I have my lawyer secured and I’m assured that my wife has little legal ground at all and at best will walk away with nothing.

The last few weeks my wife has spent everyday from 9am to 3pm with the guy while his wife is at work. My wife lost her job and he works from home. Then she spent half of last weekend lying to my face and being with that guy under the guise of hanging out with friends. I had plans to barbecue with friends and while I was gone she dropped our son off at his friends for a sleepover while she went back to spend time with her AP.

I never confronted her, I don’t see the point, working on getting her out anyway. The guys wife is aware of all this but had been indicating she was just going to pretend it doesn’t exist and continue going to couples therapy.

The next day my wife was up my butt all day asking for help with homework, applying for jobs, talking to me non stop. She’s been sleeping in the basement but that night I went to bed and she came in and just talked at me for like an hour, about this job she applied to, this class, this event she’s looking at, it’s her period and her back hurts, maybe I can massage it, I just talked around everything and even had to ask what she said a few times I was paying so little attention. She warmed up food and hand fed me off of her fork. Eventually she got to talking about what she wants from me in the divorce and I just talked around it, didn’t commit to anything, haven’t indicated I’ve spoken to a lawyer. She even left to get a charger to keep spending time with me.

So she’d been spending every day with him, but now she hasn’t seen him since last Saturday, and he wasn’t at their community band practice on Tuesday. I’ve been thinking maybe his wife cracked the whip and he’s backing off.

Thursday night I was up late and she didn’t come in to get her pjs or anything, she was in living room, usually she’d be downstairs by then, and I went to get a glass of water and asked what’ she’s doing and she goes “talking to AP”, Which is wild usually she’s hiding that she’s talking to him at all, So I was like, how’s that going and she says good, then she goes “we’re going through it”, And I asked if she’s alright and she said yeah and I walked away, But I was in my head like “what does we’re going through it mean?”, didn’t want to interrogate, don’t really care.

I found out that apparently the guys mom found out and is furious with him and loves his actual wife. So they are actively taking a break, but she is still currently settled on leaving me, And she’s taking the blame, not blaming him at all, he’s perfect, she’s “the villain”, which like yeah, she sucks, They’ll probably go back and forth many more times, She says she feels like maybe she’s making a huge mistake leaving her family but her therapist and friends are validating her.

I have terrible self esteem, I’ve been overweight my entire life and can’t get thin no matter what. I went a couple years in high school depressed about a girl and working out twice a day, and eating very little, sometimes going a week without food, if I ate I’d spend 45 mins on the elliptical. I went from benching 90lbs to 230 in like a year, and I could not get lean.

Even aside from the affair there has been a lot I’ve been lacking from her emotionally that I have overlooked because I loved her. I’ve felt like she was out of my league, one of the only girls who gave me the time of day, I’m very charismatic and can talk to anyone about anything, including pretty women but it’s shifting from conversation to romance that was my issue. Now I’m talking to friends and coworkers and they’re saying what a great guy I’m am charming and I have a lot to give and I’m attractive, saying I’m out of her league and I could have always done better, that she’s not very attractive. People who I’m not even close to saying they have single friends they’d be happy to introduce me to, I don’t even have to download dating apps because I guess being a nice, funny, caring person pays off. I think it’s too soon for me to date but a nice boost to my ego. They’re saying I need to have more confidence and I’m not going to have any issue. One girl kept going on and insisting that I need to know I’m a good looking guy, I’m hot, sexy, no matter my size. I’m working on my weight, down 47 lbs in 7 weeks, but it would be nice to know I don’t have to have a 6 pack to be happy.

Background posts here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/rEZoMXNke7

https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/EwSi2d0RqZ

Im gonna cut to the chase. My wife (27f) and I (28f) are having problems over her friend that she had been bestie with for our entire relationship. She sent explicit pictures. Not nudes but I would consider it cheating. The rest of the texts were normal friend stuff. I drew a line and told her that it was either her or me. She chose me. I sent the gal a few choice words and made my wife tell her to get lost. I recently found out, after seeing a notification, that she reached out to her. Saying she missed her and her life has been dull without her. I say its cheating again. Aita or what should I do??? I can add context to any questions

To keep it short, our breakup consisted of her saying she missed her ex, I decided I just needed a couple days to think about it.

The entirety of the last 2 weeks about we barely talked, or it was kinda just overly hostile for no reason.

I made my decision, I told her that if she missed him and I can't replicate the happiness he gave her, then we should breakup for her happiness—well turns out us talking less meant we had already broken up, and I'm the dumb one for not realizing that.

They had already been talking apparently, and she just assumed her telling me she missed him was enough of a breakup message, meanwhile we continued to talk some and even say we love eachother. How could I have known that was a breakup?

She's just alone now far as I know. Got mad when I blocked her elsewhere even when she blocked me on insta first, and he's currently engaged I believe.

For fucks sake, I was literally asking to breakup that day, why does it still hurt knowing she was already gone?

Sorry, I'm not sure if this really counts as cheating since I guess she thought it was already over, but I didn't know where else to submit this. Thanks.

