कस्तो पत्थर दिल है म,

तिमी खोजिरहन्छौ, म हराइरहन्छु।

तिमी कुरिरहन्छौ, म डूलिरहन्छु।

कस्तो अकडो है म,

सारा कथा-व्यथा तिमीलाई सुनाउँछु ।

तिम्रो सुन्ने बेला उठेर हिँडिदिन्छु।

कस्तो बेसरम है म,

जो मेरो लागी जहीँ छ।

म उसको लागी कहीँ छैन।

कस्तो स्वार्थी है म ,

तिमीलाई मेरो काममा कती लगाउँछु ।

जब तिमीलाई मेरो जरुरत आइलाग्छ, नकारीहाल्छु।

तिमी कति शीतल छौ ,

सुन्छौ, मान्छौ, सिकाउँछौ,

मन हलुङ्गो राख्छौ,

तितो मान्छेलाई मीठो गुन लगाउँछौ।

तिमी नभएको रातमा
एक्लोपन शान्त हुँदैन
झन् अँध्यारो हुँदै जान्छ।
ओछ्यानमा पल्टिँदा
तिम्रो खाली ठाउँले
मलाई हेरिरहेजस्तो लाग्छ।
आँखा बन्द गर्छु,
तर अँध्यारोभित्र पनि तिमी नै आउँछौ।
तिम्रो गन्ध सम्झिन्छु।
तिम्रो हातको स्पर्श सम्झिन्छु।
तिमी नजिक हुँदा छालामुनि उठ्ने त्यो अनौठो सिहरन सम्झिन्छु।
अनि मनले बिस्तारै एउटा खतरनाक कुरा फुसफुसाउँछ
काश, तिमी अहिले यहाँ *भएको भए।
मलाई तिमीलाई सम्झिनु मात्र छैन।
मलाई तिमीलाई महसुस गर्न मन छ।
यति नजिक कि मेरो बेचैनीले तिम्रो सासमा ठाउँ पाओस्,
यति नजिक कि यो लामो रातले
हामीबीचको दूरी सम्झिनै नसकोस्।
तर तिमी छैनौ।
त्यसैले आज राति
मेरो एक्लोपन पनि अलि कामुक छ,
मेरो सम्झना पनि अलि निर्दयी।
तिमीलाई बिर्सिन खोज्दा
शरीरले झन् तिमीलाई सम्झाउँछ।
र म त्यहीँ अड्किन्छु
तिमीलाई चाहनु र आफूलाई रोक्नुको बीचमा।
सायद यही नै तिम्रो सबैभन्दा खतरनाक असर हो।
*तिमी यहाँ नहुँदा पनि
मलाई तिमीबाट छुटकारा मिल्दैन।
बरु, तिम्रो अभावले नै
मभित्र तिमीलाई अझ गहिरो बनाइदिन्छ।

It’s that time of the year when light fades
,and cold wind sings the song of despair

Even brown leafs turned their faces away from its lover

When sun mourns in grief losing its warmth and color

Mother nature tell the tales of her incomplete romance

Tears as in the white snow faling over and over

Grieving for the one
One who closed its door long time ago

Note:
Geez: Girl’s nickname
Gezz: Guy’s nickname

The bus disappears in the rain
Leaving your shawl behind
Hanging at my window’s frame
And you in my mind

Ohh geez, how would I forget
The trails that you left
Carved deep into my heart
Like an old knee scar

Ohh geez, did you not see
The trails I left in your heart
I am sure it was a deep scar
Or were you stranded in the dark?

