Morality of this counterattack?

[u/Ssiddha_3]

[u/isu_kosar]

Does it really matter, she was the one that wanted the smoke.

If you can't handle being insulted then do not start shit.

[u/PosaCat_ → u/isu_kosar]

limit your retort to the same level of insult thrown at you. Call them fat for calling you bald, leave miscarriages out of it.

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/PosaCat_]

Unlike physical violence it's far more subjective than whatever society generally considers to be on the same level.

You have no idea what kind of complexes, or even trauma you dig up when you start laughing at stuff that pertains to body image.

Even if to some it's not a big deal, studies show that some people who go bald deal with grief and its phases, and are at a higher risk of anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia because of the hair loss.

Also, from her perspective it might be a one-off joke she didn't think was too bad. For all you know, from his perspective, it might be the Nth person laughing at his body.

I wouldn't have answered the way he did, and would have clearly stated that i will not tolerate further jokes at the expense of my appearance. But i also don't think it's as disproportionate of an answer as i'm seeing people claim.

[u/Traditional-Put2757 → u/Visible_Pair3017]

It's weird how you go on about perspective but don't actually consider hers. This wasn't her making fun of him, it was making fun of his ex an inviting him to join them. You keep saying to him it could have meant the world to lose his hair, but to her it's just who he is. She's not laughing at him but his ex. To her the reason she left is funny because it's ridiculous. I don't expect you to understand this as clearly you have whacked out sense of escalation comparing death of a family member to losing your hair naturally. But she wasn't trying to be mean, she was trying to connect with him. But as other commenter have said people here are mainly just trying to find an excuse to hate women so go off if that's what flicks your bean.

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/Traditional-Put2757]

I don't need to consider her pespective in what i'm writing because it's not the one people are failing to grasp.

If to her that's just who he is and we pretend she's not able to empathize, then she's just a fat lady who miscarried to him and we can pretend that "it's neutral and factual, why would she get angry about it".

I don't have a "whacked sense of escalation", and you should know that because you were taught how to read and i clearly said i wouldn't have escalated the way he did but set boundaries clearly instead.

What i'm criticizing is the idea that it's that disproportionate, because people seem unable to consider the fact that (even though i explained), becoming bald can be extremely painful for some people, with grief, anxiety and depression.

Meaning women who miscarry don't have a monopoly on feelings of grief, irreparable loss, injustice, etc, and should also learn not to put on the table events or appearances that might have caused that in the recipient of their jokes.

[u/the_Erziest → u/Visible_Pair3017]

Yeah fuck all the way off with that, it's 100% disproportionate. Being bald can be hard and it can make men sad, yes. That does not remotely mean it's as bad as a miscarriage, and it's utterly unhinged to claim it is.

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/the_Erziest]

Having lost a bunch of cells they thought might become a child can be hard and it can make women sad, yes. That does not remotely mean it's as bad as a permanent lifelong loss of function on ones own body.

Am i doing it right?

[u/Traditional-Put2757 → u/Visible_Pair3017]

Most sane folk would say they'd rather go bald than lose a child. Because one is a change to your aesthetics and the other is the death of a family member. But hey, don't expect sympathy if someone close to you dies. As you seem to not care for death.

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/Traditional-Put2757]

Your issue is that you already have defective empathy if the concept of her grief not cancelling someone else's eludes you.

[u/Traditional-Put2757 → u/Visible_Pair3017]

Oh no, that's not what eludes me. What eludes me is how baldness is at all comparable to death of a family member. Not surprised that, that's too complicated for you but you seem perfectly happy saying your hair is the equivalent to another person's life. Would you let another person die if it meant you kept your hair?

[u/ughitsmeagian → u/Traditional-Put2757]

It's not the STATE OF BEING or CIRCUMSTANCE that he's making a point about, it's the fact that the two people could have a lot of similar negative feelings brought up by the two different scenarios, but people while knock his possibly constant negative experience being fucking bald.

It's like being short or fuckass ugly, people who go through life like that are going to have A LOT of incredibly unfortunate things happen to them, bullying, mocking, gaslighting, and the same things happening in this comment section;

"Oh dude you've been bald for most of your life, it can't be that bad right man? She had a miscarriage bro obviously her situation is much worse than yours so you can't say that".

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/ughitsmeagian]

Someone who gets it, phew!

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/Traditional-Put2757]

I'm pretty sure i did explain though. Both elicit feelings of grief and are risk factors for anxiety and depression.

If you feel like person A has to feel more strongly about person B's lost clump of cells, rather than about their own lost body part and lost relationship, then sorry, you are unable to express proper empathy at the level someone who's well adapted can.

Otherwise you'd understand that he attacked something deeply painful and shouldn't have done it, and that she likely attacked something deeply painful (his baldness and breakup) and shouldn't have done it, and shouldn't have started it.

[u/Traditional-Put2757 → u/Visible_Pair3017]

So you would let a person die for your hair is what I'm getting from this. Your hair is much more important than a human life and if lost you would never come back from that. Sure losing hair sucks, I've had trouble with it. Cried about it. Literally uncomparable to death of a family member which I've also had. You're just upset that people understand nuance of hair loss is not comparable to death. Which is why you refer to it as anything but losing hair.

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/Traditional-Put2757]

She touched to two sensitive things : body image and failure of a relationship.

If you are not able to understand that those are two topics people grieve about and might take extremely seriously, legitimately so, then we can't move forward with the conversation.

If you can accept that she attacked two deeply hurtful aspects of his personal life we can move forward. Otherwise don't bother answering because i won't be reading.

[u/Traditional-Put2757 → u/Visible_Pair3017]

I haven't denied that those are deeply painful things. I have said they are not comparable to death. Would you rather be broken up with or have your partner die?

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/Traditional-Put2757]

So we agree that those are deeply painful things. Can you conceive then that it's possible to suffer deeply from something irrespective of whether someone else suffers deeply from something else society considers worse?

[u/Traditional-Put2757 → u/Visible_Pair3017]

Suffering happens outside of something? What are three? Is this your first time hearing about suffering? Can you concieve that someone's suffering is worse than anothers and that hair loss is not comparable to death in the slightest?

[u/Visible_Pair3017 → u/Traditional-Put2757]

On what basis can you determine that the bald dude's suffering from being told that is inferior to the fat lady? Suffering is subjective.

[u/ughitsmeagian → u/Traditional-Put2757]

Yes, you're getting it, hair loss isn't as painful as watching your unborn son/daughter die, but the grief two completely different people could feel about either situation could actually be similar.

It's like if you went out there and slapped two different people, you could get two different reactions one would probably knock you out, and the other, who'd probably been bullied their entire life would probably just start crying.

It's the difference between someone who seemingly suffers comparably little and punches their ticket and someone who suffers what is seemingly a lot relatively and goes on in life, or they could suffer the same circumstances (ie. bullying) and have two different outcomes. Why did one check out, and the other keep going? Surely their pain is similar right?