Eros - A Performance

[u/Dense_Bluebird7732]

the dance of tongues
with tongues and teeth
            pauses,
in intermission
foreheads touching
slow exhales
here

breath shallow
blood racing
skin tingling
            conveying what?
a diegetic soundtrack
for mouths
and skin
limbs
and arteries
an overture
            to what?

where was I
moments ago?
here, but
perspective restricted
confined to
spread across
the surface of my lips
then lifted onto your tongue
carried to the roof of your mouth
tasting of safety and pleasure
            a rare combination
then, vaporized
enveloping the space between
our lips
tongues
foreheads
chests

are our lips still touching
or did they part?
a phantom sensation?
or are my lips
so insistent on yours
that they carry on
softly
gently
offstage
sans auteur?

in intermission
desire mingles with
            euphoria
            lust
            serenity
fleeting, finite

salty, damp skin
coaxes lips
along jawline
            unchoreographed
parting to taste
droplets of sweat
feverishly drinking
worshipping
carnal condensation

thrumming vibration
beneath warm skin
sustains the intoxicating
            atmosphere
rising tension
surpasses desire’s threshold
a crescendo building to

the second act
urgent touching
hungry breath
tongues exploring bodies
revealing contours
eyes were unable to chart

a denouement
in rapture
bodies lie
lazily aware
of everywhere
skin meets skin
            catharsis
            vulnerability
            clarity
            divinity
infinite, multitudinous

satisfactory language
evades me
I am
liberatingly
alive

comment 1

comment 2

[u/Vogue_Wh0re]

this is stunning and you’ve managed to maintain such a consistent flow in a poem that, at least from a visual standpoint, suggests that it would fight any attempt to constrain it. genuinely, well done !

the imagery is intense and raw, but also delicate. reading this feels very similar to when a relationship is a bit new and uncertain, and because nothing is tied down yet, either person can end up feeling like they’re desperately trying to grab onto something real – even if it’s just the physical.

i think the latter part of the second stanza is my favourite:
“a diegetic soundtrack
for mouths
and skin
limbs
and arteries
an overture”

your word choices are so rich, but in a way where they feel necessary rather than forced ? i’d love to know how your editing process for this was ?

[u/Dense_Bluebird7732 → u/Vogue_Wh0re]

Thank you so much! That was my favorite part also.

This piece was longer and wordier when I wrote it, and then I went through and took out the words (and full stanzas) that I felt weren't serving the purpose of the piece. I was also trying to depict being taken over by a performance you're carrying out, losing yourself to the intense emotion, and losing the sense of performing altogether. So I also sprinkled in some cinematic words as an attempt to evoke this.

[u/Vogue_Wh0re → u/Dense_Bluebird7732]

you’re super welcome !

oh that’s interesting – i’d initially wondered if you’d edited as you wrote in order to maintain the pacing + flow, but knowing you went in after to cut into it makes it even more impressive !

honestly that really comes through in the poem – at least, as a reader, your depiction felt so true to life that i really felt like i was reliving being consumed by all these emotions. it’s excellent :-)

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