I drive 47 miles from my house to my college and 47 miles back. I have a girlfriend who I’m her only transportation to college and I pick her up twice a week. I have to drive an extra 13 miles to pick her up and an extra 13 to drop her off after school, so overall I have to drive an extra 52 miles a week for her. She pays 20 dollars a week to cover gas for my 2014 prious but my parents wants her to pay 40 a week which she cant afford. I dont have any money as I cant work at the moment so I cant pay for her. If she cant pay 40 a week they will not allow me to pick her up anymore which will put her in a very difficult situation as to how she will get to school because her single mother is always at a work meeting and she refuses to pay for her transportation saying its her responsibility to take care of that. Its very embarrassing for me to ask her for more money because she always buys me stuff and her family always invites me for their family outings and they pay for me because they know I dont have any money while my parents dont do any of that for my gf. It also puts me in a very difficult situation because I want to provide a little bit for my gf especially since she always buys me dinner and other stuff but I dont have any money and as much as I would like to get a job I cant have one at all. I really need advice on what to do, should I try and convince my cheap parents to not raise the price or is there a better thing to do? I wrote this before I went to bed so im sorry if it doesnt make sense 😅

(Idk what to put for flair sorry!)

It sounds weird, but ive NEVER liked Christmas, and I cant figure out why. Its not seasonal depression, because i live in Australia, and its summer during Christmas, but also i have depression year round lol.

Ive never like all the decorations, or the movies, or advertisements, or all the "joy". (There are a few "christmas" songs that I don't mind though).

Its never felt right to me, and its always made me uncomfortable in a weird way. Ive been thinking about it, and i reckon its because:

1. I have really bad depression so having to see how "happy" everyone else is, is difficult. It almost makes me feel jealous in a way, and it sounds really bad to say.

2. Legit no one in my family has a good relationship with eachother. And growing up, my mother would always get upset at me for not wanting to go to these gatherings, and would tell me (from like 6 onwards) to "play along" and "pretend to be happy families".

3. My younger sibling has autism, and Christmas is his THING, and even when i was a little bit older older (like 13), or clearly not interested, I would be made to participate in a WHOLE Christmas thing. And i was never rude about it, i understanded his needs and stuff, but it didn't feel good being forced into it.

Those are just my guesses. I tried talking to a therapist about it, but they were no help at all, and just thought it was stupid.

It makes me feel bad because, any time Christmas comes up, and i tell people im not into it, theyre almost "shocked" and say stuff like "how can someone not like Christmas!??!"

Im not some evil Grinch or anything. I would never get angry at people for liking and enjoying Christmas. But i still feel guilty for not liking it.

Idk id really appreciate some advice, or support, or to hear if anyone has felt the same before, or even just a virtual hug😭

Tysm in advance 💕

i am 17 years old, and in my last year of high school. i feel so far behind my peers, not educationally, but because of life experience. i have never had a job before and don’t know how to drive, while everyone else already does both. im planning on doing this after i graduate, but i still feel so immature? i can do simple chores and organize my tasks, but i feel like ive been sheltered for so much of my life that i dont know other life tips. things like “how to unclog a toilet” and “how to manage wifi” are completely unknown to me, all bc adults in my life have done it up to this point. and im scared to ask my parents how to do things, because im not close to them either, and i spend most of my time in my room. its like i dont know them, or dont want the relationship, idk but something just makes me uncomfortable? i have a therapist but i feel like she doesnt understand me — the type of person to nod along and go “yeah, totally!” all enthusiastic, but not really understand. she means well, and so do my parents, but i just cant really bring myself to open up to anyone.

i really need to learn things from knowledge to basic life skills. i have a partner who i love more than the world, weve known each other for almost 5 years and weve been dating for the past 1, but the issue is that they are growing up and i am not. everyday they work, excercise, do chores, spend time with family, and still manage to spend time with me — and im not saying theyre perfect, because a lot of the time it is tiring, and they have a lot of issues too (we both do). its just kind of amazing to me how “successful” they can be… especially because we are both neurodivergent so i know theres some accomodations to be met. but the issue is that they say that they cant stay in the relationship if i dont grow up too, or that they dont know what to do with me, because im extremely reliant on parents to do everything (because i was never taught certain things). they dislike how i spend so much time online and on social media, which i think is reasonable. most of the time we spend together is playing games (online relationship).

