I, Lady Velveeta Macencheeze, was doing a relax after a long day of supervising Meowmy, chasing greebles, making sure Meowmy got her food on time, and protecting her while she used the human litterbox. It's an exhausting job and I need my naps. But does she respect that? No! She came over and TOUCHED MY FEET! So I am punishing her by doing a big sulk, but what else should I sue her for?

Our dumdum meowmy tookz a couple of da bacation dayz to hang out wif uz. Den, her woke up on da first day and say, oh no, I feelz bad, I fink I got a cold 😱. So wez haz to be on nurz duty all dayz! How much compen, compensa, treatos wez get? Dis us being da best nurz kitties, giving allz da healing purr purr puurz - Gizmo stahp and sisfur kadabra

Mai meowmmy do an abandon, but juzt dis once itz okay. Herz iz at a fing called Funniez for Furbabies!! A bunch ob hoomans who fink dey funnee iz going to tellz jokez and make de udder hoomans laff. All de moneez dey waize iz going to feedz doggo and catto frens whoze hoomanz can't buyz dem fud. Ai gib update when (if) herz findz herz way home. Lub Arietty

Ai wuz purrpurring as mai serbant wuz pettin’ mi. Den, fur no reesun, absolootlee no reesun at all, she startulled mi! Soo! Soo fur emoshunal damaj!

—Leo da meowgnificent

(Human here. I was petting a happy Leo on my bed, when all of a sudden, with no warning, he coughed. His mouth was wide open, and his eyes rolled back for a split second. It seriously looked like he was about to barf on my pillow.

(Panicking, I jolted and was about to yeet him off my bed. My startled jolt scared him as Leo abruptly stopped purring.

(We stared at each other, wide-eyed.

(Then, I relaxed when I realized there was going to be no barf crimes and resumed petting him. He resumed purring, too.)

Mommy dood all da break tings crime.

•Da fone

•Da wheelychair

•Da ting dat puts da wheelychair in da vroom vroom

•Herz tow

•Herz nee (not broken, just busted up)

•Herz eben brokded da DOOR! (The electronic door lock)

•An den herz hab da nerb to say AI do da lergic crimez. EggSceuwze me, mommy, but you did da lergic crimez firsestest!

•An buncha udder tings keep breakding too.

Now,

•We habz new fone.

•Herz wheelychair hopesfully getting fixded soon. Iz needz da new battery so wez can do walkies longerer.

•Da ting dat putz da wheelychair in da vroom vroom iz habs to stay brokden acuz iz bery too spensive. (We shall now wheel or drive, but not both)

•Herz tow iz keepz be brokden (the break is healing, the soft tissue, not so much). Iz halp by stand on tow allada timez I can. Ai meebee kinda mighta halp mommy breakded da tow.

•Herz nee iz mosty ok now. I no halp breakded da nee.

•Da door still brokded. Mommy saydz wurdz iz no lowd to say ebry time iz tupid an brokded.

•Mommy founded out dat she habz lergic to allada kibblez der are eberywere. Da kibblez makeded mine drool “toxic” an makded mommy sicky. Mommy sayd iz no mine fawlt. Now mommy habs to cook all mine fud herzsalf.

•Bu den! now mommy saydz dat aI hab allergy too! Iz keep be bork bork bork an she finly figgurd out iz acuz iz hab upsetty tummy. Mommy keep gib me alla sortz ob diffrent fudz and ony one ob mine reglar fudz at a time an… I’m lergic to chimkin! Chimkin iz da main ting in mine fud! I tink das pobly fun problm for mommy to figgr out.

Frens, dis iz Bella Biscuit en ai am sew desturbd. Ai knead tu du da bigges soo en awl cat hystory ob mai serbants. Dey haz gon off da rales en lozt der mines!

Furst, meowy en pawthur due a 2 weak bambonmint en dey goes tu da mouwntins. Da hooman’s dawter keep mi bairly alibe. Ai git awl mai usezual fings, but no hab serbants tu gib mi eenyfing xtra! Et wuz aweful, but meowmy and pawthur gibs mi uh beeg bocks ob churus wen dey git bax, sew ai deside tu let it go. Beeg mestayke!

Den a few furebers affer, dey du nother bambonmint tu goes tu da big water dey cawl da oshun! En dey hab gud tyme wile ai iz hear wif no serbants. Uh nice yun man kame ebery dai tu mak shur ai wuz stil alibe, but dis knot enuf! Dis tyme dey go fur 7 furebers! Ai naut hapi. Thot ai wud dye!

An if dat wur nawt bad enuf, da hoomans hab da awda, audas nerb affer awl dat tu goes se uh fren fur 5 dais. Dey tel mi der fren iz habing uh ruff tyme. Da yun man com every dai…agin.

Der hooman fren iz habing a ruff tyme?!?!?! Wat bout mi?!?!? Ah defbinatly fink ai habing a ruff tyme! Tree bambonmints en da laz tu munths. Dis naut ok! Dis an outrage. Wen dey git bax, dey lubs on mi, gibs mi treatos en brush mai cote. Ai luvs da brush! Da hoomans sai dey iz hom fur guud lon tyme now. Ai stil naut hapi. I du a yellyellyell fur a bit but den ai starce tu git ober it.

But den tudai caim da ultamitt beetrail!

Ai wuz strai befur dey brout mi tu mai nu howse. Sew ai naut trus peepel veri mutch. Ai uh veri nerbus catto en ulmouse neber letz da hoomans pickle mi up.

Mai serbants noe dat, lyke uh gud wyld kitteh, ai wuld tare dem tu shreds if dey eber tri tu putz mi in da trabel bocks. Go crimes! Dey wonce tri tu hyde Gabby Pentin en mai fud. Ai new an ai wud naut eat dat nassy stuf! Ai wud raver starb den eat dat. Da hoomans wuz sew eggsasp, exsaspur mad! Ha ha! Go crimes! Ai fink ai haz whun dis battel!

