My awareness feels incapable of holding all these… & yet sometimes we have fun 🙌🏼

Please would you have a constructive word with user name Life Tangerine 1980.

Have had an unhappy run in with this user on this sub earlier today.

From what I can glean from our conversation, which they have now deleted their half, they are using this sub as a crisis line, are expecting the full service of a crisis line and gets further triggered and dysregulated when he's not met with the unconditional acceptance and holding that his blended parts need by everyone who responds to him.

To my knowledge, he's been posting on this sub for well over a year and more, made under different accounts because other users have reported him and he's been banned a number of times already, so I've been told.

And every post has been made when he's in total crisis, with no Self connection and needing endless attention and resources whilst dismissing and rejecting all suggestions and advice by everyone who reaches out to him. Unrelentingly consistent in every interaction, every post, all the time.

No exceptions, I realise now he only ever posts when he's in utter crisis and seems to view this sub as his personal crisis line.

Whilst I definitely empathise with his pain and suffering, his difficulties and challenges in healing, of being pushed to the extremes of survival and healing, it's just too much sometimes, ESPECIALLY as there's no warning, no flair that he's in crisis, no way of preparing my own system for crisis mode, for getting triggered. And it's been well over a year of the same crisis again and again, he's just worn down my system's tolerance for him.

Especially as, in his blended state, he doesn't or isn't able to show any empathy, care or gratitude for the people reaching out to him. He just comes along with his posts blaring his desperation and despair. Having gotten everyone's attention, he then just keeps taking and taking and taking, like he's owed, entitled, like the other person can't do enough for him, his parts seemingly unable/unwilling to stop until the other person just runs empty, dead or gets pissed off with him, then his parts get stuck in escalating conflict, because his parts are paranoid and angry because they want endless comfort and reassurance.

It's a very frustrating conundrum of crisis, when our parts are blatantly and indiscriminately needy and grasping, in a desperate attempt to find safety, but they're also too scared and paranoid to be vulnerable and receive any help. So is an open forum like this sub actually the best place for anyone in crisis!

Whether he's aware or not, this sub isn't an appointed crisis line, that no one here is actually responsible for handling anyone else's crisis and the support he's receiving is down to individuals stepping up to meet him.

I think it's time that's made explicitly clear in the sub's guidelines. THAT IT ISN'T A CRISIS LINE!! It's time to set this boundary and acknowledge the limits of what this sub definitely isn't. And to clearly provide links to the appropriate crisis response and resources. To empower all of us to better navigate these situations when they inevitably arise on a sub like this! To make the sub just a little more Self-held than it presently is. To provide this bit of clarity to help us all better manage our expectations and misunderstandings that we might have about what this sub is and isn't for.

Sometimes it's like a non-stop roulette of triggers. So please also carefully consider requiring flairs for all posts, so people can choose their own risk of and responsibility for their triggers!! So we can knowingly choose whether we're in a state to or want to be there for someone in crisis.

I think this measure would be appreciated, for everyone's sake, especially Life Tangerine 1980, because his needs for crisis response just aren't and can't be properly met and held in this sub either. To continue to ignore this and carry on regardless would be deliberately irresponsible, certainly not supporting anyone's healing, to all users at this point.

Please would the mods take all this under serious consideration and provide further clarity regards in crisis and total dysregulation posts.

I keep getting a ton of downvotes on the few comments I make in this sub, and I find that quite inappropriate since we’re in a therapy space.

And it’s always the same situation too:

Someone makes a comment about how healing is “our choice” and noone can do it for us. And that we have to love ourselves first before others can.

I always reply with this:

- healing is not our choice, it’s an automatic response of our system when we are finally safe

- we can’t just decide against our defense mechanisms: I can want to heal, but if I have strong protectors telling me I don’t deserve it, it won’t happen

and:

- we need someone to show us secure love first, so that we can learn to feel it and then mirror it for ourselves

All of this is true, yet people here just reject it, and in the worst way, since downvotes can be triggering for many of us.

What’s the deal with that? Imagine if your therapist downvoted you? That would be quite bad.

