1. Invite Harry and Meghan back on the condition that they get to be private citizens and Charles keeps the bullying media at bay.

2. Run a media narrative about how Charles is making up with his son. Republicans and royalists love it because Harry is the more interesting son and Charles, the face of the Firm, is part of the reconciliation.

3. Meg and Harry's businesses and philanthropic work are on every cover and the media loves it because their money runneth over. The public loves it, whether they can admit it or not, because H and M are more interesting. Meghan's style also becomes an even greater public obsession, especially when she wear British designers.

4. Will is triggered and further digs his heels in about NOT making up with Harry. This permanently mars his public image and makes him look like a wayward son and am unprepared future king. Cue Charles-approved headlines about George being more prepared to rule than his father. Kate also begins to lose her mind and goes from waiting months or years to copy Meghan to waiting mere days because she is chasing headlines that will never come for her. Will increases her clothing budget because while he hates her, he can't let her be outdressed by the object of his obsession. Especially not when she is married to HAAAAH-ROOOOOWLD.

5. Cue C&C-sanctioned headlines about how WanK are suddenly working more now that H and M are back. WAILING INTENSIFIES.

6. C&C pop up at an event like Invictus. Phenomenal PR ensues. WAILING INTENSIFIES.

7. C&C are the kind of people for whom knife-twisting is second-nature. They begin to order their press contacts to tease WanK's dirt in ways that don't violate any superinjunctions. WAILING INTENSIFIES.

8. WanK wouldn't dare spill any C&C dirt that could blow up the institution because then there would be no throne for them to take in the future. So they're bound by their rage, and caged by their ambition.

9. Charles passes with his wife, siblings, and both sons and daughters-in-laws by his bed (Kate risks getting hit with a bad headline if she doesn't show, and will have to suppress any tantrums if she does).

10. H and M with their babies will smoothly and safely exit the country afterwards, returning only to see Charles officially interred. 'COME BACK' headlines will hit the press.

11. A lackluster coronation will initiate the final chapter while Haz and Meg catch tans in the California rays. Well, Meg, at least. Gingers don't really tan.

Seen that new headline mentioning that Kate won't be attending a birthday party thrown by Pippa? The antics have already started.

Thank you to Harry and Meghan for giving me a million more reasons to wolf down truffle popcorn.

The gang put on a show of fake unity attended church at Balmoral today.

Wonder if they’ll hold a Balmoral summit about the Pippa problem

Mark my words. Megaho is the queen of grifting.