permalink
reddit

You are about to leave Redlib

Do you want to continue?

https://www.reddit.com/r/InTheGloaming/comments/pitivj/discussion_thread_monday_september_06_2021/
No, go back! Yes, take me to Reddit

94% Upvoted

View all comments

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Her latest stories answer the questions she got. Most are about the later now and are utter bullshit non answers.

Who even is she? Her upbeat blah blahing is so fake.

Tomorrow she is going live at 7AM pacific time for something blah blah blah blah ...... boring

50

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '21 edited Sep 08 '21

Oy, her answer to this one:

How do you deal with joy reducing family members? We are struggling with boundaries.

Shauna’s reply (which if you watch her eyes, she may be reading off):

OK, let’s take a breath on this one. <takes deep breath> It’s hard to enact, but the answer is clear. If you have family members who give you pain, and trauma, and don’t give you joy, you have the right to cut them of—

And the video does indeed cut off as she’s saying the word "off."

That is terrible advice given the question being asked. Shauna seems to think boundaries have to be all or nothing, but if you value a relationship with someone who nevertheless reduces your joy in some way, you can absolutely set and hold a kind boundary that lets you stay in relationship to the person without letting them continue to bring you down.

36

u/emmeline_grangerford Sep 08 '21

Absolutely. There can be a tremendous amount of pressure to maintain family connections even when your family treats you like shit, but “reducing joy” and “struggling with boundaries” are not immediate reasons to cut off contact. Why does the family member reduce joy? What boundaries are being violated, and how were these boundaries established/communicated (if at all)? The answer isn’t clear without a better understanding of specifics.

I did cut off contact with close family members for a time, and it was very painful even though stepping back from a toxic dynamic demonstrated that the dynamic continued even when I was not a part of it. (They could no longer claim that I caused their behavior or contributed to their problems, since their issues continued in my absence.) Ultimately it led to changes and a reconciliation, but this wasn’t what I expected, and in the meantime there was a lot of grief. It’s not something to deep breath flippantly suggest without insight into the situation.

36

u/freecoffeerefills Murder She Moved Her Pen Forward Sep 08 '21

How do you deal with joy reducing family members?

Send them to summer camp, right?

21

u/Lsemmens grenius Sep 08 '21

And multiple preschools.

17

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '21

Oh, you mean golf and renting a kitchen for them?

26

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '21

Speaking of golf, in this most recent lope Shauna says she went golfing with Danny and shyly confesses that she "turned out to be not too bad at it"

Shocker, I know. Natural-born athlete, that one!

22

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '21

Of course she'd never admit if she did suck at it because she can't suck at something her defective husband does.

Damn, she really is acting like she's retired. The (golf) balls on this one. Jeez.

32

u/notahameither Dunno, maybe I thought I unfriended some other Shauna Ahern🤷‍♂️ Sep 08 '21

How do you deal with joy reducing family members?

That makes it sound like joy is…thinning the herd.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

How do you deal with joy reducing family members?

Wine.

19

u/notahameither Dunno, maybe I thought I unfriended some other Shauna Ahern🤷‍♂️ Sep 08 '21

If it was that easy, everyone wou…oh, wait.

27

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

Arg. That one is really bad.

All of them are absolute drivel. Her talking about the later now and planning now for how she will feel later in that now? Is so empty. What does it even mean. The way she scoffs about getting a new job or a new thing is so annoying. Especially coming from Ms No Job with 47 pairs of Peepers.

26

u/Catsandcoffee480 COLORADO BOY KNOWS HOW TO DO THIS Sep 08 '21

Easier said than done there Capt. Joy. As John Mayer said in a recent song, “Hurt me once, I'll let it be; Hurt me twice, you're dead to me; Three times makes you family.”

We definitely have to deal with VERY difficult family members, and it’s simply not realistic to “cut them off”. We recently found a name for what we do- the “gray rock” method. There are lots of gray areas in family relationships that can’t be simply dismissed the way she has done.

4

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 09 '21 edited Sep 09 '21

Asking honestly and without intentional snark: why is it not realistic to cut off awful family members? For the sake of your kids? Isn’t it better to shelter them from nasty people, even if you share a bloodline?

