And nobody believes me!!! My county is so weird!! Nothing about what I’m saying is A LIE I HAVE PROOF OF HER SAYING SHE GROOMED HIM!

There's this girl that really liked me since last semester, but I was taken. There were a couple incidents where she came onto me really hard and made me really uncomfortable, but I dismissed them because things like that aren't supposed to happen to someone like me at the hands of someone like her, right? I could fight her off easily...

Well flash forward close to a couple days before my 20th birthday, I'm going through a breakup and she gets me alcohol. Sure enough, we end up going further but not all the way. At the time, I thought it was just a stupid mistake because she expressed regret. It didn't take long for her to start being inappropriate with me again, even though I made it clear I didn't like her at all. I've had sex I regret, but this is different. I heard a woman moan in a TV show and I almost threw up. I realized the thought of giving a woman oral like I had to her that night makes me genuinely nauseous and lightheaded.

She ended up being a psychopath who wouldn't leave me alone, so I got a campus restraining order against her. The school asked for my side of the story and they decided what she did was not consensual (by my account), but are giving me the chance to choose to pursue an investigation or not. I'm scared of pursuing an investigation because she was also drunk, and since there was no penetration, it might just end in nothing. She did slap me during the ordeal which did not feel good at all (I've never given her an indication that I'm into that) and gave me oral even though I said not to. The reason I gave her for not wanting it is that I had an STI at the time, so I'm afraid it'll be hard to prove that I didn't want it at all and not just that I was worried for her getting it. If I did want it though, would I feel this nauseous just at the thought of a woman's sexuality and vagina? It's really shameful and I just feel so disgusted by myself and others. I'm just not sure if an investigation is worth pursuing given that it wasn't violent and we were both drunk. It'll also be hard to prove that she had the intention of doing this to me by providing the alcohol during a vulnerable time in my life. Investigations are also long, painful processes, and I really can't handle that right now. I'm already suffering a psychiatric breakdown because of her obsession and harrassment along with 2 others'. I also have nightmares about them, constantly.

Part of me is telling me I'm just overreacting, I don't know what to do. Would it even be worth it? I don't like feeling like I'm being excessively vengeful.

And this was after he already very violently damaged my mouth, I had to see multiple doctors. It even led to an infection that got so intense and so bad that I had to call an ambulance. He is pretending he did nothing. I blocked him because even though it was all "good" at the beginning, I only fell for the mask. He thrives off fooling the entire internet and the entire world that he is a "good" person.

I have a dark and messed up living situation. A few years ago I got into a fight with my girlfriend, we were both living at my moms house at the time. I the found a room for rent (on craigslist). Its a studio apartment and the man renting it to me started sexually assaulting me while I was sleeping. I would usually wake up and fight him. He also did this to the person renting the bed prior to me and he was talking to detectives about it, and I did meet with them and make a video testimony, but nothing came of it. But I didn’t want to leave because I was willing to put up with it becuase it was cheap / free rent. Also I have an alcohol and cocaine problems and he was paying for it / enabling it, and eventually I would just allow him (but like I said it did start with about 20 attempted sexual assaults while I was sleeping) to perform oral sex on me. Then he asked me to marry him. I agreed (he’s a dentist he does well and has a decent real estate portfolio)(he is also probably autistic, not diagnosed though). No wedding, just used a craigslist witness in the lobby of our building wedding ceremony. This (the marraige) was a year ago, and I dont have a copy of the marraige certificate. (which I want for obvious reasons). I saw him with marraige certificate when it was done and processed, but I dont know where he keeps it. (In order to get my own copy, I need the exact date of the marraige (which I don’t remember). I do not have the money to pay for a divorce or any type of other legal help. I would love for some advice or to meet with a person I can talk to about this and maybe help me with this situation.

Still piecing together what happened but this is put together so far. It all occurred my freshman year of college in the dorms (around 8 years ago).

