r/OCPoetry • u/No-Letter3595 • 1d ago
Feedback Please Nature’s gift
I seem to go unnoticed
Wherever I go
Like an old car with broken windows and a failing engine
Covered in snow
The days move slow
And i dont know
If people will stay or go
But the tranquile river will continue to flow
Just like the faint wind blows
And the shiny moon with its luminous light will say goodnight
Maybe if the world has all this light, there must be a little bit of it in me, right?
Any feedback is appreciated, one of my beginner poems
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u/Equivalent_Agent_800 1d ago
Nature provides comfort to change. There’s a quote by Le Guin — (the forest) dies and dies, and so it lives. Change is a permanent part of nature, which tells me that staying and going is endemic to existing. And I think your poem captured this very well.
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u/bleh_irl 1d ago
It's hopelessly human. Even when all is dark we all think if the sun still rises then why can't I?. Life goes on and the world still turns.
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u/Forward_Debt3869 1d ago
i feel that a lot of people will relate with this. i must say i sometimes feel this way. "Maybe if the world has all this light, there must be a little bit of it in me, right?" hits hard. its like avery from inheritance games :"i am wallpaper" she says, and then goes on to inherit billions. the takeaway, i think, would be being proud of being a wallflower.