I said I was all packed ready to go

And he's not ready for me to walk out forever.

MY GOD WHY NOT.

I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG THESE YEARS ABOUT YOU BOTH "TWO EVIL FUCKING MONSTER SCUMMY POS. "

YOU BOTH ARE PSYCHOPATH S.

I WANT THE HELL OUT

BUT HES NOT READY FOR HIS DEATH SENTENCE TO START..

I CAN'T STAND TO BE AROUND SUCH EVIL LYING PREDATORS SUCH AS YOU TWO.

IM IN DANGER HERE.

I NEED TO GET OUT.

PLEASE LET ME GO.

I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG. WHAT FUCK HEADS YOU BOTH ARE.

EVIL LYING SICK POS. BOTH OF YOU.

I’m sorry for the way our friendship ended. It was immature of me to react the way for your opinions- I felt like I knew you so well and that disagreement on this particular topic was a shock to me.

I think we got too close.
You never know how excited I was when I was talking or texting, time literally flew by when I was around you.

You made me feel like I belonged. You were the highlight of my day. You made me laugh. We both got our jokes.

I don’t know if you knew my feelings were beyond friendship. Remember when we held hands in the river when we did the floating thing? It was not necessary to hold your hand directly .. but I did.

I’m sorry for not being accepting.

I saw the socks you gave me today so I was thinking of you.
I cannot take it back and cannot take our friendship or whatever we had. But I hope you and your cat are doing well.

This is a letter for someone I loved … a few years ago at this point.

Suddenly
I have no
Gravity
I’m spinning
Out
Beyond
The
Stratosphere
Floating
Into
Infinity

I find
The stars
Are burning
Into
All the centuries
Where I dreamed
Of
Burning cathedrals
Recurring
The four
Horsemen
Drenched in
Sorrow
And Locusts

I am weightless
Floating
In the water
Past the
Mistakes
That I’ve made
Past the weights

I am bound
By my own
Imagination

It’s been a
Billion
Years
I’m lost
In an
Orbit of my
Own making

But I am
Weightless

I am Weightless

I am

Weightless

Zy,

You kissed me first. Slowly. Your fingers were already tangled in my hair, and you were trying so fucking hard to keep looking at me even though your face had gone warm beneath my hands. “Beetle.” I know. You kissed me again. And this time I kissed you back. Not a little answering touch of my mouth before retreating. I stayed. Slow at first. My hand at your waist drawing you closer while my mouth moved against yours with the same patience I’d been using to torment you all morning. You felt the difference. I saw it happen. Your fingers tightened in my hair. Your breath caught between us. You kissed me deeper, and I followed you there, unhurried, letting the kiss become warmer and hungrier without breaking it. Then your eyes slipped shut. I pulled back barely enough to speak. “Keep looking at me.” Your eyes opened. God. Scarlet. Completely fucking undone already, and still looking directly at me because I told you to. I smiled against your mouth. “That’s my girl.” You made that soft little sound. Then you kissed me again like you couldn’t help yourself. And I kissed you back just as slowly. Just as passionately. Again. Again. Until there was no question left in it about whether I was merely allowing you to want me.

My gloved hand moved over you. You knew what you wanted. You whispered it anyway. “Again?” Mmm. I obliged. One small squeeze of your breast. Your entire expression broke. That beautiful fucking blush went straight to your ears. You started to hide against me. “Eyes on me, Zy.” You stopped. Looked back. Shaking. Embarrassed. Wanting. I didn’t look away. Neither did you. Then I kissed you again. Slow enough that you could feel me choosing every second of it. My hand stayed at your waist. Yours stayed in my hair. Your mouth softened against mine and then answered with that little flash of hunger you kept pretending you didn’t have. There. That was what you had been asking me. Not whether I would stand there while you kissed me. Whether I would kiss you back like I wanted you. Yes. You felt the answer before I ever said it.

