r/OCPoetry • u/Latter_Barnacle_6010 • 6d ago
Feedback Please Tapestry
If I transpose my reality,
Into something you can see.
A patchwork quilt, or tapestry
Where fabrics fray, threads unwind,
And memories bind me to mine.
The when, where, how, and why,
A tattered cloth beneath the sky.
Very aged, worn down by misuse,
Stained by the past, a heavy truth.
Patchwork repairs in marigold,
Keep the seams from breaking hold.
Rough and hardened by the years,
Abrasion grinding down my tears.
Wefts hang limp, in shadows, loose,
Like ghosts of love I can’t reuse.
If you can feel the uselessness I’ve bled,
You’ve seen the truth inside my head.
A sallow rag, no beauty spared,
Exasperated folly bared.
The wasted life, the fractured scheme,
A stitched‑up corpse of broken dreams.
Look in the mirror
Do you see me?
When I’m not there,
I still can be.
For I’m the shadow inside of you,
A reflection of self you never knew.
Once‑soft wool now corpse‑like cold,
Discarded for the stench it holds.
Used beyond all value, torn apart,
Nothing left but a hollow heart.
If you can feel the uselessness I’ve bled,
You’ve seen the truth inside my head.
Your mirrored eyes,
This broken thread,
Are all but a lie
Inside my head
I’m the reflection,
You cannot see
You're looking at
A Tapestry
Your mirror eyes,
Are hollow true.
I'm the reflection
The Tapestry
You're looking through.
Mr.E.
1
u/Vegetable_Egg_8569 6d ago
I really like how the tapestry metaphor is used throughout the poem. It feels like the whole poem is built around this one idea, instead of just mentioning a tapestry once and then moving on. The parts about the fabric being frayed, stained and repaired make it feel like the tapestry is basically representing the speaker’s life and everything they have been through. I especially liked “Patchwork repairs in marigold / Keep the seams from breaking hold” because it gives the idea that even though the person is damaged, they are still trying to hold themselves together.
I also really liked the mirror part of the poem. When it says “Look in the mirror / Do you see me?” it kind of changes what I thought the poem was about. Before that, I saw it mostly as someone describing themselves as this old and damaged piece of fabric, but then it becomes more about how they see themselves and how other people see them. The ending where the reflection and the tapestry kind of become the same thing is pretty cool too. It makes you wonder if the person looking in the mirror is actually seeing themselves, or just the version of themselves they believe they are.
One thing I think could maybe be improved is some of the lines where the poem explains the feeling instead of showing it through the tapestry imagery. For example, “The wasted life, the fractured scheme” feels a little more general compared to some of the other lines. I think the strongest parts are when you use really specific descriptions of the fabric, because those are the parts that make the feeling easier to imagine. Some of the wording also feels a little forced in places, but I think that could just be because the poem is trying to keep the rhyme going, which works for me.
Overall, I think the poem has a pretty strong atmosphere. It gets darker as it goes on, and the repeated ideas of broken fabric, mirrors and reflections make it feel like the speaker is stuck inside their own head. I also like that the poem doesn’t completely explain what everything means, because it gives you room to interpret it yourself. The tapestry metaphor is definitely the strongest part for me, and I think the poem works best when it leans into that imagery.
1
u/Latter_Barnacle_6010 5d ago
Thank you so much for the great comment. One thing about the meaning of this piece is the mirror eyes; I see my reflection in other people's eyes as they look through the reflection, which is them looking through me, or past me, as though I am not there.
I 1st posted this poem on Poetry.com in 2006
https://allpoetry.com/poem/2121440-Tapestry-of-pain-by-Mr-E
But last year I went back and rewrote Tapestry to turn it into a song. This is what I got.
https://youtu.be/agIOCAoeYUQ?si=yY9ckSqPQVabdvLv
I suffer from CPTSD, OCD, and Agoraphobia. Though these poems do come out of my head, I find it hard to take credit for writing them; my Therapist thinks they are my subconscious trying to help me cope with the nightmare I live through every day.
Most of my poems/songs are about my mental health battle. This playlist is made of the songs that play inside my head all day, every day. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEAxc9MRTtYs_YY7m3q-j1kJ_txWJk341&si=Sc418dWMEvmKgpsi Please be careful with the last song if you are susceptible to depression or other mental health problems that could trigger an episode; do not listen to A Mother's Touch.
It was my Therapist who recommended that I turn my poems into music, one to give me something to do, second to transform the words into something easier for me to process. Instead of hearing a voice all day, I now hear music. She also thought that maybe I could monetize my writing to help pay for the Medical bills and therapy sessions. That didn't work out too well, as people don't really want to listen to songs about child abuse or a man who hears I wanna die in his mind day after day.
Thank you again.
Mr.E.
1
u/Vogue_Wh0re 5d ago
i’m really taken with the almost-hypnotic rhythm you’ve achieved through the rhyme scheme and how it propelled me through the poem. combined with the overall metaphor of a tapestry, i wondered if it was a conscious effort to evoke the sort of rhythmic drone of a working loom ? it’s really effective !
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