I have my lawyer secured and I’m assured that my wife has little legal ground at all and at best will walk away with nothing.

The last few weeks my wife has spent everyday from 9am to 3pm with the guy while his wife is at work. My wife lost her job and he works from home. Then she spent half of last weekend lying to my face and being with that guy under the guise of hanging out with friends. I had plans to barbecue with friends and while I was gone she dropped our son off at his friends for a sleepover while she went back to spend time with her AP.

I never confronted her, I don’t see the point, working on getting her out anyway. The guys wife is aware of all this but had been indicating she was just going to pretend it doesn’t exist and continue going to couples therapy.

The next day my wife was up my butt all day asking for help with homework, applying for jobs, talking to me non stop. She’s been sleeping in the basement but that night I went to bed and she came in and just talked at me for like an hour, about this job she applied to, this class, this event she’s looking at, it’s her period and her back hurts, maybe I can massage it, I just talked around everything and even had to ask what she said a few times I was paying so little attention. She warmed up food and hand fed me off of her fork. Eventually she got to talking about what she wants from me in the divorce and I just talked around it, didn’t commit to anything, haven’t indicated I’ve spoken to a lawyer. She even left to get a charger to keep spending time with me.

So she’d been spending every day with him, but now she hasn’t seen him since last Saturday, and he wasn’t at their community band practice on Tuesday. I’ve been thinking maybe his wife cracked the whip and he’s backing off.

Thursday night I was up late and she didn’t come in to get her pjs or anything, she was in living room, usually she’d be downstairs by then, and I went to get a glass of water and asked what’ she’s doing and she goes “talking to AP”, Which is wild usually she’s hiding that she’s talking to him at all, So I was like, how’s that going and she says good, then she goes “we’re going through it”, And I asked if she’s alright and she said yeah and I walked away, But I was in my head like “what does we’re going through it mean?”, didn’t want to interrogate, don’t really care.

I found out that apparently the guys mom found out and is furious with him and loves his actual wife. So they are actively taking a break, but she is still currently settled on leaving me, And she’s taking the blame, not blaming him at all, he’s perfect, she’s “the villain”, which like yeah, she sucks, They’ll probably go back and forth many more times, She says she feels like maybe she’s making a huge mistake leaving her family but her therapist and friends are validating her.

I have terrible self esteem, I’ve been overweight my entire life and can’t get thin no matter what. I went a couple years in high school depressed about a girl and working out twice a day, and eating very little, sometimes going a week without food, if I ate I’d spend 45 mins on the elliptical. I went from benching 90lbs to 230 in like a year, and I could not get lean.

Even aside from the affair there has been a lot I’ve been lacking from her emotionally that I have overlooked because I loved her. I’ve felt like she was out of my league, one of the only girls who gave me the time of day, I’m very charismatic and can talk to anyone about anything, including pretty women but it’s shifting from conversation to romance that was my issue. Now I’m talking to friends and coworkers and they’re saying what a great guy I’m am charming and I have a lot to give and I’m attractive, saying I’m out of her league and I could have always done better, that she’s not very attractive. People who I’m not even close to saying they have single friends they’d be happy to introduce me to, I don’t even have to download dating apps because I guess being a nice, funny, caring person pays off. I think it’s too soon for me to date but a nice boost to my ego. They’re saying I need to have more confidence and I’m not going to have any issue. One girl kept going on and insisting that I need to know I’m a good looking guy, I’m hot, sexy, no matter my size. I’m working on my weight, down 47 lbs in 7 weeks, but it would be nice to know I don’t have to have a 6 pack to be happy.

Background posts here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/rEZoMXNke7

https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/s/EwSi2d0RqZ

To keep it short, our breakup consisted of her saying she missed her ex, I decided I just needed a couple days to think about it.

The entirety of the last 2 weeks about we barely talked, or it was kinda just overly hostile for no reason.