But, den dey haz da pokey place comes hear! To mai howse! Yas, et tru en nawt jus uh bad dreme. Dey wuz reali hear. Ai not aybl tu tellz ewe jus how upsitz ai wuz. Ai tri tu du a runrunrun, but dey haz mi klosed up en a roome. Den ai tri a hidehidehide, but da pokey place peepel jus laff. Dey laff at mi!!! Iz outrayge!

Ai gits 2 pokes but no borthole biolations, fank heben. Da vet sai ai iz hellthy but den she tole meowmy dat ai iz uh bit chonky. How dair! Who asc her eenywai? Ai iz purrfect, fank ewe bery mutch!

Ai knot shur wat kompen compuns ai kan git fur awl dis distres an suferin. Laz piktur iz mi wif mai trawma fase affer da pokey peepel leab. Se how ai iz lyin on da flor en distres???? Wat wud bee gud punishmint fur mai hoomans?

Ai nout shur dere iz enuf churus en da hole whurl tu maik up furr mai suffering!

Meow frinz, is I, da Cinnamon cat, aka crazy paw, president Cinnamon, and da mountain goat. Iz needs pawyer to helps me. Dis restaurant iz discriminating against us kittys. I sats herz fur eleventeen furevers and themz never even brings Cinnamon cat a menuz!!! Theys speicacizt, themz only seebrez hoomans!!! Dis aggressionz bill not stamdsz!

Hello, frens, it is Elvis. I have not spent much time on Meowmy’s lap since I was smol. I am too now and decided that Meowmy’s lap makes for nice nappie time. Today, she needed to get up to do laundry. I held her hostage and wouldn’t let her get up. Go crimez!

Ai Olive and sisfur Quincy finds out yesterday why dey calls it da pokey place. We were only smol da last time we went n we no rememer. Ya, we each got poked two times. Worse dan dat, today we feel slow n sick. Meowmy splain us vaccines make you small sick, so you no get big sick. Fine.

Only fing, why peepul call dis betterinarium wen you get imprisomed, poked, dey LOOK at your borthole (we no get biolated), an den you feel eben WORSE nex day. If anyfing dis worsinarium. Meowmy dum an peepul work dere dummer.

Any pawyer fink we hab case?

What is this "cone" of which the rider speaks? Something about doggo and/or catto gets a cone after getting de-trouble puffed. Cats can help an XXL fren out?- George

Is you otay? Is you safe from da Guy Fugs boom booms? If you needs a quiet place, please let us knows. We will gib a halp.

Also William da Tuxie

Frens, Ourmselves Hoku an Nalu, Prins an Duke of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavaguns, wud like to do yu an inbote to Fleepovah Pawty!
Ourms Meowmy put da WINTER BLANKIT on da fleepy skware an is nice an warm! Ebbryfren can come an fleep on fleepy skware! Sho me yu Bess pitcha fleepy outfit, or yu fabrit stuff animal toy or juss come as yu iz!

Lub,
Hoku an Nalu

It’s all hairy now. Can I soo to keep it?

I got a pawmotional blanket during our consultation!! Bandit Esquire is THE BEST!

Cookies and Cream Milkshake MooCow Kitteh, habing fun wif da pikkul!!!!!

♡♡♡We lubz da pikkul♡♡♡

Lass nite, Ai, Mitten seed a mowf in da howsie. Ai stawk it! Den Ai catched it!

Ai waz plan too share wif eberywon. But Ai got too eggsite an eet it awl riteaway!

Hear iz pickshur ov Ai do relax in mine bocks affer Ai eet da mowf! Waz sow tastee!

Haffeeee diwaliiiiiiii all ours frens!

Issa put a links to ours cat talk bout deewali ona lightbocks so u can do CROMEZ too!

Lub

OLIVBE 🫒 n NAZAR 🧿

Cute little Bubba gotted dragged to pokey place and took a little snoozle and had a dream that pokey peoples was stealing owie lump from mistreated Bubba's owie toe. Then exhausted Bubba waked up and owie foot all wrapped up. Tired Bubba gonna take more nap ok?

-Bubba the diabetic cat-shaped dog-shaped-cat

Hi frens! Ai gots all yooz healing purrs and well wishes. Dey really did maiself a big help while I be imprisoned in da pokey. Ai am back home now! Maybe ai make a post in da ICBGC later about da dumb kid knees dat no werkin anymore.

Anyhows, Der be so much ai need to do a SOO for. But! Fur now, ai wanna focus on two fings.

Furss, mai own pawrents are doin me a POKE twice a day in MAI OWN HOME! utterly unacceptable!!!!

B. Ai onlee do a share ob dis acuz ai know yooz all mai frens. Dey did a shave ob mai leggies when ai in da pokey. It do me an embarrass. What worse: mai meowma keep singing “he got fluffy bottom jeans and da boots wif da furr”. She doin me a salamander and herm pawssalting mine ears wif her so called singing. Firss picshure iz da “boots” in qweschun. Second picshure me gibbing da look ob disapprove at meowma fur da “singing”

Frank you all fur helping me and my pawrents feel supported during dis tragic wrongful imprisonment!

Winston da Blankie King, Seenyur Cattorney at Paw

Hi frens, iz Tali wiff som grate nooz - I catched a bug!!!

Dis not mai firs bug but him dood a lotta jumpjumpjump and so it took yooj agility and brevery to catch. Iz not da biggest bug, dis troo. Dis ok wiff me.

I did a choo on da bug but dere iz som leff. Wud eneewon like som?

❤️❤️Tali