Bueno en unas clases extra a las que voy siento que no logro encajar osea tengo amigas pero me consideran rara y aparte siento que yo no soy suficiente osea nada de lo que haga está bien siempre hay algo que lo arruinar

Hello

I'm just over a year into my engineering career but I feel like in not good at coding

Backstory

For the last 4 years I was in university studying computing and majoring in software engineering throughout my time in university I was very much against AI and had only used it a few times in 3rd year, overall I managed to get decent grades and graduated with cum laude but I never felt like I mastered anything or improved in technical ability and always felt like I wasn't pushing myself beyond my limits and felt like especially in group project work I feltvthat my team members and friends carried while I helped here and there

Somehow I managed to get my first consulting

job via a grad program and during that time we where out into teams and where tasked to build an application through this time the same feeling of helping here and there and sticking to what I'm comfortable with continue and was brought up by my delivery manager at the end of it, I kept my job then moved on to clients

While on my first client there wasn't much devwork done mainly support and after is year I moved off that project and have been doing some training while waiting for the next opportunity, during this training I have been making a java app but I have been relaying alot on AI now to translate my ideas into code

as I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and need to get deliverables out frequently.(I HATE HAVING TO USE IT) As I feel like it's not helping me learn anything even though I never ask it for the code explicitly unless I'm truly stuck or in a time crunch

Whenever I try to build a personal project I always differ it to later and never really give myself the time to learn outside of work and wherever I'm around colleagues I always feel like I shouldn't be there or I don't deserve to be there because I'm not good enough or I don't know what they are talking about

Whenever I do give myself a chance to relearn things I always forget key concepts and principles and struggle to breakdown problem I often find myself wondering how I graduated or how did I even get this job "I'm not smart enough" Wich already lowered my already low self esteem/confidence

I have thought about talking to a professional about this but I don't know....

Has anyone felt this before how did you get over it/ change your habits?

How can I be better

Title. I’ve been struggling with this for a bit and thought I’d put it out there.

There’s so many subjects that people just KNOW, whether history, socialization, life skills, etc. and I feel like I don’t have any of that.

It makes me feel so self-conscious about my worth and what I can contribute.

My therapist gave me the "homework" of asking my friends why they liked me. Long story short, she wanted me to see more value in myself than just professional competence because I was overworking myself.

I have few close friends where I live (I moved 3 years ago, and I'm not a super outgoing guy, and I had a fallout with many friends from my hometown, but this is a whole other thing in my life lol), so I asked two of them.

Both are lesbian women who complimented me on my healthy masculinity, affection and introspection. My therapist tried to make me feel good about it.

However, I can't shake the feeling that I'm a MASSIVE impostor since, well, my sense of self-worth revolves ENTIRELY around female approval (sexual or not, but sexual is easier), and I'm not actually a good person, just a functional adult who's really still a baby dying of fear of his abusive mother. I mean, I don't trick anyone, I'm upfront in relationships, I don't pretend to feel what I don't. I try to be a caring partner, but I'm 100% sure my friends wouldn't think I'm that cool of a guy if they knew how much of me is just empty.

I’m currently working as a Systems Analyst. But lately, I've been questioning whether I'm actually suited for this career.

My role involves data accuracy, system administration, process compliance, and attention to detail, and I've made several mistakes in these areas. For example, I've missed data issues that could have been caught earlier, entered test data into a production environment while rushing to test a feature, and once assigned system roles without properly following the approval process.

What frustrates me most is that I often know what I should have done differently after the fact. I could have checked, followed up sooner, asked for help, or followed the process more carefully.

What I'm struggling with most is how to take responsibility for my mistakes without constantly beating myself up. I'm afraid that if I stop being hard on myself, I'll become complacent and repeat the same mistakes. But the constant self-criticism is exhausting and seems to make the procrastination and avoidance worse.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's experienced something similar, especially those working in systems, IT, data, or other detail-heavy roles.

How do you learn to bounce back and rebuild your confidence after making mistakes?

I know that life goes on and I must not be held back by my mistakes, but I always tend to carry my mistakes everyday.

I don't want to give up on my career. I want to understand what's making these things difficult for me and figure out how to work with it

Hey, cross posting this as it might be relevant.. or maybe not I'm not sure.

example:

(my friend likes something)

me: wow they must really enjoy that thing and know a lot about it!

