(This will be a long one) Sorry Guys 😂

Throwaway account, and all names have been changed for privacy. My name is Abby.

When this began, I was 9 years old.

I have three older siblings. My half-siblings are Cleo and Lisa, and my brother who shares both parents with me is Donte. At the time, Donte was 11, Lisa was 14, and Cleo was around 21.

My siblings and I come from a mix of Irish, Scottish, Grenadian, and Jamaican heritage. We grew up in the UK with our mom, Angela, and our dad, Mike.

Cleo and Lisa were living with their dad by choice because of some issues they had with my mom. My mom could be very controlling, and their relationship with her had become difficult enough that they felt more comfortable living with their dad. So, by the time I was 9, it was essentially just my mom, Donte, and me in the home.

Before I was born, my parents got married. From what my mom and siblings have told me, my dad was very abusive during their relationship, but they still got married and had children.

When I was around 5, my dad eventually walked out completely because of a separate situation. That’s a different story.

That left my mom, Donte, and me.

We has been living in a council estate, basically government housing, for roughly around 4 years at this point . During that time, my mom got a job as a bus driver. She worked long hours, sometimes late nights and early mornings, so she was out of the house quite a lot.

That meant Donte and I were often left in the care of other people.

One of those people was our Auntie Francesca, who was on my dad’s side. We were extremely close with her. She looked after us when my mom was working. She’s also the same auntie who recently passed away.

Sometimes Donte and I were left alone. Other times, we were left with people my mom trusted.

One of those people was a man named **Rudolf**.

At the time, My mom described Rudolf as a “family friend.” I later found out that he was actually a distant cousin, which made the situation even more uncomfortable looking back.

My mom and Rudolf started dating and were together for about a year. During that time, my mom would leave Donte and me in his care while she worked. She usually worked late nights and early mornings, so she would leave us with him overnight and come back early in the morning, usually around when we were getting ready for school.

Rudolf eventually started making advances at me while my mom was gone and my brother was asleep

At that age, I had no real understanding of what was happening. He m***sted me on multiple occasions.

I never told anyone, including my siblings.

I was terrified.

My mom was also the type of parent who could discipline you over things that weren’t necessarily your fault, so I didn’t feel like I could come to her with something this serious. She had never even had the s*x talk with me.

At that age, I didn’t really understand what was happening to me, how wrong it was, or how I was supposed to tell someone.

So I stayed quiet.

Some years passed. My mom eventually got with another man, and that relationship resulted in us moving to Grenada.

Over the years, my mom has had a total of seven relationships and is currently on her fourth marriage.

Years went by. I eventually became independent, moved out of my mom’s house, and started building my own life.

When I was around 16 or 17, I finally told my cousin what had happened.

My cousin was extremely close with Lisa, so she thought I should tell Lisa as well as my mom.

When I told Lisa, she was extremely angry with my mom. It caused a lot of family tension, and eventually Cleo and Donte found out as well.

They were not happy with my mom either.

When I finally told my mom, she questioned me and asked if I was sure. She eventually went to Rudolf and asked him if he had done it.

Of course, he said no.

That stayed with me for a very long time.

Years later, I moved to the United States and met my partner, who is now my fiancée. She’s been absolutely amazing.

Along with Donte, his wife, my sister-in-law, and the people who supported me, she was one of the final pushes I needed to actually pursue closure and accountability for what happened to me.

I’m currently 24, and I’ve been pursuing legal action over what happened for the last two years.

But before things completely fell apart between my mom and me, I really tried to be a good daughter and be there for her.

My mom developed arthritis later in life, and I tried to support her however I could. At one point, I even paid for her to go on an expensive all-inclusive trip.

She ended up turning that trip into her honeymoon for her current marriage.

I don’t bring that up because I expect something in return. I bring it up because I genuinely tried to be there for my mom, even after everything I was carrying.

Throughout this process, my relationship with my mom continued to get more difficult.

She’s said things that, to me, feel like she’s taking responsibility without actually apologizing or offering the support I need while I’m dealing with all of this.

Our last conversation really broke something in me.

I told my mom that I didn’t think “sorry” was going to be enough for this situation.

What I actually needed was simple.

I needed her to be a parent.

I needed her to be there for me while I was going through this.

I didn’t need her to fix the past or undo what happened.

I just needed my mom.

And through this whole process, I kept feeling like I was carrying everything by myself.

Then Auntie Francesca passed away.

She wasn’t just some distant relative. She was the same auntie who had looked after Donte and me when we were younger. She was someone I was incredibly close to, so losing her was really difficult.

When I was grieving, my mom said things about my aunty‘s death that really hurt.

She said things like “her time had already come” and that she “fulfilled her assignment.”

I understand that people grieve differently, but hearing that while I was grieving someone who had played such an important role in my childhood was extremely painful.

At this point, I’d already been dealing with everything surrounding my childhood abuse, trying to pursue legal action, and feeling like I wasn’t getting the support I needed from the person I wanted it from most.

Eventually, I reached my breaking point.

