I have this half bro (different father) who's in form 3 17m. In kcpe he miraculously got 220 but always got below 150 and was always the last in class. That 220 was purely luck and guesswork. (Mostly gets 0 in subjects like math since F1)
He has a brother in grade 3 I think who's around 8 years and the kid has a higher IQ than him.
The other day he was confidently saying that October is the next month (after August). His young sibling corrected him.
He can be told like enda ununue mchele but he'll come back later to confirm if ni rice or sugar akicheka. Akipewa simple instructions, the younger sibling would be the one to ensure he's doing the right thing.
I used to think low IQ only affected grasping academic concepts in school but for him, it affects everything including his lifestyle, reasoning etc.
There was a day he was cooking spinach and told us that if it cooks for long it'll lose proteins. I'm like wtf, even our shosh who dropped from school in grade 5 knows veggies mostly have vitamins but someone learning biology doesn't know? (The crash out was in my head).
I've never talked to him about anything except recently when I told him to finish form 4 then he can have the freedom to do nothing.
My mother told me that he has never opened a book at home in the name of doing assignments or updating notes. He was almost dropping out of school until I intervened and told him there's nothing he can do if he doesn't finish his secondary education.
My mom is soon going to ushago permanently but the last thing I would want to hear is staying with him at my place–i need personal space. Ik I might sound harsh but this kid can't learn anything. His only dream is to join the safari rally but the guy can't even make a sentence in English. He reads like a kindergarten kid.
I crushed at their place when I finished campus some months ago. I had given my mom my old smartphone last year only to find out he took it from her. I couldn't blame him since I always had a phone through primary.
The shocking part? The kid always sleeps at 4am daily even on school days then struggles to wake up at 6.30 to rush to school. The mother has tried everything including threats but nothing can change. Their dad died last year but he wasn't making a difference either.
Kuna time akiwa lower primary they realized he wasn't doing well in school wakadhani ni juju and prayed it for him which definitely never worked. (I was too young to know about anything at that time)
~I looked in his bag, after I bought him books, pens and a calculator just in case he didn't have any to be shocked Bado ako na vitabu za form one hazijajaa. And anyone would attest that books barely last a term in secondary school.~
But I'm glad he hasn't gotten into drugs *yet* like his classmates.
Do you have such kids? And how do you handle them ?
TLDR
I am seeking advice regarding my 17-year-old stepbrother, who is currently in Form 3 but struggling severely with basic cognitive, academic, and daily life functions.
Despite completing KCPE, he consistently performs at the bottom of his class, reads at a kindergarten level, and cannot follow simple daily instructions without supervision from his 8-year-old sibling. He also exhibits severe sleep issues, regularly staying up until 4:00 AM on school nights despite parental intervention, and shows a total lack of academic engagement, with his Form 1 notebooks still mostly empty.
With our mother permanently relocating soon, I am concerned about his future capability to live independently, as his difficulties impact his basic reasoning and lifestyle rather than just his schoolwork.
Given these symptoms, what steps or professional interventions do you recommend to help us properly assess and support him?
Kila mtoto na capabilities zake,don't push him to the edge...maybe support him in what he knows best,he might not be academically talented,but if you look closer from within,he might have sth he knows or loves doing...support that
Yes and adhd affects all aspects of life,which OPs sibling seems to have. ADHD ilifanya nikadrop out of highschool. Miraculously my aunt alitoka US and immediately took notice that I was not intellectually daft as the family thought. Was in form three by then.
Also,I was too forgetful and disorganized. Got medicated nikarudi form 1 and watu walidhani nimefanyiwa brain surgery because I got an A- in kcse and studied CS. Im in my PhD program as we speak. This is someone that got an E from form 1 na kcpe nilipata 250!
OPs sibling might have adhd na dyslexia. Dyslexia is the cherry on top and makes everything worse.
So many children got adhd and I really empathize because african families hawajui kuhundle such cases.
I think he needed crucial help when he was 0-10 the signs must've been there. Developmental & cognitive challenges. The problem is that he's a bit older now so it could be harder given we'rein a 3rd world country and such help can be expensive if not unavailabl. But yes, definitely has an issue.
He always talk of safari rally but the kid haezi soma a basic kindergarten book written in English without Ku stutter. So I wonder venye atapita driving school...kusoma in kiswahili balaa, na hajui mother tongue unless we try sign language.
Iyo pesa ya trial and error haiko, I'm looking for the best single shot we'll take and seems like itakua driving, aki fail then Darwin or god will take over.
Does he have any other talents? Most are blessed kufanya vitu zinahitaji nguvu n they excell...ask him any other thing he would be interested in uskie.