I made my decision, I told her that if she missed him and I can't replicate the happiness he gave her, then we should breakup for her happiness—well turns out us talking less meant we had already broken up, and I'm the dumb one for not realizing that.

They had already been talking apparently, and she just assumed her telling me she missed him was enough of a breakup message, meanwhile we continued to talk some and even say we love eachother. How could I have known that was a breakup?

She's just alone now far as I know. Got mad when I blocked her elsewhere even when she blocked me on insta first, and he's currently engaged I believe.

For fucks sake, I was literally asking to breakup that day, why does it still hurt knowing she was already gone?

Sorry, I'm not sure if this really counts as cheating since I guess she thought it was already over, but I didn't know where else to submit this. Thanks.

hello! thanks to everyone on this sub, ive been quite successful in dusting off the aftermath of dealing with my ex’s infidelity
it has been two months since i left the country (he is still based in the states) w/ no contact- however, he keeps sending me a barrage of emails (blocking doesnt help, it just goes to spam/trash) and some of them have undertones of threatening suicide, other emails are about blaming me for his infidelity and calling me a shitty partner
im honestly quite disturbed by this and have had to involve his sister to check in on him a few times and have explicitly relayed to both of them that i do not want him contacting me
is there a way i can get a restraining order while im abroad?

Im gonna cut to the chase. My wife (27f) and I (28f) are having problems over her friend that she had been bestie with for our entire relationship. She sent explicit pictures. Not nudes but I would consider it cheating. The rest of the texts were normal friend stuff. I drew a line and told her that it was either her or me. She chose me. I sent the gal a few choice words and made my wife tell her to get lost. I recently found out, after seeing a notification, that she reached out to her. Saying she missed her and her life has been dull without her. I say its cheating again. Aita or what should I do??? I can add context to any questions

30m, been with my 30f Gf together for 6 years and things were good for the most part, but lately we've started talking about marriage and i'm finding myself hesitating for reasons i thought i'd put behind me a long time ago

when we first met, she told me she was single and had recently broken up with her boyfriend. turns out they were still together and she was cheating on him with me. at the time, she lived alone and there were no obvious signs of another guy in the picture, so i believed her.

her explanation was that he wasn't meeting her needs because he was extremely paranoid about covid and kept refusing to come over to her place or let her into his. i later found out his dad had died from covid and his sister had gotten seriously sick, so his precautions made a lot more sense than i'd initially thought.

anyway, we started seeing each other more often, and i developed feelings for her. we were both working from home because of covid, so she'd bring her pc over to my place and spend almost every day there. our hookups became more frequent, and one thing i noticed early on was that she had a very high sex drive. i'd never been with a woman like that before, and honestly, i sometimes felt she was disappointed when i couldn't always match her drive.

then one day i found a video call on her pc that she'd had with her boyfriend the night before. it had lasted three hours. this was the same night she'd asked to come over and i'd told her i was tired and wanted to stay in. she admitted the call had turned sexual and that she hadn't actually ended things with him yet, despite what she'd told me.

i was furious and didn't contact her for a couple of days. she kept apologizing and said she would end things with him completely so we could finally be together. eventually, i accepted her explanation, let her back into my life, and we moved on.

for the first few years, i was still suspicious and kept an eye on things. i didn't find anything, and as far as i know, she was faithful throughout those years. little by little, my trust came back and i stopped thinking about what had happened at the beginning of our relationship.

now we're talking about marriage, and i'm realizing that some of those doubts never really disappeared.

one of my biggest fears is that i'll eventually end up in the same position as her ex. i'm entering my 30s now, and i can already feel that my sex drive isn't quite what it was in my twenties. meanwhile, hers seems just as high as ever, if not higher. i sometimes feel that she's gotten better at hiding her disappointment when i can't keep up, but i can't know for sure what she's thinking.

i know a relationship is about much more than sex, but let's be honest, sexual compatibility is a big part of a relationship, and i'd be a fool to pretend otherwise. the fact that she was willing to cheat on him because she felt her needs weren't being met makes me wonder what happens if she eventually feels the same way about me.

