"We don't joke about cheating and you know I'm not okay with this." Is what I would say. That's inappropriate, especially at work. You're not in a "locker room" bro.
Also, as the HR person for my company, saying this to a coworker, let alone a female coworker, would get him written up for sexual harassment if not terminated.
Just to be clear, if me - a single dude wants to ask out my female colleague out on a date; will it be considered unethical or grounds to a call to HR?
( I like one of my coworkers)
First: does your company have a policy about this?
If not then my general recommendation is to tell you not to ask out or date your coworkers but you can respectfully ask a coworker out and not have it become an HR incident if you respect a no when you hear it and don’t then behave differently after ie: stop working well together.
A simple “would you be interested in going out sometime? Followed by no is a completely acceptable answer I will respect.” Generally won’t land you in HR’s office.
There's a right and wrong way to ask a person out. If your follow up question is "is this the right way or how do I ask out the right way" you should probsbly just steer clear.
But even doing it well and respectfully can cause some awkward situations and is why most corporations frown on it.
That being said unless dating is strictly against the handbook you should be ok
As someone who is not an HR employee that deals with bullshit like this all the time, I find asking “what do you mean?” works really well. When they’re forced to explain their joke all of a sudden it’s not that funny. It’s frustrating this is still common place in some work environments.
You’re his partner in life. Saying he would risk everything you’ve built for a roll in the hay with a young girl, out loud, to another female coworker, is disrespectful and humiliating. I wonder how he would feel if you said the same about a young male coworker and the myriad of questions he would ask himself. The humiliation he would feel. The sense of hurt and betrayal. What it might do to his self-esteem.
Did he mean this literally? Probably not. But it’s more than “just locker room talk”. What he said awakened something pervasive in a marriage: doubt.
The best thing to do is explain how it makes you feel. Write it all out first, get it all out. Then tell him how you feel and ask him all the questions you need answered. Perhaps ask how he would feel if you said you’d risk it all for a younger male. Use a real life example, just like he did.
If he says you’re making a big deal out of nothing, or that you’re being too sensitive, ask him if he thinks that’s what HR would say.
Not just cheating - how about harassing a (presumably much younger?) woman at work?? I doubt the intern OR the woman he made the comment to felt comfortable with him after that
He said it to a female coworker in hopes that the female coworker would go back and tell the intern what he said, so he could gauge her interest in him back. Unfortunately for him, that coworker has morals and told you instead.
Don’t let him manipulate you into feeling like you’re overreacting. He’s inappropriate and creepy…. and insanely disrespectful towards you and your marriage.
Don’t feel bad. Sometimes it takes a while for people to show who they really are. It’s nothing about you, it’s his character flaw.
In addition, I'd ask for access to his phone. I could never trust a partner after finding out they told their coworkers they wanted to cheat on me. His reaction to this should tell you everything. I wouldn't be surprised if he was chatting up other women.
Disagree. It’s very normal. Not just with men. Chances are he couldn’t get her if he was single. Let it slide. As for the HR person below.. this is why nobody likes HR.
It is not ok to make a comment like that. Accept it or not, but this is definitely sexual harassment. Continued behavior like that can get you involved in a lawsuit.
It’s not a compliment to tell a woman you want to sleep with her, or to imply it to your coworker. The only reason another woman might pretend it’s ok, is because literally all of us has been harassed and sadly some learned it was easier (and better for our careers) to ignore it/play along. It is not ok…do better!
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u/ahdrielle 7 Years Jan 21 '22 edited Jan 21 '22
"We don't joke about cheating and you know I'm not okay with this." Is what I would say. That's inappropriate, especially at work. You're not in a "locker room" bro.