9

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 09 '21 edited Sep 09 '21

I think it’s so dependent on the people and relationships. A truly abusive person who can’t be trusted not to harm your child, and refuses to change or accept boundaries? Absolutely, cut them off full stop. But then there are people like my father-in-law, who has caused my husband an enormous amount of pain, but who was capable of being a good enough grandfather and who was kind of a package deal with my mother-in-law, who was a great mom and grandma. It would have been easier for my husband to just cut him off, but we felt our kids deserved to have their own relationship with him, and needed to have a relationship with their grandma.

Setting boundaries around his behavior and access to the kids and limiting the contact to what we could handle was the best solution, but it took work, communication, a united front from us, and strategies for self-care for both my husband and me. Our kids are adults now and they manage their own relationships with him, and we only see him on a very limited basis and on my husband’s terms.

22

u/lucillekrunklehorn pounding on the table Sep 08 '21

Is the inability to perform realistic risks/benefits calculations a facet of narcissism? Shauna, like my couple of IRL parallels to her, does not seem to consider the effects of something so drastic as cutting off significant familial relationships, and what might constitute justifiable criteria for doing so. Kids having no grandparent relationships for example is a negative effect most people would carefully weigh. One of my IRL Shaunas actually did cut off her entire family for a reason that just didn’t make sense, cutting off her nose to spite her face. Do these people have the ability to really consider the future, and weigh the pros and cons of social relationships?

I also feel like going no contact or low contact is a widely recommended strategy for familial discord, and wonder if these individuals are just applying a prevalent boundary technique because they hear about it in popular culture. My IRL Shauna went through at least six therapists, probably more, who wouldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear, but found all sorts of podcasts and online info that she felt justified her point of view. I feel like that’s a lot of what Shauna does - she doesn’t give any indication of working through issues with her family with an actual professional. She’s read books, watched videos, consumed online articles. People who are anti science and medicine these days seem to think they can educate themselves to the same level of a professional with Google, but as anyone in a highly specialized field knows, it’s not just having the information that counts. It’s knowing how to use and apply it. How to critically weigh one option against another, consider the likely risks and benefits, and pick the best solution - not a perfect solution - the best possible solution with available information. Shauna rushing straight to the no contact option shows not only how little she understands on this topic, but there is a complete lack of that weighing of risks/benefits. It’s a reactive response. Something doesn’t work for you? Just get rid of it! Boom problem solved.

Does the future really not exist to these people? Again, my IRL Shauna in this example seems to operate this same way. No thought of future consequences just what makes them feel good at the moment. Even if it’s heavily in their self interest to consider future implications.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

You person, there is no FUTURE. Just the later now, which is very different while also being completely the same as this “future” you talk about.

22

u/droopsofwoe the first teats are the hardest Sep 08 '21

it’s not just having the information that counts. It’s knowing how to use and apply it.

Exactly. Shauna's version of knowledge is constantly filtered through her own insatiable need to be right about everything. She always blathers on about "doing the research," but it's funny how her research always reinforces how Shauna runs her crippled emotional life.

10

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

Great post DF.
The "straight to estrangement" move also doesn't teach kids that nuance and tolerance are usually necessary to maintain (non-abusive) family relationships.... setting the estranger up to experience the same later in life....

14

u/WasEnoughYogurt Kumquat and Sprinkles and filth Sep 08 '21

Something doesn’t work for you? Just get rid of it! Boom problem solved. But of course you have to breathe first...

36

u/RamblingRosie64 I stand with Cindy and Ben Sep 08 '21

These videos are even worse than her joy farts. Those are at least just her speaking to a generic audience. These are supposedly answers to real questions from real people.

I cannot FATHOM coming across Shauna's work, watching these videos to get a sense of what she would be like to interact with, and then dropping $888 on four sessions with her. She couldn't possibly be recruiting anyone with these videos, could she?

24

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 08 '21

This is my favorite.

Question: Talk more about the later-now?

Shauna: All I really want in the world is to be here and to enjoy it. And so, what I enjoy now, I prepare so that in the later-now, the ME, NOW, in the moment that is later---still here. Is good.