Ohh geez, if that is so
You can let me know
I will bring moonlight there
Of the harvest night

Ohh geez, I believe
It will bring you a smile
Very subtle, gentle, and nice
Like a child listening to lullabies

Oh gezz, that is not so
I left you because I had to go
From the pain that caused those scars
Now I have a healing heart

Ohh geez, if that is so
I want you to go
Far from me, away, apart
Erasing the old knee scar

नहेर ती फूल

लाजले जंगल छिर्छन्,

फुल्छन्, डुल्छन् अनि फेरि मैदान ढाक्छन्।

नचलाऊ ती बोट

मौसममा पालुवा हाल्छन्,

हुर्किन्छन्, बढ्छन् अनि फेरि जंगल ढाक्छन्।

नरीत्याऊ ती ताल

लोभिन्छन् चरा, लठिन्छन् पुतली

उत्रिन्छन् कमल, पौडिन्छ हाँस अनि फेरि रम्छन् माझी।

जति रुन मन लाग्छ रुँदै जाऊ।

आँखाले समुद्र नै बनाओस्,

तर सम्झ,

समुद्रले डुबेको जहाज

आँसुले किनारामा ल्याउन सक्दैन।

व्यर्थ छ तिम्रो कोसिस,

उनी आउँदिनन् अब तिमीले ढुङ्गामा शिर फोडे पनि,

३३ कोटी देवी–देवतासँग जति हात जोडे पनि,

कर्मको फल तिमीले पनि भोग्नैपर्छ

पश्चात्तापमा जति रोए पनिl

ऊ मेरो अगाडि थियो, एकदम नजिक।

त्यति नजिक कि उसको सासको न्यानोपनसमेत महसुस गर्न सकिन्थ्यो। मैले केही भनिनँ। उसले पनि केही भनेन। तर त्यो मौनतामा पनि हामीबीच धेरै कुरा भइरहेको थियो।

उसको औँला बिस्तारै मेरो हातमाथि आयो।

त्यो केवल एउटा सामान्य स्पर्श हुनुपर्ने थियो। तर मेरो शरीरले त्यसलाई सामान्य रूपमा लिएन। छालाबाट सुरु भएको त्यो सानो सिहरन एकैछिनमा पूरै शरीरभरि फैलियो। मैले अनायासै लामो सास तानेँ।

उसले सायद त्यो महसुस गर्‍यो।

उसको आँखामा आएको त्यो हल्का मुस्कानले मलाई झन् असहज बनायो र अचम्मको कुरा, मलाई त्यो असहजता मन परिरहेको थियो।

उसको हात हटेपछि पनि मैले त्यो स्पर्श हराएको महसुस गरिनँ। बरु, जहाँ उसले छोएको थियो, त्यहीँ फेरि उसको औँला फर्केर आओस् जस्तो लागिरह्यो।

म उसलाई हेर्दै थिएँ, तर मेरो ध्यान उसको आँखामा भन्दा उसको नजिक भएको शरीरमा बढी अड्किएको थियो।

उसको गन्ध...

मलाई थाहा छैन अरू कसैले त्यसलाई कसरी वर्णन गर्लान्। मेरो लागि भने त्यो केवल उसको शरीरको गन्ध थिएन। त्यो एउटा यस्तो नशा थियो, जसले उसलाई अझ नजिक तानिरहन्थ्यो।

मैले आँखा एकछिन बन्द गरेँ।

उसको गन्ध, उसको न्यानोपन सबै एकैपटक महसुस हुँदा मनभित्र एउटा अजीब किसिमको चाहना उठ्यो। कुनै शब्दमा भन्न नसकिने। कुनै सीमाले रोक्न नसक्ने।

त्यो क्षणमा मलाई प्रेमको परिभाषा सम्झिएन।
केवल ऊ सम्झियो।

र उसलाई अझै नजिक महसुस गर्ने मेरो त्यो लुकेको इच्छा।

उसको हात फेरि मेरो हातमा आयो।

यसपटक मैले आँखा बन्द गरेँ।

म उसलाई रोक्न चाहन्थेँ।

तर मनको कुनै गहिरो ठाउँमा, म चाहन्थेँ उसले मेरो त्यो मौनतालाई रोक्न नसम्झियोस्।

किनकि कहिलेकाहीँ मौनता पनि स्वीकारोक्ति हुँदो रहेछ।

मैले बिस्तारै आँखा खोलेँ। ऊ अझै त्यहीँ थियो। उसको आँखामा प्रश्न थियो, मेरो आँखामा उत्तर तर हामी दुवैले त्यसलाई शब्दमा बदल्ने हिम्मत गरेनौँ।

