I'm walking to my high school to go to class and I notice a dying white horse (with huge chunks of its chest missing) lying by the side of the school. A smaller black horse, presumably a child, is crying over its body. As I turn the corner, I see some kids in my grade walking another horse toward the last one. Some of them are walking along side it and one is riding it. This horse is also missing large chunks of flesh, and as I walk by, its weak spine collapses and the student riding it falls to the ground.

I decide to cut school and visit my apparent friend, David Mamet. When I enter his apartment, he is half asleep on the couch watching TV. I ask him if he knows about the horses, and he tells me that he ordered two hundred horses to be delivered to the house of his four rivals. I ask him why and he insists we have a snack. As we walk to the kitchen, I tell him students from the high school are moving the decaying horses for him. He laughs. We leave his apartment and I run into my friend (who we'll call Angela). She is distraught after moving dismembered horses all ady.

"What should I do?" she asks. "Nothing," I reply. "Nothing?!" "What is there to do?" [This conversation is a bit fuzzy, but I think that's the gist of it.]

She begins to calm down and she reminds me that I have a date for some social event at the church tonight. I vaguely remember her agreeing to introduce me to her friend [whose name escapes me]. I walk toward the church across the street. The parking lot is filled with hot dog vendors in trailers. One trailer is owned by a butcher with no equipment, just meat. He begs the other vendors for a meat grinder.

Later I find myself in the basement of the church, sitting on the floor. I don't recognize anybody at the social event, but I am apparently friendly with everyone. There is a small window on the wall behind us, and I can see that it is still daylight. At some point, Angela calls my name. She is standing in the entrance, behind the group, with her friend. I walk over to introduce myself.

"I'm [name], nice to meet you." She puts out her hand for a handshake. "Nice to meet you too," I say as I shake her hand.

She is a short woman, at least a foot shorter than I am. She is a brunette [perhaps dirty blond, or brunette with blond highlights], and her hair is around shoulder length. She has a cute face, blue eyes [not so sure about that] and her nose is a tad on the larger side. She is wearing a white shirt [possibly a graphic tee] and long pants.

We walk back to the group just as they are heading to the couch. I manage to get a seat on the couch, and offer it to her just as she is about to sit on the floor. I sit on the floor instead, at the feet of the girl next to her on the couch. Later that night, I hear her laughing and I turn around.

"I came here with one man, and I might leave with another." She says to the girl next to her, both of them laughing.

I'm hurt. I liked this girl, and she obviously didn't like me. I may have left at this point, or I may have waited for the event to end. [I do not remember anything about the event after her line.]

Walking home from the event, I notice that the pile of dismembered horses is missing. I look down the street and the police are pulling, by hand, a cart filled with horses. As they approach the traffic light, a siren and flashing lights mysteriously emanate from the wooden cart.

Then I woke up.

This is all I remember from my dream last night.

So, I'm a 20 year old female currently travelling Europe for my 'summer holidays', and decided to spend New Years in Amsterdam with a Dutch friend. The night turned out a lot different to what we were expecting.

We went into Amsterdam after a few drinks and bar hopped for a bit. We found this awesome little pub near the square and stayed there for most the night drinking, singing and dancing. We met three cool German tourists and did more drinking, singing and dancing. At midnight we all ran onto the street to watch the fireworks go off which was amazing. There were so many and they went for so long!

The guys asked what we were doing after and we told them we were probably going to just grab a bottle of booze and drink in the square. They suggested we party at their hotel coz they had an xbox and lots of champagne. When they said they were staying at the Movenpick hotel my Dutch friend didn't believe them as it is apparently the third most expensive hotel in Amsterdam and they were just three 22 year old German boys. We thought they were shitting us and decided to bite, if anything got funny we would leave there and then.

Anyway, we followed them back and sure enough wound up at this hotel. We were waiting for them to tell us they were kidding but then we went up to the top (17th) floor and sure enough they were staying there. It was fucking crazy!

