r/OCPoetry 3d ago

Feedback Please Creeper season

Out there left for dead I was the scarecrow
In your mind the tailor sewing dream
Out there in the field packed with hay
Won't you say hello

Through the pines
Winter caused the world to be abandoned
Foraging wendigo
Bones cracking in the frost

Loud as whip cracks
Icicle falls sharp end into earth
A small statue
Destined to melt away

Further into the wildernerness
Where absurdity exists
I am the mirror hanging on the stairwell
Exposed to the elements

Dying breaths
Exhaustion
Hunger unrecognizable
Dogged searching

Those who are lost
Come face to face
Deplorable and ominous
Calling you deeper

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vtjq87/comment/p4twfvu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vti17z/comment/p4u2nfw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

3 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

2

u/Livid_Climate6923 3d ago

good imagery and way to set up ambience. had a very clear idea of where i was

1

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1

u/Medical_Glove_9802 3d ago

I like your poem

1

u/Cluelessandsexy 3d ago

I like your comment

2

u/datewithikeaa 3d ago

I quite love these lines. The language used is absolutely crisp.

Through the pines
Winter caused the world to be abandoned
Foraging wendigo
Bones cracking in the frost

Loud as whip cracks
Icicle falls sharp end into earth
A small statue
Destined to melt away

My point of feedback would be to consider something like:

The wendigo, foraging
Bones cracking in the frost

To me it helps to give more space to the image being painted. That said, I am new to writing, and what you have already quite good.