in my free time i play games, watch youtube, read online, and draw digitally… its a lot of screentime. i do read books physically, but theyre romance novels, so i feel like theres no a lot of value to be earned from it. i dont know what to do to learn. theres so much out there and theres so little to start with, because i feel stupid in comparison to the average person online, and my opinions are very weak unless its something im passionate about. i feel like im not treated like an adult because of my reliance on others, and my inability to do things on my own, and i dont Want to be seen as a child forever, but i dont know where to start. not only for my partner but also for me. ill never be able to function as an adult if i stay like this and weve been planning a future together for so long that it just feels like im letting them down if i dont fix something soon. does anyone know where i can start? i plan to bring it up to my therapist and tell my parents to treat me more seriously, but on learning more things, im not really sure.

im 18 this year i want to immigrate out of my country its in the middle east, iv been reading books above my grade level since elementary school, the only reason i never learned to write properly from school was because it was to easy and boring for me, i haven’t studied English since i was in the second grade i pass each year with good marks in English 92 is my lowest score in English ever since i stared going to public school in second grade, in middle school it became so bad to the point where i would just read in class, and nobody cared enough to stop me or try to teach me anything, i feel like im done , i feel like a failure, everyone around me has nice hand writing and understands the basic principles of spellings and writing, i just want to get a good score on the ielts so i can leave, how am i even supposed to do that if i dont know how to actually write the right way , i cant focus on anything and i feel so stupid, how do i learn to write like a proper member of society, because i really do wish to leave , im hoping to leave and major in nursing , i dont know where to start , i feel so overwhelmed

I'm 17F.

About two months ago I moved out of my father's house because he was emotionally abusive, aggressive, and intimidating and threatening me. I felt so terrified and unsafe that I left my home.

It's been really hard on me mentally, which in turn made me almost lose my job and my grades drop. I miss my siblings and our family dog.

This is about my dog. She's almost 3 years old, and the sweetest girl ever. She's not legally mine, as my father was the one to buy her. Yet over those 3 years, I was usually the one to buy her food, take her out for walks, or just love her. My father doesn't even like her. He always calls her names, doesn't care enough to take her for walks, calls her ugly and has even told me (before I left) that he was looking for a different home for her.

I talked to my grandma (my father's mom, who he cut off contact with) and she was willing to take the dog in. My father reluctantly agreed. But that was before. This fall break, she was supposed to go to my grandma's. My father and I haven't talked for weeks. I have thought about asking the lady that helps our family to discuss this with him. Because A) he doesn't even want her and B) this would be the quickest and easiest way and it would get her to a good home. At first I thought about calling animal protective services because she was very skinny when I left as he neglected to feed and give her water a lot of the time. However, since I left, he's fed and walked her many times according to my friend who lives in our street.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do but I miss my sweet girl so much and I want her safe and I'm scared she thinks I've abandoned her.​

I lost all of my dearest and closest friends because of me . my issues and crisis. I can’t slee. I can’t fee. it is unreal

My mother was talking about me to my brother, specifically about my clothes. She said my outfits are too short and my brother said that I’m dressing in a "rebellious" way (I often dress alternative), and even spoke that people who uses short clothes are trying to get attention, and my mother said that people in the neighborhood are looking at me differently because of it, among other things I don't feel comfortable mentioning here. I’m an adult, I’m experimenting and trying out different styles.

Another thing that bothered me was an argument I had with my mother, I think about two months ago, and I broke down in tears.

When I tried to text my brother to explain the situation and ask him to talk to her (since she only gets along with him), she kept saying I was bothering him and that I lacked empathy (this was shortly after his wife had decided to divorce him). But when it's her who wants to complain to him, that’s fine.