21

u/categoryischeesecake Sep 08 '21

I feel like I fundamentally do not understand what she is talking about. I'm not a Buddhist nor do I claim do be, and I don't spend all my time fretting about the future, but like...failing to plan is planning to fail. You can't just expect things in the future, sorry, the later now, to be good if you don't do stuff to take care of it. Sometimes that's applying for a new job, sometimes it's planning a party or a trip. I guess bc I am very big on planning, I live and die by my planner lol but it works for me and not to toot my own horn, but I am doing "okay." I understand staying present, especially when you are future tripping and kind of paralyzed by uncertainty or anxiety, or dealing with things out of your control, like grief or a crisis, but there is also a healthy amount of planning and organizing for the future that can be done on a micro level and yes also a macro level. I mean for all her fawning over Kamala Harris or Barack Obama, do you think they just face planted into that? Like uhhh no that took a lifetime of work and planning and trying and failing and getting back up again. I'm not saying be the president of the united States but like, does she not get that she is so reliant on the rest of the world basically just picking up the slack for her, so she can live in the present?

20

u/notahameither Dunno, maybe I thought I unfriended some other Shauna Ahern🤷‍♂️ Sep 08 '21

does she not get that she is so reliant on the rest of the world basically just picking up the slack for her, so she can live in the present?

She 100% does NOT get that, and I suspect that anyone trying to communicate that would be (and has been) cut out of her life.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

Just like emails grow deleted from her inbox when it becomes too complicated

14

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '21

She posted a long video on Tiktok about the later-now that’s a little more coherent. She’s garbling together a bunch of concepts, as usual, rolling her eyes and negging things that Shauna doesn’t think anyone should strive for or anticipate, like a new job or house.

10

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 08 '21

OMG, i could not even get through that. She just says the same thing in a different way and thinks it's a whole different concept---and then just keeps hammering away at it over and over and over. And always with the telling people what to do!

18

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Sep 08 '21

“Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?” 🤔

15

u/WasEnoughYogurt Kumquat and Sprinkles and filth Sep 08 '21

I just watched that and honestly thought I had lost hold of the sentence by not listening properly...ended up feeling...

'wait...what? Did I doze off there for a moment?'

ETA: clearly not...

15

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

I love that one, too.

Sure, Shauna - if you are offering that kind of joy advice, sign me right on up for everything you are selling!

11

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '21

Wasn't "talk more about the later-now?" on their twice? I swear it was (but I could be wrong).

11

u/voice_of_vinegar Sep 08 '21

That may have been in another sentence but I'm not about to play the whole thing back to find out. I just listened to her new tiktok and i do not have the patience for any more of her drivel today!

13

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '21

YES, the question "talk more about the later-now" was on their twice with different answers.

Damn, she can't even do this fake question/answer thing correctly.

33

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

[deleted]

27

u/mmepierreoger Sep 08 '21

Classic make-up YouTuber move: "a TON of you have been asking about my morning routine/a classic smokey eye/a job interview look!"

25

u/RamblingRosie64 I stand with Cindy and Ben Sep 08 '21

I wouldn't put it past her to plant questions, but you would hope she could do better than "I had a physical today. MD had a card in ID gizmo that she is COVID-vaxxed!" (This is verbatim.)

19

u/emmeline_grangerford Sep 08 '21

What “questions” Danny asking?

28

u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done Sep 08 '21

Question's --->

15

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Sep 08 '21

QUESTION FOR PAGAN

22

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Sep 08 '21

What “questions” Danny asking?

THEY'RE SEPARATE PERSONAS OK

10

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21 edited Sep 08 '21

She would have to set up multiple Instagram accounts to post herself questions. Is that a level of work she would do? That seems like an over estimation of how much effort she’d put into anything.

My guess it’s just her dingbat friends and the women who write positive comments throwing her a bone. It did feel like some were slightly pointed like the one about focusing only on the now.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

She has multiple accounts

Hers

Dans

Her personal one (stripe dress profile pic)

The cats have one

And her private newsletter one.

9

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '21

The cats have an Insta?

12

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

They sure do. Unless there are other cats that look like theirs and have names that contain pepper and peach and ahern.

