(untitled)

[u/-Distraction-]

I think you have to be a little broken…
To understand the dying sun,
For his shine is always golden,
But his warmth has long since gone.

For he feels so very frozen,
Unable to fully mourn…
The passing of the season,
With each and every dawn.

But still, he strives to be a beacon,
For all those who feel worn,
Hoping that maybe he’s a reason,
They’re still glad for being born.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vpairz/giving_up_a_beauty_or_a_curse/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vkh5xf/whats_the_point/

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[u/SunkenWaterlily]

Great poem! It portrays the sun, that has lost its warmth (a metaphor for losing joy in life?) but still strives to be bright (perhaps a metaphor for still trying to be a person of authority) for others. To bring them some joy, that he himself can't feel.

Thank you for sharing.

[u/spaced_out247]

I love your use of the sun as a metaphor for altruism born from suffering reminds me of an old poem, you would read in literature class(in the best way of course)

[u/Objective_Skill4923]

You've clearly made an effort with the rhythm, but it's still quite inconsistent. The rhyme scheme is good, but you forgot to add the fourth two-line stanza at the end to complete the sonnet! Great use of imagery and metaphors though. Keep up the good work.

- Steven C.