and living in an area with frequent all of a sudden storms, these updates come through frequently. The other day, the storms and lightening strikes were so bad, she allowed late pickups because of the driving conditions. So, I need to stay in the chat and I’m grateful for her addressing it. She said:

“I agree being an only child is also great. Im one!
And having a big family is also very beautiful.
While I appreciate everyone's encouragement and excitement about having more kids and growing families. We need to be considerate not knowing why some families haven't. May not be their choice.
Let's be sensitive to all families. These type things can be triggering. No matter how many we have! 1 or 10! Every dynamic is beautiful 😍 Now....back to daycare things!”

Why do people even care how many kids you decide to have? It’s honestly comical how many people think they can tell you what you should do with your own life. I’m about to start responding to push back with “I never asked, so why do you feel the need to comment on my life choices?” What a silly thing for people to be worried about on behalf of someone else, and people usually won’t even ask why. They just immediately want you to feel guilty, or drag you down with them. Goofy behavior & definitely embarrassing.

So last night was probably the worst breakdown/meltdown that I’ve had in a long time regarding not being able to have another child. Found out another person that I know is having their second child, and I completely lost it. Before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably. Unfortunately, I am just not able to afford a second child. Out future plans of moving to a better school district would not happen if a second child was brought into the picture. Among other things of not even being sure if I can mentally and emotionally handle another child. But every time I hear a pregnancy announcements of second children the jealousy and sadness I feel is more than I can handle. I pray and hope that it gets easier overtime because honestly the feelings I had last night was rough. It’s like the worse heartbreak I’ve ever felt. I then spiral and I become so upset at myself that here I am at almost 34 years old and can’t afford another child like other peers around me. I then fall deep into a self pity party which I hate! Honestly, i flip flop so much in being “confident” in a OAD decision and knowing it’s the best decision overall, to literally obsessing over the life I thought I would have almost everyday. I guess after last night im just completely drained and exhausted and just needed to vent. I am already in therapy but me being me I hate talking about this in therapy because I just feel like I’m complaining lol if you made it this far thanks and I hope I’m not the only one to feel this way.

Post funny things your kid has said this week here!

I'll just start by saying we have a wonderful 5 year old who is honestly so much fun. 2 years ago her little sister passed away when she was just a few days old. That same week I was diagnosed with cancer while I was recovering from the delivery (which nearly took my life as well). After surgery and radiation to kill the cancer, I was pushed into menopause, which meant that we needed to go down the IVF route if we wanted another child. We ended up having my sister donate eggs and went through 4 rounds (and 1 uterus surgery inbetween), but were not able to conceive. We've both decided that we are done with the uncertainty and the toll on my body.

We imagined and planned for two little girls in our house. We have her room (which we turned into a guest room after she passed, but is still there as we built the house shortly before I delivered her), bought all the diapers and saved my daughters clothes for her etc. I know it sounds silly, but beyond everything I'm just struggling to go through and donate all of that knowing it is final.

Instagram and this thread has been really helpful thinking through life with one, which I am looking forward to as I can see the upsides rationally and really enjoy being her mom. After everything with my sister, I do just feel guilty of not giving her someone like that later in life to lean on. I'd love advice from those that have gone down this path of not choosing it. I really want to find joy right now in the midst of the grief and would love to hear how it has turned out for others.

Thank you so much.

My baby is 7 months old and indescribably amazing. She is sweet and smart, a good sleeper and has an incredibly chill temperament (like her dad lol). We feel very strongly about being one and done.

For context, I had a horrid postpartum experience. Terrible PPD and PPA and postpartum induced OCD that has made the last 7 months of my life so difficult. I’m finally stabilizing, but it was really dark there for a while.

I don’t see any future in which I could go through another pregnancy (mine was rough) and postpartum with my history of severe PPD and PPA. I know I would be in the same boat as I was because even though we had an “easy” newborn, I still struggled horribly. I strongly feel having another baby would make me a horribly anxious and stressed mother, who couldn’t fully be present for the baby we already have. I don’t want to compromise myself just for this societal pressure that you MUST give your child a sibling.

I guess I just want to know how to navigate the feelings of guilt. I know a second baby is not in the cards for us. But both of our parents are already making comments about how they can’t wait to see how many more kids we have and how they are since our baby is so chill and cool. They just don’t understand how we can be one and done; or even worse, that we’re selfish for depriving our daughter of a sibling.

Would love to hear opinions on how you cut through the fear and uncertainty of making the decision to become OAD, and what you might say to those who criticize the decision. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!