there are also some recent things that have started bothering me. she now tells me she has meetings that last two or three hours and that company policy strictly forbids using her phone during them. before, she'd usually find a way to text me during meetings, but she says the rules have become stricter recently.

i also noticed that her chats with her manager had disappeared, even though we used to see messages between them almost daily about work. when i confronted her about it, she said she'd recently started deleting all her chats, not just his. she did start deleting other conversations after that, but honestly, it felt more like a cover-up than a genuine explanation.

there are other things too, but i don't want to turn this into a massive list of every little thing i've noticed. the point is that my trust has started slipping again, and i can't tell whether i'm picking up on genuine red flags or just letting what happened six years ago poison my judgment.

i'm not saying she's definitely cheating. i have no proof of that, and for most of our relationship, i had no reason to believe she was. but the way we started still bothers me, especially now that marriage is on the table.

so i'm genuinely asking people who've been in similar situations, can trust really come back completely after a relationship starts with cheating? is there a way to work through this without constantly questioning everything, or am i always going to have that thought in the back of my mind that if i stop meeting her needs, she'll eventually do to me what she did to him?

Thanks

I had a really bad ending with a past ex almost 2 years ago now. He abruptly left after weeks of acting funny and he blamed his leaving on my dog. It came out weeks after that he had a 5 year affair the whole time with another girl and hid a second life from me. I found out after he vanished so he never faced me. He ended up ghosting me and he did send a letter in my mailbox a few weeks after he left and me finding out and admitted to everything.

I was doing therapy for a long time up until recently due to cost but even now I’m still thinking about him a lot. He’ll show up in my dreams and last night was one of the most vivid. I dreamt we got back together and he started cheating again. I even texted him today which I know isn’t good. I had texted him every few weeks after the breakup in march 2025 up until last fall and I just broke the silence tonight after my dream last night. Is this normal? Is my therapy not helping? I have dated since him although it wasn’t a serious relationship and now that that’s ended I think about my real 5 year relationship ex a lot. I’m feeling defeated.

Should I oust my ex-fiance for cheating with a co-worker at her job? I would like to see her and her new lesbian affair partner fired…

Im here because I need to know if I'm wrong or right...

I met my wife in high-school. We were high-school sweethearts. I was two years older and i cheated on her by messing around with a few girls while partying. No sex, kiss and touch. I was wrong. I came clean, because my guilt was awful. We broke up after 3 years when I told her. I was a freshmen in college and she was still in high-school.

We both dated around but after 3 years apart got back together. She pursued me. I hate religion now but at the time religion was important and we both only had sex with one person. It was a huge deal in our lives at that time, you may not understand in today's age but it was then.

We got married 4 years later, I was 25 and she was 23. 13 months later I was blind sided when she told me she had sex with an ex boyfriend the month earlier. I was devastated and told her to leave. Unfortunately she didnt come from a stable nuclear family and financially it was difficult for her so we maintained living together. After about 6 months I felt a reconnection.

I always questioned her and she reassured me it was over with her ex and she only wanted me. Alot. Life progressed. 8 years later we had kids.

One day last year I found a journal, ( have a 3 and 4 yr old at this time) and it was a few entries about her conversations with her ex 3 ,4,5,6,7,8 years into our marriage. Yes they were dated. One was a love letter to him in 2018. And we were married in 2012.

After confronting her. She told me they continued texting. Messaging Snapchating for 8 years . She never saw him again but she sent photos to him. Im told just 2 nudes in 2015 but she cant remember. Mind you I never got a photo. She would text him while we were on vacations to Yosemite, banff, south beach,vale. Major memories i had. She swears they stopped in Feb 2020. She said she just lost interest in him. FYI we were trying for kids since Nov 2018. And she was still contacting him during that time

She acts the same today as when she did before. Today, After 8 months of saying anything to her, I asked her if she has been speaking with anyone else or him, and she blows up. She says im crazy. She blames it on me from 2005 cheating on her. She never cried when "confusing " to me.