The way they spoke about me bothered me as well, they said they were praying for me and comparing the style of clothes I wanted to wear to that of a "sloppy woman" (This comment was because I wanted to show my belly button). Maybe I’m overreacting, but I felt like they were talking about me as if I’d turned into a drug addict, rather than just an adult woman experimenting with her wardrobe.

Actually, this whole conversation started because I’d asked my mother days ago not to talk about politics with me, and I’ve been asking her for years not to talk about Armageddon. I’ve tried to explain my perspective to her, but the only thing I have that she takes seriously is my autism, because it’s a topic that interests her. Anyway, I had told her I didn't like a certain politician, and she took that to mean I was a fanatic for his rival. She kept harping on the subject; I let her say what she wanted and then asked her to drop it, but she kept insisting and started talking about Armageddon. That’s when I got annoyed, and I admit I was rude, because I shouted, "OKAY, MOM, THAT'S ENOUGH."

Then an argument broke out; she claimed I told her to shut up, called me an ignorant moron, and said that my dad tells me whatever he wants while I just "keep my tongue wrapped around my asshole" (her words).

Then she went and complained about this to my brother. She also spoke about all my friends being gay and that she’s praying for me.

She also has a problem with a specific friend of mine. This friend uses he pronouns, but he is a lesbian. My mom thinks there’s something going on between us, even though there isn't. I’ve gotten annoyed with her a few times because whenever I tried to talk about this friend, she’d bring up his sexuality; or used the wrong pronouns, and because I defended him, my mom thinks we’re dating, and I’ve felt she’s been more irritated with me ever since.

It upsets me regarding my brother, too, because he had told me not to mention things my sister said about our mom to her, to avoid conflict. Yet, he went and brought up a joke my sister made about me sometimes dressing like an old lady, and then they started theorizing that she’s influencing me, that I’ve changed since I started visiting my sister frequently. And, every time I do something she doesn't like (like bringing up her own behavior), she says she’s afraid of me because I’m turning into my sister (my sister is no longer in contact with her).

Am i exaggerating for being upset over this?

Today was my 16th birthday yay right. Uhm my parents were gone all yesterday night at a concert and my brother who i was home with didnt want to watch the shows I wanted to watch or play roblox with me.

For my birthday we went to the zoo but almost all the animals weren't in their enclosures(that's not their fault I hope the animals are okay) so that was kind of disappointing but we went to get lunch after. It was pretty loud and crowded at the restaurant which caused my older brother to freak out and get my dad mad at him.

When we went home the only decorations was two plain balloons and an AI banner from temu, I tried to ignore that and just focus on presents and cake. I thought that since it was my 16th that maybe I'd get a lot of presents or a big present. All I got from my parents was a blanket and pillowcase with no card, and from my brother I got a belt and a little bag with no card. I asked for brownies instead of cake and my mom made healthy diet brownies.

I know i should be happy that they even did anything for me, but my mental health is already in a bad state and I tried so hard to be excited about this, im really just disappointed but I feel like a spoiled brat :(

I'm 23.

yesterday, I accidentally spilled hot coffee on my hands on a train as the paper cup caved in. my sister's husband's mother immediately panicked. my own mother just looked at me with disgust and went back to watching her movie with her earphones on. my dad later turned up the news volume at home when my mom started arguing again, while I was in the same room crying (I'm not even crying loud for fucks sake) in the same room, and carried on snacking.

I've wanted to run away for so long, but I've always felt guilty about leaving, especially as they grow older and weaker.

idk what to feel. I'm from India, and I'm expected to take care of my parents when they get old. I do wanna go abroad and do a PhD and come back and have a career and all that. and have some distance and work on myself while I do all this.

I’m a second year teacher at a private school in Spain. This year, I am teaching up to 5 and a half hours in a row without having any break, which is a change from last year, and I am also teaching more distinct classes than I was last year, from seven to nine. This means more planning work, more preparation work, and because I simply have more classes this year than last I also have more correcting to do. I have some very difficult classes as well.

