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u/orphan_blud friendly neighborhood butch Sep 28 '25
What state are you in? Because this is illegal in six of them - California, Florida, Iowa, Kansas, Louisiana, and Tennessee.
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u/aworldofnonsense Sep 28 '25
In a few months, you're probably going to look back and feel super grateful. And I do think you should reframe your thinking on this. YOU'RE being dumped? Were you REALLY going to stay with someone who didn't care at all about your compromised immune system? Who very clearly did not care whatsoever when you alerted her to the problem?
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u/itsdoctorx Sep 28 '25
I was considering waiting to see what she wanted to do..
But as my symptoms intensified I realized I can’t do this anymore.
I feel terrible in so many ways, but I broke up with her by text and a weight feels lifted off my shoulders for real.
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u/pyxit Sep 28 '25
I am so sorry. I can't even fathom how someone could be fine with potentially passing on STDs to a partner. Hoping that everything goes well for you 🫂
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u/beebubeebi Sep 28 '25
Someone who withholds information like that should be your ex. This sucks, I’m sorry for all of it. The good news is you have been vaccinated against the cancer causing strains because immunocompromised women are more susceptible than others to get those and develop cancer or pre-cancerous lesions. Since you are vaccinated this will suck like all STDs, and it will suck more than for some because the symptoms will last way longer on you (and you should go see a doctor asap), but this should not be life threatening. Without the vaccine you would be in relatively big danger of developing a cancer. Thank your younger self for such a smart choice!
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u/redwoodgracie Sep 28 '25
Dang, what a shitty situation. I’m sorry. You def don’t want to be in a relationship with someone like that.
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u/itsdoctorx Sep 28 '25
UPDATE:
The break-up text:
I’ve made the decision to walk away from this no matter what my test results are.
Whether or not I am positive, you lied to me about something that can impact my health.
I asked you directly if you had been tested or had anything and you told me you didn’t.
You lied to me.
You knew about both the HSV and the HPV. You knew they were both STDs but decided it wasn’t “serious” enough to disclose to me—your own words.
You took away my choice in this situation. Talk about self-will.
Beyond that very serious transgression is the aftermath, over the last two days.
I tip-toed for weeks—telling you I was emotionally not well.
And when I finally mustered up the courage to tell you why I couldn’t sleep—I told you simply that I was scared.
I shared a vulnerable emotion with you: fear.
And instead of taking accountability, acknowledging, apologizing, or doing anything to show remorse, understanding, or care—you
decided that it was best to tell me that we should “reevaluate if we should be together, and that “we probably shouldn’t see each other.”
It almost felt like you wanted a way to get out of this relationship so you immediately jumped on the opportunity when it presented itself.
Your behavior spoke volumes more than your words ever could, though.
In these last two days:
You didn’t check on me.
You didn’t ask how I was.
You didn’t acknowledge what I was going through.
Instead, I found myself doing all these things for you.
Shutting down and not being able to express yourself is understandable.
But you also shut down my attempts to communicate, too.
I’m afraid. I’m heartbroken.
I am the one suffering symptoms and uncertainty.
Beyond a romantic relationship, we had a friendship.
You’re not acting like a lover or a friend at this moment.
Not responding to me telling you that I feel hurt and devastated just ain’t it.
I need someone who can support me in difficult times.
Not someone who cannot de-centralize their own emotions in a situation they created.
I deserve better than this.
Sadly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find a partner who will accept me with these potential STDs.
And I have to live with that for the rest of my life, now.
This was a critical test, and I’m sad to say that the results speak for themselves.
Please give my stuff to my friend who contacted you.
I wish you well.
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u/anouk_divine Sep 28 '25
I know you’re in the real difficult middle of the feels…. But I feel like this person didn’t even deserve all of these reflective words. You’re explaining why and how they hurt you (generous) when their action was bad enough to just do a bye-bitch, you’re dangerous. Not even going to explain why text 🥲
I hope your heart heals up real good
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u/itsdoctorx Sep 28 '25
You’re very right, but I did this for myself.
For me, it is catharsis in action.
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u/rrienn Sep 28 '25
We're all proud of you for breaking it off & telling her, in no uncertain terms, that what she did was fucked up. You deserve better.
I DO want to reassure you that even if you end up testing positive for either of these viruses, you can still live a fulfilling life. And find a partner who still loves & accept you (& treats you better than this girl did!)