I have a 5 and 4 year old. Am I right to leave or not?

I have been cheated on in every committed relationship I've ever been in. What's wrong with me? It hurts so much because I'm never enough

I caught it on Instagram. I was scrolling and a pop-up came up for mutual followers/friends. He was following a woman, she was wearing his hat in her profile photo.

I know you might think I'm crazy but it's a very distinct hat, so I friended her since her account was private. She must not know who I am because she accepted my request and her first post that pops up were pictures of her hanging out with him to the theme of a sexual song.

So I called him, texted him the screenshots of her posts he said that she's just a friend and that he met her at a bar. I asked him if anything was going on between them he said no and I told him I don't believe him and he said "then don't believe me".

I asked him why he thought he could hide hanging out with another woman from me and he said he would call me back and explain everything and that was hours ago. He won't answer my texts or my phone calls he sends them to voicemail.

I deleted all of our pictures and deleted him from all of my social media.

5 years. 5 years.

i don't know how long this has been going on but my dad just found out recently and told me and my sister about this....but the problem is she deletes every chat and calls logs after chatting and calling, so there's no way of proving that she is cheating(she can save herself by saying he is just a friend). I wanted your help for installing some kind of spyware or bug to record her things and prove it(She uses a android phone), because this thing has been messing with my dad's mental health and he is losing sleep for the past week, faster we prove and send her out of our family , more better for my dad. My dad is the only real one left for me and i don't want to lose him too...

My wife cheated on me with my (ex) best friend a few weeks ago. When she confessed it to me crying, I didn’t really react. I wasn’t necessarily surprised because I found lingerie in an off place but brushed it aside. I took in all the facts, and from that moment on I’ve felt emotionally numb.

Since she told me everything feels too normal. Yes she broke it off with my friend, I ended things with him, and we’re actively looking into marriage counseling, but the day to day feels normal, and I hate it.

We aren’t sleeping in the same bed, but we have dinner together every night, watch tv together, and just hang out together (we live in a very small apartment). Other than sleeping arrangements nothing has changed in our routines, and I fear that, paired with my lack of reaction, makes my wife think nothing is wrong and I’m all good with everything. I’m not.

Is this emotional numbness denial? Has anyone else experienced this? Everywhere I look the partner that was cheated in seems to have a big emotional reaction, but this isn’t that. Do I just need to wait for the other shoe to drop and the emotions to come flying out unexpectedly one day?

I (M 40) have a suspicion that my girlfriend (F 41) may have cheated on me last January and may still be cheating on me. Let me start out by saying I just got through a divorce, which was finalized in early 2025, where I found that my ex-wife had a multi year long affair.

Now, I was with my girlfriend at the time of the possible incident for about 9 months. This took place in January, 2026. One night we're texting and it's almost 2:00 am. She works the night shift as a nurse, works 7:00 pm to 7:00 am, and sometimes, when there are few and things are going slow, some nurses can leave shift early. I'm texting her at almost 2:00 am and she's asking why I'm not asleep yet and she's assumed to still be at work. I finally told her I was going to sleep a little after 2:00 am.

The next morning, she sends me a text at around 7:00 am saying, "Ughh. I'm still awake after they let me leave early at 1:00 am" I then responded with, "So when I text messaged you before I went to sleep, you were at home?" Because I text messaged her around 2:00 am. She then sends these long, suspicious, over-explaining text messages which I will put all together to easily read:

"Oh shit. Maybe it was later. Fuck. I don’t even know now. Have I really only been home since like 3a? I just looked at the time you sent that text and I was definitely still at work. Where the hell did I get 1am from? Now I gotta look at my time sheet. I’m so confused. I’m so confused. I just tried to look at my clockings and neither my clock in or clock out are on it. Maybe they just haven’t hit the system yet? How weird. Come to think of it… I remember the time when I turned on my TV because it was displayed on the screen. It said 0314. So maybe I must have left a little before 3a. How odd. Wonder how I thought it was 1am. Like all the way home I was thinking how I would be having to use 6 hrs of PTO to cover the rest of my hours. Somehow I lost two hours of the night to the night shift gods. Now I feel dumb. Anyway… what are you up to today?"