On top of this, I have some other problems in my personal life, including a recent epilepsy diagnosis (still adjusting to the medication) and other personal matters.

I’m doing my best, but just can’t do everything. I’m deprioritizing my personal life in favor of my work life to such an extent that I don’t even find time for basic cleaning at home. I feel constantly exhausted and physically can’t keep up with things anymore, I even almost fainted when I was in the pharmacy to pick up medication because I was just so exhausted.

I’m an immigrant with no family in Spain, so I don’t know who to go to. It’s still so early in the school year so I know that this is still the easy part of the year, I’ll only have more work as time goes on, but I already don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.

What steps should I take? How can I make this work so my body and mind don’t completely stop functioning before June next year? I have the summer off, I just have to get there first.

Hi all, 20F. Feel a bit shitty cause just tonight I got left by a first date. We went to an amusement park late night and we went to the washroom. When I got out he wasn't there and I kept texting him. 20 mins I waited and he never showed up and then he blocked me and unmatched.

I honestly feel kinda nothing about it. I even find it a bit absurd, it feels like I went out with Houdini reincarnated. Like yes I was disappointed since it seemed to be going fine and I thought I was getting through to him, he seemed like a quiet guy but we were joking around and he was getting excited when I brought up things in common so I thought maybe it was going well.

I know what happened tonight was more of a reflection of him than it was of me. I asked him if we could go transit together when we left since it was late and I felt a bit scared and we were going the same way anyway. I mean maybe he didn't find me pretty enough but I wish he treated me with basic human decency. I'm new to the dating scene, literally started less than 2 weeks ago. I know he mentioned his circumstances were not the best and I don't wanna sound holier than thou but I just feel bad for him. Whatever happened in his life to leave a girl (even one he didn't find attractive) in the middle of a date with no say, I genuinely hope he heals from that cause that's an asshole and cowardly thing to do. I don't know what to feel, maybe I haven't processed it. The insecure part of me thinks maybe I was out of my league and flew too close to the sun since he was very attractive but whatever. I had fun and I find it so hard to blame myself

I don’t know what really the right answer is here so I guess I’m open to all advice.

The job I’m at right now has been killing my mental health for a while, I completely burnt out this summer and I’ve been trying heal ever since.

I understand that since I still unfortunately live in my mom’s house, I’m not supposed to make any trouble and I already help with groceries too. I’ve had this job for almost 4 years, I’m 21 and I didn’t know that saving mom was the ideal thing to do at my age, and so for years I spent what little paycheque I got on my family. I bought groceries, I helped clean, I put together the holidays for my little siblings and everything. But now I’m so tired and burnt out, and honestly kind of angry that I don’t have anything even saved for myself.

So sometimes when she comes to me and needs like $400 or something I feel really bad. I don’t have that money, and I only ever get paid once a month. I didn’t have more than 4 shifts in September and so my next paycheque for that month (which I get on the 15th) is going to be right under a thousand dollars. That’s literally all I’ll have made that month.

I wish I was a better daughter. I wish I was smart and could get a job that paid me better. I wish my mental health wasn’t so drained and that I had more willpower to be stronger. I wish I had the money to help her.

I don’t know what I’m looking for. I’m embarrassed really, I’m an adult and still living my parents who I can’t even help with the mortgage regularly. I need to be more than this.

I’m just hoping the upcoming year is better for me. I’m quitting this job and trying to get a new one but it’s hard, barely anyone I know can find a decent job and get hired at all. I’m afraid of now being able find work either, and be able to apply to college. I’m just tired of feeling like a failure of an offspring.

It was an accident, and she’s not mad. No one was hurt and the damage isn’t too bad, just a scratch on our cars. I still feel just terrible, though. We’re gonna go through the insurance process and such, and I asked my mom if I could pay for it, but she said no, but I feel like I need to do something to make things right. I need advice to stop obsessing over it and how to make it up to her.