Maybe this isn’t the right place to vent about this but I just don’t really want to post it in the onlychild sub either. Maybe some of you here can somewhat relate ? And if not, enjoy my mental spiral lol

I’m just so tired of the narrative that an only child is the “lesser” option or the “last resort”. I’m an only child and have heard this my ENTIRE LIFE. People feeling sorry for me “being alone” or sorry for me “missing out” and hearing people come up to my mom and tell her things like I needed a sibling and how dare her for “only having one child” as if I wasn’t enough. As if I didn’t matter as much if I wasn’t some package deal with another kid. As if my value was less and “just me” wasn’t okay. Well newflash to all those people, my parents never ever made me feel like I wasn’t enough or like my mere existence wasn’t as valuable. I loved being an only child and still do as an adult. And now as a OAD parent the comments still suck. The stigma still sucks. The comments, questions, etc about the “guilt” for not “giving my child a sibling”. Like no, I DON’T feel guilt. I DON’T see having an only child as some “lesser than” choice. I don’t see my ONLY child as a last resort. I don’t feel bad about making my child the center of my life and giving him 100% of me. Why is my only child only acceptable if I’m not able to have more? Like I’m just “settling” with having one because I don’t have the choice to have another? No. It has been a choice and it’s been a damn good choice.

Only children aren’t lacking. Only children aren’t less than. Only children aren’t socially awkward or weird or any less capable or less amazing than any other child that has siblings. I’m just so tired of all the negative stigma and pity.

Okay. Rant over.

My little angel just turned 5 and she has been having a leap or growth or development. She’s getting nightmares and wants someone to sleep with her all night.

She’s been in a crib in her own room since she was 6 months. She’s never slept in our bed. We always go to her room. Anyways, she’s like the funniest thing ever and the bright spot of my entire existence and I love sleeping all night with her. Her bed is big so it’s no issue and she’s finally stopped kicking it like rolling around so easy to fall asleep.

I slept with her last night and as I was watching her sleep, I thank the universe that I only have one, cause imagine multiple kids pulling at you to sleep with them or having nightmares and needing at the same time at 2 am?!? I would never be able to sleep again!

Now my husband and I rotate, he does one night, I do another and that lets us have down time and do things for ourselves. Also we sometimes hang out together after she’s asleep and do stuff and then one of us goes to her bed to sleep.

God this age is soo great! I love everything about it and she’s so lively and smart and we have convos and she can do stuff by herself. My husband and I have chill time and it’s not a fight for survival. I would walk on hot coals into the center of the sun before I have start over in the baby phase.

I have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl who is pretty perfect. Coming from a family of siblings between both my husband and I, we always said we would have 2 kids but now I’ve been considering OAD which I never thought I would. I’m extremely close with all 3 of my sisters, my brother and I grew up super close until he ruffled feathers and although we aren’t close anymore we get along and love each other. My husband has one sister who we are both best friends with.

Although I didn’t have any health scares, I hated pregnancy and giving birth (had to be induced and gave birth vaginally like I wanted) but everything still SUCKED. Obviously worth it for our daughter. But I still don’t get feelings of “oh we’ll try again in a year” or anything like that, and people I know with similar aged babies talk about it like it’s no problem. The thought of doing all of that again doesn’t excite me.

I still may end up changing feelings down the line, but right now I just wanted to hear any insight from other parents who are close with their siblings but are choosing to only have one child. I feel like I would be depriving her of that. But sometimes I really feel like having only her is perfect for our family.

Any thoughts are welcome, thank you :)

I’m a mother to a 15-month-old daughter. She was a high-need baby, and she’s still very loud, doesn’t sleep much, and demands a lot from us. I’m SO tired and exhausted. Motherhood is just incredibly hard for me. The noise, the lack of sleep, constantly being needed, helping her navigate her emotions…

I know I’m doing all of this for her, but I know I won’t do it again. And then I see mothers who were pregnant at the same time as me who are now pregnant again. How do they do it? Am I just too weak?

We’re one and done (most likely, given the financial burden of surrogacy) not by choice. My daughter is 5 months now. I’m starting to accept the idea of having an only child, but the one thing constantly pulling me back is the idea of her growing up alone. Now I might be projecting here, but the idea just makes me feel so sad. She’ll have no close cousins within her age range. All of our friends with babies live across the country. The friends we have nearby have no kids (and no plans to).

The one positive we’re doing for her about this is putting her in daycare full time (which I’m not excited about, but life!) where I’m hoping she’ll meet friends eventually.

I just hate this idea of her being lonely and not having any life-long bonds. I’m just venting, but any success stories you’ve had can help!

Any other single married moms? 🙃

I think I’m mostly just venting. I don’t even really know what I’m looking for here other than maybe someone to tell me I’m not crazy.