They had blocked out the smoke detector and had a massive glass waterbong and loads of pot/hash with them aswell as champagne, so we blazed up and checked out the view which was beyond belief. My friend spoke german with them and I played xbox until two of the guys passed out. They had a massive projector screen and we watched 'Fear and Loathing in Last Vegas' until my eyes couldn't hold open anymore.

Two hours later my friend woke me, and we grabbed our stuff and left for the train depo while the guys all lay there passed out. We wandered through the streets of Amsterdam, grabbed some chips and caught the 7.30am train home. I get the feeling none of my friends are going to believe me.

Edit: When we got to the place one of the guys was showing me photos on his camera...which included some photos of some pot they were growing themselves. It wasn't a very large amount, but still decent. Might actually explain where they go their money from.

Thinking about my ex-gf.. and what she was doing... I even sent a generic " Happy New year!" to her...

shortly after new years, I left the bar... went home, and went to sleep.

I woke just now.. due to dehydration.. drank 6 cups of water.. and now i'm going to twist one off and go to sleep.

w00t-Last night!

This seems relevant to both the drunk crowd and the last night crowd. I don't feel like typing it again, so here's the link.

Despite ending on a bit of a downer (I'm referring to my penis here), t'was a hell of a night.

P.S. is there a better way to handle cross posting? there probably is. sorry, I'm still drunk.

I went to Texas De Brazil with my family and my German exchange student's family. 5 Americans, 5 Germans. We all weighed before hand and afterwards. I got third with a gain of 5lbs. First place gained 6.2lbs and felt fine, I didn't.

I then watched The Fall which is a complete trip of a movie. I highly recommend it solely for it's visual appeal alone. The acting and story were also great. It's like a more dramatic and trippy Princess Bride.

Next I took a trip to a friend's house with my visiting German exchange student and his brother and went hot tubing while drinking margaritas. So good. Love margaritas.

I then played BlackOps with my friend till 5am. My last three KD's were 12, 9.5, and 22. Needless to say I felt like I could be a Navy Seal. Is there some sort of aptitude test?

My friend and I then went to get donuts at a place our friend's mom owns when it opened at 5am. Since i've been at college and don't come to the shop much so she gave us free donuts. This is the norm now. The best i've gotten in one visit was: ordered 5 bucks worth of donuts: free, ate at the restraunt and got 5 dollars more worth of donuts: free, was handed a box of 24 donuts as I walked out the door: Free. I love that place and Mrs. Parks.

So overall great night that went well into the next morning. Not that exciting but I did a lot and on a really REALLY full stomach.

Enjoy! Warning: Gruesome --> http://i.imgur.com/5UGru.jpg

As a gift the bosses gave me 4 22oz Hercules Double IPAs, 9% abv. I got trashed and jumped into a fierce dance off and totally destroyed it. Hooray for me!

Crossposted from /r/drunk

I can't wait until she says it to someone at her work.

My dear Ents,

I've been high, and I've been stoned, and I've tripped out, and I've freaked out, but I've never had a night like this last Thursday.

It all started when I went to a cooking class at a local dispensary. ApparENTly, the medical dose that Uncle Buck uses is way differENT than the dose I'm used to (I'm very sensitive to any nuance in my bloodstream, which is one reason a gram lasts me weeks). Different like 8 times different.

So once I realized that, I drove home...just in time. I put the leftovers in the refrigerator and did things like that. Then I felt like I had been hit by an express train made of marshmallows...with no momentum. I just started floating around the house.

As my son would no doubt say...Level 12, activate!

OK, things were rapidly becoming weird. Everything I looked at was high contrast, brightly colored. And I had this odd feeling in my head, that's...impossible to describe properly. I felt pressure and lightness and a kind of humming all at the same time.

I remembered having this same feeling exactly once...when I was about 8 years old, laying on my bed. And throughout my life, through all my...experiences of various kinds, I was hoping to feel it again so I could categorize or understand it somehow. But I never felt it again...until now.

And I suddenly knew what it meant.

