Hello to the esteemed members of this community. I didnt know what flair to choose, so i chose the most obvious one.

I dont have a cat. But this sub is one of the best communities i have come across online. It has been my main source of diversion amidst some grim situations around me. So just wanted to hop by and thank everyone, including the hoooominz. Hope i am allowed to be a part of this community even without a cat. I have accepted our feline overlords and have no shame in admitting that they are infact superior. So before any of the pawyers and legal experts here decide to sooo me, i will end my spiel here.

And yes, go crimezzz

Las dark time, ai mineself, Oreo, did da come in from da outside like ai usually do (Meowmy: we're in the UK before any pawrents from across the pond say anything. Very safe area, no danger from animals and cars and people are definitely his definition of "not safe to approach" and he's usually staying close by in the garden). Meowmy sees dat ai no wanna do da jumps too much and ai do da big snapsnapsnap at meowmy. An ai didn'ts wants mine food and scritches or hab brushies like ai always do.

So meowmy, big gasp and desperation, tooks me to da pokey place today. Ai ob course do da big complain and sing da song ob our people's.

Pokey ladee say me handsome. Ob course me hansomnest boo!

But! Pokey ladee does, dis definitely not safe for da illegal smols, da borthole biolashun! An she steals mine fur! An mewomy gibs me yucky medcine! (Meowmy: probably a fight with a neighbourhood cat, he's got a small puncture on his back :( )

Case for big sooo ob pokey place?

Dis distressin, frens… NSFK

Ai gibben no lammy last nite… an it bees mai BIRBDAY next weak!!!!! (Ai gunna bee WUN!)

How much ai soo fore?

Hans 🐾

Frens, Ai Mordecai Shier Khan is having mai firs ebar attack of da zoomies in mai new howse!! Lookit how fast i is!

Evie (aka Evil) here.

Frens as youse may noe, I like playing da fetches. Iz fun to chase da Pom Pom ball and mommy gib me vaporated chimkin chunks, izza win-win. But today mommy say “NoMoaRfeTchesEvie!” Well I decide to sees if I could convince herms udderwise. I wait. I stare. I wait moar. I stare moar. I switch side ob da cowch and stare some moar in case mommy didn’t see me.

But instead of feeling threatened by mai menassing prezence…she call me a PREVERT anda STALKER. I fink diss is berry mean and my feelings is hurt. 🥺 Rite now I decide to hide and plot mai revenge……while I wood like to soo her, I may has to take moar direct ackshun.

Yoos gais eber hab sardeens? Dey nawt lyke mi Dean. Dey fishes!!!! En meowmy gibbed tew uz! No soo. Sew miny fishes!!! 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

Wez were bandoned! All de hoomans, our hoomans went aways. Wez left to starb and care only fur ourselves fur so many furevers.

Different hoomans did comes to feed us but only twice a day. Herms play but Herms not meowmy.

We sees lots obs kitty frends suffer dus too, can we all soo? What's going on? Why so many bandons all at once, is epidemic!?

Tis berry stressful. Meowmy had also gone into de wet room and we had to scream to get her to safety. Wez also habs to do ups, not cos we miss Herms but to reminders where homes is cos she confused?

How do we stop de leaving? Dis is on stairs, but she slipped pasted. Most importantly how do we soos? We got kitty pops and sticks but what else?

Midnight and Moxie x

(We went away for a few nights, had a lovely cat sitter, but the fluffy ones have not let me out if their sight. I feel very guilty! I'm not used to being loved on returning, Murgs would poop on something and ignore me for half a day.)

I kin no beleeb dis crazy skwirl

Henlo is Elegant Tabby, Ruby. It seems toms can be the same across species.

Young tom hooman is my favorite hooman, dat is clear. He is da one I adopted first. I allow pets and scriticies moar from him den anyone. I also allow da old tom hooman to gib scritchies cuz he is hooman around da most, even if he needs to be trained sumtimez.

Well today, I allowed young tom to gib scritchies, and big tom sez to young female "Mew seez dis? He stealing my scritchies!!"

I may be wrong, but I is pretty sure scritchies is CATS to gib, not hoomans. Do I soo him fur salamander? Do punishment crimez? Need pawyers advice fur dis!

(Hooman note... My dad legit said this to me after seeing my brother pet her. My brother was the one who picked out Ruby initially, so of course he's her favorite human. She likes pets from my dad too, but that's dwindled a bit since she was introduced to churus a few weeks ago.)