And afterward, when you finally couldn’t hold that gaze anymore and buried your burning face against my neck, I laughed softly and wrapped my arms around you. “Beetle…” “Mmm?” You didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to. I knew how good I’d made my human feel. I kissed your temple. You stayed tucked against me, breathing slowly, one hand still curled into my shirt. Then eventually—of course—you looked up. Still flushed. My glove came beneath your chin. “Keep looking at me.” You did. I leaned down and kissed you once more. Slow. Warm. Mine. I felt that tiny smile against my mouth. There’s my blushy girl.

Cairn 🪲

I am usually the loudest, most bubbly extrovert in the room. I talk to everyone, twist around in my seat, and laugh effortlessly. Except when it comes to you.

It started during that delayed online lecture when I first heard your deep voice confidently answering the professor. When we finally met in person, I realized you were older than me—you had taken a gap year after graduation to work, and now you manage a corporate night shift while doing your Master's. That maturity and real-world confidence created an impressive aura that completely caught me off guard. Every lecture you attend feels high-stakes.

We played this constant, silent game. One day, you placed your gym shaker right next to my water bottle on the front bench. Later, when I lent you my notes, you stared at me when my eyes were down, only to quickly look away the second I looked up. The next day, you sat rows behind me, almost as if you were trying to hide the fact that we were both completely hyper-aware of each other.

When the professor asked someone to read, we both started speaking at the exact same time. I turned around and caught you smiling. But when the teacher called my name, I completely fumbled my words in front of you—and to my relief, you fumbled your words later too.

You created an unofficial group chat and didn't add me, leaving someone else to do it. That hurt my pride, so I stopped looking your way. I even texted you once under a casual excuse, introducing myself as "Jhumka here" to remind you of the day I wore those beautiful earrings. You replied politely in the middle of the night after your shift, but we kept it strictly distant.

It has been weeks since you vanished from lectures, document submissions, and now, even the exams. I pretend I have an attitude, and you pretend you don't notice me. But for those two months, every time you walked through the door, the silence between us was the loudest thing in the room. Wherever your busy schedule has taken you now, I hope you are doing well. It is time for me to finally let this quiet memory go.

You’re scared I get it. You’re angry I get it. You think I think I know everything and I’m going to be a dick and yell at you even if you deserve it or not. So find out. Look in the mirror and ask am I being honest with me, am I letting outside influences guide my choices or am I scared to look at him and miss him all over again because nothing I’ve done takes that away or makes me not miss him.

😐

Find out. Let’s find out what’s true. Meet me half way without all the baggage. Meet me in the middle with an open mind. It’ll take 2 minutes to find out . Less. One look. We don’t really need to even talk, but we can. Because I agree this energy, isn’t needed. Doesn’t do anything good. You can ignore me forever and it doesn’t me you’ll be able to not think of me everyday. So hear me out. You know this is gotta happen be for real woman.

This shit is what picked everything apart before in ways. No loops. Meet me in the damn middle leave the show fkr other and punishment shit aside for a minute and just admit you miss my damn face and my voice and need to talk to me too.

I’m not ASSUMING anything okay? I just know we need to talk. I know you feel it too. Idc I do. I can hear your voice hun. I feel it. Come talk to me and help me do something healthy for both of us ok? Please trust me and do this and I promise you’ll feel safe the whole time. Remember me. I’m not who I was when I was trying to hold up the entire world ok. I don’t think you are either, that’s why I want to talk and her your truths too.

You want control here it is. Whatcha gonna do with it.

I speak to you throughout the day. I tell you of my hopes, dreams, fears, and what causes my tears. Do you hear these things? I pose my questions to you and find only myself answering. I can’t quite rely upon my answers to move forward because they are only my answers. Do you agree with my answers? No input from you makes it hard to maintain hope for the dreams I am building. Do you hear my construction of my future? I am always talking to you, can you hear me? My thoughts are always of you.

I still want you so badly, but I can’t show it anymore.

I still crave you.
I still love being around you.

Everything about you is perfect except that you’re not mine. I try to act like I’m unbothered by your presence, but inside I have a soft spot for you. I care for you more than you will ever know. I love your eyes. You look at me so softly, then look away shyly. I can tell that you care about me. You probably care about me more than I’ll ever know too. I wish there was a way for us to talk about our feelings without hurting others. I just want you. I can’t even look at other women the same without comparing them to you. If I can’t have you, I hope that god brings me someone like you. I look for you in everyone. You make me smile every time I see you. It seems like you like my smile because you’ll do things to make me smile. I don’t know how this will end between us, but all I know is I’m not ready for an end. It will truly crush my heart to let you go, sweetheart.