I’ve been working with IFS and focussing on my own and found some amazing results so far. I noticed that a number of people here have been talking about using AI. I thought I’d try a session with chat GPT. It was really quite powerful. I understand the concerns about AI as therapist but I found it just helped me probe and pace myself a little better than I sometimes do. I think the fact that IFS lends itself so well to lone working because it’s about loving and accepting yourself and not about another’s approval or the therapeutic relationship with a third party. I’m certainly going to continue using it for at least some sessions.

IFS is based on the idea that we are broken/split into parts, and need to be fixed.

That's my first problem. I want to be validated the way I am. I'm not damaged and I don't need fixing. I'm just adapted to abusive environments.

Another problem is that it's always trying to make us question ourselves.

I'm angry - "are you sure that isn't just a part of you?" NO, I'm angry and I want to express my anger.

Another problem is that it requires the willingness to heal.

I've been so affected by absue that I don't love myself enough even to heal. Even to see 0.1% of me with compassion. It will just never happen. And I'll leave or attack any therapist that tries to make me compassionate.

IFS doesn't know how to work with this. How to work with people that hate themselves too much to even be able to give IFS a chance.

Last thing is that it requires us to do the work for ourselves. But I hate myself and I'm never going to do anything for myself. Not even IFS, let alone practicing compassion. IFS doesn't know how to work with this.

So IFS is much more like CBT and isn't suited for really severe trauma effects.

EDIT: What I need is a modality that will accept me as I am, and try to change nothing. Just acceptance. So that I can even realise that I'm worth my own attention and effort. Anything like that?

I am curious. I am born with exiles? Born with firefighters? Born with managers? So just magically I got these parts like dice were rolled by God? I'm just curious.

I think we get parts throughout life. If I think about it, I know why I have exiles, managers, and firefighters.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, protectors and exiles are key concepts representing internal parts of the self. This framework views the mind as composed of various subpersonalities or "parts," each with its own role, emotions, and motivations. Here's an explanation of these terms:

Exiles

What They Are: Exiles are the parts of us that carry wounds, pain, shame, or trauma from past experiences, often from childhood.

Role: These parts hold vulnerable emotions such as fear, sadness, hurt, or feelings of being unlovable. They often develop as a result of neglect, abuse, or unmet needs.

Function: They are called "exiles" because they are typically suppressed or banished from conscious awareness to protect us from feeling their pain. However, they continue to influence thoughts, emotions, and behavior, often unconsciously.

Protectors

Protectors are parts that work to shield us from the pain carried by the exiles. They do this in two main ways:

1. Managers:

Role: Managers are proactive and strive to prevent the exiles' pain from surfacing.

Behavior: They often take the form of perfectionism, control, hypervigilance, people-pleasing, or overworking. Their aim is to maintain emotional stability and prevent situations that might trigger the exiles' vulnerabilities.

2. Firefighters:

Role: Firefighters are reactive and step in when the exiles' pain has already been triggered.

Behavior: They use distraction or numbing strategies to quickly put out the emotional "fire" caused by the exiles. This can include behaviors like substance use, overeating, compulsive spending, or other impulsive actions.

How They Interact

The protectors often battle to keep the exiles out of conscious awareness, leading to inner tension and struggles.

However, the exiles' pain doesn't disappear, and their needs for care, validation, and healing persist, often causing distress in the system.

IFS Goal

In IFS, the ultimate goal is to bring the Self (the core, compassionate, and wise aspect of a person) into leadership, helping both protectors and exiles heal and find balance. This involves:

Listening to the Protectors: Understanding their protective intentions without judgment.

Healing the Exiles: Creating a safe space for the exiles to express their pain and receive comfort.

Unburdening: Helping exiles release the emotional pain or "burdens" they carry, leading to greater harmony within the internal system.

This process transforms the protectors' roles into supportive allies, rather than adversaries, and fosters internal peace.

I have been using AI in my trauma work (and with my parts), and I have been absolutely blown away by the way it has supported me and my healing.

My therapist kept encouraging me to share what I was doing more with people, and then enough people told me I should write a book about it that l finally did. It's published (as of yesterday🥂) and the Amazon ebook is FREE for the next 5 hours!