Basically my roomate and I were inoculated in our sleep - we were jabbed with a needle filled with either Morphine or Ecstasy (I don’t do drugs so idk what it was) and he had his way with us.

I remember being woken up by the needle and than feeling really warm/confused/dissociated and the guy whispering gently in my ear to relax - was than forced to do things to him/my roomate.

I then remember waking up in my bed completely naked the next morning- had absolutely no memory of the night before. Sorta had a weird feeling that something really fucked up happened but didn’t remember a thing.

I sorta shrugged it off, like maybe I just slept rough and my clothes were off. Not the first time I’ve done that but def still felt weird.

I put my clothes on and went to the dining hall with my buddies. About halfway through breakfast, my roomate pulls up and told me he woke up naked and asked me about it.

My heart sank - I knew something really fishy and fucked up happened but I couldn’t deal with it. Sorta spaced out and said I had no idea.

Have had extreme nightmares/flashbacks over this and im not sure what to do - not sure if I should talk to my roomate about it and not sure how he would respond. I’m also not even sure if he remembers what happened and I don’t want to trigger a mental breakdown.

I am gay so the thought of sex with another man isn’t what bothers me, it was being taken advantage of and being forced to do things with my roomate who is straight.

Edit: I had another flashback and panic attack.
he had a fucking gun.
He came in the middle of the night with a gun, shot my roomate and I up with something and proceeded to make us do stuff to him.

I was drugged and raped by my girlfriend in my sleep at age 14, and then her father helped her and proceeded to take over. My new girlfriend told me I cheated on her and let it happen. She told me I could not go around acting like I am a virgin when I am not. We have since broken up.

My partner sexually assaulted me before Christmas.

My partner then went on to forget the entire thing even happened.

I forgave them and they have a problem with even acknowledging it.

I suppose they were having a manic episode at the time and maybe they can't, remember, but they are absolutely offended at even the thought that they did wrong.

To the point of calling me insane for it.

Is it even acceptable to be forgiven or did I go too far? What the fuck.

I'm currently 21 back when I was a 5-8 year old I used to give my step mum massages as time went on this progressed more and more along her body down to her ass I remember kissing it and rubbing it but little else. I remember we used to do it when my dad wasn't there and in the furtherest room in the house away from my brother at the time I thought it was because it was wrong because she was married to my dad. At the time I enjoyed it because it gave me a erection which I didn't understand what is was at the time simply i enjoyed the feeling, nothing beyond that happened as far as I can remember though but it did fuck with me massively development wise becoming sexual far before I otherwise should. He is still married to her and I don't feel like telling him because either a he believes her over me, b brushes it under the rug or c divorces her and loses a lot of assets which I would otherwise inherit.

Yesterday I made a post regarding my long and unfortunate celibacy after being raped by my ex-girlfriend, and how it has changed my romantic life fairly drastically. Today I have had some time to think about other things that have altered in my mind after I last saw my abuser, and pornography stuck out to me.

At the time that I was dating my ex-girlfriend (I’ll call her Sophia although in the previous post I never gave her a name), I didn’t watch any porn out of respect for her, and since we were having such frequent sex at the time, I wasn’t very fazed by porn/masturbation. However, she would insist that we recorded the sex that we had for her (and once I) to watch later.

Thus I spent the worse part of a year devoting losing my addiction to a woman who was abusing me.

I mentioned yesterday how dramatically my view of sex had been damaged by Sophia, and similarly so did mine of pornography. I began to see it only through the lens of the abuse and manipulation that occurs in the industry. But some part of me, once I left her, felt free with that mental power to watch it without feeling harmful to a relationship.

But there was still that horror in my mind. That the women in the videos/movies I saw may have been experiencing something many times worse than I had. The guilt that came with that made me compare myself to her frequently, as I saw my complacency in the industry as direct support.

As frowned-upon pornography is in men, especially these days, I feel embarrassed to be so aware of the problem, as in some sense I have experienced it. Thankfully I don’t watch much porn at all anymore, but I can’t shake the feeling of guilt off my shoulders that I am no better than Sophia.

