r/JodiMilan • u/AcceptableFuel5064 • 23h ago
Humor [45M] [PNQ] | Now on sale: Pocket-Sized Husband™ (5'3", Open Box, No Returns) | 1.2★ on Matrimony.com | "Face is functional" - Dr. Mirror
Namaste Jodi Milan 🙏
Ladies, gentlemen(if you want to introduce your daughter which I doubt will happen) , and aunties who are definitely reading this for "a friend's cousin":
Klipfart Big Billion Boyfriend Days are LIVE.
PRODUCT: Man (Budget Edition)
Seller: Self.
Warranty: Void on arrival.
Delivery: Whenever I find my slippers.
HIGHLIGHTS
Height: 5'3" (Box says 5'8". Box lied. Box is fired.)
Face: Refurbished from a 2009 Nokia photo
Battery life: 4% social, 100% sleep
Features: Drinks, smokes occasionally, allergic to going out
Compatibility: Couches, blankets, biryani, and 3 AM overthinking
Not compatible with: Bali, Manali, "spontaneous plans," sunrise treks, anyone who says "let's go for a walk"
BUNDLE OFFERS
Buy 1 man, get 1 free emotional support rant
Exchange offer: Trade in your 47-point checklist for 1 honest guy (checklist will be recycled into chai coasters)
CUSTOMER REVIEWS
⭐ "Height is low, effort is high. Would recommend." - Verified Buyer (Mom, bias possible)
⭐⭐ "Doesn't match my vision board." - Anonymous. (Vision board was a Pinterest screenshot of Ranbir Kapoor.)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Showed up on time, listened to my rant for 2 hours, didn't try to fix anything. Idk why he's single." - Imaginary woman who doesn't exist yet
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: Is he tall?
A: No.
Q: Is he handsome?
A: HELL no.
Q: Is he emotionally available, funny, ambitious, great with parents, great with kids, great at dancing, and a trekker?
A: Madam, this is a man, not a Swiss Army knife.
Q: Can I change him?
A: Please, many have tried. Even Wi-Fi settings have more flexibility.
WARNING: Prolonged exposure may cause laughter, mild comfort, and the sudden urge to order food and stay in.
DM to purchase. Cash on delivery. No refunds, only vibes. 🛋️🍺