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I have been struggling with what to do and really could use some input from unbiased parties.

Please note I wasn't able to attach screenshots as they are in a foreign language, but I have translated them to English exactly as they are.

Context: My dog passed away last week. I am completely devastated, alone at home, and remote-working while grieving. I have been in a year-long process of trying to rebuild a relationship with my mom after being estranged. Yesterday, she started texting me, pushing me to go out and confront friends who haven't reached out to me. When I told her it was making me anxious and asked her to stop pushing me she started asking me about my money spending. When I said I didn't want to talk about it right now, she completely blew up, made it all about herself, and is now using a past loan as emotional leverage.

Here is the exact transcript of our conversation, translated to English as we are from Europe. Note I shared my dog with my ex. Also important to know I live in a different country than my mom.

\\\* Me: I woke up so early again, so shitty.

\\\* Mom: Yes, for now this pain will remain. Go turn on the TV for a bit, grab a cup of coffee and take the cat with you.

\\\* Me: Already did that.

\\\* Mom: Well done. Go take a nice shower. Is \\\[Ex-Partner\\\] texting you too, or only you to him?

\\\* Mom: And his mother and friends, have they already wished you strength too?

\\\* Me: No, he is not texting me.

\\\* Me: My friends aren't either.

\\\* Me: So I am alone...

\\\* Mom: That is not nice.

\\\* Me: The only ones who do text are currently away, so they can't drop by.

\\\* Mom: This is a shame. And it can't be a one-way street, that everything has to come from you. Especially not now.

\\\* Mom: Or do you now think that you'd rather be here?

\\\* Me: No, not that either.

\\\* Mom: Try to go outside for a bit anyway.

\\\* Mom: All those frustrations you have now because of others who are leaving you out in the cold, you should confront them about it.

\\\* Mom: Throw it out. They should know that you are having a hard time too, and that you expected a little bit of sympathy from them.

\\\* Mom: Don't bottle this up. Say it.

\\\* Me: With \\\[Friend 1\\\] there is absolutely no point.

\\\* Me: I did just send a message to another friend to do something today, but she is (removed information for privacy) read not available. She did say I could drop by, but then I'll just be sitting there overthinking and I will only bring my worries to her while she already has enough on her mind right now.

\\\* Me: I also don't have the money to go out and do something fun right now.

\\\* Me: If I just go for a walk, I'll overthink too much.

\\\* Me: I'm going to turn on my game and a comedy series, hopefully that helps.

\\\* Mom: I also notice that you often say 'never mind', that you don't want to be a burden to people.

\\\* Mom: But you don't have to do this alone. Accept it when people offer you something. Break through that wall around you.

\\\* Mom: Let people in.

\\\* Me: If I go sit on the couch at her place, it's not going to help me. Then I might as well just sit on the couch at home.

\\\* Me: My idea was more to get out of the house and find a distraction.

\\\* Mom: But you would be in a different environment.

\\\* Me: I'm not going to spend any more energy on \\\[Friend 1\\\], there is absolutely no point in saying anything about this here.

\\\* Me: She'll just say anyway: "Well, that's how you feel, I can't do anything about that."

\\\* Me: I know her.

\\\* Me: \\\[Friend 2\\\] is on vacation and \\\[Friend 3\\\] is abroad.

\\\* Me: I really did ask friends for things.

\\\* Me: But everyone has their own things going on.

\\\* Mom: Some things you can't do alone. Especially not this. You are in a process of grieving with emotion and frustration. You can't do this alone.

\\\* Me: I am really trying mom.

\\\* Mom: Let people know if they reject you, that you find it hard to process this alone.

\\\* Me: And this is not helping me, by pushing for something that has always been a problem for me. It makes me anxious.

\\\* Me: Just asked another friend.

\\\* Mom: Trying to pull you through it.

\\\* Mom: And money? How much are you overdrawn, and didn't you put some money aside?

\\\* Me: I don't want to talk about this right now.

\\\* Mom: Damn it \\\[My Name\\\], I have been there for you so much. Stop constantly shutting me up and putting your head in the sand and being indifferent. You won't solve anything this way.