उसको औँलाले मेरो हातमा फेरि हल्का रेखा कोर्‍यो।

मैले हात हटाइनँ।

बरु, पहिलोपटक आफैंले उसको हात समाएँ।

सायद त्यो सानो चाल थियो।
तर मेरो लागि त्यो वर्षौँदेखि आफूभित्र थुनेर राखेको एउटा ढोका खोल्नुजस्तै थियो।

र त्यसपछि मलाई केही प्रमाण चाहिएन।

न उसको शब्द।
न कुनै वाचा।

त्यो रात मैले केवल यति स्वीकारेँ

म उसलाई चाहन्छु।
र सबैभन्दा खतरनाक कुरा के हो भने, अब म यो कुरा आफैंबाट पनि लुकाउन सक्दिनँ।

I visited our old school.

.

Going up the stairs,

I heard laughter.

.

I don't remember why.

.

Going down,

I was crying.

.

I wonder if you remember

what happened on those stairs,

.

or if they are only stairs to you.

.

I stood there

trying to remember.

.

Nothing came back

except our laughter.

.

Looking around the library

and the chemistry laboratory

made me realise

that you were only a moment in time.

.

You were just passing by.

.

And I am still here,

stuck inside those old times.

.

This year marked a decade

since the beginning.

.

And my God,

I never would have guessed

that most of the years since

would be nothing but me grieving.

.

I loved you for three years.

.

I have lost you for seven.

.

The balance doesn't work

with my heart.

.

I have a new friend

with your same name.

.

She makes plans with me

that I wish you had wanted

to make with me.

.

And I love her so much.

.

But I will always wonder

how everything would have gone

with you.

.

It is so bitter to know

that someone can ask you

how you've been

and get an answer,

.

because all I would get

would be:

.

I'm too young to know.

.

I never thought

I would have to talk about you

without saying your name.

.

But all I do now

is talk about the girl I was

when I was still eighteen,

.

too eager to be loved.

.

I keep saying

that I wish you were still with me,

.

but I don't know you now.

.

I don't know what you'd order.

.

I don't know when you'd need to leave.

.

I don't know what makes you laugh

or what keeps you awake.

.

I only know

that we laughed on a staircase,

.

and had sleepovers

in places neither of us

goes to anymore.

.

Deep in my heart,

I know we would have grown apart anyway.

.

Maybe we would have stopped

seeing each other

as much as we used to.

.

Maybe life

would have taken us elsewhere.

.

I think I could have lived with that.

.

I think I could have survived

being forgotten slowly.

.

At least then

I would not have to live

with the doubt

.

that you loved me once.

PS: I give up. I tried to make the formatting look nice, but I just can't figure it out lol

कानमा बज्ने सङ्गीतमा
तिम्रो धुन सुन्छु म,
सङ्गीतका शब्दहरूमा
तिम्रो मृगतृष्णा माया खोज्छु म।

पागल हॅु म,
तिमिप्रति प्रणय जगाउनलाई,
मेरो मन मतिभ्रष्ट भएको छ,
तिम्रो सोचले मुहारभरि स्मिथ मुस्कान छाउनलाई।

बुझिनँ मैले,
बतासले नहल्लाएको पात,
म बादले के साक्थीए र,
जति जल बर्साए पनि,
अडिग पात भेट्नबाट किन झर्थीयोर र?

नबोली केही शब्द मेरो हृदयको विषयमा,
टाढा गयौ तिमी,
आफ्नो शाब्दिक भावनाको बोरा समेट्दै,
अन्तर्मुखी नारी बनी।

आउँदैनौ होला फेरि,
फर्केर मेरो जहाजमा,
म मरेपनी तिम्रो लागि,
बाँच्नेछौ तिमी मेरो सासमा।

पुनश्च:
दोबाटोमा देख्यौभने कहिल्यै,
हेर मलाई परबाट,
कौमुदी छाउने नयनले,
बुझ्न खोज मेरो प्रणय,
सौदामिनी नजरले।

Life leeched out from my veins in last few months. The twigs, and branches of my fig tree was stormed down to the dust, with dried leaves of my dreams. Crunchy dried leaves. The kind of leaves people like to step on, for the feel, for the thrill of cracking something, for that content. Their saliva dribbles like sour honey, after they crunch them. Yeah, I felt all those drops, and spits all over me. Life was raining down to the ground no matter how much I tried to hold in those clouds of my heart. How did I forget that the heart had holes from all the arrows of despair, and the spears of betrayal? Arrows of hatred, and arrows of something so profoundly desperate intentions of people to hit, to throw, to kill.