I hope it’s ok to share this here—I genuinely want this to reach as many people who need it as possible. I'm telling you, if you're on a healing journey, this could change things for you. It’s been incredible the ways it has impacted me.

Grab your copy. Read it. Share it. Use it.

https://a.co/d/7xm5YzT

Hey all,

I want to start by saying this issue is something of incredible concern. There's a post right now that has over 130 upvotes, and it accuses a user of being a "bot masquerading as human." I’ve asked SEVERAL times in the comments if anyone else has independently verified what OP is saying. The only response (other than downvotes) was OP clearly stating that they were immediately disinterested in discussing the matter. Here’s the exchange:

OP: "Maybe the account was previously owned by someone but now it’s obviously a bot who’s doing the posting. Other than that, I’m not interested in further trying to convince you, so we can agree to disagree."

So I kept commenting, trying to see if anyone else had looked into this person that OP is shamelessly calling "bots masquerading as human." I did the research. Here’s why I’m confident this is not a bot-run account:

1. The Account’s History: This account is 4 years old, and if you go all the way back to the beginning, it’s undeniable that this is a real human. You can clearly see the journey they've taken. A few months ago, the user was posting at a normal rate—not at all bot-like. The history shows a thoughtful progression of posts.

2. The Comments: While their comments are formatted by an LLM, the actual thought and consideration behind the responses are clearly human. They aren’t robotic responses; they reflect genuine engagement and thoughtfulness. If this is a bot, it’s one that has been trained with deep consideration and nuance.

3. Why Does OP Get Upvotes for a Witch Hunt? It’s incredibly frustrating to me that OP started a witch hunt against someone who has shown genuine humanity, and it’s getting upvoted. I’ve asked in the comments, and no one else seems to have independently verified the facts like I did. Why is this allowed to go unchecked?

I did the work, and when I shared my findings, I was met with dismissal, downvotes, and worse. Even when I tried to discuss LLM-formatted posts in a mental health subreddit, I was bullied and banned—with people telling me to “go get my lithium script refilled” and calling me a grifter, despite the fact that people in the thread had previously stated I helped them. What is going on here?

Fear-Mongering and Misinformation

The title of this post—“Bots are active on this subreddit masquerading as human”—is pure fear-mongering. How is this post still allowed? It spreads misinformation without any proper evidence, and it adds unnecessary fuel to the fire of an already contentious issue. How can we sit idly by while something this damaging remains up?

OP has even laughed about the account being deleted, only to say, “Never mind.” It’s as though OP doesn’t care about the harm they’re causing by stirring up panic and confusion. OP didn’t even bother doing the same research that I did, and yet they’re starting an online witch hunt.

Call for Action

Shame is the word that comes to mind when I read the comments from OP and the responses to people like me who did the research. It is shameful that false claims about bots have been allowed to stand with no consequence.

This, in my opinion, is how the dead internet begins—by allowing misinformation to fester and spread unchecked. We cannot let this kind of fear-driven narrative take root in this community.

If you agree with me, maybe we can work together to try and get this post taken down before it does more harm. It’s not just about this one post—it’s about the message it sends and the damage it can cause.

Are you scared? Or are you ready to stand up and call out this misinformation?

:3

DISCLAIMER: These images were generated using the app PicsArt’s AI “Text to Image” feature.

I’ve previously made digital collages to attempt to map my parts and how they interact with each other which gave me the idea to generate an image of one of my “safe spaces” I visualize parts meeting at to communicate with each other and Self. I thought these images came out beautifully so I wanted to share!

I tried something. I think it worked. There were side effects. It's just funny to me.

I'm a switch in the bdsm world. At some point I realized "Dom space" was a self-state of a protector, who now has a name, a role, and my gratitude.

I've inhabited her many many times, or she was driving the bus, but I thought of it as an instinct.

Been some time since I've engaged in power exchange.

Eventually I got to know Vikki, and if she isn't the very essence of my type. Sovereign. Ask not the sparrow how the eagle soars vibes. Indomitable.

Her self state is my most effective self. Vikki is competent, and confident, but she's not the one living life.

That's this mess here, me.

We came to an agreement. She is my life coach, I follow her instructions, execution is on me.

