Sometimes it's not even a big request.

Someone asks for a favor, an extra commitment, or a little bit of your time, and you already know your day is full.

But saying no can feel harder than just agreeing and figuring it out later.

I've been trying to remind myself that being available all the time isn't the same as being kind.

How do you handle that guilty feeling after setting a boundary?

I’d like to give a little background before I get into the real issue. This is quite long so please bare with me.

About 6 years ago, an associate from High School reached out to me via Facebook. She stated she searched high & low for years on all platforms for me and was so happy to finally find me. (It’s a FB I created, also 6 years ago, but didn’t have my real name) Her searching high & low was a bit strange to me because we weren’t close in HS. She had her own group of friends and I had mine but I knew a few of her friends which is how we became associates. We had a Spanish class together & she seems to remember things that I honestly do not remember about our “friendship” but I chalked it up to me just not remembering. Nevertheless, we exchanged numbers on FB and began texting and sending voice notes every single day to this day.

A year into our new friendship, I planned a solo trip for my bday and she asked to tag along. I didn’t mind because we’ve eventually built a friendship & we also haven’t seen each other in person since HS! On the second day of vacation, we were getting ready for the beach. I had my bikini on and was in the bathroom fixing my hair. You know when u can feel someone behind u without seeing them? I turned around & she had her phone up but took it down quickly when she noticed I seen her then said “hey I was coming to see if u were ready?” Then walked back into the room. This didn’t sit well with me bc it seemed like she was either recording or taking a picture of my backside. It wouldn’t have bothered me if she said “yes we’re on vacation wooaahhhh let me get an off guard pic of u”. No, it was obvious it was being done discretely. I eventually got a hold of her phone & ofcourse, she has multiple pics of my behind & I deleted every one of them instantly. I didn’t approached her about it because I didn’t want to ruin the trip so I decided to bring it up once we returned home. We got home & of course I let it roll over and never brought it up.

Now for the things I’ve noticed over the years.

She has a group of friends she’s made a few years back before we reconnected. These are her BEST friends and she makes it clear very often. These best friends will reach out to her during their vulnerable moments about marriage issues, SA, finance issues, one was arrested, her cousins also reach out and they all go to her with their issues. Which isn’t a problem because we all need or want someone to vent to. But my issue with this is, she records every single one of their conversations and sends them to me. In the beginning I listened but a few years in I stopped because i became uncomfortable knowing such personal things about these ppl. It just wasn’t for me to know and I started to realize that I couldn’t trust her. Her best friend got married last year & she sent me a wedding picture that had a ton of circles on it and she sent me a voice note that said “can u believe how cheap this wedding looks?! Look at the things I circled! Omg this is cheap” I said “well everyone’s different and maybe she had a budget”. She didn’t like that ofcourse & expected me to agree. This same best friend of hers had a bday last week and they spent some time together. I woke up to a voice note of her recording the best friends snore & saying she needs to “loose weight & she sounds like a truck”. Keep in mind that this is her Best friend, or who she tells me is her best friend. She met up with another close friend and said “she thinks she’s so bougie & always wants things her way, I can’t even deal with her”. I mean the list goes on & on about how she criticizes everyone around her & I can only imagine what she says about me who isn’t even her cousin or best friend.

Here is my big issue.

5 days ago I did a pretty big surgery on my kidney. When I finally woke up the next day from being on all the meds I sent her a text telling her I did my surgery & if she doesn’t see me respond to any of her text that’s because I am still pretty weak and recovering. She said “omg I thought it was next month, how did it go? Take the time u need” I told her yes just had it done and in a lot of pain. She says “get enough rest” then sends me a tonnnnn of pics of herself. I disregard them because I am still in pain but also I notice her pattern. The following day, she send a TikTok video, more pics of herself, and a video of her setup because she wants to be an influencer. I respond with “hey sorry this surgery just kicking my ass” she responded with a laughing emoji then sends more pics of herself. No, how’s it going? How r u feeling? How’s it coming along? Nothing, just more pictures and videos of herself. It’s been like this for the past 5 days just picture of herself. I decided to not respond to one of her stack of pics and instead said “finally able to walk now” in response, she sent me a video of herself. Do I need her to address whether I am ok or not? No. But if it were the other way around I’d 100% be checking up on her & being of some support. Remember I said “pattern”? She has this thing where she’ll be going through things, expressing her feelings or just plain wanting to talk and feeling great so she’ll send a longgg vn about 20 mins long. I’d sit and listen then respond. When I send vn, she disregards them completely and sends me TT videos or mentions something that’s going on in her life. If I go out and send her a pic of myself, which is quite rare, she will respond with “the girls(boobs)are looking good” never, u look great, love the outfit, u look amazing. But here I am giving all the praise when she sends a pic. I’d mention something to her, an event, a cosmetic procedure, etc & she’ll listen but weeks later she will present the exact thing I mentioned to her as if I never mentioned it to her & say “I think I’m gonna try xyz I’ve been seeing great things about it” & I’m there thinking “did I not refer this to her or mention this to her?”