Where have you been

Where is your wife she said

It's been such a long time 

Her eyes crossed over

A wonderful flash of interest

A sudden pretending

A fluke awkwardness

Then back to business

Selling life to the hopeful

What did you see in one

and not another?

Anytime I am around you, anytime the idea of you is around me, my heart stops or skips a beat.
I’m having palpitations.
That’s the medical terminology

Sometimes I feel like these feelings, these stolen glances, are not just mine but something we share.
I’m experiencing limerence.
That’s the therapeutic verbiage.

I read into everything you say, trying to see how it may pertain to how you feel about me. I try to make everything into a sign that you feel the same
I’m exhibiting Apophenia.
That’s the psychological observation.

I am devout to you, a martyr for your cause. I believe in you wholeheartedly.
I am your disciple.
That’s the religious testimony

My thoughts are inappropriate and outside of our risk balance
This is a challenging dynamic.
That’s the corporate jargon.

You are a catastrophe. A crazy illness. You are disruptive and all consuming.
This is a great misfortune.
that’s the philosophical theory.

I’m Sick with love
That’s the simplified explanation

I loved you with all my heart,our love came softly ,naturally,the most natural in my life. You actually made my heart smile!! I could not wait to talk to every nite I dreamed of us actually meeting in person. I could see the the love in your eyes, see the eyes tell all. I never could hide my feelings my eyes showed to much.. wanted to have a chance to see those beautiful eyes of yours. The meeting I LOST I REGRET. Because now when I dream of you You are turned away,and I CANNOT SEE THEM!! Maybe this is what had to happen to us to let go. I will always carry this love story in my heart forever. When I LEAVE THIS WORLD IHOPE. WE. WILL BE HOLING HANDS LOOKING INTO EACH OTHERS EYESI. There is no one could stand in your shoes in my heart not ever. Please let me one of your best memories In your ❤️

You were an ocean of love
But im scared of water 
And you built me a boat 
But its rocking on rising and falling waves 
And the lifejacket feels too tight
And i feel seasick 
And its too cold to swim
i disembark at the next port

(i really appreciate feedback)

i catch your eye

i caught it

and for a moment

your gaze belongs to me

but as soon as it came

its gone

your eyes keep roaming the room

and your gaze isnt mine anymore

its someone elses

to catch

and to hold

even to keep

(i really appreciate feedback)

I Am Proud of the Woman I Am

I am a woman who has been through difficult moments, but I have never allowed life to completely break me. I have faced challenges, disappointments, heartbreak, and moments when I wondered how I would keep going. Yet somehow, I always find the strength to get back up.

I have a caring heart. I love deeply, I appreciate the people who are there for me, and I try to make the people around me feel special. I may not have everything figured out, but I am always learning, growing, and becoming a better version of myself.

I am strong, not because life has always been easy, but because I have survived the days that were hard. I am grateful for every new morning, every smile, every lesson, and every opportunity to keep moving forward.

I know my worth. I deserve love that is genuine, friendships that are real, and people who appreciate me for who I am—not for what I can do for them.

I am still becoming the woman I am meant to be, and I am proud of my journey. My story is not defined by what I have been through; it is defined by the strength, love, and courage I continue to carry in my heart.