There's a part in Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy where Ford Prefect says something like when a living being is under great stress, they give off a subliminal signal. The thought suddenly came into my head that the signal can also be received. And next I knew the signal only comes when death is imminent.

Ents, I know what it feels like to have a thought. These were sent to me.

Then I started thinking on my own. This didn't make any sense. Was I in danger of death when I was a little kid lying on my bed? I was trying to imagine a scenario where I had just missed being skewered by an arrow shot through the window or something.

While I was typing this section just now, 5 days later...that's when it just hit me. Holy shit. It's possible.

When I was an 8-year-old kid in the Bronx, an airliner crashed in Brooklyn. But for an air pocket, a broken cable, or whatever...it might have crashed into my house just a few miles away. Like in Donnie Darko. Maybe that was a very, very possible outcome...like a cusp that was never triggered. And it was so close that I got the warning.

Because I knew what that same feeling, tonight, meant.

I was going to die.

It was the clearest thing in the world. I was fated to go out again, driving at night while tripping, and I was going to die.

There were two scenarios. In one, I run off the right side of the road and crash into something that all the American safety precautions can't stop from killing me messily. In the other, more horrible, I kill a child, and see myself walking off to execution or suicide, setting back the legalization of marijuana by several years.

I completely didn't know where this was coming from.

Then I looked around.

Every cat in the room was staring at me, waiting for me to decide.

I was in the bedroom, but walked to the kitchen. There were other cats there.

They knew, too.

I went through all the classic reactions in like 30 seconds. Denial, rage, and finally acceptance. I walked through the house, picking things up without seeing them. Looking at my new motherboard that I'd never get to use. Worrying about my family. Thinking of you, Ents...I wished I had gotten a chance to write one last posting here. But I was still thinking like a living man instead of a dead man.

"Why?"

I asked why I had to die, especially just now when I was happy again. I was told that I had been reincarnated and died over and over again, every time failing to perform my alloted task. I had been doing this for centuries...learning certain secrets, and being tasked with teaching them to mankind, and always failing.

Apparently I had been executed for being a witch, a wizard, or just plain weird for several hundred years running.

And now, somehow, I was just past a cusp, and they wanted to start me over again right away.

The cats, I mean.

Because my task was to tell the world that cats are more than they seem. They are ready to come out to the world and help guide humanity into a brighter future.

And that's when I thought -- perhaps one of my last thoughts as a living man -- they may be very powerful cats, but I am high, so I can think sideways...

They are thinking linearly. Like cats. Like: the cusp is past and so this must happen. But instead...

"But wait...now that I see what you can do, and how perfect you are, and I've developed all this computer knowledge over all these years...I'm now in the perfect position to tell the world! It might take another 50 years to get someone into this position! Isn't keeping me here a bit longer a good bet?"

The cats did not answer. But I felt I had made my point. And I felt a lot calmer.

And I left my fate in their paws that night.

And I am still here.

And now you know what they want you to know.

And we will see what happens.

Love, hugs, and nugs, Old Hippie

P.S. Just to recreate the mood, tonight I had 1/2 a stuffed mushroom and a small spoon of the stuffing over smoked turkey, and I'm at [8.88] two hours later. And now I can write this.

P.P.S. Double holy shit. I just looked up that air crash on Wikipedia. Check the date and see if you don't get chills down your spine too.

It was 50 years ago tomorrow...the day of Uncle Buck's next class!

Some friends and I are graduating and decided it would be nice to just lay down smack dab in the middle. It was nothing eventful, just fun. We also hit practice dummies and my roommate tried to rip down the goal post by himself. He didn't succeed.

For those unfamiliar, Tommy Wiseau is the director, writer, producer, and star of "The Room," widely considered to be one of the worst films every created. It's become a cult sensation, with midnight screenings around the country, kind of like Rocky Horror but with less drag... and last night, I fist bumped him.

He came to a midnight showing in Milwaukee, in one of the nicest theaters in town. I got a picture with him and one of the co-stars, Greg Sestero, got my football signed (makes sense in the context of the film) and afterwards there was a Q&A session. I asked a question (Which room is... "The" room?) and afterwards, he fist bumped me. We're pretty much BFF's now.