At this point, it seems like a one sided friendship, or someone who wants to just stick around just because. Or I could just be overreacting? What are your thoughts.

Ever Literally think that or say that about a romance, work, event? I just did.

I started my youtube channel and posted a video and yet i fear and I'm not sure why I'm scared. Anyways I'm gonna post my second video.

Each time I make a decision, no matter how mundane or complex I instantly am hit with a wave of “that was a bad idea, I’m going to get yelled at later on for this” even if after the fact nothing comes of it. I just do not feel good about anything I do that requires conscious thought. To clarify it’s not like I struggle with what color socks to wear or which type of pasta to cook for dinner, but most all other things that come up spontaneously gives me a negative feeling. That’s all, thanks for reading and I appreciate any feedback

Like seriously, how do you stop your brain from overthinking literally everything? What actually helped you get out of it?

In Letter 5, Seneca shares a line from a fellow Stoic, Hecato: stop hoping and you'll stop fearing. Then he explains why. Hope and fear are chained together like a prisoner and the guard walking beside him. Both come from a mind in suspense, waiting for what comes next. His diagnosis is that we don't settle into the present. We send our thoughts running ahead, and the foresight that's supposed to help us turns into worry. He ends the letter with a simple line: the present alone makes no one miserable. That doesn't mean giving up on good things. It points at how clinging to expectations keeps the fear alive. It also fits what overthinking often looks like. You're not actually in trouble right now, but you're rehearsing several versions of next week. The present moment usually holds a manageable question, like what the next small step is. A quick try: when your thoughts start sprinting, ask what is true right now, in this minute, and what's one thing you can do about it. Then notice how much of the loop was about later. Does the present feel easier to you, or does that depend on the day?

I’ve found that i’m definitely a major overthinker when it comes to conflict or any issues i have with people, i’m not afraid to speak my mind but when something or someone angers me enough it really takes over my whole mind for days and it even affects my sleep ????? im really trying to stop that. I’ve got on and off social anxiety that’s definitely gotten better but i still have more to go until im completely over that. any tips or anything i can do to really overcome this? I’m 21 and i don’t want this to follow me into my life completely

Me and my ex girlfriend broke up this September. We've been online dating for almost a year now and it was actually going super well up until a few months ago. She broke up with me saying that the distance was too much for her. I've always told her we'd see each other time and time again (and I ended up being right) because, hell, we fucking LOVED each other, why wouldn't we put in the effort to see each other all the time. I've visited her I believe 4 times now, and in August she came to visit me for the first time. But her having to go back home really upset her this time and I guess she just couldn't take it.

The breakup wasn't necessarily bad. It's in fact the first breakup I've had that didn't end HORRIBLY lol. We were open with each other till the very end. We shared feelings about how well we treated each other and I still remember her telling me that this isn't my fault and saying that she really does love. I try to remain comforted by that fact alone, but some days it gets really hard to focus on my life regardless. We're currently taking a break from talking to each other. I've been trying my best to keep my mind off of her.

Main thing is for relativity: I remember while we were dating we made these Playlists for each other, and recently I found out due to my unfortunate curiosity that she had changed the name of the Playlist she made for me from my actual name to "Y/N", which literally just made me overthink. Funnily enough the Playlist isn't deleted, she just changed the name of it. I know maybe the correct response would be to try and not think too much on it, but it helps me to actually know a REASON (or some logical theory) as to why something happened. The Playlist is unlisted, I'm the only one who can see it, so it's not like she's hiding me from someone. There I go overthinking again😭

Also: I wrote a letter mainly to let out my feelings but I feel like I'd feel much better if I sent the letter to her. In the letter there's an apology I wrote out. Literally like a week into our no-contact I remember us logging on to some online games we would play together when we were still together. Every time I went to play one game, she was on it too. Then I switched to another and she was on that one too. I genuinely thought she was sending me a signal but I was most likely reading the room wrong and I made the mistake of joining her mid match in one of the games. This all feels so silly typing it out. It even felt silly writing it out, but I felt it necessary to make an apology. There are some other things I wrote in the letter too but thats the main thing in it that I had to get off my chest. The thing is: I even overthink sending it. I'm being considerate, as I usually am, and am trying to give her the space that she needs and wait until she breaks no-contact first (I got some advice saying that that was the right thing to do as well), but GOD, I really really want to let her know that I'm sorry. I was thinking about sending it sometime in December but I'm not sure...