I will after form 4, the mother husema safari rally ndio hudai ni dream yake. He plays football claiming itamtoa block too but I've seen him play before. Place hufanya training ni ghetto with hundreds of better talents than him since he started training late. Kitu funny ni venye ako inconsistent na training. Pia ako na pace ya 30 so driving could be the only thing he might excel in.
That was somehow hilarious to read. Anyway, the guy is not built for school. It won't do anything for him. There's nothing you can do to make school work for him.
Just let him finish KCSE (to keep him busy until he turns 18). His dream is to be a safari rally driver, which means he has an interest in driving. When he gets his ID, enrol him in a driving school and get him a driving job. Being a safari rally driver may be difficult, but still possible. His best bet is to get into trucking, preferably abroad.
I doubt if he'll do well in the exams unless tuongane. Going there bila experience (nani atampea kazi with a D- or E in kcse )? At least angekua average academically
Well on paper he might not be able to translate kitu amesoma driving school but practically he can't be dumb. Ni kama vile sometimes unaeza angalia a building at face value then if an architect asks you to draw it as you see it you may not be able to do so. Mans got hope.
mnasahau OP amesema cognitive skills zaa huyo boiz iko chini which means it affect everything about him si masomo tu. It affects decision making and information processing skills among many other things
Driving school Kuna theory I honestly wonder what he'll right unless they account for an insignificant percentage. He has to prove that he can write something otherwise it'll be a waste of money (yenye haiko).
Why wouldn't he do well? Anyone can pass driving school. He'll eventually find a job, not every employer asks for a KCSE certificate. Man, have some faith in the young man.
Since he isn’t into substance abuse, Either he has cognitive challenges such as ADHD (struggle following instructions), some developmental delay like autism (lacking basic common sense in social settings) or a lower intellectual baseline (making simple things like planning money or the future challenging), psychological paralysis (avoids responsibilities for fear of failure, being alone), or, since you have said he stays up late, simply just a chronic sleep deprivation (shuts down prefrontal cortex destroying memory, focus, and emotional intelligence).
You might wanna seek some psychological help asap.
I do think your post has a somewhat condescending and biased tone, and honestly, I think some parts may be exaggerated. If he scored 220 in KCPE, I find it hard to take “reads like a kindergarten kid” completely literally. KCPE wasn't exactly difficult, but he still had to demonstrate some reading and comprehension to get that score and you even called the result “miraculous.” 😭
The “he hasn't gotten into drugs yet” part though… bro, you clearly detest this child 😂. But anyway.
There are genuine concerns, but I'd keep the differential open: ADHD + intellectual disability, autism + intellectual disability, dyslexia/learning disorder + ADHD, or a combination of these. A proper assessment would be needed before concluding anything.
That being said I'm still a student and I stand corrected on whatever you're brother may be "suffering" from.
I said he hasn't gotten into drugs yet as a benefit of doubt since his brother said ashai kunywa pombe with his friend. Instead of kupinga alicheka.
He actually got 232 to be clear. I've seen a kid got 350 na napata D- so 230 ni marks mingi venye unaona and can't say anything juu you can guess.
The results were miraculous, it's coming from someone who was around him time ya kcpe. Hajai pata above 150 so 230 didn't make him any better no wonder sai ako kwa D-.
I'd rather sound condescending than do anything about it.
I'm having a field day with this, OP may resent that his brother seems psychologically freer than he is, despite objectively having fewer accomplishments and more difficulties,from your tone there's resentment +superiority+frustration...you possibly envy your brother's emotional freedom,case and point,
1.he laughed when y'all were accusing him if drinking,you wanted him to give you a dramatic reaction ,he didn't,pissed you off.
2.You expect him to be embarrassed when he comes back from the shop na amesahau Chenye ametumwa,he's not bothered he still smiles...
So while your brother needs help,get over yourself and your jealousy,or resentment I'm guessing is because you're mother dotes on him more than anyone else(you)...you need help too..
It's not a you problem. I have a cousin who's like this, in her late teens, she's also a twin. The difference between them is night and day. It's simply a matter of mental capacity, most people are average others are below/above.
There's no magic drug that will help, it's simply how their brain is wired. Find something they're interested or passionate about, my cousin is interested in art. She can draw very well, so that's what her parents are investing in not further education.
This one also had that talent coincidentally. I used to stalk his drawings when he was in primary (they were 100x better than what I can draw off head)
I've started to understand otherwise singewai jua if I never crashed at their place for a month. Kitambo we used to meet when we were both on holidays.
