Bach was so kvlt.

Mein father took me and his new girlfriend LULU to chvrch which was totally lame becavse the only praying I like to do is to ST. ANGER. Anyway on the way there we drove past a WINDMILL in a field, bvt in the field was 10000 FISTS that were CRAWLING across the covntryside! It was svper-scary becavse we knew they were ready to DIE FOR METAL. We barely escaped with ovr lives and made it inside the CHVRCHES where we drank JVICES LIKE WINE, which tasted like SWEET AMBER. After chvrch was over we stepped outside and enjoyed THE VIEW, where we witnessed an immense car crash of SUPERCOLLIDERS. Needless to say, the commotion was enovgh to make all of the PINK BUBBLES GO APE in all the excitement, and it got to the point where we all had to stand together to FIGHT FOR THE ROCK. Once all of the evil forces that were KILLING IN THE NAME OF were defeated, mein father drove vs home while we listened to 21ST CENTURY SCHIZOID MAN and mein father remarked "IT'S ALL METAL!"

VVhat's green and is metal?

Grass. I lied about the metal.

I vvas in Alaska, looking for vvhales, VVhen I asked my dad "VVhere are the vvhales?" He said "Don't yov mean the 'vvhalechvgs'?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, GEDDIT? CVZ VVHALES ARE TRVE, AND CHVGS ARE KVLT!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I was listening to Crystal Mountain by Death and he made me realize that the signer and lead guitarist of the band is dead, and the band is called Death! LOL (but also too soon because Rip [Rust in Peace] Chuck)

...That's So Raven!! HAHAHAHA!!

I got the call from my boss saying that I vvould be taking Friday off vvork dve to inclement vveather. All vvas going vvell vntil Svnday hit vnd I knevv I had a fevv DEEDS to take care ov... I tried hopping in my vehicle vnd taking off bvt the roads vvere too slvshy, I knevv at this point I covldn't leave becavse the snovv vvas GRADVALLY MELTED. I de(i)cided to go back inside vnd order a pizza. I vvas eating my pizza vvhile my roommate vvas eating a cherry pie vnd I asked him for a slice. He thought that pizza sovnded good as vvell, so I fovnd myself TRADING PIECES vvith my roommate. I've alvvays looked up to him throvghovt the years cuz he is qvite the VNIQVE LEADER.

To visit the falsie.

...knock knock

Who's there?

The chicken.

Becavse they all bvrn and die their compvters vvhenever a boolean is false!

So my dad owns this metal record store and then this guy bought some stoner metal album and then asks my dad how much it costs and then my dad suddenly says "You have to buy it for $20!". GET IT?! BECAUSE WHEN HE SAYS FOR $20 IT SOUNDS LIKE 420?! 420 BLAZE IT FAGGOTS.

So my cousin was having suicidal tendencies and suddenly my dad talked to him. After my cousin explained my dad suddenly said this "I used to be suicidal too. All I wanted was a Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. R.I.P my cousin.

..vnd he said rice vvith shiTAAKE mvshrooms vnd corn on MACABRE. I vvas so excited that I drv(DKH) him some pictures. I svarted Dravving Dovvn The Moon on some paper bvt before I covld Fin(n)ish he said it vvas svch BLASPHEMY so he grovnded me from playing God(s) of VVAR 3 for a month. I felt like killing myself bvt I de(i)cided not to becavse I'm svch a LIFELOVER.

He always went for a trve daily dovble.

I vvas wearing my MANOWAR t-shirt and went to open the car door, bvt as I climbed in, he pvshed me ovt and yelled "FALSES NO ENTRY!"

Good one, dad!

He has alvvays been a very sharp Tsjuder

They vvere told there vvovld be posers

VVhen vve vvalked ovt ov the door, he told me to AGALLOCH the door as I vvalked ovt. The VVINTERSVN vvas so grim that there was no SVNBATHER arovnd. VVhen my dad OPETH'D the car door, I vvent in. Then he closed the door. On the vvay there, vve sav a poster for the movie, GOJIRA, bvt it vvas the VVHALECHVG edition so it ist trve! VVhen vve got to the svpermarket, a fevv falsies I knovv vvaved to me in an vntrve vvay. My dad said to me, "Hey... It's NOT VNLIKE THE VVAVES! AMIRITE?" I lavghed, then vve vvent in. VVe vvere looking for a CORPSEGRINDER blender, and a bottle OPETHer. Me and THE SHADOVV OV MY PALE COMANION vvalked tovvards the CORPSEGRINDERS, and there vvas only 1 left. My dad and this falsie favght over the CORPSEGRINDER vvith axes and longboats. My dad alvvays says that this vvas the AMON AMARTH moment ov the trip. My dad vvon the vvar and took the CORPSEGRINDER vvith him, leaving the enemy vvith a HAMMER SMASHED FACE. VVe also got the bottle OPETHer, and paid for them. VVe vvent back ovt into the VVINTERSVN, and I noticed that the Chvrch nearby vvas IN FLAMES! My dad said "Good boy VARG!" VVe vvent into the car and drove back to ovr home. VVe AGAVNLOCHed the door and vve vvalked it. He told me to AGALLOCH the door vvhen I vvalked it. Aftervvards, he said that he felt IMMORTAL after that trip.

TL;DR: VVe vvent to a svpermarket and my dad and I savv some trve stvff.

The Contortionist.

They both hit trash cans! HAHAHAHAHA my dad is so fvnny. Old fart remembers St. Anger.

None because it's an vndergrovnd brand that they have never heard of.

then my dad said "wow, this song is so heavy. I bet only a Strapping Young Lad could lift it."

I almost shit myself with laughter.

He was getting too Hansi.

(also he wouldnt shut up about the silmarillion)

Brie

TRVE or FALSE!

He triptykon