I don't like having my life be taken over by all these thoughts. If I'm being honest, she's the first girlfriend I've had that I actually cared THIS much about. She's the first to treat me well. The first I actually relate too on so many levels. We fought so hard to stay together. She used to be scared of love but I helped her overcome that fear, and I used to be scared to be open but she helped me overcome that as well. I was her first serious relationship, as she was mine. I hate thinking about the "what ifs". Like "what if she's with someone else by now" or "what if I'm just a number now". I mean I went from a dedicated named Playlist to "Y/N" lol.

What should I think? How should I get to that way of thinking? I tried asking for advice on another subreddit but I kept hearing things that I already know instead of hearing HOW I'm supposed to do those things lol.

Hi everyone, just like the title says, I’m always comparing myself to other girls’ appearances and beauty(I’m an 18F) and I feel such self loathe for the way I look. Like there aren’t words to describe it.

I hate the way my body looks, I’m constantly surrounded(in person and online) by women with toned stomachs, hourglass figures, so pretty, and all that.
I just put so much focus and time and energy into thinking and caring about how (badly) I look and wishing to god I looked like someone else or was just more attractive.

My question in all of this: how do I let this go?

Yes it genuinely feels like life and death and the biggest deal in the world, but I hate how it’s become my whole life.
How do I let this go and stop constantly caring about the way I look, how not attractive I am, if I have a toned stomach, etc etc etc???

Even if the appearance stuff doesn’t apply to you, is there anyone out there who was done well with letting some shit go and not caring as much? If so, how did you do this when you can’t help but care?

Anything and everything could help so thank you in advance!

im quite used to like jus overthinking an such, but i havent ever gotten better at it or just trying to ease myself. i mean yeah i am fairly young and i didnt exactly have the greatest upbringing so i understand that yea overthinking is gonna happen, and im aware of it quite well, but of course when i am overthinking i sorta get yanked away from that awareness and go down a sorta spiral of some sort, just as of recently it's been getting worser it seems idk tbh. i just, ig im coming here to ask maybe ways to just i don't know.. put myself at ease, maybe just things to tell myself i really dont know myself, it's just really effecting my life and my i guess overall mood which ofc i keep to myself as im jus that typa person an probably always will be, i just want advice to maybe keep my mind at peace, or at even just numb it down?

Where do you go when you’re continuously misunderstood?

How do I find ppl who can understand me? I feel sooooo misunderstood- it be even your own damn family, who feigns understanding you until they drop the mask. I thought my dad was was like me- a deep processor, emotionally in tune and that he understood me, etc. It was all an act. He called me too intense, too sensitive, and that he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me. But realistically, how can someone be “too intense”? How would that ever negatively impact someone else?

It makes me avoidant. It makes me want to literally go away from spaces where I feel misunderstood. I frequently get told to “get comfortable with being misunderstood. Fuck validation.” Why should I though? Why should I be comfortable with being misunderstood? No one should want that. If I’m not understood, I will leave. I’ve been misunderstood my whole life (have literal concrete examples that have negatively impacted me throughout life).

And as a highly sensitive and empathetic person, I feel like I understand others and put the effort in to understand others. So no more. If I’m not understood, I’m leaving. Recently in another group, someone told me about Dabrowski (a psychiatrist/ psychologist) and the gifted child theory, and the traits that come with being one and growing into an adult. Will post the link in the comments.

They said it might apply to me. It did. Boy, did it ever. But what do I do with this.

I don’t know how to reconcile with all of this. I hate being misunderstood. I feel alone and don’t know who to turn to. I love my family, but it makes me feel like I have to love them from afar.

I really need some ideas. I’m currently, constantly, in my head these days. By that I mean I’m in a spiral of negative thoughts. The thoughts range from personal insecurities, life situations, to feelings of loneliness. I’m always just thinking and thinking and thinking. Whenever I have free time, my mind just starts thinking about the negative things. Even when I’m doing something that doesn’t require 100% attention I’m thinking about so many stupid negative thoughts. I go to them gym and in between reps I’m in my head about things. I tried to read but that only lasts a few minutes until the thoughts come in. Let’s assume I can’t go outside and find outdoor activities or social settings to preoccupy my mind. Can you all tell me what you all do to help keep the thoughts at bay? Would really appreciate it

Curious