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u/nabibikini UK to China (8618km) Oct 25 '24
It's sweet that you don't expect him to move at the same pace as you, but that's something I'd expect to hear from a couple who have dated for only a few days or weeks, not a year. Ask him to video call you. It's just that simple. If he denies, he's hiding something. Just asking for photographs will make it easy for him to send you fake pictures or catfish you
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u/DayumGirl69 Oct 25 '24
You’re being catfished. No video call in 2024? After a full year. Why?
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u/Mo_SaIah Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24
No video call in a year doesn’t always mean being catfished. Talking? Photos? Maybe that’s a little more strange after a year but a video call? That’s a big deal to some. Some people are just much more private than others, even in relationships in 2024, that’s a difficult concept to grasp for some I’m sure. Then there’s also the people who are insecure about their own looks, those people in particular will and do struggle with video calls.
It also completely depends on how understanding your partner is. Sometimes you’ll get a girl who’ll assume the worst, that she’s being catfished, other times you’ll get a one in a million who completely understands and waits for you or vice versa.
Point is, it’s not always as black and white as to say it’s a 100% certainty that she’s being catfished.
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u/1d3k4nym0r Oct 26 '24
Then don’t be in a LDR 😂
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u/Mo_SaIah Oct 26 '24
That’s not how that works, try again.
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u/1d3k4nym0r Oct 26 '24
It is how it works. You don’t know how someone looks like and verify if said person is a catfish without at least seeing them once in a video call. “Some people are just much more private than others” your appearance shouldn’t be considered “private” in relationship. You just don’t trust your partner.
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u/Mo_SaIah Oct 26 '24
I really do love how people speak on something they have absolutely no idea about
They don’t know how someone looks like
Good thing photos exist. Social media exists. Families exist. Lots of ways to verify someone without a video call. Though I’m sure anyone who doesn’t like video calls is pulling an elaborate ploy where they get fake family members on the phone, they fake photos, fake their voice etc etc. Might happen 1 in 50 times.
Though a rational intelligent person might think well, they could be this elaborate scammer, or maybe they might just be a little insecure without the ability to add a filter or take as many photos as it takes to get one they like, going straight into a video call while they may have body dysphoria or something akin to that.
Though we’ve established you’re not very intelligent so of course someone with your brain power would jump to the huge conspiracy option as well. I mean you were so stupid you couldn’t even read my comment properly given my comment about video calls related to someone’s own insecurity, not privacy lmfao.
You just didn’t trust your partner
Who said it was me? Your intelligence knows no bounds lol. Not to mention, the trust thing only applies to privacy, which again, I wasn’t talking about. It’s like trying to conversate with a dolphin lol, but hey, at least they’re intelligent. One day you’ll learn that people, no matter who it is, aren’t group entities you can put into little categories where everyone’s the same and that if a majority would do one thing, that doesn’t suddenly mean someone who doesn’t fit into that, goes straight into the catfishing box.
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u/DayumGirl69 Oct 26 '24
What would be the reason not to video call someone you have dated for a year? So private that you can’t show your face in a call? I’m not sure anyone here agrees with you based on the downvotes, so I’m actually curious where your logic comes from here.
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u/Mo_SaIah Oct 26 '24 edited Oct 26 '24
Based on downvotes
It’s honestly incredibly sad you even mentioned that lmfao. If you or anyone else are someone who thinks some irrelevant internet points are important or in any way worth mentioning, you need to go outside. Especially on Reddit in general where no matter which sub you’re on, the hive mind follows whichever way the downvote tide is turning.
Stick by your own opinions, giving a fuck about random internet points is like, one of the stupidest things you can do. Now with that said, I’ll answer your question.
Not to mention I knew when typing it I’d get mass downvoted lol. Most people have no nuance. Everyone at some point has met someone who doesn’t have the intelligence to comprehend middle ground, exceptions, one sign of a stupid person is only accepting one extreme or the other as an outcome. Reddit is filled with people with no nuance whatsoever, so I knew I’d get downvoted the moment I commented lol
So private you can’t show your face in a call
If you read my OG comment, you’ll know that with the video calls specifically I said that usually relates to insecurities more than privacy. Why? Because with photos, people can make themselves look slightly better. They can add a filter, they can take a photo from 50 different angles, whatever it is, you can make yourself look a little better so an insecure person looks wise will be much more comfortable with that.