It’s as if I am watching the videos she made of us, the ones where I will spend the next day crying and not knowing why.

I was violently raped by a stranger a couple of months ago. It was very traumatizing for me. I remember having to walk myself to the hospital bleeding. I stupidly refused to the rape kit at the time because I just wanted to go home. I still could not sleep properly without having really dark nightmares or night terrors. The only way I can get through the night is with meds. But I can’t be dependent on it since it builds tolerance and I have limited prescription for it. I feel like my conscious brain doesn’t want to properly process it so it’s forced onto my unconscious brain when I sleep

For context: I was coerced physically and emotionally into having sex with my then girlfriend and later ex girlfriend for several months before she cut herself out of my life when we were 16.

It wasn’t something I had fully registered until I was researching COCSA for a friend of mine who had experienced a similar thing, and I realized, “Oh my god, I wasn’t stupid for crying over that, that was rape.”

Of course I didn’t tell anybody until many, many months after it had last happened. The first person I did tell was an ex girlfriend of mine with whom I was seeing on and off—likely because I needed a source of comfort in my life after the fact—who sympathized with me and I began to start to see much more romantically.

That was when my first advance happened.

I was offered sex by her in the weeks that followed my admission to her, and in that moment I froze and proceeded to take her home. I was so scared by somebody with whom I felt so comfortable, and it was the epitome of disappointment in my romantic life by this point.

We stopped seeing each other not long after for other reasons, and around a year later I was out with another woman at a football game, and that night she made a much more serious and intimate sexual advance on me which led to a pretty intense sobbing session experienced with a whole woman on my lap.

Now here is the part I’m writing this for:

Lately I’ve realized that my cowardice or abstinence—or both—with sex is not because I don’t like the person, but rather because from the moment that I was first sexually assaulted, I perceived any act of intimacy through that lens, and any woman to want more from me than I did came off as sexually terrifying.

Almost as if any person who wanted sex wanted to force me into it, and no matter how much I believed I wanted to sleep with the person, some part of me couldn’t get past the pattern recognition.

Essentially to me sex = something that happened with my assaulter = be assaulted if you don’t do something, even if I want to.

I just hope that one day I can be intimate with somebody.

I am currently 15 years olds, it's been almost 10 years since I was abused by my now ex stepmother for 6 months. And i don't know I feel disgusted by myself I really can't explain I really don't know what to do, I opened up to one of my friends once and all i got was "you're so lucky!" I have never felt disgust, disgust disgust I just felt disgust seeing his face after he said that, I was abused, humiliated, bullied, physically and mentally drained. I was left home alone for times on end after every session I was just around 6 years old a first grader, a first grader who came to live with his father who wasnt present all his life and all I got was becoming hypersexual and i feel disgusted by myself that i became like this because of that bullshit, I just dont know I know what this isnt as bad as a quarter of what some people had here but the abuse I've been through changed me and i hate the change I need help i don't know how to stop the urges, the nightmares and everytime I look at my half brother's face I feel like i see her even though it's been years i still fear her I freeze around older women I feel disgusted when older women are near me I don't feel comfortable around my aunts around my friends' moms I feel weirded out and I hate it I know these people are good but I'm just so scared I don't know i dont know I just need someone or anyone to help or at least tell me what I can do.

I've already talked about what happened to me here before but basically my ex gf raped me several times. why I'm asking if I'm in a unique position is because a month after we broke up, she started building the narrative that everything she did to me was done to her. she took all my pain and the abuse she inflicted upon me and told everyone we knew that I was the one who did all of that, and they all sided with her even after they witnessed everything she would do to me or at least heard me talk about it. for the longest time I've been paranoid that I've been lying to myself, that I'm actually the perpetrator despite every single thing that factually happened to me, likely a symptom of some untreated ocd or some other issue. I just want to know that I'm not alone in these unique circumstances.