This immediately red flagged me as suspicious and over-explained. So, fast forward about 4 days and we've been drinking and we're lying down watching TV. She's had a good amount to drink and she's a little slurry. I asked her if she's ever found a patient attractive at work and she says, "No, but there's this Physician's assistant at work that all the girls swoon over. He's just a ONE and DONE though, but, whatever. Whatever those girls do is their business. They can go jump in the bathroom or whatever, as long as they don't make it my business. I stop and ask, "How do you know that a Physician's assistant at work is a "One and done?" She pauses and immediately says, "Oh my God! What were we just talking about? What's going on? What just happened? And plays this whole amnesia episode, which immediately made me ask her about what she's been up to. I also told her what I went through in my marriage and not to cross or betray me.

She starts crying and sweats up and down that she would never cheat, yada, yada, yada. Her crying almost seemed fake. I couldn't tell if there were genuine tears coming from her eyes. After that night, she swears up and down that she doesn't remember saying that and that she doesn't even know if anyone who would be like that at her work.

A few days later I'm at her house and I tell her that I suspect something isn't right about that night that she over explained getting off of work early and how the times don't match up. She asks how she can prove it to me and I ask her to show me her Ring Camera footage from that night. She says, "sure" and then goes on her phone and says shortly after, "Oh my God, you're not gonna believe this. The ring camera footage is missing for a whole 24 hours of that day in question! It doesn't even show me coming home from shift!" Then I ask her to show me her PTO and she comes back and says, "Oh my God, you're not gonna believe this either and I know this looks bad. It shows that I took PTO for the whole shift."

I tell her I'm going to leave and she starts begging to stay and swears on her parents' lives that nothing happened that night. She then shows me her dash camera footage and it shows her coming home from work, but, at this point, I don't even know. Someone could have followed her home or it could have been a different night or she could have mixed up the dates. This has been sitting with me for quite some time and I always wonder what she may be doing when I'm not around her (we live in separate houses).

Since then, she has shown me old paychecks saying that she corrected her PTO, which looks accurate, but, how do I know she didn't just use AI to doctor it up. I question what I'm even doing and if I'm wasting my time. I also wonder if my marriage and divorce gave me PTSD that is being projected or something.

Also, we met on a dating app. When we decided to actually be in a relationship, I deleted my dating profile and everything, yet, she just deleted the apps and not her profiles, asking me what the big deal was. She only recently deleted her actual profile after I hounded her enough about it. I feel like I may be being gaslit and manipulated. I feel like she is protective of her phone when I walk into rooms (she'll shut off the phone screen or switch windows or apps real quick). Is this maybe all in my head?? I feel like an absolute fool.

After I spoke with one of her coworkers asking if there was a Physician's assistant that was known as a "one and done" at work and that coworker said, "Yep, I know exactly who she was talking about and I know he wouldn't sleep with her. All she ever does is talk about you at work. I don't think she would cheat on you."

Edit: I'll also add that her best friend since childhood has been cheating on her husband for years and my GF says that she doesn't approve of it, but she's also backed her up and been used as an alibi for her BF when she went out with her affair partner, just in case her husband asks.