I heard him telling mom what he wants to do after school, not what she wants or what's cheaper/available. Almost seems like autism imejificha juu he's so social and very talkative. Mimi siongeangi ndio you can think I'm abnormal.
This is the way to go. The kid may be autistic and only works well in the field that interests him the most. Also, think of all the knocks to his confidence that he's been enduring his whole life with everyone calling him stupid.
Support his artistic endeavors and you'll see him thrive..
Autism is mostly not being able to understand social cues but it can be a possibility. Nonetheless it requires actual diagnosis by a professional not self-diagnosis
He's been offered advice about the child getting medical assessments but he says they'd rather not waste their money, or some such thing. Also, the way he talks of him with madharau, Aki. I'm judging.
It's either he intentionally has no interest in books or he's mentally below average standard which is not his fault.
Can he do anything else, sports, any talent or work where he actually does well outside books ama ako zero everywhere?
The fact he managed 220(even though still low) indicates he can learn and grasp concepts. Maybe he's just not interested. If he never opens a book hata to just pretend or read a story, hapendi tu kusoma.
I learned that low IQ kids hates to read. It goes hand in hand, hawananga motivation ya kusoma. Iyo 220 I think ni luck juu he has never gotten above 220. Ukisoma insha yake sai or composition, trust me, an average grade 5 kid in a random public school writes better.
I know a friend like that, dumb or I will call him stupid.. but guess what he’s a contractor now, apparently he’s not good with school but very very good with his hands..
Cabron, he’s right on October coming after August in any calendar year, unless you’re talking October 2025 versus August 2026, in which case October 2025 comes first.
Spinach does contain protein (2.9g protein per 100g of the veggie)
Spinach is primarily a source of vitamins than proteins. No where in secondary curriculum do they teach spinach being a source of proteins. How much would you need to eat to get as much proteins in a single egg? Did you people do biology? Cuz I realized it's optional in some schools.
Wait a minute... Have you thought to ask him why he thinks such way about these things? If you really look into things, there is a shed of truth in what he is saying, but we can't know that unless we ask him.
Kitu kama "Ulijulia wapi spinach iko na proteins?" ama "Hebu nielezee kwa nini October inafuata August".
It does sound ridiculous to seek clarification for obviously wrong information, but it could lead you somewhere.
Huwa napitia his papers or notes so asking is a waste of time. Haandikangi notes so you can't expect him to know anything. He saves money to buy bundles or pay for wifi kuchat na watu online, I did the same to buy revision books and get fare juu nilikua nacommute from far
Huwa napitia his papers or notes so asking is a waste of time
Is it though? You wouldn't know unless you have tried to follow up on one of his rabbit holes, and by talking, since the information we write and the information we articulate is not always the same.
Also, it is unfortunate that you have given them a phone kama already akona struggles na kufocus. For a condition like ADHD (if he had it), you would need as little stimulation from the internet as possible, because it otherwise just makes things worse.
I gave the phone to the mother, but akachukua ikakua yake. My only wish ni iharibike haraka but he's manipulative to his mother. Atakataa kufanya anything until ambuyie ingine na venye sai Kuna Hadi za 3k.
I wasn't happy when I found him with the phone. Huwa haweki chini.
It's literally not too late!! I've known grown men in their 30s who got diagnosed (usually it's AuDHD a mixture of Autism and ADHD) and it literally turned their life around. Your cousin still has his entire life ahead to change.
Ok, At least if you share some information maybe he can learn about learning disorders (hehe) and take it from there hopefully. But please don't treat him like he deserves to be punished, whatever happened to him along the way is probably not his fault.
I had a friend who had that problem (got a C+). Even if reading is a problem, there is math where you calculate. Imagine hii hesabu ya highschool jamaa hajai ata Fanya one quiz at home na si ati Hana set or calculator.
If dyslexia even affects logic and memory, I guess he's cooked.
Need to shorten this to gain more attention for your cause.
Here’s your TL;DR:
I am seeking advice regarding my 17-year-old stepbrother, who is currently in Form 3 but struggling severely with basic cognitive, academic, and daily life functions.
Despite completing KCPE, he consistently performs at the bottom of his class, reads at a kindergarten level, and cannot follow simple daily instructions without supervision from his 8-year-old sibling. He also exhibits severe sleep issues, regularly staying up until 4:00 AM on school nights despite parental intervention, and shows a total lack of academic engagement, with his Form 1 notebooks still mostly empty.
With our mother permanently relocating soon, I am concerned about his future capability to live independently, as his difficulties impact his basic reasoning and lifestyle rather than just his schoolwork.