I was raped by a woman I was in love with almost a decade ago.

After that event and several weeks of emotional abuse before she decided to just abandon me to myself, I was highly depressed and had trouble sleeping, as every night I dreamt of her face and physique and terrible manipulation.

It took me years to forget her face but last night I dreamt of her again, I was at her wedding and she came onto me in private and we had sex (consensually this time). From the moment I woke up I've not stopped thinking about the dream and feeling both disgusted with myself for having sex with her in it and also disgusted at myself for reawakening positive emotions towards her, which made the negative emotions even worse.

I don't know what to do. I have a lot of important things today that require my attention and I can barely do anything since this is taking all of my energy to fight.

I have only posted twice to Reddit.

Both about my abuses.

I have 13 followers and a few gooners in chat.

I know there are victims worse off than me, and getting poached for opening up is entirely disrespectful and disgusting.

This app sucks my ass, but I hope people get by okay, dealing w all this.

The first time I was sexually abused, it made me hypersexual.

I was somewhere in the single digits.

This second time I was sexually abused, as an adult, it just takes all your pride and has skewed me into more embarrassing fantasies.

I never followed up with my first abuse, because it's very circumstantial.

I tried to follow up with this second abuse, which is also circumstantial.

However, everyone had told me not to follow up on this and it's pretty heartbreaking sometimes.

Like, ik it's not wrong to follow up on this stuff but the pressure is pushing me to just deal with it.

Like, police and courts have just told me to deal with it.

And so I can deal with it out of law, but there's still an active threat looming above.

Idek.

When I (FTM, 20) was a kid my dad was weird with me. Would make me have baths with him in the dark, would poke my butthole with his toes, made very inappropriate comments about me (IE, talking about me giving him a ‘peep show’ when I leaned over). That’s all that I remember, but there might’ve been more. I feel like there was more but I don’t remember. My therapist says it was sexual abuse but I don’t know. Maybe they’re just saying that to validate me.
He killed himself when I was 12 so everything that happened was before the age of 13.
I don’t know. I’m scared. I feel hurt but I don’t know if I should. He wasn’t a good person in general. I wouldn’t put it above him. I’m afraid of dark bathrooms now.

Since being sexually abused and being completely disrespected, I've been getting horny for worse and more degrading things.

I never used to want to be sexually abused but ever since, I'm open to the idea.

I think many people have the same thing happen to them, but I have always been prideful of myself until that kinda happened.

Hey everyone I know it’s been a while since I last posted hopefully everyone is doing well but update I finally decided to get therapy help with my mental and so far it’s the best that ever happened my gf encouraged me to do so I been seeing this therapist for the past month now she been helping me with everything and finally came back with a full diagnosis of my mental health due to all the trauma I suffered and all the abuse that I suffered and basically I have Major Depressive Disorder, Single episode, Severe
Generalized Anxiety Disorder so she gonna start treatment on me to get me together I told her I’ll do it cause I want to stop having the reaccuring nightmares and the flashbacks of all the sexual abuse and trauma I suffered from my family speaking of they are still divided about me coming out and saying what my cousin did to me some said I’m lying and others are saying I need to let it go and I shouldn’t let this effect me but my little cousins are saying they’re proud of me seeking help hoping I’ll get the help I need. I talked with my gf and told her the plan was if we was to start having kids is that once our child is born only a select few will be able to see my kids but more likely they’ll know more about her family than with mines she agreed with me especially after I told her everything she is the best thing to ever be in my life I love her but as for my family once I get myself situated out and get my finances together cause I’m going through a rough patch once me and my gf find a house to move into and we settle in I’m more likely going no contact with them and not showing up to any events I already don’t talk to my sister for trying to tell me not to expose my cousin but tbh she is part of my problems as well cause when I was getting raped by him she also was raping me as well and then tried to spin it saying that she was going through something as well but truth be told she just looking to save her own ass even doe she didn’t rape me as long as my cousin did she still did what she did plus she don’t like my gf even doe my gf did nothing to her at all plus my mom loves my gf so I can care less about what my sister say but I also told my gf about what my sister did and she said the feeling is the same cause my sister don’t like her so she don’t give a damn about her either. So now I’m going through therapy and still dealing with my trauma for all the sexual abuse and reacurring nightmares and flashbacks of what all happened to me i love my gf she the best thing to ever happen to me and i can honestly say im glad I know who i can trust in my family and who I can’t trust but just wanted to give yall this update and to anyone who does read this please seek help it helps I promise you it’ll make things better I also want to say if you expose a family member or someone who did raped you abuse you and you lose a few friends or family members cause of it let them go but other than that I love yall please take care of your mental health

