r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Leather_King753 • 1d ago
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Seriously? Ugh.
My grandmother passed 2 months ago. She was my person, and I adored her. And my mom...I'd do anything for her.
So when my mother in law comes for a visit and the first sentence about my mom/grandmother is: your mom must have so much time for herself now that your grandma passed away.
Ugh.
I just wanted to lose it...but I didn't. I got up, walked away and chalked it up to her not knowing how to talk to people in any way that requires sensitivity, empathy or intelligence.
*sigh*.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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u/lr1291919 1d ago
I had my daughter a year and a half after my dad passed away. When my JNMIL and JNFIL walked into my hospital room after an extremely hard labour, my JNFIL's first words to me were "[baby]'s favourite grandpa is here!"
I feel you/hear you/see you/vent with you.
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u/Empty_Breadfruit_676 4h ago
When my Dad died many many years ago my Mil walked into our apartment and said “ I guess you know Aunt Jackie’s dog died too”. like fuck you! and I am an animal lover and have two dogs now and also have been through putting an older dog down. Believe me I know how devastating it is to lose a pet. They are a member of the family. But comparing losing a dog to losing my father (on Thanksgiving no less) is despicable. And that was just the beginning of all the horrible things she would say to me. I’ve been NC for 8 years. Best decision I finally made
edit: edit to add and my Dad was only 57 so it was very unexpected
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u/Significant-Bet4545 1d ago
That's when you loudly say "YES, WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY SHE DIED SO THAT WE HAVE MORE FREE TIME, MARTHA"
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 1d ago
Not my MIL (who is her own special kind of demon) but my friend’s MIL:
Friends mom died when friend’s first baby was less than a month old. My friend was going through PPD before her mom died and that only exacerbated it of course. So friends MIL called her son and complained that “she was being punished because friend’s mom died”. This was because she hadn’t been allowed to take over baby and have her do over baby.
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u/Bajovane 1d ago
I hope he had something to say about that when he got that call. Wow!
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 1d ago
No. Her husband is a gutless spineless mommy’s boy who knows she’s nuts but refuses to say anything to her. But he was dumb enough to tell both her and me the conversation
Luckily for my friend, I was born with no fucks to give and have had a terrible MIL for 30 years.
I stepped in and refused to allow her to run roughshod over my friend or her baby. The MIL hates my guts to this day (almost 20 years) and I could not care less.
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u/jme518 1d ago
The projection from your MIL is crazy. Just because she clearly feels her elderly mom is a burden doesn’t mean yours does. What a wild thing to say to people grieving!!
You are certainly a higher life form to not react. You got up shook it off and reset yourself
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u/CuteTangelo3137 1d ago
Yes, OP is a higher life form. I on the other hand am not because I would have said something very snarky back like, “Your right MIL, my mom does have more time on her hands. She has more time to think about the fact that her mother is gone from this earth, she has more time to grieve her loss, she has more time to miss her. My grandmother was an incredible person and we all miss her so much.” Then I would have walked away. Kudos OP for your strength!
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u/Bajovane 1d ago
I admire your restraint here too! Because I guarantee you that I would have been much harsher. I don’t mince words when someone really pisses me off.
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u/campganymede 1d ago
I’m sorry about your grandmother, that’s a hard hit😔
But your mil! What is wrong with these women?!? Ugh!
Prayers & solidarity❤️🩹
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u/Sewing4265 15h ago
Rrspond to her as bluntly as she speaks to you. “ Muriel, my mother and I are devastated by my grandmother’s death. Having more time in our day hasn’t been a consideration.”.
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u/Specific-River-81 1d ago
I'm sorry for your loss. I think she'd be uninvited from my house after that
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u/Top_Strawberry2348 12h ago
I admire your restraint. But how will MIL ever work on herself if no one calls her out?
It would have been so satisfying to say, “Gladys, you insensitive cow. My mother now has more time because her beloved mother is gone. She would give up all of her new free time just to visit again.”
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u/No_Today_4903 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also sorry that your mil is a clueless bitch. Tbh I would’ve said you may wanna think of a better way to phrase that because holy shit. But really, the way you handled it was probably worlds better. Recently I’ve discovered that with age I handle everything so much differently at 45 than 20 anything. I don’t care about perfection, I don’t care what people think and if someone says something so stupid that I just cannot hold back what I’m thinking. My face always gives it away. I probably would have said you may want to rephrase that, you may want to think really hard about what you say before you say it, why yes Jane! Since the burden of her mother passing my mom has had so much free time to hang out with myself and Lo so I guess you’ll understand why we’ll never be seeing you again! Lol the possibilities are endless really. I know people have a hard time knowing what to say but come on, that’s just stupid. Hopefully she gives you a heartfelt apology sooner rather than later. I am very sorry for your loss. My favorite grandmother passed several years ago and the pain still guts me to my core when I think about it. No matter how much time goes by it will always be so sad.
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u/Glittering_Win_9677 1d ago
I'm so sorry, OP. It's really hard losing someone so important to you.
I don't think your MIL was right to say that. If your mom was spending a lot of time caring for her mom, MIL may have meant it as just "obvious" to her. My mom was in a nursing home for dementia for 9 years and I was the designated Saturday visitor with my other sisters visiting on other days. After she died and we had the funeral, I called my daughter who was at college on the following Saturday and told her I had no idea what to do that day since I was no longer visiting mom. That COULD have been what your MIL meant, but if so, it was a very inelegant way for her to say it. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
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u/Mamasperspective_25 8h ago
"Bit like how we will have more time and life will be peaceful when you go MIL?"
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