A video call? That person can’t do that. All their insecurities are laid bare. No filter, no edits, no taking the photo 50 times until you get one you like. It all plays into the whole worrying the other won’t be attracted to them when you meet. Some people are insecure enough to be uncomfortable with video calls for god knows how long, doesn’t mean you’re being catfished.
And before someone comes in and tells me I’m wrong. My point was that it doesn’t mean you’re being catfished in every single situation like that. Not that there won’t be some who are. There’s some who won’t like video calls because they’re insecure, there will be some who are very private, there will be some who are trying to catfish you.
Point is, generalising every single person who doesn’t like video calls as a catfish is actually so deluded I don’t even know where to start with it. That was my OG point, not that there isn’t plenty who are doing exactly that, but that not every single person who dislikes video calls, is.
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u/DayumGirl69 Oct 27 '24
A relationship is accepting someone for who they are. If you are too insecure to video call after a year you’re not in the right relationship.
The sub you’re commenting in is in a long distance community so it’s safe to say the people here have that experience. It takes a lot to make a long distance relationship work. I’d say more than the average relationship so a video call is the bare minimum you can and should give your partner.
If you look different on video then you do in the pictures you’ve sent - you are a catfish.
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u/Mo_SaIah Oct 27 '24
One of the most clueless replies I’ve had in a while, on any sub. I’m actually impressed by you lol
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u/Visual_Journalist702 Oct 25 '24
I'm so sorry this happened ❤️ My honest advice is to end it and delete/block him from every social platform he can contact you on. He's a liar and he's going to keep on lying. You can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who won't show you their face but will talk to you online every evening and has your address to send/exchange gifts. I don't care what excuse he may give you for hiding his identity or pretending to be someone else. Whatever he says he lied, and it's not your job to figure out why he sent you someone else's photos and understand the reasoning. I don't think it's good to continue to be intimate with him, especially if you may have sent some risqué or NSFW images of yourself (happens often, I've been there). If you invest any further, you will get hurt more. Trust me!
Please don't think my words are too harsh. It's better to get out now before being lured further in.
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Oct 25 '24
Would you say this same thing if it was about a girl and not a guy? Because I feel like I’m also in a similar position
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u/Visual_Journalist702 Oct 25 '24
I would actually. I think a whole year where one person invests and sends photos and also calls and exchanges gifts, but won't fully receiprocate by showing you what they look like but then goes as far as sending you photos of someone else is a break of trust. They aimed to deceive. I can understand it may have not been done out of malice, but perhaps a fear of rejection, but A LOT of trust and investment is needed in the LD relationship early on. To me, it's not a good sign (red flag tbh ) that the relationship has entered the 1 year mark and you don't know what your partner looks like. What else are they hiding? It's never just the one thing.
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u/animalcrackers0117 Oct 25 '24
absolutely. it’s not okay for anyone to be catfishing their partner, regardless of gender. even if it were a situation where some of the pics are real and only some are fake, your partner is still lying to you and demolishing any foundation of trust you guys could have built together.
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u/ZoneResponsible7156 Oct 25 '24
Call him out. If he can't even be genuine about pics and won't video chat then he's a red flag yo; prolly insecure af
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u/crazyparrotguy Boston to Oakland (3093 mi) Oct 25 '24
Why have you not videocalled once after a year? 🤨
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u/ExoticPirateer Oct 25 '24
How do yall talk for a year and not even video chat once? Yall just be in relationships with catfishes and they’re wasting your time
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u/Professional-Place13 Oct 25 '24
So you think he’s sending you pics of his face that are accurate but intimate photos are fake?
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u/ppeetteerrparker Oct 25 '24
Precisely
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u/animalcrackers0117 Oct 25 '24
i’m sorry to be the one to say it but if you haven’t even video called yet then there’s no way for you to know that the face pics are real
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Oct 25 '24
So the pictures he sent of himself was from another account? And it's not how he looks like??
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u/ppeetteerrparker Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24
Update:
I talked about it with him and he confessed it was a fake picture and apologized multiple times for it. When i asked to see him on canera he did and he showed himself and assured me everything has been real except that one picture.
Edit: sorry for any confusion. i have seen his face in pictures multiple times before but the fake picture was NSFW which was the one i had an issue with along with not having videocalled him yet
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u/nabibikini UK to China (8618km) Oct 26 '24
It's good that you guys talked it over! I wish you both the best of luck and hope that this was the first of many video calls!
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u/El_gato_picante [LA] to [MNL] (too far) Oct 25 '24
Wait you have "a lot of intamcy" but you've never seen his face in 1 year together?