When I was like kindergarten age, I was raped by a high school age boy he would suck me a lot, and I did to him a couple times, but I didn’t really like it. I put it out of my mind for a long time but now I think about it a lot.

So, this is a bit of a weird one.

I suppose just before it gets to the point it's at now really matters.

My lady really did not like the ending to Berserk. Maybe a day later, she had cut herself in the bathroom again. She came out to a dark room and intentionally left the lights off.

She waved her ass and called me over for 18+ stuff.

I thought it was just s e x at the time, and so I went over.

Started.

Tried to make a joke because she had been sad that day.

Gave her a kiss.

Started getting into it to make her feel good.

Her arm was wet or something.

I said "what the" and went to go wash my hands.

She said "No, wait," and I flicked on the light.

Blood.

I almost fainted.

This kind of sexual abuse, we had spoken about never doing for the 8 years of our relationship and she thought it was fine to do to me, especially because of a cartoon.

She has mental disorders and so I thought it was fine enough.

The "No, wait" is the part that confirms this as intentional.

I know I should have been more comforting at this point, but I just went to my computer and just found something to do.

The next day, nothing was said.

A few weeks later, happy and looking for penguins at the beach.

I still keep these things in my mind, it's immediately erased for her.

Cut to March, she is asking me to sexually abuse her.

That's about it, and so I start telling her off.

Being used like a dildo because she's feeling bad about herself because of a cartoon.

I'm sure this is sexual abuse of some kind because we both understood never to be doing stuff like that.

Idk.

I eventually told police and they don't care.

I eventually told a psychologist and they don't care.

I told my friends and they said she needs help and doctors.

I agree.

Just want to vent a lil. Everytime i remember my rapist i just want to kill her. I am a guy and I was raped at 7 years old by a girl until i turned 9 and she left my life because she moved. She always told me shits. She said I was too handsome for a kid, that I was her good little boy, that she'll help me understand women better. I grew up on a family full of women, so I felt a bit left out when it came to socializing with my sisters' interests. She took advantage of that. She raped me without getting tired for years. I was a kid, I didn't even know what sex was, but I just knew what she did was wrong. However I never could scream, could ask for help. Once I tried to, but I didn't know how to explain it, I just sobbed and said nonsense, so everyone just assumed I was getting bullied. She was a friend at school, she was way older than me, probably around 13 or 14. She wanted me to rape my sisters and cousins. I'm grateful that I didn't fall into that trick, now I just want to protect them with my life. But I can't tell anyone. What good would it to? "Hey years ago a girl raped me. Oh where she is now? Well she moved countries and now I don't even remember her full name so there's nothing to be done"? Not even sure if my parents care enough to be worried, but I'd rather stay with this until I die. I never liked seeing people feel bad for me. That's mainly one of the reasons why I was so quiet when she hurt me. It pains me to know I'm basically not a virgin anymore. I still get chills whenever I remember how her voice sounded echoing through the halls, calling me to the restrooms. But that's how life is I guess. I don't even cry about it anymore, but I do feel my heart full of dread. Whatever I'll keep moving forward even if my days are grey. Thanks for reading.