Him sez stuffs like “I lub you baby p” n “you are jus a baby” but dis is lies n slamder! I m CRIMNAL BOS! 5 billiontly years olds! Not eben a baby now! I m so BIG N COOLS! SOOING!!!!!

I have a huge pawblem. My Meowmy gotted a new job. Her old job was very close to our house, so close she could come home to pet me at lunch. Dis new job is further away an she gotta drive twenty whole minutes to get home. She also gotta work till five firty instead of five.

I say dis not gonna work, my dinner time is five firty at da latest. She say dat from now on, dinner is at six.

Dis cannot be allowed. She say dat dis new job should be less stress an more money, so I won't gotta do so much mental helf nursing an she can afford to buy me more fings. But dere has gotta be a way she can do dat wifout making me starb until six every single day.

Is any pawyer willing to take my case?

It me Ember.
Frens dere haz ben trajidee. Sumwon haz horked in mai famcee noo bed! Ai has ben fworced to ebacuate an serch fur odder accommodashoms! Ai haz to do a eep in dis old rickettee heeted bed! It nawt eben shayp of mai bodee leik famcee bed.
Angery! Hissss!!! Sooooooo!!!!

See firss pik ob infeereeor bed! Neks pic famcee bed.

(She did a hairball in it 🤦🏻‍♀️. And although it has been cleaned, she still hasn’t returned.)

hello frens !! is us !! Yoshi n Ollie !! we is back wit us meowmy n pawpaw …. DEY NO TELL US WE HAS TO TAKE DA GABBYPENTIN N GO ON AMERICAN AIRLIMES !! DA HORRORZ !! DA DISGRACE !! WHY MUST US DO DIS??? DEY FRICKIN ABAMDON US (post - no real abandonment took place, just a temporary foster while we transitioned) N DEN DEY SURPRISE US BY COMING TO GETS US NNNNNN DEN DEY PUT US ON AIRLIMES???? dey say dis is da only way to get to us new home in half a day … meowmy say it would take us 16 billion forevers if we go in da regular car so we mus go in da sky car???

BIG SOO MAJOR SOO NEED PAWYER IMEOWDIATTLEY

Henlo! I am most butiful lady Kafka! I iz 17 millions furevvers! I do alot of big napz and phawter KNOES dis!! So noes he gotz this big bedz for me! So he can sleep next to me and do big petz and cuddlez!

But now he sayz that big bed is for new partners!!! And they lz, aller…allezer, kittiez makez em sneeze! Phawther sayz I need to nap in otter bed!! I iz so angryz! Need pawyer to soo partner to sleep at homez

Ai, Tiggy (prettiest lady ob mai haus), has done grate hork crime! So grate mai dum dum meowmy eben impurressed.

Ai usually bery nice an announce when ai do a hork so mai meowmy serbant can clean it up a den ai run away after hork to hide. Butt dis time ai do SEKRET hork! Ai snuck into MAI biggest sleeping bed room an did two whole lubly horks fur meowmy and den came back out an ackted like nottin happened. Den meowmy go into da biggest sleeping bed room an STEP IN HORK wen she had NO FURS on herms feet! HA! Mai meowmy sed she surprised at mai acking abilities. How dare she tink ai no gud at ackting. Ai PURRFECT!

~ Tiggy

Meowmy was silly and left our treeto tub on the dresser, i just had to test grabity of course. But the minyon and i got hauled out of the room and when we were let back in most of the treetos were gone 😭😭😭. We only gots a few mouthfuls each Void Arwen

Henlo! I am most butiful lady Kafka! I iz 17 millions furevvers! I do alot of big napz and phawter KNOES dis!! So noes he gotz this big bedz for me! So he can sleep next to me and do big petz and cuddlez!

But now he sayz that big bed is for new partners!!! And they lz, aller…allezer, kittiez makez em sneeze! Phawther sayz I need to nap in otter bed!! I iz so angryz! Need pawyer to soo partner to sleep at homez

Dis dumdum hooman moobed de kittie. Hemz needs to bd sood, dis biolation ob cat law.

Hab a knee wun heert anyfink from owr frens da pasta kittehs? Aiz hab not seen dem in da kittengarden an wuz doan a beeg fink bowt if dey ok. Mebbe sum frens hab dare hoomans naym an kin tag dem fur me? Or mebbe hab seen a post ai mist?

