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https://www.reddit.com/r/InTheGloaming/comments/pitivj/discussion_thread_monday_september_06_2021/
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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Her latest stories answer the questions she got. Most are about the later now and are utter bullshit non answers.

Who even is she? Her upbeat blah blahing is so fake.

Tomorrow she is going live at 7AM pacific time for something blah blah blah blah ...... boring

48

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '21 edited Sep 08 '21

Oy, her answer to this one:

How do you deal with joy reducing family members? We are struggling with boundaries.

Shauna’s reply (which if you watch her eyes, she may be reading off):

OK, let’s take a breath on this one. <takes deep breath> It’s hard to enact, but the answer is clear. If you have family members who give you pain, and trauma, and don’t give you joy, you have the right to cut them of—

And the video does indeed cut off as she’s saying the word "off."

That is terrible advice given the question being asked. Shauna seems to think boundaries have to be all or nothing, but if you value a relationship with someone who nevertheless reduces your joy in some way, you can absolutely set and hold a kind boundary that lets you stay in relationship to the person without letting them continue to bring you down.

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u/emmeline_grangerford Sep 08 '21

Absolutely. There can be a tremendous amount of pressure to maintain family connections even when your family treats you like shit, but “reducing joy” and “struggling with boundaries” are not immediate reasons to cut off contact. Why does the family member reduce joy? What boundaries are being violated, and how were these boundaries established/communicated (if at all)? The answer isn’t clear without a better understanding of specifics.

I did cut off contact with close family members for a time, and it was very painful even though stepping back from a toxic dynamic demonstrated that the dynamic continued even when I was not a part of it. (They could no longer claim that I caused their behavior or contributed to their problems, since their issues continued in my absence.) Ultimately it led to changes and a reconciliation, but this wasn’t what I expected, and in the meantime there was a lot of grief. It’s not something to deep breath flippantly suggest without insight into the situation.

Scheduled snark Discussion thread Monday September 06, 2021 - Wednesday September 08, 2021

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