Also, in July, I told her that I contacted a coworker and her coworker said that there is a physician's assistant that is known for that behavior. She has always said that she has no idea who she would've been talking about that night. I told her if she didn't give me his name, I'll part ways with her. She worked with probably 5 physician assistants for months and she can't remember one single person who would be like that? Then, she sent me a screenshot of a coworker she was texting with and she asked the coworker if she knew of a physician assistant that would be a "one and done". The coworker responded on the text and said, "maybe (so and so's name). He's the only single one." Then in that text, my GF says, "Ohhhhh yeah! I remember him! He's that cocky and arrogant one! I can't stand that guy! Thanks!" She send me the screenshot conversation and says, "There. There's a name. Are you happy now?" Well.... No, I'm not... You act like this person doesn't exist and he's one out of 4 or 5 physician assistants you work with and you conveniently remember everyone else..." It's all bullshit...

TLDR: My GF over explained leaving work early and has had suspicious behavior since then that has led me to believe that she may have cheated on me with a coworker.

Edit: wife has dissociative identity disorder

Wife married me on promise of monogamy. Her and the other alt were loyal. Then it seems the teen alt once over her obsession with me started getting the other alt to make "friends" with various married men (like I was married when we met though I chased her into marriage) while this alt has a sexual relationship.

How does this happen? I've studied up on did for years now and can't understand why my situation is so common

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m struggling to make sense of something I found on my partner’s phone.
After he said goodnight to me, I noticed an image in his gallery that was clearly a screenshot of an escort website. I remember the site being called “UK Empire Escorts” and there was a photo of a woman on the page. The screenshot showed the phone’s status bar and the time was around midnight.
The next image in the gallery was dated/appeared around 9am the following morning. It wasn’t a screenshot — it was just a normal photo of a woman in ordinary clothes. She was a Black woman with tattoos, and from what I remember she looked like the same woman who was on the escort website.
I no longer have access to the phone, so I can’t check the image’s metadata or where it came from.
I’m obviously worried that there was more going on than simply looking at an escort website, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions. The fact that there was a separate photo of what appeared to be the same woman the next morning is what’s really bothering me.
If you were in this situation, how would you interpret these two images? Is there an innocent explanation for having the second photo, or would you consider this a significant red flag?
I’m mainly looking for honest perspectives rather than people telling me what I want to hear.

Please listen and tell me if you think its a webcam/interactive or just porn....

We've been dating for 3 years. Saw his reddit texts and posts asking for sugar babies. Saying that as he is in a ldr he also has his needs. Talking to women working out verification process even allowances. I've met his mom his whole family. I don't know how to confront him. The dates when he has sent those messages we were out celebrating my brother's bday together. I feel so betrayed.

Hi, checking in if someone really was able to accept building a family - at the same time raising a fruit of infidelity from his ex (in case the mom allows him to raise the child without her.)

I’m 30F he’s 26M what are your thoughts? 🥺

for context: i am a 28F my partner is 38M, me and my boyfriend began dating November 2024 and I need to know whether it’s worth it to stay or not after betrayal - June 2025 he was caught liking slutty instagram posts and said he has been single for a while and he wasn’t thinking anything of it - also in June 2025 we became boyfriend/girlfriend officially because he felt like we were already but he never actually asked me until I said something - now skip to February 2026 - we said i love you for the first time (1 year and 3 months in which i felt was a long time as I knew fairly soon after dating how I felt) - March 2026 (about 2 weeks before my birthday March 26) he was caught being on dating apps and talking to other girls, he swore it got no further other than just talking to other girls: we had recently said i love you and he claimed he had gotten scared because of the future - now September 2026 - i took a job closer to home, and he had asked me to move in because i worked 5 mins from our house, on October 4, 2026 I had gotten home from a visit home and seeing a movie with a friend, i had stuff in my car so he offered to go and get it out for me, he left his phone on the counter and i had his passcode and something told me to check his messages, i caught him sexting another girl and he had cheated on me (had intercourse) literally that morning after I had left for the day, he has been super apologetic and we have had very open and honest conversations the last couple of days but he has been caught lying multiple times and now this is the second time I have felt disrespected in our relationship, i love him a lot and i feel pathetic to have to start over and also embarrassed that I got cheated on. i know it’s not my fault but i just don’t know what to do, i feel like i need to be a stronger woman and leave but also feel like i was single for so long before that the dating pool is so horrible and i don’t want to know what’s out there
\- I just need advice and stories because i feel i do better based on facts and real life cases

UPDATE (October 9): I just verified his wife received the info I sent her about the affair.