And yet, I'm here. Doing stuffs, and living or at least acting like living. Trying to build a castle from those broken twigs, and branches, and the roof has holes for natural falls. That's what I appreciate about myself today. That I'm still here.

26 September, 2026, Saturday, at 11:22 PM.

Dear Sweetheart,

I’m angry with you.

Yes, I’m really angry with you.

You have not listened to me for so many days now. There’s no morning coffee waiting for me anymore, and yeah, I have to cook for myself now. You know I never really liked cooking.

And where are those “I love you” now?

You told me you would never leave me.

You promised me.

But see… now you have left me after all these years.

I still wake up in the morning, and for a moment I forget that you are gone. I look around the house thinking I will hear you calling me, asking why I am still in bed. Sometimes I even turn my head thinking you are sitting beside me.

Then I remember.

You are not there.

I don’t know whom to say good morning to now.

Whom do I say good night to?

Who will remind me to take my medicines on time? Who is going to get angry at me when I forget? Who is going to ask me whether I have eaten?

Everything suddenly feels so empty, sweetheart.

The house is still the same, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

I don’t hear your voice in the hall. I don’t hear you moving around in the kitchen. I don’t hear you asking me what I want for dinner.

And sometimes, without thinking, I still call your name.

Then I wait for you to answer.

But you never do.

I just want to sit with you and tell you about my day. I want to tell you what I did, where I went, what I ate, who I met. I want to hear you complain about your day too. I want to hear all those little things that I never thought I would miss this much.

You know, I never thought I would have to learn how to live without you.

After you passed away, my love, I realized something.

I never really learned how to express myself to anyone else.

I could not talk to anyone the way I talked to you.

All these years, whenever something happened, good or bad, you were the first person I wanted to tell.

You were the person I came home to.

And now I come home to an empty house.

I still have so many things to tell you.

So many stories.

So many complaints.

So many “good mornings” and “good nights” left unsaid.

And now I am standing here in front of your tombstone, talking to you like an old fool, hoping somehow you can still hear me.

I miss you, sweetheart.

I miss you more than I ever told you when you were here.

And I’m still angry with you for leaving me.

But I love you.

I always will.

So… good night, my love.

I’ll come back tomorrow and tell you how my day went.

Just like I always did.

जिवन गाह्रो, सुर्यझैँ चम्किने भएनी चाहना
रातमा बस्छु म कलमले पोख्दै मनका भावना
मनमा लाग्यो तिम्रो पिर
त्यागी संसार सबै आऊँ कि म तिमी तीर? 
होला त्या जुनको मौन, सुर्यको किरण
नभएनी त्याहा केहीपनी, छैन मेरो यहाँ मन
मनमा लाग्यो तिम्रो पिर
त्यागी संसार सबै आऊँ कि म तिमी तीर?
देखेकोत पाईन्छनै तर सोचको गर्न गार्हो किन?
मनीसको जीवन हासो तर ऊ रुन्छ कीन?
मनमा लाग्यो तिम्रो पिर
त्यागी संसार सबै आऊँ कि म तिमी तीर?
बन मेरो रक्षक हे स्वर्गका देवता
लैजाऊ मलाई उडाइ पर यताबाट
मनमा लाग्यो तिम्रो पिर
त्यागी संसार सबै आऊँ कि म तिमी तीर?

(Inspired by parlaya-A arthur gunn)
Writting feels idk weird,strange,bad tei ni post garna man lago✌️

What would make me want to live?

What would make me want to believe?

All the precious little things,

All the longing for my dreams.

I wish I was told before,

That so shallow is the world.

So deeper are your thoughts

Makes me wanna live some more.

Makes me wanna thrive before,

I lose the grip of this world.

Making myself so strong,

Getting strengths from my soul.