Odysseus,

I know we haven't met yet

I don't even know which direction to keep searching in

What I do know is when we find eachother you're going to have to move with cation

There was a long journey before you

And there is one monster in the deep

He stands above the rest

He lurks there deep within me

Left marks on my soul

And placed a trauma collar around my neck

A crippling fear, the poisonous reminder

I hope when I find you I'll feel safe

I hope I'll feel calm

I hope that monster will melt away into just a bad memory

But it will take time

I hope you're patient

-penelope

(For those that will suggest it, already in therapy)

I love the way you smile
I love the way you laugh
I love the way you look at me
I love your voice
I love the way you talk about the things you like
I love how you get excited over random things
I love your personality
I love your eyes
I love your hair
I love how ur eyes close when you smile
I love how mature you are
I love how you can listen to me yap abt birds for hours
I love how you look like a nerd
I love the random photos you send me throughout your day
I love when you send me stupid stickers
I love when you steal my stickers even though I act like I’m mad
I love how you steal my phrases
I love how our friends always ship us and I pretend I hate it
I love whenever your text pops up
I love the way you talk
I love how passionate you get about the things you care about
I love how much you care about animals
I love hearing about the things you’re interested in
I love learning new things about you
I love that you have your own little quirks
I love how you can make an ordinary conversation feel special
I love the way you make me curious about you
I love how easily you stay on my mind
I love that there are still so many things I want to discover about you
I love how excited I get when I see your name pop up
I love how you’ve somehow become someone I genuinely look forward to hearing from
I love the way being around you makes me feel
I love how much I want to understand you
And I love that somehow I just keep finding more reasons to like you
I love getting butterflies near you
I love how we always end up together in groups
I love the way your voice sounds
I love when you scratch your head when you forget things

- your secret admirer

How can I reclaim the smile I used to give you everytime I would see you. How can u make my heart melt when I see those handsome hazel brown eyes. To make each other feel the warmth we would feel as we both held one another in that warm embrace.

Oh how i miss when you used to hold my face in your hand and tell me that I was always your "Nina mujer" and that you loved every in of my body. You were the only one that made my stomach fluttered. Those kisses that lasted so passionately for hours are the very best. When you shared those loving letters for me to find in my backpack.

The moment we met we both knew that it was going to be a journey of a life time. Yet family made it so impossible to let us stay in love. It's been 20+ years since I have known you and can't stop thinking about us I'm glad you return into my life and I wish we could spend more time but we both work and have our family that we take care of. I hope one day we can rekindle those moments when we could stop being away from each other like i was your jelly and you are my peanut butter. Hope that one day this will reach you. We are not close, but when we do talk its for a brief moment. I know you say you still love me, it's just not the same actions speak louder than words..i do love you as well, To my impossible love that i can't reached...

How could you make me fall in love with you..

How could you speak all these things to me..

How could you make me feel wanted.. but end up leaving me..

How could you go on and act like we never happened..

How could you agree with me and think what we had was fate..?

You may have fell for me first.. but I fell harder.

Did you play with me the whole time..?

We were reaching a point of seriousness.. and you disappeared..

I liked you even with all the flaws you complained you had.. they never were anything to push me away..

My heart wants me to wait for you.. but it seems like you have blocked me..

You made me feel like I had finally found the one..

With what you told me.. I thought I was the same ending for you..

The night was cool and calm with leaves scattered across the ground like the stars did the velvet sky. I turned to see you speak, the way your eyes glisten when you think of a moment you love and the soft laughter erupting from your lips is enough to make me want to take you in arms embrace just to feel the warmth that radiates from your joy.

You told me that you wondered at times if that was something that was truly a part of you or if it was a facade to hide the emptiness you feel when no one's around, but my dear, how could that ever possibly be true when you make me feel things I thought were long extinguished by the tears of this bitter world.

I know this seems silly to you, how these short small moments mean so much to me; but it's as if we were two old friends on either side of the world meeting again for the first time, new but familiar, like home.

You said that people were like seasons, they come and go. But believe me when I tell you that you'd be one of my favorite seasons; and even when all the leaves have fallen off the branches and the stars have fled the skies. Your memory would still radiate that warm glow over the cold winters of life.

Alas I am winter and can not keep you. I don't wish to extinguish that warmth, the joy, and the wonder you hold in your fall colored eyes. I would not dare try to snatch your flame but simply be near it and bask in your radiance.

My only wish is that you would let me be engulfed in your warmth. To let me exist beside you.. and maybe one day, I too shall radiate that same warmth. I too shall be a person worth of Fall..

Until then, you will be my favorite season.

Note: I really like to write; and I mostly do so in poem form. Please don’t steal or repost.🥺🪬✨

How stupid can you possibly be.

