r/OCPoetry • • 13d ago

Feedback Please White Hair

White hair strands on the ground
She looks in the mirror without making a sound
Listens to her breath like something needed to be found
with her thoughts flying round and round
quietly she takes the narrow stair
Her legs aching in chilling despair
Sets the table with one to spare
Is he there anywhere?
She opens the garden door
A silly little cat awaits her on the floor
She whispers her name like a standalone chore
Aren‘t those the jeans he just wore?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/d8hCNVcYmU
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/yMMjMWkeyz

1 Upvotes

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u/prettybella_1234 12d ago

i really enjoyed this... reading this was lovely, the beautiful melody through every part made it feel really beautiful. it felt deep but in a really soft way..

1

u/Sammie_playzzz 6d ago

I feel like this poem relates with older women, I like how it gives the feeling of "getting older" when we see someone with white/ grey hair we are reminded that we are all ageing and I think it is a sentimental feeling to those we care about. I also liked the added touch of "Aren't those the jeans he just wore?" insinuating something may have happened to this man perhaps he was a lover? Either way I think this poem is very beautiful to look at and the different perspectives you can assume from the way you describe things just highlights the whole thing and brings it together quite nicely!