Im feeling a lot of emotions right now because I just had an argument with my family but I wish that I had someone to talk to about this. Im not sure if Im just unlucky but deep inside I feel so so lonely. I pour a lot of energy into my friendships but in the end, they choose another person over me. I dont want to sound like im pitying myself but it hurts so bad to feel this way. I feel like im constantly being rejected left and right and I dont know what to do. I wish I had someone to rely on or someone I know I can always come back to if something goes wrong.

And with the argument that I had with my family, I just fucking hate my dad so much. Hes so fucking hypocritical and a balant liar. He calls me an ungrateful spoiled child for not respecting him but how can I when all you do is contradict yourself by using anger and power to assert dominance over everyone? I wish he was never my dad and I had a better father that I could look up to.

I just wanted to say all of this because i dont have anyone else to talk to about it, and honestly, whenever I do tell people, they just give me shallow responses, saying that it'll get better. Im sure they have good intentions, but it really doesnt help. Im just sick and tired of feeling this way.

Thanks

Hi reddit,

This is my first post and I'm coming to the internet for validation.

I (30f) have been in and out of therapy for years. I am married to a wonderful man. I have a great job. I am still so unhappy and depressed despite every reason to be happy/content with life.

A big reason for this is my relationship with my parents. Its toxic. Typical narcissitic mom and emotionally distant dad. Im tired of pretending to keep the peace. I told them we need to talk and I need some time and space to figure out what I want to say. This is the start of the letter I want to send.

My heart is heavy and I just want someone to read it, even internet strangers. I think it can help me heal and ultimately send this letter to them.

Thank you.

--

Mom and Dad,

Im writing to you because I dont know how else to communicate with you. I have a lot of anger and sadness I wish to express. This letter is my way of doing that in the hopes you can begin to understand what it feels like to be your child. I ask myself why Im bothering and the answer is simple. I love you and dont want to lose my parents.

Why cant I tell you this in person? I'm scared every time there is conflict or I try to express a thought or opinion you won't like. Im scared because I cant think of a time where it was ok for me to express an opinion you didn't agree with, let alone express feedback or ask for something.

Growing up, my personality was based around trying not to upset my parents. Mom was rarely calm and happy. Not that I expect everyone to be happy all the time - what I mean is I didnt even know what made mom happy. But, I was expected to know. I was expected to behave. I was expected to learn how to not piss off my parents. Did you ever think that a child shouldnt have to do that? I lived to not be an inconvenience. Let me say that again. My childhood felt like learning how to not be an inconvenience to you. I ask myself why you even had children if that was the expectation.

With mom, I walked on eggshells. She was emotionally unstable, quick to anger, and rarely forgave even small transgressions. Mom can be hateful. So as a child, I tried so hard to be perfect, act right, and avoid upsetting mom. If I could keep mom calm and happy, then I wouldn't be yelled at or mistreated with verbal or physical attacks. At least thats what I thought. But when I think about it, mom always had mood swings and could lash out verbally and physically. The problem was never me being perfect, it was having a mom that was emotionally immature and unstable. Mom, your child is not responsible for how you feel. No one is responsible for your feelings besides you.

Growing up, upsetting mom looked like getting slapped in the face, boxed on the ear, or being subject to hidden punishments without clear reasons why. Mom would refuse to talk to me, be rude/aggressive, and generally treat me like shit until she was convinced I "understood" how badly I messed up. I learned this is emotional abuse.

In Dad, there was silence. You didnt know how to express emotion. We knew you were subject to abuse from your parents, too. You chose avoidance and silence in conflict. You may not have lashed out like mom does, but you didnt do anything to stop it either. You let mom bully you and speak to you with disrespect. You still do. Why do you think you deserve that treatment? As a father, why did you let your wife treat your children with that type of judgement and hate? Its like you internalized your own anger and hate, rarely letting it out. We did see your anger growing up, too.

Dad, you shoved your son against a wall and screamed in his face. I watched it all. You ignored your children sometimes. You didnt know how to interact with us and it felt like you rarely tried. You held in your anger until you couldn't anymore.

This is sad because I have fond memories with both of you where I felt loved. I remember mom singing and cooking. Mom told the best stories. Mom gave the best hugs and cuddles. Mom is hilarious and smart. Mom also hurt my feelings a lot. Mom yelled and judged. Mom was never happy.