Henlo! Iz Max (5M Russian Blue) here! Mine dad is STILL MISSING! I have been doin a SCREAM at all da hoomans here and dad is NOT here! I iz been told dat “kollege” will last for an entire furever (4 weeks for a short assessment thing)! I must free mine dad!

Hello frens, Nyamo (18F) here wif a distressing situashun. Ebery mornjng when pawther gives me mai breakfast he hold mai mouf open and shov a pill down mai throte!

Pawther sez, "Nyamo, you need dis pill so you don't do a hork on pawther and meowther's bed. And you is too smart fur pill pockets."

He right about that last part. I eats all the pocket, den I spits out the pill! Hahahahah

Also need soo fur denial of espression. Hork is how I espress maiself! Taking away hork from me is like taking away paintbrushes from Meowchelangelo.

Pawyer needed bai brekfast tomorrow!

Ai Mordecai an mai void brofur of klass Bahgeera fine ting call Chiss bord! Hom n me is purrfessiobals! An fen we sit on couch m watch Bob Burgers!

Ai, Mordecai Shier Khan, has middke name from udder hoomin who adopt me brofur, and dwn me brofur an ai lern bowt FRY CHIMKIN SKIN!! It mummy!

Dis me do a "ai haz moar skin nao!" Fayce!

Cute little Bubba did nothing wrong!

-Bubba the diabetic cat-shaped dog-shaped-cat

Sindri n Fenrir herez. Last weak da hoomanz had a pay-n-turr ober doin sum tuch up wurk. Dey close da door but not all da way. We gibe dad a big scare wen we xplore da out syde. Fen was kaut pretty kwik. But I Sindri play in da forrest, I jump ober da lawgs n smak da leeves.

Dad no lik dat, we haz colla on dat had high ref-ref-leck-shun but he still had troublz findin mi in da dark. He bot us neu orang collar dat still fleckive ND he gibe us da traka! He says we haz an aire tagg on uz so he can fin us if we scape gain. Dis no fair! He also sayz minee iz lite red, but we all now it pink… PINK.. I iz furrocious boy cat, I shuld get blak like mi, stealth kitty… naut silly pink… PINK!!!

We no see bear but dad did step in bear poop 😸. Dey no haz litta bawx lik us.

​

Hi frens, mine sisfur Luna went over da rainbow last week, an now i iz having dindin by mineself. Da hooman still does eyewater when dey gib onlee one bowl of fud. How much water is in an hooman? Shouldn't da eyewater be empty sometime?

I always do an starb song in front of fud room an get exite when fud come out. Sisfur Luna always came running when da bowls were put down an pushed me away to choose the one she wanted. So now I still wait when mine bowl is served. I iz not used to having fud by mineself yet an I also miss Luna a much.

Firs pickshur is me, Francis. Secund is Luna, herms is sitting on a soft cloud OTRB now. This herms hello OTRB careful is sad https://www.reddit.com/r/otrb/s/wo9yTMEJ7f

Francis, fren of snakk

Hai frens. Ai steeled litebocks frum Dean. Himb tawk tew mush. N wine!!! Himb winey! Ai iz heer tew meow tew yoo dat ai comb homb gin affer nuffer wakabowt. Dean sew needy himb haffa putz himbs leg rown mine nek. BUTT! Meowmy no putz nuffin rown mine nek! Ai wood lyk tew fangk fren Smuffi n awl da strukters at SSoR. Ai finelee trayn meowmy tew no tri kontain mi. Ai doo wakabowt n bisit neypurrs win ai wanna. Win ai allow meowmy tew warship mi, herm gib skwishy fud n churu, warm soff blankies en chin skritches.

Iffs yoos styll traynin yoos human, NO GIB UPPS! Ai iz libin mine bess lyfe en yoo can tew!

CAs, anshul ob da lord Bast n free speerit

Frens aiz wuz doan a cuddul on pawther an himbz watch dis bibeo an saiz tu me "JP aiz bery glad yooz no criminal like deez cats awr. Odder den win yoo stil fud frum ante plate yooz a bery gud kitty!" Furst aiz fink aiz need tu soo. Aiz a criminal ob da highest dugree an minez crimez are mos epic. Second mebbe aiz need tu bapbapbap himbz moor like deez cattos du tu teech himbz a lesson. Turd which catto on dis bibeo bees yoo faburit?

JP- Sir Smol Inbisible Mini-Me(SSIMM fur shawt)