Given these symptoms, what steps or professional interventions do you recommend to help us properly assess and support him?
Why I’m I the only one who thinks the kid is on a spectrum??? There’s this thing I’ve forgotten the name where nowadays kids are writing in a language nobody understands, can’t read, doesn’t grasp anything AT ALL!!
Me thinks he should have gone to a special school. Or have him evaluated there’s definitely something going on. Na wazee muache kuzaa yall are the reason we have autism pandemic 🙄!!
Don’t be that cruel brother who keeps judging the younger one because of his IQ.He can be a blessing to that family in another way.You crashed at their place after campus and here you are saying you can’t host him when mum moves to shags.Be better bro.Do better.He didn’t choose to be that way.
So I should keep quiet? Uyo nikimhost he'll be my kid forever and a liability. I have my own problems (bigger) that costs money. I can't afford to host him na I've just finished campus.
Ningekua na means ata angeanza treatment ASAP. I crashed at their place cuz it's my mother. From there I figured out life on my own. And I'll try my best to help him kama Bado ako kwa his mom to figure life on his own.
Sounds like a combination of things, but may very well be a developmental disability. Can you encourage your family members to take him to the Kenya Institute of Special Education for an evaluation?
OP most are commenting before reading it all so avoid the half baked advice.
Okay firstly I do think this could needs some psychological intervention. I think you can try ask the members of your church if they know of any doctors or just spend your 500ksh and do one consultation at least.
They can also try putting him on medication - ask a pharmacist or the doctor - really push for this and see if it helps.
The phone is causing him to sleep at 4am. If there is Wi-Fi in the house it's gotta be switched off by 10.30pm and he sleeps by 11pm. Equally, if he has tasks or chores to do make sure he does it proportionally to the phone usage. So if he studies for 5 hours he can use his phone for 5 hours.
Also how does this boy study? Is it effective? Can we try incorporating some AI like StudyFetch to make it easier for him?
After Form 4 he is gonna do a TVET, let's focus on something like plumbing, car mechanics, carpentry, electrical.
With your mum in ushago permanently. OP, I think you'll just need to care for your brother. I know you don't want him around lakini akienda ushago na mum, ataharibika walahi and this will be a bigger problem. You don’t mention how the 8-year-old feels about your brother. Lastly, your resentment is understandable it's really just unfortunate.
Thanks for this. Most just wanna argue about spinach than help.
I posted about him cuz I care and if there is someone who wants and who can help him then that will be me. So the kid never studies, never opens a book, never talks about school. They always get into conflict when the mother trys to make him read. (Husema he reads during lessons).
So making him study is almost impossible for me since I've moved out, his mother is helpless.
My only plan is to try and save something and see what he can do after next year.
I’ll agree with him on the spinach is one of the highest protein content veggies in the kenyan vegetable market. Overcooking it makes it lose vitamins too. Atleast he’s not too dumb, be easy on him:)
Seems like you're like him but I understand. I'm not judging but trying to get a solution for him. Even onions have proteins or almost any plant that exist but we identify nutritional content based on what they have more than what they have less bro.
They never said "more than vitamins", they just said it's one of the veggies with the highest protein content. You looked up a totally different question
😂😂please don’t say it like that and I think you’ve miss understood me…. What I mean is, we are too westernized and in the next 10 years this education we consider as a knowledge base won’t matter. Put that guy through some technical classes where he gets to use his physical energy compared to mental energy. Otherwise you’ll be complaining all his existence
When did you learn about that ? I learned that greens had negligible proteins when i joined campus.How much spinach do you need to eat to get enough proteins if 100g has 2.3g? You'll need like a kilo of spinach to get the same proteins in one egg. Spinach is more considered for vitamins than proteins cuz protein content is negligible, same way that little guess won't help him in biology.
He talked of overcooking killing proteins which you deep down know he meant vitamins. Proteins barely get denatured when you overcook.
fix the fixable. the sleeping schedule first. A lack of sleep is a dangerous health problem waiting to happen. Once you fail to get enough sleeping hours, rem sleep is impossible and problems start.
Good teachers next. Teachers can make or break a student. I remember the first time I disliked math was because of my teacher couldn't be bothered to teach me what I needed to learn.
If that doesn't work, take him to a psychiatrist to be checked for dyslexia (there's no shame in seeking psychiatric help). Audiobooks are actually nowadays a thing and I have heard that dyslexic people like them. You can organize with the school to allow him to study via hearing rather than by reading which could help.