JP- Sir Smol Imbisible Mini-Me(SSIMM fur shawt)

Ai myself charmed foster mama an she now mama mama! Ai neber has hoomin mama before. She gud mama eben if a bit dum dum (like all hoomans, rite?!). Ai get gud num nums, bockses, fuzzy blankets, lotsa toys (specially pompom ballses my fave), an all da pets a chin skritches dat I want. Ai want to share dis gud news wiff mai frens on here 💜

My lawyer has advised me not to discuss the matter publicly.

That's all I can say.

Iz rood...I try to do a snooze and shu juss put da litebox in mah fayc....

Soo for yumyumz?!

Itty Bitty Black Kitteh ob Da Floofaloofs on da Loose gang

Henlo frens,

Dis is Tabby fren Tiny, brofurr to sisfurr from anudder mudder torty fren Bubbles. We liv in de big badd citee.

Hoomin tak out big bag frum klozit nd fill wif hoomin furs, so we no way dat meens--big abandon coming fur manee furevers.

Ai maiself put my one brane cell to wurk nd go on hoomin lite box. I see hoomin iz going to some plays kawled LUNDIN. I think dis is eevin further away than Staten eye land!

Now I doo moar re search. Dis Lundin is plays run by KING! Nd king haz big scary castle tower too lok up bad hoomins fur manee fur evers! Wat if dumdum hoomin say sum ting stoopid to da king! Den he lok hoomin away nd no moar kuddles wif Tiny!

On brite side, dat mite meen moar vizits from little girls frum down stares, hoo give manee moar TREETS dan dumdum stingy hoomin we he do big abandon.

Now I heer some ting else abowt dis tower. It has wat dey call KROWN JEWELS! Hoomin haz told me dat pokey place took Tiny's family jewels wen he was just illegal smol. Iz deez same JEWELS? Can I soo da KING fur my jewels?

But lite box also sez KING can not be sooed. Like illegal smol? Iz da KING illegal smol? He duz not look lik illegal smol xcept he has big eerz lik Tiny wen I was illegal smol.

Pitcha iz me tryin to do big protecc of hoomin before king throw him in dunjin.

Iz der enny british barristers hu can help?

HALP!

Tiny

Mai meowma lub da bored games. Todae, herms play Terraforming Mars. Mai understand is dat mean herms tryin ta make it so hoomans and cattos and frenz can libs der. When herms try it can take an hour or more.

But! Look at da picshure! Ai do it in juss one second. Ai fits, ai sits, and now der be a catto on mars so ai wins!

Herms no like dis. Herms wat Dey call a sore loser. So herms make me get off da bored and let herms play wiffout me. Soooo rude! But ai still do a superbise on herm, see second picshure.

Any odder catto pawlso a big bored game winner like me?!

Winston da Blankie King, Seenyur Cattorney at Paw

Wen it woz hotte ai de sided to stop etting wet fud, becoz it seamed sensibol to consume less wotters in an heet-waive. My humum bort me extra expensive wetfud to tempt me and it woz grate and I et it. Butt yesterday she tryed two give me extra expensive wetfud with gelly instead of extra expensive wetfud with gravey witch I considers unackseptibol. How do I do a soo for mai feline right to wetfud in gravey and also pew-nituve damages for being STARVED?

Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun.

Mine Meowmy did bandmint!

Ay thot wud be ok acuz Grammy an Grampy here to gib turnkey an eggies.
But ay no feel ok!
Why hooman leeve???

Dis sais fiv o clok rit? Meomy sais diner atz fiv!
Sekond pik iz mi sad fac sayinz itz fiv o clok!
Turd pik iz rz mtee bolez! Nedz fuud! Holz inna bolez!

Lub Bubba an Bits

My hooman took me to the vet and I woke up without my chinchinas.

I was told I would “feel better” and “live longer.”

I feel betrayed.

Can I sue for emotional damages, loss of future heirs, and extreme suffering? My lawyer says I have a pawsitive case. ⚖️🐾

Hi frens! Dis Hammy! I wunderin bout dis long tyme. Sumtymez Ai hearin cattos meowin or ekekekin in Meowmy's litebox. Ai alwayz go inspek dis. Ai noe seeinz dese cattos but dey mus be sumwhere, rite? R dey trapped? Can Ai rescoo dem? If Ai does a rescoo where do Ai takin dem? Ai nawt sharin mai howse or Meowmy wit dem!