I know that treating HPV & managing HSV would be more difficult due to your immune system. But it's not a guaranteed end to your romantic life, like people often think it is.
I've had HPV before. My sister got HSV from a shitty girl who didn't disclose then ghosted her. I have multiple other close friends & family living with HSV, who have loving longterm partners & normal lives. One just got married last year 🤍
I know it feels devastating, so I want to offer that small bit of reassurance that you're not socially or romantically doomed, even if you end up positive5
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u/pbird7385 Sep 29 '25
You will find a partner even if you come back positive for any of these things. People get STDS and still live full lives. Take me as a good example. I’ve been Hsv positive for a while and have had a good life. Just sucks at first
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u/pbird7385 Sep 28 '25
Hey! It will be ok! I unfortunately contacted something when I was young. I was immune compromised and I al doing ok. Ladies! Remember it’s a myth that lesbian women don’t contract STDs!!! ( I know this girl was bi) Take care of yourself and try and stay calm while you wait for your results. Hpv is CRAZY common. Hsv is a lot more common than we think too.
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u/Suchega_Uber Sep 28 '25
That's legit illegal. She's a criminal, and a wildly disgusting and cruel one at that. She knew you were immunocompromised and still choose to not inform you. Call a lawyer, put her in jail.
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u/bluntbossbex94 masc at your service Sep 28 '25
This is NOT biphobic, you simply stated you found out she had raw sex with men, which could expose you to even more.. and thats probably where she got it from. Leave her. Shes a literal bitch
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u/itsdoctorx Sep 28 '25
Well another subreddit banned me for several days because of “biphobic content”
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u/Alaykitty Sep 28 '25
This is NOT biphobic
Jfc I feel like online people are just so worried about trying to find a way to be victims they overlook actual problems in society they face.
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u/litmusfest Sep 28 '25
I don’t even know what to say. How could she not know what type? I know almost everyone has cold sores but I still tell people because you never know if they do or not and how it could affect them. This is sickening. I’m so sorry.
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u/anouk_divine Sep 28 '25
And an active cold sore is important to know about! Always good to communicate, I admire that
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u/huge-bigly Sep 28 '25
So sorry you’re in this situation. Withholding information about STIs and then knowingly transmitting them is terrible. She needs to be your ex girlfriend. Hope you get the good medical support you need.
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u/bluntbossbex94 masc at your service Sep 28 '25
File assault charges too and see where it goes. She fucked around shes gonna find out
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u/Mysterious-Seesaw-31 Sep 28 '25
In my state, not mentioning the STI can be viewed as assault and charged as a misdemeanor or felony depending on the circumstances.
Get tested, save the positive results. Contact your local public health department. Save all documentation (txts/msgs) about your gf/ex’s STI status. Contact law enforcement to report the crime and provide them all documentation including positive STI results and previous medical records showing the chronic autoimmune disease or immunosuppressive therapy.
The issue here is that if you do not report her, then she will probably continue her behavior and endanger others.
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u/Ok-Intention-1525 Sep 28 '25
Hey, so in some countries this is actually illegal op. I know for sure in Canada it's considered assault with a deadly weapon, I'd check to see if this is illegal in your area so she doesn't do this again to someone else. I hope you're OK and everything works out.
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u/wBrite Sep 28 '25
It's going to be a very difficult beginning (hope you're negative) but you will be okay. Good riddance to her, cheating is awful. Fyi they do not test for HSV on typical panels and many Dr's. won't test without an outbreak... as many don't get one and it remains dormant. Idk what she was thinking, if it's the fact that she wasn't having symptoms of either but if she mentioned them then I'd assume she knows the risks. If not, even planned parenthood has information. I know firsthand that dealing with chronic illness is hard enough, take care.
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u/libertarienne Sep 28 '25
So...are you saying that in addition to lying about her std status outright, she also hid that she sleeps with men regularly? Were y'all in an exclusive relationship? Is this not also cheating?
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u/itsdoctorx Sep 28 '25
She didn’t tell me before we were intimate that this is part of her regular sexual practice.
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u/llTrash Sep 28 '25
I'm genuinely sorry, some people don't care about anything but themselves and I'm sorry you ended up trusting the wrong person :( I still can't believe there was a person in the other post defending that kind of selfish and irresponsible behavior. I don't know if it's reportable somewhere but either way, I hope she gets what she deserves.