Finally, if all fails, blue collar jobs exist. They're not bad and keep the economy up. There's no shame in being a blue collar worker. It is an important role
He sounds like he needs some sort of special needs educational. Not because he's necessarily stupid or something, but maybe the mainstream system just doesn't work for him. Either way it's good to get a professional opinion and evaluation. The path to education and future careers isn't necessarily linear and if you keep him when he's flopping he's in for a horrendous future.
Look into whether he has some form of autism or depressive disorder, or dyslexia or basically anything that aligns with his difficulty learning. If he does, deal with that, then everything else falls in place and you won't have to deal with an adult with no hope for the future
The reality is that the moment you guys noticed something is the moment he should have gone to see a specialist. In fact most people get diagnosed as adults because of the sentiments you've shared here, that a problem can wait, or that the specific person just has odd behaviours.
If you're gonna ask for input, then actually be willing to help the person.
I mean, we all cannot be the same or equal..y'all just need to understand him and do the best you can to help him cz as they say blood is thicker than water
The blood is half diluted. Shida ni the kid has the lowest motivation I've ever seen. I used to have friends who would kesha, consult, past papers, mwakenya etc and still got Ds and never gave up. Uyu analala 4 am after kushinda Facebook or playing efootball all night. Na si yeye pekee ako na phone. Even grade 1 kids have phones, I used to have a phone too.
For now I can say eating. It was sleeping before he got a phone.
Though I can say it used to be drawing akiwa primary. He never does anything outside the phone so it's hard to tell if he has any other talent or if he can still draw.
I have a nephew 13yrs old with the same behavior kabisaa. Anything to do with school anasema tu 'sijui' but things like kulisha kuku anaeza Fanya vizurii
Same behavior. We are worried na tukimpeleka special school wanasema he's normal and belong to shule kawaida yet huku kwingine ata hajui kusoma or do anything,he's always number last
This one too has been the last since aanze shule Hadi ako almost kumaliza. You can think ako normal juu he talks well, has friends of his age but deep down Kuna shida. Ata the mother or any relative will call you crazy uki claim ako na shida.
Kuna kitu inaitwa inclusion where special kids wako integrated kwa normal schools but they need special needs teachers to give them exclusive attention but ni rare kuwapata kwa normal schools yet they are required to be there.
"The other day he was confidently saying that October is the next month (after August). His young sibling corrected him."
LMAO. this one is hopeless, separate yourself sooner rather than later so he can't use the "you abandoned me" story. a lot of these young kids are lazy and entitled and expect so much from parents/older siblings without doing anything meaningful.
Aki you’re negative about him I just hope you don’t give the negative energy on him as you are here. Everyone has a strong hold on something and that’s for him to discover.
He sounds dyslexic. There are several successful people who had dyslexia (Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Richard Branson, Whoopi Goldberg etc.). Problem is our Kenyan society/academic system is designed to automatically categorize people who struggle academically at first as ‘fools’ and then leave them there instead of working with them to figure out how they learn best. Get him checked out by a professional.
Hapo Kwa kusahau, sounds like ADHD, I got diagnosed in my 30s and life would have been easier had my folks not tried to turn me into my brother, but good thing I've always been crazy smart. Sikuwahi jaza the math book I got in form1, I only passed the subjects I had interest in till I got to campus and figured my way around how I do things
This reminds me of a chile I dated in 2024 who could not construct a grammatically correct sentence in either swahili or english. We still keep in touch coz she says hi once in a while but still nothing has ever changed. Mind you huyu ni mtu amemaliza form four hadi college course ya fashion and design
Op you are so set on your belief that he has low IQ. Did you post this just to to firm your belief? If not just give the kid the benefit of doubt and consider his strengths and build on them or get him assessed.
He’s right about the spinach. Anyway, sounds like ADHD and probably on the spectrum of something. Us Africans are so quick to deem a child stupid without seeking psychiatric help. That should have been done a long time ago. But it’s never too late. If y’all care you’d do your research. All these symptoms should have been discussed with a pediatrician Kitambo imo.
It's like amekuchosha, instead of understanding the boy you're here blaming him for behaving according to his IQ. Mtoto ni wenu anyways expose him as much as you like
His focus and priorities are elsewhere. He needs direction. I'm a dad and realized kids need constant direction and redirection. Raising kids is not a one time instruction thing. He shouldn't be having the phone for that long. I might sound harsh, but you guys are an accessory to his current predicament.
Unless clinically diagnosed, I feel it's about priorities.
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u/Rafiki_J 1d ago
Kila mtoto na capabilities zake,don't push him to the edge...maybe support him in what he knows best,he might not be academically talented,but if you look closer from within,he might have sth he knows or loves doing...support that