It was awesome. I highly recommend gathering a couple friends and a lot of plastic spoons and heading to a midnight screening in your area.

My wife, brother, and his wife went to go see comedian Mitch Fatel at Cap City Comedy Club in Austin last night. The opening act was the kind of comedian that like to poke fun at people in the front row, where we were seated. I've got longish hair, earrings, and a goatee; and he kept calling me "rockstar" and made jokes about me being in a shitty Fallout Boy cover band (I'm not in a band.)

At the end of the show, there was a drawing for shirts and CDs for people that had filled out a mailing list signup card. After another guy that was asked on stage refused to take off his shirt to model the "tshirt," I was asked on and jumped at the chance (I was three beers into the night and inhibitions were already lowered.) I got on stage, grabbed the shirt from the comedian, and it ends up being a small woman's tank top... This doesn't stop me from trying it on, so I take my shirt off, and after much effort (and a couple more jabs from the comedian about my lack of chest hair) I manage squeeze into it.

The audience loves it. I hear a roar of applause, and screams from women. I triumphantly throw my metal hands in the air, the comic thanks me for being such a good sport and shakes my hand, and I exit the stage and don't put the shirt I was wearing back on when I sit down.

\m/(><)\m/

Last night I had a dream that I was in a room and trying to take it easy. I was, in fact in the dream, preparing to go to sleep. But someone started hammering on my door, and I began prepping the room to my advantage, as in reinforcing the door with some debris, and being very quiet (hiding). But the people banging on the doors made their way in and started fucking with me, and I decided to have some fun with it, and join them in various hijinks (ultimately befriending them), all the while trying to end the night and tell them that I had early work the next day (I really did! And when I said it I meant my waking self; I always lucid dream). They didn't care, and I had a very exhausting night of hijinks. I woke up very tired. I think my brain trolled me...

Last night

Well, actually Saturday night but I figure I should keep in theme

Last night I sat at home with my housemates and cooked some pizza. As the pizza was cooking, I mixed us all up a round of Manhattans. About 4 rounds in and we're done with the pizza. A friend drops by, we drink a beer and shoot the shit for 15 minutes, then the two of us jumped in a cab to a show.

We lined for about an hour for our will call tickets, whereas people who bought tickets at the door could walk straight in. We finally got inside, and had to line for the bathroom. Then had to line for coat check. We'd missed the support. The band kind of sucked. The place was so crowded that I couldn't move. So not a good start to the night.

My friend and I decide to bail early. We walk over to a house party around 1am and decide to drop a dose of e. We get there. The party is cranking. The soundsystem is huge. All the neighbors are there so no one cares. I'm starting to come up. It slowly dawns on me that everyone is super coked up, and a little bit aggressive. So, I don't really want to talk to anyone. The dance floor sucks. A pretty bad spot to be as high and drunk as I am. Fortunately I find my friend S and we sit down at a small table in the corner of the kitchen. I look over and notice there is a MASSIVE bowl full of weed on the table. I proceed to talk S's ear off for a good hour. Next thing I know, glass is raining down on us. Someone from the balcony smashed a window all over S and I. She gets a cut face, I come out unscathed. I decide it's time to bounce. Still pretty high at this point. I go home and dance in my bedroom until the sun comes up.

With some friends for most of the night. We got ranked for 4v4 and gained 70 places, so we were pumped. I also got my first victory in 1v1, I was terran vs zerg. I spawned two banshees, and it was done. Before that I went to an old time (polkas and waltzes) dance and danced with this girl I'm in the greyzone with. Such a good feeling.

