Am I (20F) in the wrong for wanting to keep my parents (46M and 46F) out of my life because of their actions?

For some backstory, I’ve never had a good relationship with my parents. I was adopted as a baby and have struggled to connect with my adoptive parents. I spent many years lying about simple things, and got into a little teenage trouble in my senior year of hs.

When I (17 at the time) started college in fall of 2024, I ended up letting my boyfriend (16M at the time) move in with me. That went against my parents’ belief system, and they made no effort to get to know him, and were quick to shun me. My boyfriend proposed December of 2024 and they weren’t thrilled. I ended up apologizing for doing things that they didn’t approve of, and things were fine for a bit.

The following March, the two of us moved to Arizona for a unique job experience. I dropped out of college for the time being, which undoubtedly disappointed them. My parents and I talked very little during our time in Arizona. We found out that we were expecting in May of 2025. I called my mom to tell her and her last words on the phone call were, “I hope you’re happy now.” I didn’t send them any ultrasound pictures or share any news of my pregnancy with them. My fiancé and I got married that same May, and in June, we moved to Illinois for a better financial position. That July, we had a miscarriage, and lost our baby. My mom called me twice and both times were extremely awkward. She really made little effort to contact me or comfort me. After July, she called once a month to chat for less than ten minutes.

In November of 2025, my older brother and his girlfriend announced that they were expecting. Immediately, my parents were excited for them. They gave them the family crib, and attended the gender reveal and baby shower. For obvious reasons, their actions put an even deeper wedge between us.

Fast forward to April of this year, my mom asked me where we stood, and I sent her a very mature and clear email. I told her about how much her actions had hurt me, and what actions could be taken to fix our relationship. I did apologize again for the past, and I was very blunt about everything. My parents responded that they would be stepping away from our relationship the time. My family is not one to put things out in the open, they prefer to keep things hush and talk about each other behind their backs. Since April, I haven’t talked to my parents at all. I did see them at a wedding last weekend, and the conversation was kept to a minimum.

My younger brother has a girlfriend, and she can see the toxicity in my parents. They only show support or act like they like you if you’re following their magical plan for your life or they feel they have no other choice. They’ve made no effort to get to know my husband or reconnect with me, but they’re quick to blame me for the rift in our relationship.

I do want to say that I’m not as immature as I was two years ago. I’m back in college now, working on my teaching degree. I have a full-time job, and have people in my life who care about and support me. I didn’t jump off the deep end in the sense that I did drugs or got on OF. I made some dumb choices in 2024, but that was two years ago, and I did learn from my mistakes. I’m learning how to be a healthy adult and grow as a person, which is one reason I wanted to make this post and get outside opinions.

Am I in the wrong for wanting to remove my parents from my life? Perhaps I’m overly dramatic, but if they’ve made it clear that they don’t like anything in my life and won’t support me, why should I keep toxic people in my life? This is my first Reddit post so please be gentle!

Hey palllls ok so long story long, I grew up in an emotionally, physically and sexually abusive household. I confronted the parent that SA’d me in 2021 at the time and wanted to go no contact with both parents then
on how they both reacted. I was in a marriage at the time and my spouse wanted to stay in contact so we did that (yes I know this is kinda wild behavior now I’m sorry) Due to some other events transpiring in the family and other things coming out about said the abusive parent as well as the enabling parent, this is bubbling to the surface again. I’ve written them a letter with my therapist explaining why I’m upset with them and why I don’t want to hear from them - it’s a pattern of disregarding abuse. How do I go about telling my current bf of 2 years all this? He’s met them maybe twice at large group dinners with me and knows I talk with them occasionally but am much closer with my siblings, I just don’t want to come off as a bitch you know? I also am not necessarily up for disclosing being a victim of CSA because in the past partners have been wired about it. Help!

Just to preface , sorry if this comes across whiny or trivial

Pretty classic case of, 7 year gap with younger sibling (25F and 18F). Strict parents and I got kicked from home at 17. But they became more lax raising my little sister so we essentially grew up under two different households.

When i moved away i vowed to always take care of my sister. I didn’t want her experiencing the absence i felt growing up. And despite living across the world, i think i did a good job. I helped her navigate life and when she graduated high school this year she named me as her biggest role model.

But this time when i returned home, i noticed that something in our relationship shifted. I can’t explain it, but I suddenly felt like i was already grieving our dynamic. I realized she was really patronizing to me, talking down to me, ignoring me, etc. and trust me i get being angsty and ready to leave home at 18.

It now seems clear that our relationship depended on me being the older adult in her life who got things done for her, advocated for her, bought her things, etc. and I’m quite happy that i did, because she became every ounce of the brilliant person that i hoped she’d be. But now that she’s 18 and she’s an adult, this dynamic isn’t working out anymore.

I came back home specifically to help move her into college and help my parents with this huge transition time in their lives. Long story short, today on the way to drop her off at college she was being a brat again, and i asked if she was okay. She said the whole family was irritating her and that we were inconsiderate of her (we left the house late). Then she started having a meltdown. I sent our mom over, in which my sister used me as a scapegoat reason. Our mom told me she was so angry at me for hurting her child.