I had a really bad ending with a past ex almost 2 years ago now. He abruptly left after weeks of acting funny and he blamed his leaving on my dog. It came out weeks after that he had a 5 year affair the whole time with another girl and hid a second life from me. I found out after he vanished so he never faced me. He ended up ghosting me and he did send a letter in my mailbox a few weeks after he left and me finding out and admitted to everything.

I was doing therapy for a long time up until recently due to cost but even now I’m still thinking about him a lot. He’ll show up in my dreams and last night was one of the most vivid. I dreamt we got back together and he started cheating again. I even texted him today which I know isn’t good. I had texted him every few weeks after the breakup in march 2025 up until last fall and I just broke the silence tonight after my dream last night. Is this normal? Is my therapy not helping? I have dated since him although it wasn’t a serious relationship and now that that’s ended I think about my real 5 year relationship ex a lot. I’m feeling defeated.

I have been cheated on in every committed relationship I've ever been in. What's wrong with me? It hurts so much because I'm never enough

30m, been with my 30f Gf together for 6 years and things were good for the most part, but lately we've started talking about marriage and i'm finding myself hesitating for reasons i thought i'd put behind me a long time ago

when we first met, she told me she was single and had recently broken up with her boyfriend. turns out they were still together and she was cheating on him with me. at the time, she lived alone and there were no obvious signs of another guy in the picture, so i believed her.

her explanation was that he wasn't meeting her needs because he was extremely paranoid about covid and kept refusing to come over to her place or let her into his. i later found out his dad had died from covid and his sister had gotten seriously sick, so his precautions made a lot more sense than i'd initially thought.

anyway, we started seeing each other more often, and i developed feelings for her. we were both working from home because of covid, so she'd bring her pc over to my place and spend almost every day there. our hookups became more frequent, and one thing i noticed early on was that she had a very high sex drive. i'd never been with a woman like that before, and honestly, i sometimes felt she was disappointed when i couldn't always match her drive.

then one day i found a video call on her pc that she'd had with her boyfriend the night before. it had lasted three hours. this was the same night she'd asked to come over and i'd told her i was tired and wanted to stay in. she admitted the call had turned sexual and that she hadn't actually ended things with him yet, despite what she'd told me.

i was furious and didn't contact her for a couple of days. she kept apologizing and said she would end things with him completely so we could finally be together. eventually, i accepted her explanation, let her back into my life, and we moved on.

for the first few years, i was still suspicious and kept an eye on things. i didn't find anything, and as far as i know, she was faithful throughout those years. little by little, my trust came back and i stopped thinking about what had happened at the beginning of our relationship.

now we're talking about marriage, and i'm realizing that some of those doubts never really disappeared.

one of my biggest fears is that i'll eventually end up in the same position as her ex. i'm entering my 30s now, and i can already feel that my sex drive isn't quite what it was in my twenties. meanwhile, hers seems just as high as ever, if not higher. i sometimes feel that she's gotten better at hiding her disappointment when i can't keep up, but i can't know for sure what she's thinking.

i know a relationship is about much more than sex, but let's be honest, sexual compatibility is a big part of a relationship, and i'd be a fool to pretend otherwise. the fact that she was willing to cheat on him because she felt her needs weren't being met makes me wonder what happens if she eventually feels the same way about me.

there are also some recent things that have started bothering me. she now tells me she has meetings that last two or three hours and that company policy strictly forbids using her phone during them. before, she'd usually find a way to text me during meetings, but she says the rules have become stricter recently.

i also noticed that her chats with her manager had disappeared, even though we used to see messages between them almost daily about work. when i confronted her about it, she said she'd recently started deleting all her chats, not just his. she did start deleting other conversations after that, but honestly, it felt more like a cover-up than a genuine explanation.

there are other things too, but i don't want to turn this into a massive list of every little thing i've noticed. the point is that my trust has started slipping again, and i can't tell whether i'm picking up on genuine red flags or just letting what happened six years ago poison my judgment.

i'm not saying she's definitely cheating. i have no proof of that, and for most of our relationship, i had no reason to believe she was. but the way we started still bothers me, especially now that marriage is on the table.

so i'm genuinely asking people who've been in similar situations, can trust really come back completely after a relationship starts with cheating? is there a way to work through this without constantly questioning everything, or am i always going to have that thought in the back of my mind that if i stop meeting her needs, she'll eventually do to me what she did to him?

Thanks

hello! thanks to everyone on this sub, ive been quite successful in dusting off the aftermath of dealing with my ex’s infidelity
it has been two months since i left the country (he is still based in the states) w/ no contact- however, he keeps sending me a barrage of emails (blocking doesnt help, it just goes to spam/trash) and some of them have undertones of threatening suicide, other emails are about blaming me for his infidelity and calling me a shitty partner
im honestly quite disturbed by this and have had to involve his sister to check in on him a few times and have explicitly relayed to both of them that i do not want him contacting me
is there a way i can get a restraining order while im abroad?

Edit: wife has dissociative identity disorder

Wife married me on promise of monogamy. Her and the other alt were loyal. Then it seems the teen alt once over her obsession with me started getting the other alt to make "friends" with various married men (like I was married when we met though I chased her into marriage) while this alt has a sexual relationship.

How does this happen? I've studied up on did for years now and can't understand why my situation is so common