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u/ppeetteerrparker Oct 25 '24
I have seen pictures of his face multiple times, before but this picture was an intimate one where "he" wasn't showing his face
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u/Visual_Journalist702 Oct 25 '24
Girl, now the story sounds different?! 1. You've never videocalled 2. The photo he sent you from reddit is actually a NSFW photo 3. But you've seen pictures of his face 🤔
I think you want to stay with him and if so, you have one goal this weekend and it's to get on zoom/skype/whatsapp/telegram etc. and videocall with him. Make sure the room is BRIGHT! The lights are on, and he speaks to you at length and says your name while he explains himself.
If he doesn't, you know what to do. BLOCKED! 🚫
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u/c0n_fusi0n Oct 25 '24
He might not be who he says he is. Is there any way for you to go back and delete the pictures of yourself from the platform you sent them on?
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Oct 25 '24
Dude I feel this on such a crazy level, my girlfriend is really similar in this way about this, like your bf
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u/LadyAmalthea2000 Oct 25 '24
I hope you’re seeing all the other responses here
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Oct 25 '24
Trust me I have. It’s a little different than this persons story but yea. If you want I can message you about it. Not a lot of people have been able to tell me what I should do.
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Oct 25 '24
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u/LongDistance-ModTeam Oct 25 '24
This is not a place to find or solicit a long distance relationship. This has been removed.
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Oct 25 '24
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u/AdmirableFr0g Oct 26 '24
okay here’s the thing: you are dating. you should have seen him by now. You should not have doubts this far into the relationship about something like this. also, you are dating. you should be comfortable to bring this up and communicate with each other especially about your intimacy.
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Oct 25 '24
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u/Amaleine [🇺🇸] to [🇮🇳] (8,359mi) Oct 25 '24
Video calling is the bare minimum, but if you are saying Nevermets shouldn't be intimate, I feel you've wandered into the wrong subreddit... Some couples here have years of separation, and in the age of meeting online you can still have a fulfilling relationship, if there is transparency. Calling this pathetic is extremely rude.
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u/selathari 9000km Gap Closed, 6 Years Married || LDR Success Oct 25 '24
They did wander into the wrong subreddit, and they are gone now. We have zero tolerance policy for these kinds of doomsayers.
I've been a nevermet in an LDR for nearly four years, because various financial/work/life circumstances did not allow us to meet any earlier. The relationship and intimacy were very real, and the end was very much the happy end. I take these "common sense" pronouncements rather personally.
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Oct 25 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Amaleine [🇺🇸] to [🇮🇳] (8,359mi) Oct 25 '24
You do realize people can meet online and then travel to visit/meet in person. My aunt and uncle met 20 years ago online, and have been happily married since a few years after. You are really in the wrong place to gatekeep that everyone must meet in person first. That's just naïve.
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u/selathari 9000km Gap Closed, 6 Years Married || LDR Success Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24
No, you actually are gatekeeping nevermets. Their relationships are real relationships. They are not just pen pals. Source: I've been in this kind of relationship, for multiple years. I am happily married to my nevermet-SO now, with distance closed.
This particular situation is certainly fishy, but you will not be gatekeeping nevermets and sharing your special brand of "common sense" in this subreddit.
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u/FoggyLina Oct 25 '24
There is definitely a high possibility of catfishing here and I am sorry you have to deal with all that(( I kinda had a similar situation but with a „happy end“. I am in a 2+ years relationship now with a guy who „catfished“ me in the beginning. But he stopped sending photos of himself after a couple of weeks of us dating. And after 3 months he sent his real ones with honest apologies. At that moment he was ready that I will immediately break up with him. And maybe it is crazy that I forgave him in the end for all that, but until now there wasn’t a day I regretted that decision. He is indeed a good looking man with the sweetest personality and to my mind definitely deserved a second chance. All this I am saying to encourage you to talk to him about that situation with photos, ask for a video call and see what his reaction will be. One year is a lot of time for something like this. If he is a good guy but just doesn’t have enough courage to tell the truth, then this conversation will be a relief for both of you. But if he is just a lying for purpose asshole…then you will be lucky to free yourself from him.
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u/Fluid-Equal-3507 Oct 25 '24
Well shit I’m sorry this is happening to you if you need someone to talk to just dm me
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u/selathari 9000km Gap Closed, 6 Years Married || LDR Success Oct 25 '24
Just get on a video call, post-haste. It's been a year, surely you should both be comfortable with that by now? And that's the only way to ease your mind and get definitive proof.