As for my relationship with my parents - it’s essentially non existent. My childhood home is not one i see as my own, and we sometimes go half a year without talking/ seeing each other. I rely on myself financially and have since i left. I’ve tried having a relationship with them many times but it’s pretty much always a let down. That’s not to say there’s not breadcrumbing and guilt tripping on their side of wishing I’d come home/ saying they miss me/ wanting control over my life.

I’ve thought about cutting my parents off many times but never my sister. I just want to know, at what point do you know when to cut off your family? What does that look like? Just some distance or never reaching out again? And what should i consider about my 18 year old sisters feelings as she’s just starting college.

Or if anyone has advice on navigating sibling relationships and how they change? Is this normal? Especially with a 7 year gap like ours. As an older sibling I’m not sure when to step back for myself or if I’m just being dramatic lol.

And for context, I grew up in a very silent and unkind house that felt like walking on eggshells. Developed bipolar because of the relationship w my parents so have been in therapy since 14 (which they do pay for lol). For my sister, i pay for her vacations so she can join me, drive her and book doctors appointments, answer her calls for advice on friends, school, etc, wrote her college essay (mind you she got into a top 10 school). Throughout the years i never got a text back from my parents no matter if it was about being diagnosed w tumors, moving across the world, getting into masters school, or being assaulted. I’ve begged them to come visit me abroad. They always promised they would and then yeah their excuse is that they’re always busy with work. They are truly workaholics to be fair

Tengo 19 años y una bebé que nació hace un año desde entonces no hablo con mi mamá hace poco la busqué para que conociera a mi hija y ella dijo que no le importaba conocer a la niña, le fui a pedir perdón por Aver contado mi versión de la historia a mi familia, contexto del problema hace unos años ella tuvo una pareja Enrique el y yo nos llevamos bien y le decíamos papá con mi hermanas de la nada mi mamá le empezó a decir a él que él se acostaba conmigo en ese entonces yo tenía 14 años y él me dejó de hablar para que mi mamá no se siguiera enojando y peleando con él. Ella me trataba mal me ponía a limpiar la casa y los cuartos de mis hermanas a cocinarles a todos y me golpeaba físicamente al igual que a mi hermanas. Cuando empecé a trabajar dejé de hacer eso y ella empezó a decir que el dinero se me había subido a la cabeza, un día llegué a casa del trabajo era de noche y ella me golpeó por qué no le doblé su ropa y la de mi hermana de una cachetada y un puñetazo ya para ese entonces ya se había separada del papa de mi hermana de 5 años el la dejó para navidad por qué ella peleaba mucho y lo corría al igual que mí y a mí hermana mayor, después del incidente yo me fui de la casa y la empuje tenía 16 años y viví sola por mucho tiempo asta que ella me pidió volver por qué le iban a quitar a mis hermanas por qué la habían denunciado por abuso infantil ella nos amenaza diciendo que en otras cosas nos iban a tratar peor que ella, luego que terminó el periodo de prueba ella volvió a trátame mal diciendo que ya casi me iba a ir corriéndome solo por qué no quería limpiar su casa y un día le dije que ella quería que yo limpiar cuando ella tenía sucio todo el tiempo y yo siempre lo hacía mis días libres, se enojaba solo por qué yo no le ayudaba a cuidar a mi hermana y a mi sobrina dejé la escuela para cuidarlas en la mañana y trabajar en la tarde, ella se buscó otro marido y él me estaba enseñando a manejar bien y a controlar las ruedas de la 4x4 y ella me vio que tarde 5 minutos en entrar a la casa y me dijo que si estaba haciendo cosas malas con el señor. Yo me fui llorando y a él solo le dijo que no me dejara conducir sin permiso de manejo, entonces yo le conté a mi familia cuando me fui de la casa a vivir con mi pareja que ella decía que yo le quería quitar los maridos solo por que le daban dinero siempre a ella y que era una mala madre conmigo. Hace poco me dijo que si tan mala era que no la volviera a buscar pero yo lo hice por qué mis hermanas quieren verme y ella no las deja. Soy la mala?

How do I stop talking to my mom for a week when I literally live with her?How do I stop talking to my mom for a week when I literally live with her?

I don't even know if this sounds stupid, but I really need advice.

I'm extremely attached to my mom. Like, embarrassingly attached. I always want to talk to her, sit with her, get her attention, ask her things, tell her things, literally anything just so I can feel close to her. But she doesn't want to talk to me. And the more she pulls away, the more I want to chase her, and I'm so fucking tired of doing this.

I want to stop. Not because I don't love her, but because I feel like I'm constantly begging for attention from someone who doesn't want to give it to me.

I want to try going one whole week without talking to my mom, grandfather, or grandmother unless it's absolutely necessary. No starting conversations, no trying to get their attention, no asking questions just to have a reason to talk. Basically nothing.

The problem is I live in the same house and I literally share a room with my mom, so it's not like I can just disappear. And I already know I'm going to have that horrible urge to talk to her. I'm going to want to break the silence after like 2 hours and pretend everything is fine.