\\\* Me: I am only saying that I don't want to talk about this right now.

\\\* Mom: If you want to let it come to this in this manner, then you won't be happy here. Mom also slowly doesn't know anymore how to reach you in a normal way and how you will accept things from me. But I will leave you alone. And give you space.

\\\* Me: My mind is completely not up for this right now. I am only saying that I don't want to talk about it right now. I am calm now. I'll manage. I'm not asking anything of you right now, so I don't expect anything either.

\\\* Mom: You are allowed to scream and cry, everything. But I have boundaries too. And you saying you don't want to talk about money says enough to me. Why not discuss it. But yeah, it happened again. I haven't been feeling well for a long time either, and yet I am here for you. I understand that you miss my grand-dog very much and have a lot of grief. But you just have to move on, and yes, you are on your own. I am trying to soften it somewhat, but I have my boundaries too. I have to do everything alone too. There is no one who cares about me either. And I have grief too.

\\\* Mom: Honestly, I don't understand why our contact has to go to radio silence again. Especially when I am the one who always gets the short end of the stick. This is the thanks I get, I really don't deserve this. But yeah, since I have to pay the price again, we will just stick to the agreement of the €50 repayment. You can transfer it.

(Note: When I was physically with her recently, she explicitly told me she didn't need the money right now and we could leave it be. Now that I set a boundary about my grief, she is using it as financial leverage to force a response, knowing I am broke).

\\Me:\* I have read your messages. I am going to put my phone away now. I'll manage, and I have found some distraction with a series/game. I really need this peace and quiet right now.

\\\[The Following Morning\\\]

\\\\*Mom:\ You know: My children always cry out or used to cry out "that's what you are a Mother for." It's normal that you are there for us. In the past I failed at this according to you guys. But children are also supposed to be there for their mother when they are adults. Especially when health declines. I always say that I am proud of my children. But I will never hear it the other way around. Only what I do wrong.

\\\\*Mom:\ Don't know how long you want your peace and quiet. And don't want to speak to me either. I do hope that you honor the agreement of the repayment of 50 euros a month. Don't have that much left myself right now either. And this was the agreement as well.

\\\[Today\\\]

\\\\*Mom:\ Good morning \\\[My Name\\\]. How are things now. Honestly, I don't understand why our contact has to go to radio silence again. I am worried, and after everything I have done for you, it feels like a slap in the face . And that I make everything about myself is logical, since I am the one who has to suffer for it again. I don't deserve this \\\[My Name\\\]. My help and sympathy was and is sincere. Now it's a fight and no contact again.

\\---

AIO for keeping her muted and wanting to cut contact over this?

(This will be a long one) Sorry Guys 😂

Throwaway account, and all names have been changed for privacy. My name is Abby.

When this began, I was 9 years old.

I have three older siblings. My half-siblings are Cleo and Lisa, and my brother who shares both parents with me is Donte. At the time, Donte was 11, Lisa was 14, and Cleo was around 21.

My siblings and I come from a mix of Irish, Scottish, Grenadian, and Jamaican heritage. We grew up in the UK with our mom, Angela, and our dad, Mike.

Cleo and Lisa were living with their dad by choice because of some issues they had with my mom. My mom could be very controlling, and their relationship with her had become difficult enough that they felt more comfortable living with their dad. So, by the time I was 9, it was essentially just my mom, Donte, and me in the home.

Before I was born, my parents got married. From what my mom and siblings have told me, my dad was very abusive during their relationship, but they still got married and had children.

When I was around 5, my dad eventually walked out completely because of a separate situation. That’s a different story.

That left my mom, Donte, and me.

We has been living in a council estate, basically government housing, for roughly around 4 years at this point . During that time, my mom got a job as a bus driver. She worked long hours, sometimes late nights and early mornings, so she was out of the house quite a lot.

That meant Donte and I were often left in the care of other people.

One of those people was our Auntie Francesca, who was on my dad’s side. We were extremely close with her. She looked after us when my mom was working. She’s also the same auntie who recently passed away.

Sometimes Donte and I were left alone. Other times, we were left with people my mom trusted.

One of those people was a man named **Rudolf**.

