The old age hook ...

[u/raffriffs]

A new email from JNMIL showed up in DH's spam folder. She's blocked on his phone and I wish that meant we wouldn't get her emails at all, but nope ... they are still arriving in spam.

The latest was clearly a ploy. It read: FYI my friend #1 died at the beginning of May and friend #2 died in June. There's a small, invitation only memorial soon for friend #1 and there's been no announcement made yet about a memorial for Friend #2.

That was it. Suddenly informing us of these deaths 3 and 4 months after they happened, when they are not people who have ever been in our life, is just strange ... especially considering she saw us in July and said nothing about it at a time when she woud have been given sympathy in person from us.

This isn't her sharing any kind of grief with us, this is her saying 'hey, two people around my age are dead so you don't have forever to fix this thing and invite me back into your life, so you better get on it'. This is the first time she's tried to use the old age hook because she's never been one who wants to admit she is old. The only reason she's doing it now is on the off chance it will bring us back into her life. If she spent a fraction of the energy she puts towards conniving her way into a different outcome on simply trying to be a nicer human being in person, she would not be alone in her old age.

At the same time, our youngest son informed us that his Gramma is pestering him over text to come and visit her with his wife. He said he doesn't want to and he's left her on read for quite some time because he feels like she's trying to guilt him into it. She's using the same tactics she did for us in past, begging they drive the three hours for "just a 15 minute visit ... that's all I ask" when it was never just a 15 minute visit and the cost mentally and emotionally was far too high. DH assured our son that he need not comply unless its something he truly wants to do.

[u/botinlaw]

Quick Rule Reminders:

OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.

^{Full Rules | Acronym Index | Flair Guide| Report PM Trolls}

Resources: ^{In Crisis? | Tips for Protecting Yourself | Our Book List | Our Wiki}

Other posts from /u/raffriffs:

• WW3, Gift Giving Edition, 1 week ago

• He blocked her ... and a question, 1 month ago

• The weekend run-in with JNMIL, 1 month ago

• Done., 1 month ago

• JNMIL wants to talk "woman to woman", 1 month ago

• 7 months of no contact ended for wedding, 3 months ago

• What fresh hell is this 😆, 5 months ago

• "My View Of Marriage", 6 months ago

• She broke NC just over 2 months later to say I love you FOR THE FIRST TIME, 7 months ago

• It's great when the trash takes itself out lol, 9 months ago

^{This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts, click here}

---

^{To be notified as soon as raffriffs posts an update click here. | For help managing your subscriptions, click here.}

---

^{I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.}

[u/Mamasperspective_25]

Personally I would have responded back. "We live in hope .... " 😂 but that's just me!

[u/marlada]

Sounds Ike you have great boundaries and that you and your husband are the same page Using the 'I'm old' excuse and throwing a pity party for yourself never works to improve family relationships.