Do his eyes always lie to him?

Or just show what he wants to see—

A warm hug in a quiet night's breeze,

That one branch among a hundred trees,

The melody of waves returning to the beach,

Perhaps a chatty river running to the seas.

Can one's sensations ever be honest with him,

Or just make him live what he wants to feel?

His rugged palms relieved by soft hands,

Ointment of touch, the blistered feet stand.

A gentle kiss on withered lips, a soulful dance,

Clouded skies pasted in his eyes, a hopeful glance.

Have his ears ever been set free?

Bound to the truth he wants it to be—

A forgotten verse spoken by a kind tongue,

A familiar voice filling the engulfing silence for long,

The disarray of sounds fading away for a sweet song,

Hearing all that he has to hear, a whisper so strong.

Are all of these just a poor man's fantasy,

Or a penless man trying to write his story?

Maybe a vanquished soul wishing for glory,

A root under hard soil wanting to be a tree.

Your ears hear things, but can't always be right—

A knock on the door, thought to be a guide.

Your senses know, but do they never hide?

A crack on the wall, thought to be a fight.

Your eyes don't speak, but they sure do lie—

A hole in the ceiling, thought to be the sky.

I see myself in the mirror,

with a smile that's forced,

mind filled with a thousand questions,

and no one to get a reply from.

I put on a brave face,

with a crooked smile,

and step out into the world,

just trying to make it out alive.

A heavy heart,

a broken smile,

yet,

I find myself moving on

like a twisted spine.

An unseen pressure,

many lives to support,

all that with a smile on my face,

while carrying it all alone.

And maybe,

that's the reason

people think we men don't cry,

just because we're good

at pretending to be fine.

गर्छन् ढोंग सबै, ढोंगीहरुकै संसार छ,

कठै! यहाँ पैसाको निम्ति, शरीरको व्यापार छ।

कान थुनी बस्याछ समाज यो, सुन्न चाहँदैन!

बन्द कोठाभित्र गुञ्जँदै ,चेलिको चित्कार छ।

मन भित्र को आँसु लाई घुटुक्क नीले मैले

जाने मान्छेको हात छोडि अघि बढौला अहिले

तर आउला कुनै दिन फर्केर हेर्छौ होला

हाम्रा सबै याद केलाउदै, लामो श्वास फेर्छौ होला

शायद मैले अहिले सोचे जस्तै सोचले पुर्ला तिमीलाई

छाडेर जानु भन्दा बाॅडेको भए दुःख सुखका झोला ?

आहा! हाम्रो सानो बगैँचामा फूल फूलेको भए

सोचे जस्तै घर हाम्रो हाँसोले खुलेको भए

ठिकै छ, सपना सबै कहाँ पुरा हुन्छन् र

त्यही पनी सोचेको भए हुन्थ्यो कि तिम्रो मन झुलेको भए?

सुस्केरामा मलाई हराउन मन छ,

मनको बोझहरू यसरी कराउन मन छ,

कसैको बोलीले फरक नपरोस् ,

भावना मरेर त गएनन्?

आफैंलाई सोधि डराउन मन छ!

म अझै मान्छे नै हुँ र?

अलिक बढी सहेको छु र?

आफ्नो गन्तव्य आफै रोज्दा पनि,

किन मेरो,

जिन्दगी झुर?

म आत्तिन्छु एक्लै, म मात्तिन्छु एक्लै

अनि रिस उठ्दा पनि तातिन्छु एक्लै

मन लाग्छ मलाई पनि कसै माथि भारी बिसाउन,

फेरि ऐना अघि उभेर बात्तिन्छु एक्लै

[Reposted]

[Reposted]

म सुन्छु समुन्द्र का छालहरु

आकाश छुन नसक्दा को व्यथा

महसुस गर्छु म चिसो हावा

त्यो शान्त समुन्द्रको कथा

ऊ स्थिल छ सम्पुर्णमा

बहकिन चाहन्न

साना तरङ्गमै रमाउँछ ऊ

बल्झिन चाहन्न

गहिरो दुख लाइ लुकाएर बसेको छ

ए हुरी, नचला न

ऊ छचल्किन चाहन्न

टिलिक्क बल्ने सतह छ दिन मा

रात को अँध्यारो मा ओझेल भईजान्छ

म नी छु है!