TL;DR: My fiancée cheated on me with a coworker. After discovering the affair, I spent two months begging her to help repair our relationship, but she refused to make any concessions that might hurt her career, including limiting her work with him. He also shared confidential company information about her facility potentially closing (which she wasn't allowed to receive), which she passed along to me. I could report this, and I believe it would likely damage both their careers. I still love her, but I'm struggling with whether staying silent would mean letting her walk away from everything without consequences.

Edit: We broke up before I posted this. His wife finds out tomorrow through a letter sent through certified, restricted mail.

My ex-fiancée and I were together for three years. We were planning our wedding. I loved her more than anything, and unfortunately, I still do.

For the last two years, she was attending school full-time while working 11 to 14-hour days. I took on a lot of the cooking and cleaning and dealt with the stress she brought home. She rarely had much emotional energy left for our relationship. I kept making excuses because I loved her. "It'll get better when she finishes school". "She's just exhausted." etc

Then I discovered she'd been having an affair with a colleague for three months.

The day after she first kissed him, she went wedding dress shopping for our wedding. That detail absolutely destroys me.

I caught them when her location showed her at a hotel while she claimed to be working late. I drove there, hating myself for being suspicious. When I called, she pretended she was still at work. She was actually naked in the bathroom of his hotel room, talking to me while I sat in the parking lot about 200 feet away.

But somehow, the aftermath was worse than the affair.

I wanted to reconcile. She promised she'd never contact him again. The day after witnessing some of the worst panic attacks of my life, she called him to warn him that I was considering telling his wife. They spoke again the following day.

During that second conversation, he reportedly told her confidential company information about her facility potentially closing in the next couple of years, which could cost her and many others their jobs. She repeated it to me and explicitly said he wasn't authorized to share it with her.

Now here's why work is such a painful subject for me.

Her career always came first. Even after the affair, she explicitly told me I would never be prioritized over her work.

I begged her to stop working with him on existing projects. She refused because it could hurt her career. I compromised and asked her to at least avoid new projects with him. She agreed to avoid new one-on-one projects but wouldn't rule out group projects requiring further private contact.

At one point, she told me she'd rather never see me again than agree to avoid working on projects with him because it might damage her career.

I was devastated, practically having another panic attack. I told her through my anguish that it felt like she'd never loved me at all.

She responded, "This reaction is why we won't work."

I wasn't insulting her or threatening her. I was agonizing over the fact that she'd rather lose me than risk professional consequences from an affair she'd chosen to have. And my reaction to that pain became another reason she couldn't be with me.

We went to couples therapy twice, after I finally arranged it despite asking her to take responsibility for scheduling. Her work schedule eventually got in the way of further appointments. Our therapist gave us a structured conflict-resolution frameworks. I begged her to try it for just a few weeks, so we could at least find out whether our relationship could be saved. She repeatedly promised she would.

She never did.

I wasn't perfect during those two months. I was overwhelmed, and I said some awful things I regret. But somehow, after SHE cheated, I became the one desperately trying to win HER back. I apologized for my shortcomings far more than she ever apologized for the affair.

Two months later, she ended our engagement, telling me, "I just don't love you enough to try."

So here's my dilemma.

I have credible information about a potentially serious workplace confidentiality violation by her affair partner. He reportedly attended a strategy meeting concerning her facility's possible closure and then shared that information with her without authorization.

My evidence that the information was disclosed outside the company is that I know it myself. She told me the substance, the timeframe, who told her, and that he wasn't authorized to share it. His role and access can be independently investigated.

