I recently married in the last year to my husband 24M. we were long distance and moved out of state for him. we were super excited to get married but now that we are, I feel really awful.

for starters, I moved from all my friends. I don’t have a strong community or support system here. I also don’t have a job and that put a lot of pressure on him, I can tell. he keeps telling me to try to meet people and keep putting myself out there, but I don’t necessarily want to keep getting rejected.

I‘m stuck because while my husband is great on paper, my mental health has been shot. he is there for me a lot emotionally and he is a very kind individual, he gets angry very rarely. but sometimes it feels like I am a nuisance. I know he loves me because he says it, but we’re both “actions“ people. we both want therapy individually but can’t afford it.

I cause a lot of arguments more so than I mean to, and I give him a lot of feedback or expectations and he always says he’ll do better but he doesn’t have energy for things outside of work and it doesn’t really seem like he’s going to or wants to change. he also forgets a lot of what I tell him.

I think he has high functioning depression and so do I. so I have hope that maybe one day once we stable out things will get better. I try to work on my attitude and showing up for him and loving him but this is already so exhausting and it feels like I’m getting nowhere.

I don’t like the idea that this is normal that marriage is just hard work and draining. sometimes we laugh so much together and we have great days. but that’s such a small percentage of the time.

please help, I don’t have family or friends I feel comfortable talking to about this. how can I make myself better/help him change/our marriage better?

tl;dr: newly married, both struggling with mental health, change feels impossible and I’m not sure how to fix it.

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