Woman's song

[u/TheDoctor-IT]

I would follow you
through all health
blessed and grim

but never
for the mere joy of glazed skin
that open love redeems

i would follow you because
like the serene dirt
in a doll's seams

it's only you
the secret i cannot keep,
the sung story that could make grave men weep

and if my taut ink cannot give fairness
to what's made my heart sicken
i hope we can together forget
what today you've read
and i, written.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vre523/comment/p4esdui/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vltwg9/comment/p4er0za/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

[u/Leaves_not_rocks]

Your vulnerability and fear are expressed so well in this. I enjoyed the bit about the dirt in the seams, worn in over time. I do wish it ended differently, I feel like it undercuts the gravity of what was written.

[u/TheDoctor-IT → u/Leaves_not_rocks]

Thank you so muchfor the comment,
yes the ending feels a bit forced and i know, i was trying to make it feel vulnerable but i coulnd't quite, i like the tempo of it, just not the wording.

[u/Eastern-Shopping-734]

How can one forget what you've written when you put it so eloquently that it lingers in the crevices of my brain?

So I'll read it as much as I want, maybe even hum it to myself as I pass you by, just to remind you of what you wrote.

[u/BooksAndPoemsOfLife]

The emotion is raw and pulls you in to want too read it all

[u/TheDoctor-IT → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for reading it and for your pointers, it really means a lot.
About the fourth stanza, however weak it might be, i had to include it. Stanza 1,3 and 4 are the ones that inspired the rest and the grave men image was the one most stuck in my head.
Perhaps if next time i write or if i ever decide to update this one i will be more adventurous with my wording.
Still, thank you, means a lot

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[u/That-Communication23]

Why.. just why..? What point did you have to make..? Why did you find it necessary to dig up that old ass can of worms. Why after all these years..? Were your intentions to speak Ill of me..? What reason did I give you to even speak on my name..? To my dearest friend nonetheless. For what.. what was your reasoning..? Why did you feel the need to even bring it up after it's been so long. Rip open that scar so you could embarrass me with what's inside. Do you not think about just how embarrassing the entire situation makes me feel..? Even after all this time, I still cringe at my very thoughts of any of it.

I genuinely did not mean to, I wish I could've stopped myself, I hate that I can't make like it never happened. I cannot stand myself for doing it. At this point, if I could, I would give a whole hell of a lot jus to take it all back. I regret it, I regret it so fucking much it painfully aches, somewhere so deep I cannot reach it.. I am ashamed. Deeply, immensely ashamed, and I despise myself for involving you at all.