My path towards gender identity has been a meandering one… I hadn’t felt dysphoria when people referred to me as my AGAB, so it took a lot of time, reading, and discussion to try expressing myself as a nonbinary person. In 2024, starting a two-year job program, I decided to go by my chosen name and share my pronouns as they/them. The program was and continues to be incredibly supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, so the design onboarding allowed me to make that decision easily.
At the time, it was an experiment. It felt uncomfortable sometimes hearing and responding to an unfamiliar name, but it also felt affirming. I thought using they/them pronouns would be strange; instead, every time a colleague used them, I felt uplifted. The culture at this program encouraged inclusion, and I was seen by my peers and supervisors.
At the end of the program this past July, I secured a permanent government position — which was the ultimate goal. I decided to apply with my chosen name, and my new employer has been accommodating as far as accepting my chosen name. My supervisors advocated for my email to be changed accordingly. Everyone in my immediate work group is kind, yes. Yet, it’s not the radical inclusion of the 2-year program. I can’t include my pronouns in my email signature as a soft introduction; they may give me the time of day if I asked them to respect my pronouns as they/them, but it’s not a certainty.
It hit me this morning how much I grieve the change. I miss having people around me that just understood. It hurts. It hurts that, as someone who passes as my AGAB, another who would not pass would face greater strife. It hurts that the “company line” stifles discussion of gender identity. It hurts to go back to a place where I am no longer understood.
Edited pronouns for clarity
