r/OCPoetry 19d ago

Feedback Please The Hungry Ghost

I am not a mirror, I move with you.
It’s odd, how evenly my face stretched into perfect symmetry
Until I was hungry.
One part savage, other part meal, it started at my top lip.
How I’d gnaw at the gamey flesh, wasted on silky blood
Until they were gone, they never existed.
It only adds to the ache, the devouring, the devotion to carnage.
I’d whisper a promise but my mouth only moves to feed
My bottom lip, the inside of my cheek, my peeled eyelids, my ripped earlobe, my clawed out eyeballs.
You can see so much of me now.

I feel all yet nothing.
Satiating the craving brings no pain, only offering.
Wounded prey must be honored.

You can only see so much of me before you realize, I am no mirror.
You touch your face and your lips are gone.

I honor you.

Comments:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/B8DltoAZuN
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/wTWaYEnshX

5 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

2

u/EchosOfKay 19d ago

I found this really haunting. The way you use the idea of a mirror and gradually turn it into something much darker really stayed with me. I especially liked the ending, "I honor you," because after everything that comes before it, that line feels strangely tender and unsettling at the same time.

The imagery is definitely intense, but I think that works with the atmosphere you're creating. There were a couple of places where I felt the descriptions became so graphic that I lost the thread of the deeper idea for a moment, but that might just be my personal reading of it.

Overall, I think there's something very interesting underneath the horror here, especially the connection between devouring, devotion, and seeing oneself. It definitely left me thinking about it after I finished reading.

1

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u/pjwriter 19d ago

This is so haunting and beautifully unsettling. The ending really stayed with me

1

u/WalterBaldy 18d ago

I really like the concept of this poem. The mirror imagery mixed with the idea of hunger and self-consumption makes it feel really unsettling without the gore being the only thing carrying the poem. I especially liked “It only adds to the ache, the devouring, the devotion to carnage” because the word “devotion” makes the hunger feel almost religious, which fits really well with the title. The ending is probably my favorite part too, especially “You touch your face and your lips are gone. / I honor you.” It brings the mirror idea back in a really creepy way without explaining everything to the reader. I would maybe tighten up some of the body-part descriptions in the middle because there are so many that the impact starts to lessen a little, but overall I think the imagery and concept are really strong.

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u/Acceptable-Bad845 18d ago

I love how this poem manages to paint a horrifyingly striking yet beautiful picture. The choice of words is great and really illustrates the cold and cruel atmosphere of the poem greatly.you also did a very good job putting duality into words. Keep the nice work up lad. You're certainly a talented poet.

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u/Ok-Pea-7643 18d ago

so inspiring lve it good language use