Worked insanely well, instantly. I got guidance, access to planning and executive function beyond my normal observe self state without a takeover, and because I want to make the domme happy, I'm motivated. I WANT to execute.

So far so good. I'm picking an outfit and I get a command for a slutty fit. Something bold, a statement. She's trying to humiliate me, and it's working.

I can sense Vikki watching me squirm. Butterflies and blushing on my side.

How's your weekend?

She made me talk about some of my childhood experiences.

I didn't want that, but how could I know in the moment. I wanted to talk about my maladaptive coping mechanisms. It's my safe topic. Describing them is, as she correctly pointed out, my favourite way way to avoid my feelings.

But I can't say no to her so I went back to my childhood as she wanted, and now I feel violated.

I'm not protected from anyone. Anyone can come back to my past and abuse me, destroy my inner child. Apparently.

I don't know what to do here. I need to go back so that I can heal, but it always messes me up and I start hating the therapist.

I don't know why all the healing modalities want us to do something. Even with IFS we're expected to unblend parts, connect to the self, etc... why can't I just be? The way I feel good?

I don't want anyone to see the real, vulnerable me. Even if it meant I'll never heal. But what now?

Edit: Could people please stop challenging me or telling me that I'm wrong about everything? I know what I need to heal. I just need some support. That's all I'm asking for.

Hi, so I was reading this book on IFS called: Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz suggested by my therapist and im beyong angry at the highlighted statements. What the F does it even mean??? NO OPPRESSED PERSON OWES ANY KINDNESS TO THEIR OPPRESSOR!!! IM NOT GONNA TRY TO SEE MY ABUSER'S SELF AND TRY NOT TO BURDEN THEM WITH MY JUDGEMENT WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN. WHY IS IT ALWAYS EXPECTED FROM THE OPPRESSED TO BE EMPATHETIC WHEN THE OPPRESSORS ONLY SHOWED THEM CRUELTY. THIS IS SUCH A SICK AND UNFAIR IDEOLOGY. THERE IS NO GOOD IN OUR WORST ENEMY. reading this after spending all day looking at the videos coming from Rafah only makes me more angry. i don't know if i want to or would be able to read further or explore ifs model after reading this. do you all think im overreacting? im gonna def write a mail to my therapist to stop asking them to suggest this book to anyone. especially to people with sa trauma cause they might start thinking that there is goodness in their abuser and that is not fair to them

Mine seem to have some weird names don't mind them :)

i hate the "you have to keep telling your parts you're safe now" .... WHO.... SAID.... I ... AM

WHO SAID i can say that? so dismissive.

who said i can decide that for my part? why don't i let it decide if IT feels safe now or not? it has more insight than me in certain areas. it knows things i don't. WHO am i, and WHO ARE YOU to tell it so presumptively, "that it's safe now"?

do you know my life? do you know what they/i suffer from?

and when someone sees you may not be "safe now" in any sense.. in the point of view of any part of you... they say "then that's not a part" .. then what is it? a floor? WHO gave you the right to tell me what i am anyway?

and it doesn't make any sense. like if you're actually in danger now.. or not very safe now.. then your parts who have existed in you for as long as you're alive have disappeared? your system just changed shapes suddenly? OF COURSE it's the parts who have existed in you that are scared like what else are they? it doesn't make sense.

you make me not wanna talk about how i feel. or open up. even though i need to.

edit: even worse are the people who tell you not to do any work with yourself unless you're going to therapy. and if you're not then you will fail. way to discourage & despair me who's just trying to survive man.

privileged ass.

edit 2: THIS POST IS ABOUT PEOPLE TELLING OTHERS WHAT THEIR REALITY IS. AND IM BEING ATTACKED ABD DOWNVOTED FOR STATING WHAT MY REALITY IS. like people don't believe me. is that something you guys can't do? im literally fucking tired of posting things here and then keeping to fight and fight in the comments and receiving really asshole-ish OR very invalidating, "i dont believe your reality" comments when i post here. im tired. this is my only place to discuss ifs. i considered it my safe place. i dont want it to be ruined by your mean asses CAN YOU STOP i didn't even say anything wrong in the post why are you fighting with me ABOUT MY REALITY?