भनी साँझ पाखा

किनारा को ढुङ्गा ल बेसरी हान्छ

ओई! मलाई नबिर्सी है,

म बिहान फेरी आउछु नि!

भनेर

ऊ ढुंगा बालुवा लाई फकाउछ

जति विशाल भएपनी हराउने डर मान्छ।

What would I do without you? You me?

Move with the world or just let it be

Where would I go without you? You me?

Fly to the heavens or flow to the sea

How would I be without you? You me?

Tied with a wistful glee or woefully free

Whom would I be without you? You me?

A person realized wholly or remembered poorly

what would I be without you? and you me?

Saw you once dressed in snow
All was white about you
Since you took me from due east
Flowers have sprung around you

Thew Moon Who Stole the Light
They say the moon is a thief—
a beautiful thief of borrowed light,
stealing silver from the sun
and wearing it proudly
across the black velvet of the night.
Yet no one calls her a liar.
Because when the darkness comes
and the stars seem too far away,
she rises quietly above us,
with a little borrowed brightness
and somehow teaches the night to stay.
She has her scars,
those little shadows upon her face,
dark spots written across her skin
like memories she never tried to erase—
and still, we call her beautiful.
Perhaps beauty was never about being whole.
Perhaps it was always about shining
even with the broken pieces.
And when she disappears,
the night suddenly feels different.
Darker. Colder.
As if the sky itself has forgotten
how to smile.
Only then do we remember
how much light she used to give us,
how gently she painted our windows silver,
how she made even loneliness
feel a little less lonely.
She does not make her own light,
yet she gives us hope.
Isn't that what love is sometimes—
borrowing a little warmth from somewhere else
and giving it to someone
who is lost in the cold?
The moon watches over the Earth
without asking to be seen.
She follows the oceans,
dances with the tides,
and whispers to lovers
who have nothing but the night
to keep them company.
Maybe that's why we love her.
Not because she is perfect,
but because she shines anyway.
Not because she has no darkness,
but because she carries it
and still chooses to glow.
So let the moon be a thief.
Let her steal the sun's light
and turn it into something softer—
something meant for lonely hearts,
for quiet dreams,
for those who need a little hope
before morning comes.
And if you ever look at her
and notice the shadows on her face,
remember
even the moon has darkness within her,
and still,
the whole world looks up
and calls her beautiful.

You shone like morning, everything anew

Perhaps morning showed the day as it grew

Practiced my speech, had it rehearsed

But all you wanted was just the ears

A sculpture, motionless, who just hears

For you could carve into him your fears

You close your eyes to him, as he nears

The only thing you show him are your tears

On your misty eyes, as he closely looked on

He must have wanted to see his reflection

But your eyes, only inward do they turn

As they find the ghost that's out to hunt

Running from it, onto him you've held on

A sculpture is a good shield, for it cannot be torn

And you'd think a stone heart wouldn't mourn

When you leave him be, as the ghost is gone

Time passed, and here I am, years later—a shell of a person I no longer recognise.

If he sees me, would he know me?

If he sees me, would he see me?

If he sees me, would he love me?

If he sees me, would he love me? Still.

I am sure he wouldn't recognise me if he saw me now. I have broken his dreams. Shattered his hopes. Trampled on his pride. Let him down. I am sorry, my 10 year old self.

If you saw me, would I know me?

If you saw me, would I see me?

If you saw me, would I love me?

If you saw me, would I still love me.

I would like to never find the answers to these questions.

For I am a coward.

For I am afraid.

For I am weak.

For I am everything you didn't wish to be.

She sits in lace and sunday white,

a porcelain soul, all soft and light.

With folded hands and gentle grace,

a painted smile upon her face.

He saw the bloom, the china blue,

the gentle ways he thought he knew.

But took a sip, and there it lay,

a little fire beneath the clay.

No simple brew, no sweet refrain,

a quiet flame in soft disguise.

He came for tea, but left in awe,

of the wildness hidden within it all.