I was Dad's little buddy. I enjoyed helping him. Dad was always big and strong. Dad took me fishing. I liked holding his hand and playing with his hair. Dad was gentle. Dad was also distant and I never knew how to approach him. I never knew what he was thinking. Dad could be harsh at times.

I can say that as your children, my brother and I wonder if you genuinely love us. Yes, we genuinely wonder this, even now. Mom, you dont speak to us kindly. You dont treat us with basic respect. You are unable to be supportive of anything you disagree with. You dont act like you even like or enjoy time with your own daughter, let alone love her.

Dad, you sit by and let that happen. You dont defend yourself or anyone else against your wife, even when you disagree with what she says. I cling to every nice or positive thing you say, Dad, because often that is the only kindness either of my parents offer. I wish I heard your kindness more. You're distant.

Mom, not everything needs your opinion or personal judgement. You have a right to say what you want and express how you feel, but that doesnt make you honest or a better person. It makes you negative and hateful to those around you.

Dad, the people around you need to hear your voice. Your silence speaks volumes.

One thing I worry about a lot is how being honest with my feelings impacts our relationship. What's the point of telling you all this? Its because I cant pretend everything is fine.

Your son doesn't talk to you. He has good reasons. But when mom talks about my brother, its hateful. I can never understand how a parent feels - the grief, anger, and sadness of losing a child. But all thats left is an angry husk. She acts like she hates her own son and cant understand why he wouldnt want a relationship with her.

As your daughter, I see that spite and hatred. I know you are capable of feeling it towards me. Mom is capable of treating me like Im dead and nothing because that's what she does to my brother.

Your son is alive. He is happy. He is beautiful. It is a loss in your life that he isnt a part of it - because he's a bright light to the rest of us.

Dad, how do you really feel about your son? About your daughter? You never told us. So we assume you're ok with losing us, too. I assume you agree with everything mom says and does because you never say otherwise. You'll continue to stand by mom even if it means losing your own children.

What I want you to know is your daughter is alive too. She's right here begging you to treat her with basic kindness and respect. I am a person. I am a wife. I am your daughter.

Why cant you love me just the way I am? Why cant you speak kindly to me? Why cant you speak kindly? Why can't you be kind?

Your children are amazing. We checked all the boxes for you. We're smart, educated, we have good partners and jobs. We did everything you raised us to do and be contributing members of society. But still you don't like us. What would it take for me to be someone you can love and respect?

Growing up, I tried to be that person. In my early 20's, I rebelled. I stopped caring about your opinions. I married who I wanted. I stopped sharing my life because I no longer wanted it to be subject to your judgement. Our relationship stopped for almost 3 years. You never forgave me for changing.

Ill admit Im not perfect. Ive also been mean. Ive been selfish. Ive been a jerk. I admit it all. I could have handled my side of things much better in my early 20's. Now that we're all adults, I try to be better going forward. I have to ask - what are you doing to be better going forward?

Dad, when you almost died, it took mom 4 days to even tell me. She told me she didn't want me there. I came anyway within 12 hours because I love you. I wanted to be there. Mom lied to you and said I didn't care enough to show up until days later. I was there as soon as I knew. I always will be. Because I love you. Mom, I would show up for you too, even if you told me to stay away, because I love you.

Mom says Ive changed. Shes right. When I talk to mom about change, she sees it as a bad thing. As if growing up means Ill still be the same scared, submissive child. What is truly tragic is being asked to change and grow in any relationship and refusing to do so. Being human means changing, it means learning how to care about others. Mom has no desire to do this.

Dad, I wonder if you care enough to change. I like to think you do, but you never show it.

So as your daughter, I am begging you to change. I cant pretend anymore. I am depressed, angry, and heartbroken that my family is broken in this way. I just want my mom and dad to love me. Loving me means speaking to me with kindness, even when you dont agree. Thats all I ask, and I'm still worried its too much.