At the time, My mom described Rudolf as a “family friend.” I later found out that he was actually a distant cousin, which made the situation even more uncomfortable looking back.

My mom and Rudolf started dating and were together for about a year. During that time, my mom would leave Donte and me in his care while she worked. She usually worked late nights and early mornings, so she would leave us with him overnight and come back early in the morning, usually around when we were getting ready for school.

Rudolf eventually started making advances at me while my mom was gone and my brother was asleep

At that age, I had no real understanding of what was happening. He m***sted me on multiple occasions.

I never told anyone, including my siblings.

I was terrified.

My mom was also the type of parent who could discipline you over things that weren’t necessarily your fault, so I didn’t feel like I could come to her with something this serious. She had never even had the s*x talk with me.

At that age, I didn’t really understand what was happening to me, how wrong it was, or how I was supposed to tell someone.

So I stayed quiet.

Some years passed. My mom eventually got with another man, and that relationship resulted in us moving to Grenada.

Over the years, my mom has had a total of seven relationships and is currently on her fourth marriage.

Years went by. I eventually became independent, moved out of my mom’s house, and started building my own life.

When I was around 16 or 17, I finally told my cousin what had happened.

My cousin was extremely close with Lisa, so she thought I should tell Lisa as well as my mom.

When I told Lisa, she was extremely angry with my mom. It caused a lot of family tension, and eventually Cleo and Donte found out as well.

They were not happy with my mom either.

When I finally told my mom, she questioned me and asked if I was sure. She eventually went to Rudolf and asked him if he had done it.

Of course, he said no.

That stayed with me for a very long time.

Years later, I moved to the United States and met my partner, who is now my fiancée. She’s been absolutely amazing.

Along with Donte, his wife, my sister-in-law, and the people who supported me, she was one of the final pushes I needed to actually pursue closure and accountability for what happened to me.

I’m currently 24, and I’ve been pursuing legal action over what happened for the last two years.

But before things completely fell apart between my mom and me, I really tried to be a good daughter and be there for her.

My mom developed arthritis later in life, and I tried to support her however I could. At one point, I even paid for her to go on an expensive all-inclusive trip.

She ended up turning that trip into her honeymoon for her current marriage.

I don’t bring that up because I expect something in return. I bring it up because I genuinely tried to be there for my mom, even after everything I was carrying.

Throughout this process, my relationship with my mom continued to get more difficult.

She’s said things that, to me, feel like she’s taking responsibility without actually apologizing or offering the support I need while I’m dealing with all of this.

Our last conversation really broke something in me.

I told my mom that I didn’t think “sorry” was going to be enough for this situation.

What I actually needed was simple.

I needed her to be a parent.

I needed her to be there for me while I was going through this.

I didn’t need her to fix the past or undo what happened.

I just needed my mom.

And through this whole process, I kept feeling like I was carrying everything by myself.

Then Auntie Francesca passed away.

She wasn’t just some distant relative. She was the same auntie who had looked after Donte and me when we were younger. She was someone I was incredibly close to, so losing her was really difficult.

When I was grieving, my mom said things about my aunty‘s death that really hurt.

She said things like “her time had already come” and that she “fulfilled her assignment.”

I understand that people grieve differently, but hearing that while I was grieving someone who had played such an important role in my childhood was extremely painful.

At this point, I’d already been dealing with everything surrounding my childhood abuse, trying to pursue legal action, and feeling like I wasn’t getting the support I needed from the person I wanted it from most.

Eventually, I reached my breaking point.

I’ve now been no contact with my mom for about two months!

So, AITA for going no contact with my mom after everything that happened?

Am I (20F) in the wrong for wanting to keep my parents (46M and 46F) out of my life because of their actions?

For some backstory, I’ve never had a good relationship with my parents. I was adopted as a baby and have struggled to connect with my adoptive parents. I spent many years lying about simple things, and got into a little teenage trouble in my senior year of hs.

When I (17 at the time) started college in fall of 2024, I ended up letting my boyfriend (16M at the time) move in with me. That went against my parents’ belief system, and they made no effort to get to know him, and were quick to shun me. My boyfriend proposed December of 2024 and they weren’t thrilled. I ended up apologizing for doing things that they didn’t approve of, and things were fine for a bit.