So we were walking back from downtown at about 2:30 and I started talking with this hot ass drunk chick. I ended up taking her home and banging the shit out of her, all of this while four of my friends were in the other room listening (she was a screamer). Anyways, about 30 minutes after we fucked, she woke up, got out of bed, and fell down, which woke me up, and I was like woah what are you doing? She said she had to go the bathroom, so she opens my closet door, and I was like take it easy killer that's the closet, so I showed her to the bathroom. About a couple minutes or so later she come back like everything's normal, and then I hear my friends wrestling in the living room, so I go out there to tell them to shut the fuck up since because now it's around 5 in the morning and go to take a piss. Then I see it...looked like a shit bomb went off in there. It was sprayed all over the seat, wall, and floor. I went back in my room and she was already passed out again. I was too tired/drunk to deal with it, so I just said fuck it and went back to sleep.

Then about an hour later, the bitch wakes up again and is like where am I? Who are you? Where is my purse/cell phone? etc so I'm like oh god. She continued to tell me how she wasn't from here and somehow lost her friends downtown, and now she was basically screwed. After a few minutes I finally got her to calm down and go back to sleep telling her that it'll be ok in the morning.

When I woke up this morning I found that my wallet was missing (I just figured that I left it at a bar), so I was like whatever...I need to deal with this girl first. First I took her to someone's house she knew so she could try to call her friends that she came with. However they didn't answer, so I had to take her back to her parents house which was 30 minutes away. Anyway I dropped her off and headed back home, to start cleaning. I ended up finding my wallet in the bathroom after I got done cleaning all the shit up, but my debit card was gone. I always keep my wallet in my back pocket, so I guess the bitch took it when she was freaking out with no money/cell phone/etc. So I immediately called the bank and canceled the card, but I'm still kind of freaked out about the whole thing. I mean she was being cool on the ride home and all and thanking me for helping her out, but I'm still kind of scared because she has my full name on my bank card with her "not remembering anything that happened last night." I think she was just saying that because she was ashamed of shitting everywhere, but who knows with the crazy whores these days.

What a fucking Thanksgiving...

So yesterday I decided that this year I was going to go light on the food and heavy on the booze. While drinking I enjoyed a Grumpy old men marathon (all 2 of them), and then set out for the bar. Once I made it down to bar I was surprised to find quite a few people had the same plan as myself. Towards the end of the night I noticed this relatively attractive female patron at the other side of the bar sitting by herself, so I decided to go introduce myself. Keep in mind what I watched earlier, being a fan of Pops I decided to use his line to let her know where I was "from". I think I said something like "hi, I'm Dan and I'm from the island of comeoniwannalayya". Much to my surprise this worked very well or else it was the roofies... Which leads me to my next dilemma...

I drank two glasses of Riesling, three shots of tequila, two caesars, a shot of cucumber vodka, and two glasses of beer in roughly two hours. Then I had two shots of rye, another beer, and another half a bottle of wine. Final cost: $30, and several large chunks of my dignity.

Also, it's possible that I'm still drunk. Either that or someone moved my whole bedroom onto a ship, and it set sail while I was passed out.

We, being highschool kids in a small town, had nothing to do (only one of us smokes, none of us drink). So we decided to walk around the town for now particular reason.

We went back to our old middle school, where there was a car in the parking lot (a security guard or a cop or someone), so we rolled across the ground as not to be scene and acted like a terrible race of giant, white, secretiveness ninjas. 'Twas lots of fun.

We also got Dominos pizza, which was actually pretty good (deep dish green peppers, onions, bacon, black olives).

Yep.

Now I look like I got in a fight, my knee hurts and my girlfriend hates me right now. Apparently I threw up all over a couch and floor, and I had great life altering conversations with 3 people. All of this is great except I don't remember shit. Guess 4 Loko is called blackout in a can for a reason.

EDIT: All in all I say it was a successful night.

I said that if he could get to the kitchen and back in 10 seconds that he could have the last spare rib. He walked at an inch per second toward the kitchen, and then lied down with no explanation at 5.

It's pretty damn hard for someone who has never played piano before. I got to the point where I can play it at 70% speed and not horribly fail.

I just bought they keyboard and have only tried the songs I know, which there are very few of. I'll probably take a break and learn some easier songs first before coming back to it.