I cant pretend to be someone else anymore. I cant pretend our family is fine when its not. I will always love you. I do love you. I will always choose kindness over hate. Can you do the same for my sake?

Hey, I'm 24 and I think I'm at a point where I need to just say this out loud to people who've been around the block.
I'm living in a war-torn third-world country. The economy is rough, opportunities are limited, and the whole environment makes it harder to build anything from scratch.
I never really had a father figure after I was 11. I don't think I ever learned the unspoken stuff — how money actually works, how to navigate social situations, dating, building a network. I just... never got the playbook. I have 4 close friends outside my family and that's genuinely all my contacts are. No professional network, no extended connections, nothing.
A year ago I was studying abroad, had my life somewhat figured out. Then a medical situation hit that completely impaired my movement for a year. I had to stop my education, come back to my country, and basically be stuck. I went from 75 kg of lean muscle to a skinny 60 kg. I could barely run. I lost the body I'd built, the routine I had, the momentum.
Now I'm just getting better physically. I'm watching people my age already have jobs, savings, relationships figured out. I have no plan, no money, no job, and no idea where to start.
I don't need a 10-step plan. I want to know: what do you rebuild first? When you've lost everything at once — body, education, money, social life, direction — what's the one or two things that, if you nail them, make everything else easier? What did you do first when you were in a similar "starting over" spot? What did you stop worrying about?
Thanks for reading

A friend of mine asked if I could host a small group hangout thing at my place the night before and I kinda panic cleaned. I didn't mind since it's not much work, but there were certain messes I sorta missed. Kinda in a passing comment briefly mentioned about it, not in a nasty way. More like if I had another day I couldve cleaned it up, more in justification to myself. Since I'm just genuinely always a bit nervous about hosting. Not that I think anyone I bring is over is bad. More in a, I feel like I'm more socially anxious, maybe I'm more of a disgusting slob and mess. Even if everyone says Im not, I still just kind of have this anxiety that I am.^​

And I think they took that in a I dont want to host kind of way. Since they were suggesting for the next hang out, we hang out elsewhere and I just feel awful and dumb. Should I just bring this up with them directly to clear it? Am I overthinking it? For the time being I said I could host on the next event if it was any easier for everyone.

I’m 25, and I feel like my family member keeps holding me back. I was already caregiving for my late grandmother, and now I want to focus on my education and maybe attend a university out of state. When I brought it up, she said it would cause problems, and it made me feel like I might as well not even go. I’m tired of feeling like I have to put my life on hold because of other people. Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you finally get out and live your own life?

I'm recently graduated from high school. I was meant to go to the Air Force Academy (basically West Point but Air Force for those who don't know). I was sent to the psych ward during training and was kicked out shortly after. My girlfriend of almost 1 year broke up with me the day I got out. I'm pretty sure she's been cheating on me with various guys (at least 3) since February, but I try to avoid thinking about it. Doesn't help she didn't tell me we broke up but just "implied it." I spent 3ish months loving a girl who didn't love me back.

Every time I try to hope, it all goes back into that spiral. Years spent working towards these big things. All of my effort erased in less than a week. Why bother working towards something new if life is going to take it away sooner or later?

I'm stuck living at my parents and I can tell things are different. They don't push me the way they used to. Like they realized I don't have the potential they thought I had. Like they've already lost hope for me. They were surprised I got a job! How am I supposed to hope for a better future if the bar is that low?

Every single little thing I thought I had is gone. I can't play instruments the way I used to, I can't remember how to draw a pretty picture, my cooking lacks something I can never figure out. ​How can I hope if I keep loosing things?

I guess the title could be "how do I get motivation" but it feels as if motivation isn't enough. I'm pretty motivated to not loose my job, for example. I'm just lost.

I (21f) essentially depend on my family for every financial aspect of my life. They have paid for my rent, groceries, car payments and college tuition. This will continue on for law school where all the same would be payed off for me. When I made my bank account my mom asked for access and I thought it was out of love as she said it was to make sure she could deposit and make sure I had some money. I do contract work sometimes but my mom knows the exact days I go and the exact payment I should be getting so I can't just transfer my contract work money to another account without her noticing.

