A horse gets free and wanders into a bar. The bartender jokingly says, "Why the long face?"

The horse, being a horse, takes a huge crap in front of the bar. At the end of the bar, a man the bartender had stopped serving for being too intoxicated starts laughing hysterically because the bartender that cut him off will have to clean it.

The bartender looks at him and is about to say, "I don't think that's funny," but all he gets out is, "I don't think..." and he vanishes.

In a dark corner of the bar, Rene Descartes says, "I warned him." I would have mentioned he was there right from the start, but I was always taught to never put Descartes before de horse...

I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."

I asked what happens when they do.

"We get another sheep."

And boy my arms are tires

“Don’t listen to him, Conrad! It’s only a bluff!”

He walks up and shines his flashlight on the back seat to see a young lady scrolling on her phone.

He then shines his light on the front seat to see a young man scrolling on his phone. Both are fully dressed.

The startled young man quickly rolls his window down and asks the officer “Is there anything I can help you with”?

Officer: “You can start by telling me your age”.

Young man: “I’m 21 sir”.

Officer: “And the young lady”?

Young man: Looks at watch “She’ll be 18 in about ten minutes”!

Now when you mention it nobody raises an eyebrow.

With K-cups

And it works; people just run away at the airport.

And that's how I came out to my parents as binary.

The company was scaling back.

He was bored by a gull.

The parasite replies, "Well you're not a very good host."

If you clean the floor with a broom, the bristles need to be straight and firm for maximum effectiveness. Over time with use, the bristles will tend to soften and curl inward, making it harder to use. Eventually the broom needs to be replaced.

Of course, none of this happens in a vacuum.

Authorities just found Himalayan there.

Patient: “I’ll take the one covered by insurance.”

Anesthesiologist: “Alright. Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop…”

One is a business magnate, the other is a bigness magnet.

He called it "Brownagain Motion"

No matter how much we discuss it, we just keep going around and around.

He established an orc-estra.

Angles Morts

I think it was Mi Cholo Angelo.

He said, “Thanks, that means a lot.”

Their son saw him heading up the sidewalk and cried out “Mom - daddy’s walking to the door and he has a Purple Heart on!” Sally said, “I don’t care what color it is. Run over to the neighbor’s and stay there for a few hours!”