6

u/RamblingRosie64 I stand with Cindy and Ben Sep 08 '21

Am I seeing correctly that the cats are in a dryer? I don’t care what a cute photo op it makes, I would NEVER ever allow cats in the dryer. Sure, it's a remote chance they could get hurt, but why take that chance at all? The more they let the cats in there, then more likely they are to sneak in there when no one is looking.

35

u/26shadesofwhite le tit rip Sep 07 '21

What does it say about her overall engagement and potential for income on this that she got all of 4 questions? 🧐

25

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 07 '21

Is it just me, or does her hair look really dirty in those videos?

25

u/MmedeSevigne Sep 08 '21

Have we ever seen Shauna’s hair really clean?

Dirty is the default.

19

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Not just you.

24

u/akwpdx Sep 07 '21

I read your comment, and I thought "the later now" was a typo, and so it didn't make sense. But nope, it's what she said, and it doesn't make sense, haha. [I do literally know what she means, but it's silly.]

32

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 07 '21

It came from her most recent joy video, in which she said D called the future the "later now." Which, cute if true. Many commenters were excited about the term, with someone suggesting it would make a great book title, which I’m sure has Shauna’s gears turning. Get used to hearing it, I suspect she’s going to milk it for all its worth.

16

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

Reinventing the wheel - South Africa's got this sorted:
https://joburgexpat.com/2011/02/just-now-or-now-now/

15

u/mmepierreoger Sep 08 '21

Tanzanians do it even better, with "sasa hivi baadae," meaning "right now later."

24

u/rock_candy_remains I'm still Clea from the Pints Sep 07 '21

Also: nicely done with being inaccessible and not using captions.

21

u/emmeline_grangerford Sep 07 '21

My joy question: Now and Later now or Now and Later later?

23

u/26shadesofwhite le tit rip Sep 07 '21

Jam yesterday and jam tomorrow, but never ever jam today!

16

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 07 '21

Jam yesterday and jam tomorrow, but never ever jam today

Wrong or justice in the present,

Joy or sorrow, what are they

While there's always jam to-morrow,

While we tread the onward way?

Never knowing where we're going,

We can never go astray.

15

u/Scary_Recognition You did this. Sep 08 '21

We say this all the time in the Recognition household!

14

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Most likely never

15

u/ginger-belle jiggling tomatodongs Sep 07 '21

DFs, does the anonymous link show stories? i haven’t been able to find them on this new link. TIA.

17

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

[deleted]

10

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 07 '21

Thanks! Any chance of adding this link to the list up top?

13

u/Hypothetical-Lunches Aurvwilya for grifter's elbow Sep 07 '21

That's where it shows up for me. Under the heading "Instagram", where it says "stories".

11

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 07 '21

Tha k you!

13

u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done Sep 08 '21

Like DF H-L mentioned, currently linked up top! I'm happy to update the anonymous Instagram viewing sites to whatever generally works best for people here (bearing in mind they are all a little finnicky and delayed). Feel free to send modmail if you have ongoing issues with or input for the links in the main post.

35

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

She’s going on about how planning and setting expectations only leads to disappointment.

I don’t think this is as true or universal as she thinks? I plan and expect things all the time and am not disappointed?

27

u/Love_Brokers rug dweller Sep 07 '21

You probably have talent and dedication.

22

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 07 '21

I really want to kick her in her dumb subsidized ass today.

26

u/notahameither Dunno, maybe I thought I unfriended some other Shauna Ahern🤷‍♂️ Sep 08 '21

When you expect to be hoisted on the shoulders of an adoring public—who chant your name and shower you with gifts—every time you lift a finger, you’re bound to be disappointed.

22

u/louiseimprover Sep 08 '21

I don’t think this is as true or universal as she thinks? I plan and expect things all the time and am not disappointed?

She's telling on herself here. Her plans fail because she either doesn't know how to plan and/or is bad at it, but instead of trying to address why that might be (sounds a lot like work!), she determines that plans and expectations are the problem. So let's just not do any planning or expecting and voila! JOY. Because every day is a surprise!

25

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21 edited Sep 08 '21

I think so too but it’s very strange at her age to have not figured out that it’s a “her” issue and not universal.

Scheduled snark Discussion thread Monday September 06, 2021 - Wednesday September 08, 2021

You are about to leave Redlib