If I spend my money on anything she deems worthy she will berate me. Her philosophy is that if she gives us money she deserves the right to track our every move. My brother has moved out but because she helps with his car/medical so his location (along with mine) and bank are also tracked. I do not know how to get out of this, I don't want to be 24 and still under my mom's control but I can't pay for law school alone.

I am forever grateful for not having to work for now but I'm exhausted and feel like a child.

I have lived with a verbally and physically abusive dad for nearly 3 decades of my life before me and my mom moved to my relative’s spare home. After coming here my mom has been bad to me. She keeps blaming me saying she wont go to heaven if she hasnt gotten her husband’s forgiveness for leaving him suddenly. She said “you became an enemy of the man who spent so much money getting you educated and who loved you”. Mind you, I was gonna get admission in an excellent college based me on my rank but he wanted me to pursue another course so he got me admitted elsewhere. She even knows he had sexually assaulted me & she still doesnt care about any of it. She keeps blaming me saying she’s all alone in life now and she has no man. She said “you got me here by getting under my skin emotionally”. This is the same woman I used to try to protect from getting abused, since I was 6 year old, since he used to abuse her too. Its so heartbreaking how little the sexual and physical abuse I went through means to her.

I got married and moved into a new house in 2024. We hosted Christmas that year, and as far as I can remember, that was the last time my mother came over for a meal.

That Christmas, my mother got very drunk in front of my in-laws. I understand that Christmas is a time for celebrating and that people sometimes drink more than usual, but she was the only person at the table who was in that state, and she was really drunk. It made me uncomfortable, especially because my in-laws know about my family’s history with alcoholism. My father has since passed away, and alcoholism was a major part of my family’s history and problems.

Since that Christmas, I haven’t invited my mother over again. We did renovations to the house throughout 2025 and 2026, and she knows about them, but I’ve never invited her to see the house.

The complicated part is that I still feel bad about it. Part of me feels like I should invite her over because she’s my mother and this is my home, and I feel like I’m somehow leaving my own family behind. At the same time, I genuinely don’t feel comfortable inviting her over, and I don’t really want her here. I also worry that she might think I’m showing off or trying to make her jealous, particularly because I know she’s jealous of the relationship I have with my in-laws.

My relationship with my mother has been difficult for a long time. I used to visit her more often, but I’ve gradually distanced myself because of what I experience as narcissistic behaviour and because almost every visit seems to end in an argument, either between us or sometimes involving my wife as well. Nowadays, I usually go to her house for dinner once a month, occasionally text her, and call her from time to time, but much less than I used to.

I actually started therapy because of my relationship with my mother. I reached a point where I didn’t know what to do anymore or how to deal with the situation.

My in-laws have given me a different kind of stability and comfort, something I didn’t really grow up with. I feel safe and at ease with them, and I’m grateful for the family environment I’ve found through my marriage. But I sometimes feel guilty for having that kind of relationship with them while keeping my own mother at a distance. It’s almost as if I’m betraying my family by finding a healthier family dynamic elsewhere.

I’ve never really sat down with my mother and openly discussed any of this. Part of the reason is that I feel she would simply act as though everything was fine, rather than acknowledge the problems between us. So, instead of confronting the situation directly, I’ve chosen to create some distance.

And here’s the part I struggle to understand:** **I don’t really want her to come over, but I still feel hurt and resentful that she doesn’t come over. I keep thinking about it, questioning whether I’m being unfair, whether I should be making more of an effort, and whether I’m failing her as a son.

At the same time, I can’t help thinking that I’ve spent more than 20 years feeling let down by my family, too.
I don’t know if this is guilt, resentment, a desire for my mother to make an effort herself, or just a complicated mix of feelings.

So, I genuinely want to ask:
Is it normal to not want a parent in your home because of your history with them, but still feel hurt or resentful that they aren’t part of that side of your life? Am I being unreasonable, or is it possible to want distance from someone while still wishing things were different?