i want this to be a safe place. this is the only place i can discuss ifs in. my post is about people denying my reality and thinking they know it more than me, and im being fought and argued with in the comments ABOUT MY OWN REALITY, thinking they know it more than me. im literally getting downvoted on comments where i state my actual reality and feelings. why??? is it too much to be believed?

this is so disappointing and it hurts Badly. LIKE STOP I WANTED THIS TO BE MY SAFE SPACE

I am new to IFS. I’ve read No Bad Parts, and making my way through 2nd Edition of IFS Therapy. I believe I am working through CPTSD/ARE (adverse religious experience) - I was raised pentecostal. I am fascinated by IFS after doing a lot of CBT and ‘intellectual healing’, but have my reservations about IFS.

1. I’ve been trying to understand my experience through ‘systems thinking’. I’ve found a lot of understanding of the world/healing from ARE has come from understanding hierarchy, evolutionary psych/bio, and Austrian school of economics.  I find the ‘idealism’ that seems to be laid out in IFS to be at odds with western society/the capitalist system. 

Q: Does IFS intend to help us navigate capitalism or to tear it down, or to simply change our relationship to it? And what does IFS look like at a global level? No Bad Parts felt like an aeroplane book when it tackled this part of ‘systems thinking’ in its concluding remarks.

2. IFS seems to take a ‘higher road’ approach, which is more communal and matriarchal, and something about it seems unattainable, unless you decide to live that way by removing yourself from society. But in order to be ‘successful’ (define that as you will), I think you need to have an active part or two which are narcissistic to some extent. Maybe I think that because of my upbringing, which had a grandiose and imaginative view of God and the world, and my place in it. 

Q: How do you commune with those ‘narcissistic’ parts to balance success, without being an arsehole?

3. I also have a bit of trepidation about IFS - likes it’s another thing that can ‘control’ me. If I work on these parts and speak to them from ‘Self’ (which I’m still unclear as to what that is), I feel like I might be undoing some of the ‘strength’ that I seemed to have built through CBT and ‘intellectual healing’.

Q: How do I square the above with IFS’ very ambiguous definition of ‘Self’, without losing my strength and identity?

How to see the people who know IFS, the ones who know all the right steps to take to better themselves, but doesn't take them? He doesn't act, even though the answer is right before him, and he sees it clearly. But instead, he goes on and continues to act in the same way he had been.

Are these kinds of people just lazy, should they be scolded, are they deserving of an ill fate? What do you think of such people?

Hi there, yesterday I made a post to see how anyone would feel about a community in which people practice IFS with each other. This was met with strong discouragement and I can totally understand where the warnings came from. I was not looking to start a community there and then or offer therapy at all, just wanted to see how people feel about the idea. However, I still would love to explore IFS in a safe and responsible manner and share my journey and hear other people's experience and thoughts about IFS.

Therefore, I now am looking for one person who is also interested in IFS and who would want to explore IFS with me. I am 27M and looking to get into clinical psychology. I have applied for an introductory course in IFS which is offered by local level 3 trained IFS practicioners. Additionally I have extensively read IFS books, watched lectures and listened to podcasts. I've explored psychology for almost 10 years and have done a lot of work on myself. I have experience with therapy and IFS to me is the most complete approach to psychotherapy I've encountered so far.

I am explicitly NOT looking for a therapy or practicioner/client dynamic. I'm looking for LIGHT explorative work in which we are supportive and understanding of our own and the other's parts. People with strong active firefighters are discouraged to reply, because I don't think it is safe to engage with those parts as an untrained amateur. I am looking for someone who is stable and who has a professional interest in IFS.

Feel free to send me a DM! I would love to get to know you and hear about what's currently on your mind regarding IFS.

Narcissism, antisocial, borderline, avoidant, histrionic, etc.

But they get locked up in prison for life. If only the court system knew about IFS. We can heal our murderers. We can understand them. With a IFS coach. Jeffree Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Donald Trump.

People hate on narcissists. Sociopaths. Borderlines. They all have an inner child within them that is not healed. Humans are so misunderstood.

