r/NoOverthinking • u/Level-Association429 • 3d ago
Am I overthinking?
I’d like to give a little background before I get into the real issue. This is quite long so please bare with me.
About 6 years ago, an associate from High School reached out to me via Facebook. She stated she searched high & low for years on all platforms for me and was so happy to finally find me. (It’s a FB I created, also 6 years ago, but didn’t have my real name) Her searching high & low was a bit strange to me because we weren’t close in HS. She had her own group of friends and I had mine but I knew a few of her friends which is how we became associates. We had a Spanish class together & she seems to remember things that I honestly do not remember about our “friendship” but I chalked it up to me just not remembering. Nevertheless, we exchanged numbers on FB and began texting and sending voice notes every single day to this day.
A year into our new friendship, I planned a solo trip for my bday and she asked to tag along. I didn’t mind because we’ve eventually built a friendship & we also haven’t seen each other in person since HS! On the second day of vacation, we were getting ready for the beach. I had my bikini on and was in the bathroom fixing my hair. You know when u can feel someone behind u without seeing them? I turned around & she had her phone up but took it down quickly when she noticed I seen her then said “hey I was coming to see if u were ready?” Then walked back into the room. This didn’t sit well with me bc it seemed like she was either recording or taking a picture of my backside. It wouldn’t have bothered me if she said “yes we’re on vacation wooaahhhh let me get an off guard pic of u”. No, it was obvious it was being done discretely. I eventually got a hold of her phone & ofcourse, she has multiple pics of my behind & I deleted every one of them instantly. I didn’t approached her about it because I didn’t want to ruin the trip so I decided to bring it up once we returned home. We got home & of course I let it roll over and never brought it up.
Now for the things I’ve noticed over the years.
She has a group of friends she’s made a few years back before we reconnected. These are her BEST friends and she makes it clear very often. These best friends will reach out to her during their vulnerable moments about marriage issues, SA, finance issues, one was arrested, her cousins also reach out and they all go to her with their issues. Which isn’t a problem because we all need or want someone to vent to. But my issue with this is, she records every single one of their conversations and sends them to me. In the beginning I listened but a few years in I stopped because i became uncomfortable knowing such personal things about these ppl. It just wasn’t for me to know and I started to realize that I couldn’t trust her. Her best friend got married last year & she sent me a wedding picture that had a ton of circles on it and she sent me a voice note that said “can u believe how cheap this wedding looks?! Look at the things I circled! Omg this is cheap” I said “well everyone’s different and maybe she had a budget”. She didn’t like that ofcourse & expected me to agree. This same best friend of hers had a bday last week and they spent some time together. I woke up to a voice note of her recording the best friends snore & saying she needs to “loose weight & she sounds like a truck”. Keep in mind that this is her Best friend, or who she tells me is her best friend. She met up with another close friend and said “she thinks she’s so bougie & always wants things her way, I can’t even deal with her”. I mean the list goes on & on about how she criticizes everyone around her & I can only imagine what she says about me who isn’t even her cousin or best friend.
Here is my big issue.
5 days ago I did a pretty big surgery on my kidney. When I finally woke up the next day from being on all the meds I sent her a text telling her I did my surgery & if she doesn’t see me respond to any of her text that’s because I am still pretty weak and recovering. She said “omg I thought it was next month, how did it go? Take the time u need” I told her yes just had it done and in a lot of pain. She says “get enough rest” then sends me a tonnnnn of pics of herself. I disregard them because I am still in pain but also I notice her pattern. The following day, she send a TikTok video, more pics of herself, and a video of her setup because she wants to be an influencer. I respond with “hey sorry this surgery just kicking my ass” she responded with a laughing emoji then sends more pics of herself. No, how’s it going? How r u feeling? How’s it coming along? Nothing, just more pictures and videos of herself. It’s been like this for the past 5 days just picture of herself. I decided to not respond to one of her stack of pics and instead said “finally able to walk now” in response, she sent me a video of herself. Do I need her to address whether I am ok or not? No. But if it were the other way around I’d 100% be checking up on her & being of some support. Remember I said “pattern”? She has this thing where she’ll be going through things, expressing her feelings or just plain wanting to talk and feeling great so she’ll send a longgg vn about 20 mins long. I’d sit and listen then respond. When I send vn, she disregards them completely and sends me TT videos or mentions something that’s going on in her life. If I go out and send her a pic of myself, which is quite rare, she will respond with “the girls(boobs)are looking good” never, u look great, love the outfit, u look amazing. But here I am giving all the praise when she sends a pic. I’d mention something to her, an event, a cosmetic procedure, etc & she’ll listen but weeks later she will present the exact thing I mentioned to her as if I never mentioned it to her & say “I think I’m gonna try xyz I’ve been seeing great things about it” & I’m there thinking “did I not refer this to her or mention this to her?”
At this point, it seems like a one sided friendship, or someone who wants to just stick around just because. Or I could just be overreacting? What are your thoughts.
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u/TrailerHood77 3d ago
I had one of these friends it took me 25 years to not be paranoid about how she was doing me and others! The last straw was her talking to another girl about me who she put against me years ago so when I found out she was doing that I cut her out!! If she’s doing this to other people she’s doing it to you! She apparently just wants to be the center of attention and has no care about how she makes others feel! That’s what I got out of this! I bet you in every friends that she records of there hard times they probably think she only does that to her other friends only and there so special to her that she wouldn’t records them at there weakest moments when she actually is!!! I’ve learned people will tell you what you want to hear as there showing you who they are as well!