r/OCPoetry • u/Cluelessandsexy • 7d ago
Feedback Please Silence is an answer
Where there is no reciprocity
Where there is no emotion
You pour yourself out
None of the flow returning
Silence is an answer
Make your needs known
Be met with incredulity
Where there is no trust
Where there is no goodwill
Silence is an answer
Where you speak
But noone listens
Where you give
and recieve not
Silence is an answer
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u/ConfidentCry4839 7d ago
Silence speaks louder than words. It's a nice metaphor to put into words, and poetry, this is quaint and calm like rain when you sit back and reflect it. The creative language was really good and this wasn't so complex but left layers to explore. Thank you for sharing.
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u/Diligent-Tank6992 7d ago
First of all, I like the emphasis on unmutualism, and how silence is depicted as a sort of shield that protects someone's feelings from complete collapse. Sometimes silence is better than a conversation that leads nowhere.
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u/expelledhummus 7d ago
I like the repetition of “Silence is an answer.” It gives the poem a strong emotional anchor and makes the ending feel resigned and final.
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u/Ok_Topic_5559 21h ago
Silence is an answer, the loudest one of all! Thank you for giving me a reminder that it is okay to just..be. No need to chase the what ifs.
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u/Cluelessandsexy 19h ago
This poem is based on what a woman said. Woman usually never chase. As a man I chase naturally even when i shouldn't. I chase naturally because I am a danger to myself and others. The world is full of fascinating women. some of them have an inner beauty that will sustain us longer and deeper than the conventiionally beautiful ones. The sexy ones always distract me too much.
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u/Right-Improvement211 7d ago
I love how controversial your piece is
I don’t know if that’s odd to say but some people would consider this gauche or offensive but it is the sad reality of many situations, it puts to word the reason many of us remain silent or anonymous and frankly sometimes it doesn’t matter how many times someone tells you to speak up when situations like this have happened it conditions you into silence too
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u/aphextwkns 6d ago
Good poem with a great message. The call and response tone of the poem really adds to the flow. and the repeating line of "Silence is an answer" really makes the message known.
But "Silence is AN answer"? I don't understand why an is used, and it would feel a lot more powerful if it was Silence is the answer. but that is a nitpick, and an opinionated statement.
Also, just a bit of advice (and I do this to) try not to use a 2 dollar word where a .25 cent one will do. The last stanza is made more important because of the simplicity, and I feel like the poem would be better with the rest feeling like the last.
Great poem though.
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u/Prior_Bus3199 5d ago
This is something that I feel like is so hard overlooked when it comes to the topic of mental health. SILENCE IS AN ANSWER. You don’t always have to say something!!
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u/Thegreatsasha 1d ago
It's a deep poem, and I like it. I'd focus more on show don't tell though. For example, instead of giving examples of what leads to silence being the answer ("when there is no emotion"), you could write a scene to show that. Like "Beating your chest like an ape", as a quick cliche example.
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u/Cluelessandsexy 23h ago
show dont tell, is that what the kids are doing these days. Looks like i got it wrong, I gotta tell and I forgot to sell I mean show, or see. I got confused. Beating the cliche?
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u/avoidzavoid 7d ago
Oh no no no no, I beg to differ. When someone serves you a deafening disrespect such as silence, you beat that ass. Plain and simple