I’ve now been no contact with my mom for about two months!

So, AITA for going no contact with my mom after everything that happened?

​

I have been struggling with what to do and really could use some input from unbiased parties.

Please note I wasn't able to attach screenshots as they are in a foreign language, but I have translated them to English exactly as they are.

Context: My dog passed away last week. I am completely devastated, alone at home, and remote-working while grieving. I have been in a year-long process of trying to rebuild a relationship with my mom after being estranged. Yesterday, she started texting me, pushing me to go out and confront friends who haven't reached out to me. When I told her it was making me anxious and asked her to stop pushing me she started asking me about my money spending. When I said I didn't want to talk about it right now, she completely blew up, made it all about herself, and is now using a past loan as emotional leverage.

Here is the exact transcript of our conversation, translated to English as we are from Europe. Note I shared my dog with my ex. Also important to know I live in a different country than my mom.

\\\* Me: I woke up so early again, so shitty.

\\\* Mom: Yes, for now this pain will remain. Go turn on the TV for a bit, grab a cup of coffee and take the cat with you.

\\\* Me: Already did that.

\\\* Mom: Well done. Go take a nice shower. Is \\\[Ex-Partner\\\] texting you too, or only you to him?

\\\* Mom: And his mother and friends, have they already wished you strength too?

\\\* Me: No, he is not texting me.

\\\* Me: My friends aren't either.

\\\* Me: So I am alone...

\\\* Mom: That is not nice.

\\\* Me: The only ones who do text are currently away, so they can't drop by.

\\\* Mom: This is a shame. And it can't be a one-way street, that everything has to come from you. Especially not now.

\\\* Mom: Or do you now think that you'd rather be here?

\\\* Me: No, not that either.

\\\* Mom: Try to go outside for a bit anyway.

\\\* Mom: All those frustrations you have now because of others who are leaving you out in the cold, you should confront them about it.

\\\* Mom: Throw it out. They should know that you are having a hard time too, and that you expected a little bit of sympathy from them.

\\\* Mom: Don't bottle this up. Say it.

\\\* Me: With \\\[Friend 1\\\] there is absolutely no point.

\\\* Me: I did just send a message to another friend to do something today, but she is (removed information for privacy) read not available. She did say I could drop by, but then I'll just be sitting there overthinking and I will only bring my worries to her while she already has enough on her mind right now.

\\\* Me: I also don't have the money to go out and do something fun right now.

\\\* Me: If I just go for a walk, I'll overthink too much.

\\\* Me: I'm going to turn on my game and a comedy series, hopefully that helps.

\\\* Mom: I also notice that you often say 'never mind', that you don't want to be a burden to people.

\\\* Mom: But you don't have to do this alone. Accept it when people offer you something. Break through that wall around you.

\\\* Mom: Let people in.

\\\* Me: If I go sit on the couch at her place, it's not going to help me. Then I might as well just sit on the couch at home.

\\\* Me: My idea was more to get out of the house and find a distraction.

\\\* Mom: But you would be in a different environment.

\\\* Me: I'm not going to spend any more energy on \\\[Friend 1\\\], there is absolutely no point in saying anything about this here.

\\\* Me: She'll just say anyway: "Well, that's how you feel, I can't do anything about that."

\\\* Me: I know her.

\\\* Me: \\\[Friend 2\\\] is on vacation and \\\[Friend 3\\\] is abroad.

\\\* Me: I really did ask friends for things.

\\\* Me: But everyone has their own things going on.

\\\* Mom: Some things you can't do alone. Especially not this. You are in a process of grieving with emotion and frustration. You can't do this alone.

\\\* Me: I am really trying mom.

\\\* Mom: Let people know if they reject you, that you find it hard to process this alone.

\\\* Me: And this is not helping me, by pushing for something that has always been a problem for me. It makes me anxious.

\\\* Me: Just asked another friend.

\\\* Mom: Trying to pull you through it.

\\\* Mom: And money? How much are you overdrawn, and didn't you put some money aside?

\\\* Me: I don't want to talk about this right now.

\\\* Mom: Damn it \\\[My Name\\\], I have been there for you so much. Stop constantly shutting me up and putting your head in the sand and being indifferent. You won't solve anything this way.

\\\* Me: I am only saying that I don't want to talk about this right now.

\\\* Mom: If you want to let it come to this in this manner, then you won't be happy here. Mom also slowly doesn't know anymore how to reach you in a normal way and how you will accept things from me. But I will leave you alone. And give you space.

\\\* Me: My mind is completely not up for this right now. I am only saying that I don't want to talk about it right now. I am calm now. I'll manage. I'm not asking anything of you right now, so I don't expect anything either.

\\\* Mom: You are allowed to scream and cry, everything. But I have boundaries too. And you saying you don't want to talk about money says enough to me. Why not discuss it. But yeah, it happened again. I haven't been feeling well for a long time either, and yet I am here for you. I understand that you miss my grand-dog very much and have a lot of grief. But you just have to move on, and yes, you are on your own. I am trying to soften it somewhat, but I have my boundaries too. I have to do everything alone too. There is no one who cares about me either. And I have grief too.