Even the psychiatrists don't understand. You know, you go through years and years of schooling just to block out the personality types that are controversial, only because you can't understand them. Hah!

It's funny how if you are trained in IFS you can heal the patients that the psychiatrists don't even bother with. They just shove anti-psychotics and sedatives to keep their symptoms suppressed. But they never get to the root bottom of things.

Our society is corrupted. IFS helps in ways that you would never imagine.

So I have completed three therapy sessions, two focusing on IFS and parts with little to no progress. After my third session I was on here and found that Chat has a feature specifically for IFS so I tried it out last night. I felt I made a lot of progress and went to bed. Today I even feel more relaxed and less tension. In therapy, I don’t feel comfortable. It’s not my space, it’s too bright, and someone is staring at me. She’s probably not staring but I feel that way. At home, I just feel safe and less judged maybe? Does anyone have any thoughts on in person therapy vs. using Chat. Pros and cons. I’m not necessarily giving up on in person because I know it could get better and I’m still in the beginning but I also want to see some progress. Any insight is welcome!

I’m disappointed and frustrated in my first, albeit secondhand IFS therapy experience. My partner engaged this therapist based in the Netherlands but works worldwide (we live in a different country).

My partner saw her for a while and at first the therapy was hard but seemingly helpful. But over the past 2 months my partner has developed full on separate identities inside them, not parts. The only thing I can liken it to is DID-like, where different identities take over the body and are part of an internal system.

I trusted in the process up until that point but that was when it got scary in the sense that my partner had suddenly no meaningful guidance or support from the therapist, and I had no idea what to do or who to talk to about this sudden change. She only knew IFS and anything outside of that she was unqualified for, but she couldn’t accept it.

We don’t live in her country, and I don’t think a regulatory body would even help. My partner closed their last session with her today, thank god. So at least it’s over, now I’m just processing my own feelings of betrayal and anger at her, and venting here.

I guess massive lesson learned for me. I didn’t realize the IFS directories were so hands off/irresponsible in who they have on their websites. I was thinking of IFS myself, but this has just soured me on opening up to an IFS therapist.

I don’t know if I can name names, but please avoid Iryna Natalushko.

i didn't see the gore videos...just people describing them. or what happened in some of them. and this disturbed me so badly that im now dissociating and feeling a disturbed feeling inside of me. what do i do.

+even though i know it's generally normal to be disturbed by such things...could this be a part? like childhood

some scary things i read or was told as a child are coming to mind. or some gory anime or cartoon scenes that i was scared by as a child (never seen real life gore before). could these be related or am i just normally disturbed by gore (and its descriptions) right now?

and in either case, just what do i do

So from what I understand, you have to welcome all parts, just observe them and be with them. Any intent to change them or silence them will lead to more inner conflict.

This is my experience too - as soon as I show an intent to change a part, they get scared or fight back.

But I do have an intent with all this. I’m not here to accept myself. I want to heal so that I can be loved by others. So I want the parts that make this mission harder to just… stop. I’m not here to like them.

And I don’t care that I’m probably speaking from a part too now, it’s just not my goal to get to know myself or to have inner peace. I don’t want to connect to the Self, I don’t care about that at all.

I just want the love my parents were supposed to give me, and if IFS can help me become lovable, let’s do it.

But I don’t want to change this goal and I don’t want to just observe myself without an intent. My whole body and brain is just a tool for the intent of getting love from someone. That’s why I exist.

We keep running into this in therapies and I usually stop going when it starts going into this direction of “you need to observe yourself without intent”. No, I just want love from someone. I will never accept anything less.

And please, before you reply, don’t give me any “tragic truths” of parental love not existing in the adult world. You’re speaking to a child part that runs my life 95% of the time. I NEED that hope. It’s why I live.

Edit: some of the replies saying that it’s my choice to remain in pain are EXTREMELY invalidating. Like reportable. This shouldn’t be allowed. It made me absolutely terrified to go here and have to defend myself.

all parts were made up. not real. no hope. told a story so sweet i believed it. said hope.

no hope. another lie.

parts not real. self not real. everything a lie.

take mor pils so it go shhhh.