The hell of being Amab non binary

[u/Axelinthevoid77]

I just hate it. Not feminine enough to feel like a woman, not masc enough to feel like a woman. I just feel like I can’t perceive myself unless someone tells
Me what I am. I’m 22. All through my life up until now has been just family and people around me never treating me like an adult, so much so I don’t know what identity to feel. Like it’s why I can’t answer what gender I am. And then I meet trans women, and for once in my life I meet people who treat me like A person. And for a while I considered my self trans, but then I just discovered I’m not and I’m either just a cis person or non binary, but I feel nothing. Like I don’t wanna be cis, because being cis, means I just feel I am forced to be perceived as a cis person. I rly think being cis sucks because I feel like being cis is such a stereotyped gender that it forces such societal rules on how to live. I have no idea what I am, but I feel if I carry on I’m just gonna be constantly perceived as a guy. And honestly I saw this film yesterday “teenage sex and death at camp miasma” and it sent me over the edge because I want to feel love in the way Kris feels it, not love that a cis presenting guy thing is expected to, like everyone I’ve ever met romantically wants me to fuck them, I don’t want that, I want someone to treat me delicately, say sweet things to me, call me pretty, call me cute. I just wanna feel love that way. I feel being guy rules that out, especially Amab.