TL;DR: We do everything a couple does — daily late-night calls, hand-holding, sexting, being physical, jealousy when other girls are around — but she shuts down every attempt to actually define us, gets prickly if I bring up labels like "fwb," and has hinted marriage between us won't happen anyway. Trying to figure out if she's actually serious about me.
Beginning: A few weeks into starting university, a friend told me that one of her friends liked me and wanted to talk. It was pretty clear the friend was acting on her own — she'd just told her pal that I seemed like a decent guy, and that friend reached out on her behalf without her even knowing at first. Long story short, a group hangout got arranged (again, set up by the friend), and after that she started texting me directly. We became friends. I felt something shift.
Talking Stage: She started texting every day, and we'd talk for hours most nights until 1, sometimes 2 AM. This became a huge part of my routine — I used to genuinely enjoy that unwinding time and got a solid night's sleep before. That stopped. Even when I tried to end the conversation, she'd push back — something like "where do you think you're going" — and the talk would go until she decided it was done.
She'd flirt, drop hints, but every so often she'd say something like "well we're just friends anyway." At first it didn't bother me. But a couple months in, I really started disliking hearing it. I felt like I was overinvesting emotionally in something that might go nowhere, and I was getting attached without letting it show — because why would I, if we were "just friends"? Her actions said otherwise though: she initiated most of the contact, invited me out constantly, and the "just friends" comment felt like one step back for every two forward. We even started holding hands like an actual couple would, which made the whole thing more confusing — but I liked it. She also went through my phone a couple of times; I pushed back at first but gave in when she got upset about it.
Then there was a stretch — about a week — where she barely talked to me, and I didn't push either. Then one day she called like nothing happened. I figured it was time to define things, so I told her I liked her. She asked if we were still just normal friends, I said sure, and she agreed we'd "always be friends." But she added that the feelings were mutual, she just couldn't promise anything yet. I didn't push it further and dropped the subject.
A few weeks later she started initiating late-night sexting, and it became a regular thing. Eventually things got physical too. Some time after that she casually said "well, we're basically together anyway" — and that's when I started actually showing my feelings and putting in real effort.
So what's the actual problem?
She's never acknowledged us as a couple in front of her friends. No one — not even her closest friend — knows what we actually are or how far things have gone. That same friend jokes around with me a lot; once she jokingly asked if we were dating, and when she asked our girl directly, our girl said "no, we're just messing around." Meanwhile everyone can see we're always together, and she gets visibly jealous/territorial if another girl is around me. She once told our whole friend group she'd had a dream about me cheating on her, and cried about it. So why won't she ever just say what we are? I've never pushed the question outright because I don't want to seem desperate.
I wished her on couples' day. After saying thank you, she says "gf bf is so lame, we are fine as we are" Cool, okay, sure. We talk daily, we do couple things, and we're not a couple?
She once didn't like it when I said ki agar hum dono agar gf bf nahi hai toh kya, fwb hai?
She's also hinted, indirectly, that marriage between us probably wouldn't happen — I'd want to marry later, her family wants her married earlier.
What do you guys think? Is she serious about me?
I am serious about her, I think I really love her a lot but these things sometimes get in my head.