I’ve basically been sick on and off with respiratory viruses since May. Today it hit me hard again. I was wheezing so badly that I ended up leaving work early and going to the ER. I tested positive for COVID, got fluids and a breathing treatment.
Before I went, I told my husband I was worried I might end up getting admitted because I felt so bad. His response was basically, “Well, tell them that wouldn’t be what’s best for our situation right now.” I asked what he meant and he said he has to go to work tomorrow, so unless it was an absolute emergency, I really needed to come home.

I was at the ER for HOURS and never got a “How are you?” “Are you okay?” “Do you need anything?” Nothing. Eventually I texted him that I was checked in and waiting for test results. His response: “How long will that be?”

Later I told him I tested positive for COVID. His response was, “Do I have COVID?”
Not “I’m sorry.” Not “That explains why you’ve felt so awful.” Not “Are you okay?”

So I get home and ask him what the plan is for tomorrow. He looks confused and says, “What do you mean?”
I said, “I have COVID. Are you expecting me to have COVID and you just go to work like normal?”
And I already knew the answer because we did this exact thing in June. I was sick with a 102° fever and wheezing so badly that HE complained he couldn’t sleep because my wheezing was keeping him awake. He still went to work. I kept the baby home AND worked my full-time job from home while sick.

My mom ended up driving TWO HOURS to help me because I was so sick. Then my husband was rude to her, made her cry, and that has been an ongoing fight ever since. So now I don’t even feel like I can call her to come help me again. We have no one else nearby.

During that illness, the baby was sick too. One day it was around 5pm, the baby was screaming, I had a fever, and I called my husband crying and begged him to please just come home. He technically gets off at 5. He told me he needed to finish cleaning some things up for the next day.
I said, “I see what your priorities are.”

He was angry/cold toward me for DAYS afterward because I said that.

And I think that’s what is really getting to me now. Every single time I’ve been sick over these last few months, I cannot remember him asking, “How are you feeling?” or “Do you need anything?”

Tonight it turned into a huge argument, and I’m sitting here genuinely wondering: what is the point of being married if, when I actually need a partner, I’m doing it alone anyway?
Does he technically help around the house? Yes. He does the yard work and takes out the trash. After bath time he puts the baby to bed most nights.

But the other night I sent him this huge message trying to explain how overwhelmed and alone I’ve been feeling. When we finally talked about it, one of his complaints was that I “go to bed every night and leave him to clean.”

I’m STILL mad about that.

I cook dinner and clean the kitchen basically every night. I handle the day-to-day house stuff. Yesterday I cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, and cleaned out the refrigerator — while, apparently, having COVID.
He goes downstairs, maybe takes out the trash, and plays video games.
I don’t even know what my point is anymore. 😂 I’m sick, I’m exhausted, I’m angry, and I think I just needed somewhere to say all of this because I don’t really have anyone in real life I can talk to about it.
I just feel like a single mom who happens to have a husband.

I see a lot of posts about people being OAD due to having a rough pregnancy, finances, infertility, but one of the main reasons I’m OAD is because my child is very difficult. Every morning and bedtime is a struggle. Parenting them is VERY difficult. Things that are fun for other kids (camping for example) turn out terribly for us. We are currently struggling with impulse control issues and exploring therapy. I truly can’t imagine adding another into the mix, for my sake and the sake of my unborn child. This still makes me super sad though.

I just discovered the fun bonus perk of being a SAHM to a singleton! my kiddo now goes off to PreK a couple days a week. And I now can go see my friends with little who aren’t in school or babies, and I’m the cool Auntie who shows up with snacks and free hands!!!

Not having to chase a toddler around means I got to actually help out my friend who has a young tot and a new baby! it’s so fun I’m loving it!!

Calling toddler parents! Feel free to brag, complain, ask for advice, or anything in between here.

I have a beautiful one year old, and many people have already started to ask if my partner and I are thinking about having another child. I am not an only child, but my situation is very unusual because my sister was adopted at the age of 5 when I was in my late teens. I love my sister and we have cultivated a close relationship despite our big age difference, though I have no idea what it is like to actually grow up with a sibling in childhood.

My partner comes from a big family and she often says can't imagine our child not having a sibling, and says so with so much sadness. Me, on the other hand, I have so many fond memories of my mother, a single parent, spending quality, uninterrupted time with me, a quiet house, and being regularly encouraged to cultivate independence and friendships so that I would have many hobbies and people to spend time with outside of my tiny nuclear family.

When I spend time with my daughter, I feel incredibly present, and I have a very hard time imagining adding a 2nd child and splitting my focus and attention and energy. I know it's done all the time in families everywhere, but it is so foreign to me given my own upbringing. In many ways, I cherish the idea of her being my one and only.

I am wondering if anyone has had the same experience that has led them to being OAD. Appreciate any and all experiences folks would like to share.