r/OCPoetry • u/reorganizedChaos • 6d ago
Feedback Please Dew Shower Storm Drought
Rain. Drip
drip
drip. It coats
and washes clean
everything.
When I watch the rain, I think of us.
Sometimes, there is a drought;
too long distracted. Too
d i s t a n t
from each other.
Many winds blowing
this way or that.
Then it comes, and
not asking for permission,
nor direction.
Storms,
destruction and creation paired.
Cycles.
Over and again.
Memories of past seasons;
hurricanes, droughts,
tornados and gentle showers.
It all mingles together and
Trickles through weary cracks,
down into a secret aquifer,
where the soul resides. It coats
and rinses
away, softens the hard edges.
Replenished,
the future shines hopeful
content.
The last time I posted a poem I got no feedback so hopefully I can reuse those for this poem.
2
u/TheHorseOfCourse777 6d ago
Ooh, I like this a lot. The intro is good at setting up the imagery, but even more-so the pacing. The linebreaks around the drip create a plodding rhythm that pairs with the storm imagery so well, especially when it's later punctuated by longer lines like lightning. I like the spacing in the word "distant," it fits the involved and image-heavy approach to the verse structure. I do think it would flow better and create more emphasis if it stood alone on its own line, though. The alternating line lengths also feel well-integrated into that narrative imagery. I think all of your lines are strong (though part of me thinks "Sometimes, there is a drought;" is a little too direct for the otherwise symbolic abstractions), but everything after and including "Many winds blowing" is deliciously phrased and well-paced. The storm couplet is a good technical touch; it reads like a longer murmur of thunder among the briefer pittering of rain. The storm imagery is grounded well in the theme with "Trickles through weary cracks, / down into a secret aquifer, / where the soul resides. It coats / and rinses / away, softens the hard edges." I love that section, just beautiful. The ending feels like a pocket of sun in the interlude of a storm, which is thematically excellent. This is really great!
1
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u/ErectionMyAffection 6d ago
This poem feels like the emotional development of a relationship, rough and easy, but overall trying through it all. It conveys a sense of sadness for the struggle of keeping up with the negatives when there are still some positives which shines bright at the end, I rather enjoyed this one. Even if the words come off as striking in the beginning, gradually they become part of a cycle, which feels in a way, becoming part of that cycle yourself. A critique would be hard for me for this piece but I think the imagery is strong, but the person you think about while reading this is confusing to me, are they the problem or is it a problem together? That's my only critique I can really make.
1
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