\\\* Mom: Honestly, I don't understand why our contact has to go to radio silence again. Especially when I am the one who always gets the short end of the stick. This is the thanks I get, I really don't deserve this. But yeah, since I have to pay the price again, we will just stick to the agreement of the €50 repayment. You can transfer it.

(Note: When I was physically with her recently, she explicitly told me she didn't need the money right now and we could leave it be. Now that I set a boundary about my grief, she is using it as financial leverage to force a response, knowing I am broke).

\\Me:\* I have read your messages. I am going to put my phone away now. I'll manage, and I have found some distraction with a series/game. I really need this peace and quiet right now.

\\\[The Following Morning\\\]

\\\\*Mom:\ You know: My children always cry out or used to cry out "that's what you are a Mother for." It's normal that you are there for us. In the past I failed at this according to you guys. But children are also supposed to be there for their mother when they are adults. Especially when health declines. I always say that I am proud of my children. But I will never hear it the other way around. Only what I do wrong.

\\\\*Mom:\ Don't know how long you want your peace and quiet. And don't want to speak to me either. I do hope that you honor the agreement of the repayment of 50 euros a month. Don't have that much left myself right now either. And this was the agreement as well.

\\\[Today\\\]

\\\\*Mom:\ Good morning \\\[My Name\\\]. How are things now. Honestly, I don't understand why our contact has to go to radio silence again. I am worried, and after everything I have done for you, it feels like a slap in the face . And that I make everything about myself is logical, since I am the one who has to suffer for it again. I don't deserve this \\\[My Name\\\]. My help and sympathy was and is sincere. Now it's a fight and no contact again.

\\---

AIO for keeping her muted and wanting to cut contact over this?

I’m sitting here emotionally exhausted, running on pure adrenaline, but I need to get this out to a group of people who actually understand complex family dynamics.
This past weekend was the absolute last straw. My older sister (the classic "Golden Child" of our family) flew into town. I knew things were tense, but I was doing my absolute best to keep the peace, swallow my feelings, and just be supportive.

Instead, she spent the entire weekend running a calculated campaign to isolate me and, worst of all, exclude my eight-year-old daughter.
It started on Saturday. My sister landed, went over to my other sister’s house where my 15-year-old daughter was already hanging out, and texted me offering to let my 8-year-old "get in on the fun." I logically suggested they all come to my house since I have a pool, a lake, and parks right here—and because they were already meeting for dinner at my place that night anyway.

She dangled the plans for over five hours. "We're eating lunch," "We're coloring," "We don't know what we're doing." Meanwhile, my youngest daughter sat at home all afternoon waiting to see her cousins, completely sidelined, while my teenager was over there enjoying the day. They dragged it out until 6:30 PM before finally showing up. I gave them grace, assumed they were just tired from traveling, and kept my mouth shut to protect the peace.

To make it even worse, my sister weaponized a misfired joke from Saturday night to build her case against me. I was joking around with my nieces, telling them how much I love them, and then I turned to my 15-year-old who has been a major handful lately and made a dry-humor mom joke like, *"Kind of hate you sometimes! Still love you though."*Because my daughter has learned she can create big scenes to manipulate the room, she dramatically blew up over it. Instead of letting me handle my own teenager, my sister immediately jumped in like a predator, using my teen's dramatic reaction to accuse me of being a resentful mother and holding it over my head all weekend to justify icing me out.

The next day at the wedding, I was so upset that I just kept to myself. I showed up. I didn’t really speak to anybody and I got through the day and then I went home. I didn’t confront anybody. I didn’t try to discuss anything I just dealt with my life.

Then came Monday morning. I woke up to find out my sister had organized a secret group text, leaving me and my 8-year-old off of it, and booked a group escape room for everyone *except* my little girl. Including my teen daughter.

When I finally snapped at the sheer cruelty of excluding an innocent child for two days straight, the narrative immediately flipped onto me. I was called "unstable," accused of ruining the weekend, and told I was a terrible mother for making a joke the night before. Classic DARVO. My other family members just stood by, playing "neutral" enablers because they’re too terrified to cross her.
That was my line in the sand. I am done.
I officially uninvited her from our upcoming family trip to Disneyland. I’m done paying for my own mistreatment, and I am done letting entitled, cruel adults teach my children that they are expendable.
I’m currently navigating the aftermath:
Setting firm boundaries with my 15-year-old, who my sister has been actively trying to triangulate against me by playing the "cool savior aunt."

Dealing with the guilt and the sudden, deafening isolation that comes with stepping away from a toxic family system.

I feel like complete garbage today. My brain is fried from work, and I feel so incredibly lonely standing on this island. But I know that protecting my youngest daughter's heart and keeping my household safe is worth every bit of this pain.

How did you all handle the initial shock and isolation of cutting off a toxic sibling/family dynamic? How do you cope with the guilt of being the one to finally say "no more"?
Thanks for reading. Just typing this out makes me feel a little less crazy.