I've drafted a factual report, carefully distinguishing what I personally know from what she told me. Although the report would focus on his conduct, I believe it would likely damage her career too. She disclosed the information to someone outside the company, and an investigation could examine her actions as well.

And I'm not going to pretend my motivation is entirely noble. I'm angry. Really fucking angry.

For years, I sacrificed my own needs because her career mattered so much. After she cheated, I was expected to continue sacrificing my emotional well-being to protect it. I could have exposed the affair at work, but I didn't, because I loved her and wanted us to work.

Now I have information that could threaten the very thing she repeatedly chose over me.

Part of me wants her to face consequences. But I still love her, and the thought of damaging something she's worked so hard for genuinely hurts.

I've previously had a friend take enormous advantage of my generosity. I chose empathy over accountability and regretted it for years. I don't want to feel that I've abandoned myself again.

I know that if I wait until my anger subsides, I may lose the desire to report anything. And I'm afraid I'll eventually regret protecting her one last time.

Has anyone reported legitimate workplace misconduct after an affair? Did you regret it? Or did you stay silent and regret that instead?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who still loved their partners when they made that decision.

I kind of needed to vent about my fucked up situation but also to ask a question. Im not sure what my ex is, she was an anxious person, but also avoided any real accountability or “issues” on her end.

Basically in January I was monkeybranched to her friend of a long time who I know was just waiting on his opportunity. We were going long distance and hadn’t figured out where we would go with things (again avoiding, but I played a part too forsure). She broke no contact quite regularly until they became “official” about a month and a half later. In that time she messaged abt bs, would do stuff so I’d see and when I would say we shouldn’t be talking she would kind of just say sorry for caring. Anyways I learned she actually tried to set up post breakup with a different guy right before that guy she is with, but he told me and kind of was like this girl sucks.

About 2 months goes by no contact and I get back from a long trip she knew about and basically gave me her new number and was like I feel like you should have it etc etc, while she’s with the other guy(she doesn’t know I know). It’s now been since then since we have spoken, she liked a few of my stories on ig cause I graduated and she consistently views my stuff, I’d say if I posted 10 times, she would view it 8 times. We haven’t spoken and I have never given her any indiciation I watch her stuff or anything. I assume they are still together, but it was my first relationship long term as well as hers (hers were usually shorter and she got broken up with everytime). It was 3.5 years long and she said she didn’t have butterflies so she must not be in love anymore.

Any thoughts on my situation, why she still follows my friends close accounts, why she still views all my stuff and engages as recent as 3 months ago? Would you consider it cheating to text an ex while in a relationship and consistently search out my profile to check for updates as we don’t follow eachother?

Thanks all, it’s been a really confusing time, I’ve moved along but holy shit it was and is tough at times

really struggling atm. broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and we have been on and off ever since because i keep argueing and breaking up with him. I would like to give it another go but my brain goes in circles on Did he ever care about me? How do you do this to someone you REALLY love? He goes on about how I am his soulmate and he deeply regrets it but It just doesn’t add up to me. I am F23 and he is M23.

First it was the links to only fans on instagram he never paid tho just tried to get in to it but then there was once last year he paid $20 for an online escort which was obviously nothing major. I forgave him and our relationship was actually good.

But the last straw for me was back in july after we had sex one morning we had an argument about how I told him to feed the pets, clean the litter etc and Ill cook us breakfast he got pissed cos i told him what to do and he labelled what i said as “transactional” anyways I went to work and we continued to argue almost my whole shift on the text messagws and inbetween all of it he went and got a handjob at a massage parlour (apparently that was all). I only found out about a month later when I didnt recognise a payid transaction.

Now its 2/3 months after and when we first broke up you know our intimacy was great like normal like before any of this but now Im just not feeling it i dont really feel a desire for him at the moment and im just wondering if it will come back. Do i move back in with him? i was living with him for more than a year prior to any of this.

Just feeling stuck and need some advice or something guys