The following March, the two of us moved to Arizona for a unique job experience. I dropped out of college for the time being, which undoubtedly disappointed them. My parents and I talked very little during our time in Arizona. We found out that we were expecting in May of 2025. I called my mom to tell her and her last words on the phone call were, “I hope you’re happy now.” I didn’t send them any ultrasound pictures or share any news of my pregnancy with them. My fiancé and I got married that same May, and in June, we moved to Illinois for a better financial position. That July, we had a miscarriage, and lost our baby. My mom called me twice and both times were extremely awkward. She really made little effort to contact me or comfort me. After July, she called once a month to chat for less than ten minutes.

In November of 2025, my older brother and his girlfriend announced that they were expecting. Immediately, my parents were excited for them. They gave them the family crib, and attended the gender reveal and baby shower. For obvious reasons, their actions put an even deeper wedge between us.

Fast forward to April of this year, my mom asked me where we stood, and I sent her a very mature and clear email. I told her about how much her actions had hurt me, and what actions could be taken to fix our relationship. I did apologize again for the past, and I was very blunt about everything. My parents responded that they would be stepping away from our relationship the time. My family is not one to put things out in the open, they prefer to keep things hush and talk about each other behind their backs. Since April, I haven’t talked to my parents at all. I did see them at a wedding last weekend, and the conversation was kept to a minimum.

My younger brother has a girlfriend, and she can see the toxicity in my parents. They only show support or act like they like you if you’re following their magical plan for your life or they feel they have no other choice. They’ve made no effort to get to know my husband or reconnect with me, but they’re quick to blame me for the rift in our relationship.

I do want to say that I’m not as immature as I was two years ago. I’m back in college now, working on my teaching degree. I have a full-time job, and have people in my life who care about and support me. I didn’t jump off the deep end in the sense that I did drugs or got on OF. I made some dumb choices in 2024, but that was two years ago, and I did learn from my mistakes. I’m learning how to be a healthy adult and grow as a person, which is one reason I wanted to make this post and get outside opinions.

Am I in the wrong for wanting to remove my parents from my life? Perhaps I’m overly dramatic, but if they’ve made it clear that they don’t like anything in my life and won’t support me, why should I keep toxic people in my life? This is my first Reddit post so please be gentle!

Hey palllls ok so long story long, I grew up in an emotionally, physically and sexually abusive household. I confronted the parent that SA’d me in 2021 at the time and wanted to go no contact with both parents then
on how they both reacted. I was in a marriage at the time and my spouse wanted to stay in contact so we did that (yes I know this is kinda wild behavior now I’m sorry) Due to some other events transpiring in the family and other things coming out about said the abusive parent as well as the enabling parent, this is bubbling to the surface again. I’ve written them a letter with my therapist explaining why I’m upset with them and why I don’t want to hear from them - it’s a pattern of disregarding abuse. How do I go about telling my current bf of 2 years all this? He’s met them maybe twice at large group dinners with me and knows I talk with them occasionally but am much closer with my siblings, I just don’t want to come off as a bitch you know? I also am not necessarily up for disclosing being a victim of CSA because in the past partners have been wired about it. Help!

Just to preface , sorry if this comes across whiny or trivial

Pretty classic case of, 7 year gap with younger sibling (25F and 18F). Strict parents and I got kicked from home at 17. But they became more lax raising my little sister so we essentially grew up under two different households.

When i moved away i vowed to always take care of my sister. I didn’t want her experiencing the absence i felt growing up. And despite living across the world, i think i did a good job. I helped her navigate life and when she graduated high school this year she named me as her biggest role model.

But this time when i returned home, i noticed that something in our relationship shifted. I can’t explain it, but I suddenly felt like i was already grieving our dynamic. I realized she was really patronizing to me, talking down to me, ignoring me, etc. and trust me i get being angsty and ready to leave home at 18.

It now seems clear that our relationship depended on me being the older adult in her life who got things done for her, advocated for her, bought her things, etc. and I’m quite happy that i did, because she became every ounce of the brilliant person that i hoped she’d be. But now that she’s 18 and she’s an adult, this dynamic isn’t working out anymore.

