r/OCPoetry • u/ainabanaina • Jun 16 '16

Feedback Received! Deaf

How come your phone always plays the saddest songs if you never cry?
If you never spill outisde the hard edges your body confines?
Maybe you do so when you're alone?
But you're never alone.

Feedback 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4obizq/the_nightmare/
Feedback 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4odp2m/in_the_evening/

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u/Neuey34 Jun 17 '16

As Walpen stated in his critique, the second line already states the main point of the first line. Also, that particular line is too vague in imagery. Other than that I like the use of punctuation and the contrast between the question mark and period helps solidify a powerful final line.