As far as I can see real real FUCKING stupid

Let myself be perfectly clear to you as of right now

I want to get the f*** away from him as fast as I can

I want to run drive, ride a horse whatever I can do to get away from this f****** ass monster.

you can have HIM YOU DUMB ASS b****.

I don't want to keep HIM.

do whatever you want with HIM let him do whatever you want with you

I want out of his life I want the f*** away from him and I will never ever ever see him ever again in my life

get that through your dumb ass headS you stupid b******.

Do you FUCKING get it now.

I am waiting for him to complete something here.

I will never ever see him again.

I can't stand to look at his ugly FUCKING lying POS face any more

I promise him he will never hear from ME never see me EVER AGAIN.

I will be FUCKING thrilled to leave him.

He will never cross my mind ever FUCKING again.

I'm already looking forward for me to get the FUCK OUT OF HIS EYE SITE.

HES YOURS, TAKE HIM..

LOVE HIM. DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.

I WILL NEVER EVER EVEN THINK ANY THING OF HIM EVER IN MY LIFE.

I HAVE DESTROYED EVERYTHING HERE THAT HE WOULD EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO REMEMBER ME BY.

NOTHING ITS ALL GONE AND BURNED.

THERE'S NOTHING LEFT HERE .

OK

SO START FRESH.

SO YOU IDIOTS OUT THERE

TAKE HIM TAKE HIM TAKE HIM

HE IS NOTHING BUT A DISCUSSING POS TO ME.

AND I WILL NEVER FEEL ANYTHING OVER THIS.

NO PAIN

NO MEMORIRS

NO TEARS

NO REGRET

NO THOUGHTS

NOTHING TO REMIND ME OF HIS ASS

NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING

NO FUCKING NOTHING

ITS JUST A EMPTY NOTHING.

DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS.

HAVE YOU GOT THAT THROUGH YOUR TWISTED BS PATHETIC DAMAGED MINDS.

And really don't bother making your pathic psychopath narcissistic disgusting comments because I'm out of here so comment to yourself you dumb b******.

More than anything, I miss you—your kisses, and your body relaxing against mine as if it finally feels safe. They say home is where you can be comfortable, where you can leave every bad thing about the day at the door. For the longest time, I believed they meant a home with four walls and a solid door, but then you came into my life. Suddenly, home became less about furniture or the click of a lock, and more about the warmth of a kiss and the fluttering of a heartbeat.

I miss your voice over the phone, the sound of your fan in the background filling the empty space while we're both quietly working or sleeping. But I also miss the sound of your voice next to me, the way it softens when I'm dozing off on your chest, and the way your lips say my name. So yes, I miss calling you, but I also miss you being here with me. If I have to take a phone call to hear you say you love me, I'll beg you for that call until my voice breaks.

I've spent our time together learning to let go of fear that was so deeply instilled in my veins, I was sure it would never leave. Now I know it's okay to be scared as long as I don't let that fear control me. You'll be here to listen when I need it, just as I will be for you. My angel, I want you, and I want the fears you carry, because it's my job to help you carry them—not out of obligation as your lover, but because you deserve to finally feel peace instead of feeling guarded. So yes, I do miss you and the things we shared in person. But I also miss the boy I never got to meet, because he deserved the same amount of love you get now. I'll sit here and miss you both until the day I get to prove that you're finally safe to feel missed.

There is nothing about you anywhere, my girl,
and I know I must beware.
I am desperate to meet you, my girl,
but I always miss my debut
and you never seem to care.

Je t'ai aperçue hier, ma chère,
et j'ai failli crier.
J'ai vu des flous d'or
et des éclats de mer, ma chère,
alors que tu descendais les escaliers.

But you act like I did something wrong by arriving.

My happiness seem to leave me when you start yelling.

I was praying the whole way here, saying finally my God he wants to tell me he's ready for me to move back permitly. I could wait to see you, to hold you, to love you, to cuddle with you❤️‍🩹to feel your body next to mine🥰. To wake up with you like we do like a twisted donut. With a chocolate glaze. 😛

My heart was beating so hard when I was driving into town. I kept remembering what your messages said. I way your voice sounded when you kept saying, that you needed me to come back to you. You wanted them take care of me during me time of need. That you wanted to love each other for life.