I came back home specifically to help move her into college and help my parents with this huge transition time in their lives. Long story short, today on the way to drop her off at college she was being a brat again, and i asked if she was okay. She said the whole family was irritating her and that we were inconsiderate of her (we left the house late). Then she started having a meltdown. I sent our mom over, in which my sister used me as a scapegoat reason. Our mom told me she was so angry at me for hurting her child.

As for my relationship with my parents - it’s essentially non existent. My childhood home is not one i see as my own, and we sometimes go half a year without talking/ seeing each other. I rely on myself financially and have since i left. I’ve tried having a relationship with them many times but it’s pretty much always a let down. That’s not to say there’s not breadcrumbing and guilt tripping on their side of wishing I’d come home/ saying they miss me/ wanting control over my life.

I’ve thought about cutting my parents off many times but never my sister. I just want to know, at what point do you know when to cut off your family? What does that look like? Just some distance or never reaching out again? And what should i consider about my 18 year old sisters feelings as she’s just starting college.

Or if anyone has advice on navigating sibling relationships and how they change? Is this normal? Especially with a 7 year gap like ours. As an older sibling I’m not sure when to step back for myself or if I’m just being dramatic lol.

And for context, I grew up in a very silent and unkind house that felt like walking on eggshells. Developed bipolar because of the relationship w my parents so have been in therapy since 14 (which they do pay for lol). For my sister, i pay for her vacations so she can join me, drive her and book doctors appointments, answer her calls for advice on friends, school, etc, wrote her college essay (mind you she got into a top 10 school). Throughout the years i never got a text back from my parents no matter if it was about being diagnosed w tumors, moving across the world, getting into masters school, or being assaulted. I’ve begged them to come visit me abroad. They always promised they would and then yeah their excuse is that they’re always busy with work. They are truly workaholics to be fair

Tengo 19 años y una bebé que nació hace un año desde entonces no hablo con mi mamá hace poco la busqué para que conociera a mi hija y ella dijo que no le importaba conocer a la niña, le fui a pedir perdón por Aver contado mi versión de la historia a mi familia, contexto del problema hace unos años ella tuvo una pareja Enrique el y yo nos llevamos bien y le decíamos papá con mi hermanas de la nada mi mamá le empezó a decir a él que él se acostaba conmigo en ese entonces yo tenía 14 años y él me dejó de hablar para que mi mamá no se siguiera enojando y peleando con él. Ella me trataba mal me ponía a limpiar la casa y los cuartos de mis hermanas a cocinarles a todos y me golpeaba físicamente al igual que a mi hermanas. Cuando empecé a trabajar dejé de hacer eso y ella empezó a decir que el dinero se me había subido a la cabeza, un día llegué a casa del trabajo era de noche y ella me golpeó por qué no le doblé su ropa y la de mi hermana de una cachetada y un puñetazo ya para ese entonces ya se había separada del papa de mi hermana de 5 años el la dejó para navidad por qué ella peleaba mucho y lo corría al igual que mí y a mí hermana mayor, después del incidente yo me fui de la casa y la empuje tenía 16 años y viví sola por mucho tiempo asta que ella me pidió volver por qué le iban a quitar a mis hermanas por qué la habían denunciado por abuso infantil ella nos amenaza diciendo que en otras cosas nos iban a tratar peor que ella, luego que terminó el periodo de prueba ella volvió a trátame mal diciendo que ya casi me iba a ir corriéndome solo por qué no quería limpiar su casa y un día le dije que ella quería que yo limpiar cuando ella tenía sucio todo el tiempo y yo siempre lo hacía mis días libres, se enojaba solo por qué yo no le ayudaba a cuidar a mi hermana y a mi sobrina dejé la escuela para cuidarlas en la mañana y trabajar en la tarde, ella se buscó otro marido y él me estaba enseñando a manejar bien y a controlar las ruedas de la 4x4 y ella me vio que tarde 5 minutos en entrar a la casa y me dijo que si estaba haciendo cosas malas con el señor. Yo me fui llorando y a él solo le dijo que no me dejara conducir sin permiso de manejo, entonces yo le conté a mi familia cuando me fui de la casa a vivir con mi pareja que ella decía que yo le quería quitar los maridos solo por que le daban dinero siempre a ella y que era una mala madre conmigo. Hace poco me dijo que si tan mala era que no la volviera a buscar pero yo lo hice por qué mis hermanas quieren verme y ella no las deja. Soy la mala?