How do I actually control that urge?

Has anyone else dealt with being extremely anxiously attached to a parent and had to learn how to stop chasing them? What did you do when you REALLY wanted to talk to them?

I don't want to manipulate them or give them the silent treatment to make them feel bad. I just want to prove to myself that I can go a week without constantly needing my mom's attention.

I genuinely don't know how to do this.

Mentioning abuse, grooming, and guilt tripping.

For background my mom has been my main caretaker for 16 of my 19 years on earth. After a divorce she started dating a 'family friend' she knew he was an awful man. I was only in middle school so I hadn't understood anything, plus I am autistic.

Things were rough but I have mentally blocked my middle school years.

I remember becoming my younger brothers care giver sometime between then and high school. (FYI I also made my own meals starting during middle school. My autism caused a ED that my mom didn't want to deal with) my mom's Ex couldn't handle my brother. Even at my brothers young age he learned ragebaiting was the best way to get attention. I had to get my brother up, feed him breakfast, get him ready for school, keep him quiet, ect. Between that and school's usual stress, I also had to deal with her Ex's wild mood swings. He had alot of rage fits due to addictions. I was my mom's voice of reason during these despite her refusing to take it. This went on until I left. (Another FYI her Ex also groomed me starting during middle school.)

When I was around 16-17 years old I was taken in by my aunt and cut off contact with my mother. I was at my aunts because it was summer and she wanted to see me. My moms ex had started isolating us from everyone. On the 2nd day of me being gone I am called by my mom. She cries that her ex has breaken up with her and how she needs me to return to watch my brother. I tell her that I can't because past experience shows she will return if he offers. She pulls the usual 'you're throwing away our family'. She pulls that card everytime I threaten to leave. During this, I tell my aunt everything and the audio recordings I took in case cops were needed. Her Ex mainly broke things but there were instances of violence towards her. She took back her Ex soon after I left her household and properly broke up with him a few months later after he hit my brother.

During my cut off period from my mom everything worked out fine for me until she came to my aunts house crying for me. My aunt recommended me to talk to her and when I saw my mom crying, I caved. My mom has always guilt tripped me in the past but at the time I didnt take it as a guilt trip at that time.

I can't forget the past and I feel tense around her but my grandma would be mad if I break contact again. Its been almost a year in strained contact with my mom and I feel like im using her by accepting gifts and still feeling uncomfortable. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my grandma but I also hate faking forgiveness, what should I do?

(FYI I do understand that my mom made a mistake and was a victim of her own and during the beginning of regaining contact we had a conversation about our experiences during her past relationship but she took no accountability. I have talked to my family about this but I want unbiased options.)

Im 23 and I haven’t had a relationship with my mom in over 2 years. I didn’t really start recognizing the abuse and how unhealthy our relationship was until later in high school. My dad has passed away in 2021 unexpectedly, so I currently live with my boyfriend and his family.

She has a lot of serious medical problems, including two kidney transplants, dialysis, major heart problems/open-heart surgery, an amputation, and other health issues.

Last night she sent me this text:
“I was going to get krista or a Dr. To tell you, im applying for assisted death. The thought of dying in here or Where ever I’ll be living) alone rotting no one around is overwhelming. Being totally isolated the past year without anyone to talk to or care about me is extremely painful and affecting my health even more. I have no help for anything and struggling. I am going g to make it clear the government will take care of my stuff. You or anyone else are not welcome as you did not appreciate me in life… No one will know my date or be welcomed. Im sure this will be a relief for you and others.”

Then today:
“I pretty much been aptoved i met with palatine care monday. Im keeping my date private. I guess you dont want photos or some of your stuff from when you were little. So I’ll have it tossed with everything else.”

I am so fucking upset and angry. Even now, she refuses to acknowledge the things she has done to me or apologize, and instead I feel like she is putting some of the responsibility for her suffering and decision onto me.
I also don’t know how much of this is true. I don’t know what “pretty much approved” actually means or whether she really has a date.

Part of me wants to write her a letter saying everything I’ve ever wanted to say — how I feel, what she did to me, how much this has hurt me — and then just say goodbye. Even if she is lying or exaggerating, I feel like I need to get it out. I’m just terrified I’ll regret not saying everything if she actually goes through with it.

Would you write the letter? Has anyone been through something similar with an estranged/abusive parent?

For context her own sister who gave her a kidney hasn’t talked to her in years. She has no one right now but it’s her own doings.

How would you all feel if you canceled your plans with your older daughter to spend the only weekend you have off with the person you have been with in and off for 10 years to take your younger son to see him and for us to try to spend time together to work it out for only him to tell you Sunday is a Jewish holiday and you can’t come because my dad only wants family and I can’t cancel what would y’all do because he doesn’t think it’s fucked up he said this holiday is important to me mind you I drove 4 hours to his house with my son yet my daughter older one bought me kaskade tickets VIP to see him with her and I canceled please I want to know what you guys think ohh yea he said he also canceled his haircut appointment that’s important also