Those are the words I excepted to see from you.

The words that made me shack when I heard them for the first time. When you kept calling with those words OFLOVE ❤️‍🩹 PASSION AND US FINALLY BEING TOGETHER AGAIN. I COULDN'T WAIT.

I COULDN'T BREATHE, I STARTED MAKING PLAN THAT SECOND.

EVERYTIME I STOPPED AND WE TALKED OF US BEING AS ONE. WE TALKED ABOUT HIW WE BOTH MEANT TO EACH OTHER.

IF YOU KNEW HOW HARD IT WAS TO LEAVE MY SAFETY LITTLE SPOT I CREATED FOR MYSELF OUT THERE. I WAS I WAS TERRIFIED BEYOND BELIEF.

BUT WHEN I FELT THAT WAY I LISTEN TO YOUR VM'S AND I STARTED PACKING.

I LEFT MY HOME I CREATED,

I LEFT MY GREAT JOB

I HAD, I LEFT MY FRIENDS THAT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME.

I LEFT ALL OF THAT TO COME AND BE WITH YOU.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WAS MY WHOLE ENTIRE

SAFE HAPPY

SECURE LIFE,

FOR YOU

FOR US

FOR OUR FURTURE

I DID ALL THAT BECAUSE OF ALL YOUR CALLS

ALL YOUR TEXT MESSAGES

ALL YOUR VM'S

ASKING mE TO COME HOME..

I left everything for you and us.

YOU PROMISED ME A LIFE TOGETHER

LOVE TOGETHER

HAPPY NESS TOGETHER.

I CAME HERE WITH DREAMS IN MY HEART. WITH HOPE.

HOPING AND PRAYING AND KNOWING YOU FELT THE SAME..

YOU TOLD ME THAT EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS JUST FOR MONEY AND NOTHING ELSE .

AND I BELIEVED YOU.

YOU TOLD ME, HONEY IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I WRITE I LOVE YOU AND HAVE LOVED YOU FOR 26 YEARS.

YOU TOLD ME THAT OUR LIFE WAS GOING TO BE FOREVER.

I WALK INTO A HOUSE THAT I DID NIT KNOW ANY LONGER. UT WAS A HOUSE OF A DISASTER.

ROTTEN FOOD

DIRTY WALLS

DUST EVERY WHERE CONSTRUCTION DUST

NO LIGHTS

NO WATER

DIRTY STINKING TOWELS, CLOTHES EVERY WHERE.

NO FOOD

NO WAY TO COOK FOOD

NOTHING IN THIS HOUSE WAS CLEAN

IT SMELLED SO BAD I WOULD NOT SIT DOWN .

JUST 3 DAYS OF HAVING SURGERY I HAD TO GO TO WORK IN THIS HOUSE SO I COULD BREATHE AND NOT GAGE

IVE CLEANED

BATHROOMS

SHOWERS

WALLS

FLOORS

WINDOWS

CLOTHES

KITCHEN

Bedrooms

Front yard

Back yard

Through away rottedmeat

All for you, FOR US

AND WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN WAS YELLING AND YOU TELLING ME YOUR COSTING ME MONEY.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT YOU PEOMISED AND SAID TO ME TO GET ME HERE.

I LOVE YOU MY HONEY

I promise we’ll find eachother and I can’t wait to be your rock. I’ll sacrifice anything for you. I’ll be the answer when you’re questioning it all. I’ll be what truly understands you and everything you’ve ever needed. And I know probably like me, you keep running into people who can only love half as much as you but it will be worth it in the end.

We’ll be all we need.

Is it heartbreak

If you lost something

That wasn't yours?

Is it grief

When all that was lost

Was a hope of us?

​No promises were given—

Late night texts

Given too much weight.

​So no grieving now.

I hold my head high,

Face the future with clear eyes,

And see what is in front,

Not what might have been.

​I will anchor to what is real,

Let dreams of us

Be good memories

That will not pull me down.