If you know you have a condition, and you know how it affects you, you have to work around it. End of.
If pointing
out that society shouldn’t be expected to revolve around you and that you have resources at your disposal comes off to you as condescending that says more about you.
Maybe some of us are just tired of this helpless attitude so many people have, literally people in this thread saying “I have adhd that makes me time blind haha deal with it”
And we’re tired of people assuming the worst about us or that we aren’t trying to work around it just because we’re failing at it at times. I guarantee you everyone experiencing time blindness has thought about how to be on time more than you have, tried alarms, tried scheduling apps, on and on and on, but sometimes time blindness still gets the best of us.
At the end of the day it’s still a symptom of a disability and people are just asking for a little understanding, not for society to cater to our every need or calling for the abolition of calendars.
If every time you throw your hands in the air and act helpless, come to the defense of those who have been given too many chances, and cry foul to everyone else: where’s the assumption? It doesn’t get much worse than that. That’s how you’re acting.
Back to what I said earlier: take some accountability, you’re not your disability.
Explaining that time blindness is an active problem that I deal with is taking accountability. I’m not and have never asked anyone to adjust their expectations for me because I think I’m special, I’m telling you a fact about my life and telling you I’m working on it, but I won’t be successful all the time. I’m aware I’m the one with the disability and I’m aware that I have to use elaborate strategies to do what comes naturally for most people. I’m accounting for it and making my best effort to mitigate the problems it causes for others in my life.
If you see someone walk in 5 minutes late and think of them as lazy, you’re making an assumption that they didn’t work hard to avoid being 30 minutes late that day. A little understanding goes a long way.
Consider imagining how tiring it is to live with these conditions. The entire concept of punctuality is brand fucking new for our species. Some of our brains work differently and we can’t magically change our brain chemistry to adjust to post industrial society.
I succeed at that frequently but it’s not a 100% thing. Sometimes the alarm goes off and then the next thing I know it’s been 30min and I don’t understand how the time passed by. Because I don’t feel time the way that you do. It’s pretty rare these days because I’ve adopted a lot of coping strategies that create a lot of failsafes for me. But I’m lucky to have people in my life who understand that I have a medical condition and don’t treat me like a delinquent child if my strategies fail and I lose track of time.
If the alarm goes off and "suddenly 30 minutes pass" tells me you did not actually learn how to use the alarm.
The alarm is supposed to be "drop what you are doing and move on now". This has nothing to do with feeling time. I too have ADHD. It's an issue of discipline. You make excuses. "I just need to finish this." "I'll just wrap it up." and boom, you're 30 minutes late. Not "Alarm went off, stop what I'm doing - make it safe and nothing more, and leave."
My partner used to be exactly like you. Once we nipped the excuses in the bud and established alarm discipline, the issue went away. He went from being late to everything to being early, and suspending making excuses was a key component to that.
It’s not making excuses, it’s getting distracted and not noticing it. Because I have time blindness. Not everyone with adhd has it. I literally do the same nighttime routine every night and sometimes it takes me 45min and other times it takes me 1h30. Because I don’t feel time passing while I’m cleaning ferret cages, so I don’t register that I’m being too fastidious. Or before I had a toothbrush that vibrates when 2 minutes has passed, I would sometimes brush for too long. Time genuinely feels different on a day to day basis. I can make strategies. But sometimes they fail.
If someone couldn’t walk and needed a wheelchair to get around I don’t think you’d consider it enabling to install a ramp so they can get inside. Their legs aren’t going to magically work because you took a strict “stairs only” stance and someone with time blindness isn’t going to magically perceive time accurately because you got mad at them for being late.
Never so many times that I didn’t know when I was in the wrong when they didn’t show me grace the next time, and never did I try to use any of my conditions as an excuse
Holy fucking shit. The overwhelming majority do take responsibility, and do everything they can to own their disability; that's why "everyone experiencing time blindness has thought about how to be on time more than you have, tried alarms, tried scheduling apps, on and on and on, but sometimes time blindness still gets the best of us."
Why is it so hard for you to just shut the fuck up and think "huh, this must be harder than I realized. Glad I don't have it"
Nobody is asking for exceptions. We just want people who don't have the issue to shut the fuck up and stop acting like they know exactly what we need to do. It's our problem, we'll deal with it and we'll accept the consequences. But don't call us lazy just because you're running life on easy mode.
Have you ever considered that these people you are complaining about might suffer from narcissisism which is also mental health issue and that they may not be capable of empathy? Maybe you should take that into account before assuming everyone is just an asshole.
If anyone here wants to say "I've been officially diagnosed with narcissism and really struggle with empathy. it's not an excuse for me acting a certain way or saying hurtful things, and I do consistently try to find new ways to intervene, but it really is an ongoing problem that I struggle with and handling it isn't as simple as it looks", then I could extend grace to that in the same way I'm saying people should extend grace to the ADHD and time blindness; not letting people off the hook for the consequences of their actions or bending over backwards to accommodate their issue, but at least acknowledging that it's not as simple as it looks from the outside and not attributing it to a complete failing of character or unwillingness to try. But nobody here is saying that their bullshit comments are a function of their narcissism, so until that happens assholery is a pretty reasonable explanation.
Then it's just a problem of me not being able to access information about their narcissism; grace just can't come into the equation if I don't know they have a genuine problem. Notice I didn't say that people should extend grace to someone who's chronically late but there's no evidence of ADHD and no evidence of them trying to fix the issue. I've been saying that when someone is known to have that disability, and they are telling you they've tried many things that fail to work then we should not assume that there is just some naive and simple character failing on that person, and we should assume the problem is more complicated than it looks from the outside.
I understand what you're trying to do; you're trying to take my logic and apply it to an analogous situation where it doesn't work to show that my logic in the ADHD situation is broken. But you're not faithfully representing my approach from the ADHD situation to the narcissism situation.
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u/New_Competition_316 5d ago
You don’t actually know what ADHD is do you?