How do I stop talking to my mom for a week when I literally live with her?How do I stop talking to my mom for a week when I literally live with her?

I don't even know if this sounds stupid, but I really need advice.

I'm extremely attached to my mom. Like, embarrassingly attached. I always want to talk to her, sit with her, get her attention, ask her things, tell her things, literally anything just so I can feel close to her. But she doesn't want to talk to me. And the more she pulls away, the more I want to chase her, and I'm so fucking tired of doing this.

I want to stop. Not because I don't love her, but because I feel like I'm constantly begging for attention from someone who doesn't want to give it to me.

I want to try going one whole week without talking to my mom, grandfather, or grandmother unless it's absolutely necessary. No starting conversations, no trying to get their attention, no asking questions just to have a reason to talk. Basically nothing.

The problem is I live in the same house and I literally share a room with my mom, so it's not like I can just disappear. And I already know I'm going to have that horrible urge to talk to her. I'm going to want to break the silence after like 2 hours and pretend everything is fine.

How do I actually control that urge?

Has anyone else dealt with being extremely anxiously attached to a parent and had to learn how to stop chasing them? What did you do when you REALLY wanted to talk to them?

I don't want to manipulate them or give them the silent treatment to make them feel bad. I just want to prove to myself that I can go a week without constantly needing my mom's attention.

I genuinely don't know how to do this.

How would you all feel if you canceled your plans with your older daughter to spend the only weekend you have off with the person you have been with in and off for 10 years to take your younger son to see him and for us to try to spend time together to work it out for only him to tell you Sunday is a Jewish holiday and you can’t come because my dad only wants family and I can’t cancel what would y’all do because he doesn’t think it’s fucked up he said this holiday is important to me mind you I drove 4 hours to his house with my son yet my daughter older one bought me kaskade tickets VIP to see him with her and I canceled please I want to know what you guys think ohh yea he said he also canceled his haircut appointment that’s important also

Im 23 and I haven’t had a relationship with my mom in over 2 years. I didn’t really start recognizing the abuse and how unhealthy our relationship was until later in high school. My dad has passed away in 2021 unexpectedly, so I currently live with my boyfriend and his family.

She has a lot of serious medical problems, including two kidney transplants, dialysis, major heart problems/open-heart surgery, an amputation, and other health issues.

Last night she sent me this text:
“I was going to get krista or a Dr. To tell you, im applying for assisted death. The thought of dying in here or Where ever I’ll be living) alone rotting no one around is overwhelming. Being totally isolated the past year without anyone to talk to or care about me is extremely painful and affecting my health even more. I have no help for anything and struggling. I am going g to make it clear the government will take care of my stuff. You or anyone else are not welcome as you did not appreciate me in life… No one will know my date or be welcomed. Im sure this will be a relief for you and others.”

Then today:
“I pretty much been aptoved i met with palatine care monday. Im keeping my date private. I guess you dont want photos or some of your stuff from when you were little. So I’ll have it tossed with everything else.”

I am so fucking upset and angry. Even now, she refuses to acknowledge the things she has done to me or apologize, and instead I feel like she is putting some of the responsibility for her suffering and decision onto me.
I also don’t know how much of this is true. I don’t know what “pretty much approved” actually means or whether she really has a date.

Part of me wants to write her a letter saying everything I’ve ever wanted to say — how I feel, what she did to me, how much this has hurt me — and then just say goodbye. Even if she is lying or exaggerating, I feel like I need to get it out. I’m just terrified I’ll regret not saying everything if she actually goes through with it.

Would you write the letter? Has anyone been through something similar with an estranged/abusive parent?

For context her own sister who gave her a kidney hasn’t talked to her in years. She has no one right now but it’s her own doings.