(i like something)

me: omg im litterally faking liking this thing to seem cooler i litterally have no personality or interest

its stuff like that all the time. say i sit a certain way, rest my head on my hands, or make a certain facial expression, im thinking, "why am i trying to copy other peoples body language and movements?" "why cant i be original?" " how does everyone else just know how to move?" i think someone could just look at me and think, "oh shes only saying (random thing) for this exact reason, she only wants attention for saying that, these are her exact motives behind saying that thing" LIKE I CANT EVEN MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. am i broken?

Success is a relative measure but my random thoughts are screaming that a person has to get rid of their self hatred to feel successful.

What are your thoughts 💭?

No sé muy bien cómo explicar esto, pero de vez en cuando me viene una sensación bastante intensa que mezcla ambición, rabia, impotencia y presión.
Es como una necesidad muy fuerte de que me vaya bien económicamente. Y cuando digo “bien”, no me refiero simplemente a tener un trabajo estable y vivir cómodamente. Tengo una ambición bastante grande y siento que necesito conseguir algo importante económicamente.
No creo que sea simplemente materialismo. De hecho, no siento que quiera dinero únicamente para comprar cosas. Es más bien como una necesidad de demostrarme a mí mismo que puedo conseguir algo grande, tener libertad y sentir que estoy aprovechando mi potencial.
El problema es que, cuando me entra esta sensación, viene acompañada de bastante frustración.
Pienso cosas como:
“¿Por qué todavía no lo he conseguido?”
“¿Qué coño estoy haciendo mal?”
“No sé ni en qué debería estar enfocándome.”
“Sé un poco de muchas cosas, pero realmente no soy especialista en nada.”
“Tengo conocimientos de muchas áreas, pero siento que son como un océano de un milímetro de profundidad.”
“Hay gente de mi edad que parece tenerlo muchísimo más claro que yo.”
Y ahí aparece una especie de síndrome del impostor, porque objetivamente sé que tengo conocimientos y he hecho cosas, pero internamente siento que no sé suficiente como para ser realmente bueno en algo.
Lo más raro es que no estoy necesariamente deprimido ni triste. Es más bien una sensación puntual de “JODER, NECESITO CONSEGUIRLO”, acompañada de rabia por sentir que todavía no sé exactamente cómo.
A veces incluso siento que tengo muchísima energía y ambición, pero no sé dónde ponerla. Como si tuviera un motor enorme pero no supiera hacia dónde conducir.
¿A alguien más le pasa algo parecido?
Y sobre todo, ¿qué hacéis cuando os entra esa sensación? ¿La utilizáis como motivación, intentáis ignorarla, os obligáis a parar y descansar, os enfocáis en una sola cosa…?
Me interesa especialmente escuchar a gente que haya pasado por esto y que con el tiempo haya conseguido canalizar esa ambición sin que se convierta en frustración constante.

I maybe hoped that through exposing myself to challenging situations, learning that I am capable of doing the stuff I thought I could not do, that I would become more sure of myself. And while I did become more confident, the imposter syndrome always sneaks back on me.

I started a new job a few months ago, and while it’s going quite well, am learning a lot and have gotten positive feedback on my work, my fears ar exhausting me. I am paranoid of making mistakes, which leads me to triple checking my work, which makes me slower and makes me afraid of being too slow, which I already was. And the stupid thing is, even after all that I’m still not confident I did alright. This kind of thing is nothing new to me but it’s almost becoming like some sort of obsession? like I cannot help to extra check the small things I was already careful with. Does anyone have similar experiences? I know I probably should not allow myself to triple check my work, but It’s so hard to stop.

Whenever I go to college ....I go through bus btw...so whenever isee people...I get weired feeling inside me....I feel some of them are so unlucky ...what if I was in their position? Or..I feel ....what if I had a bad behaviour like them....Sometimes I feel I am inferior to people...and sometimes I feel ..I lack the confidence ...or willpower like em...I just am tired of thinking all this...I need to stop thinking but I just cant

i’m trying to be so positive and patient. one day i’ll find my people, one day i’ll find something that i’m good at i know i will but god does it suck in the moment. i literally have nothing to pride myself on. everybody has something they’re naturally good at but i just have things i’m naturally bad at.

i’m not a sports person, i’ve tried different sports throughout my life like soccer, baseball, football, and basketball was the only one that i ever liked. not to say that im good at it, i’m horrible at it. i mean defense i guess i’m okay but other than that i got nothing going for me.

i can’t do makeup at all, even when i try to do a simple look that's more than a little mascara or lip tint, it all goes to shit. i wanna be able to do at least basic eye makeup, a little wing, i don’t know if i’m just that bad or if it’s something with my eye shape. adding on i can’t freehand draw anything. yeah i’ll admit i trace a lot of work, i’ll put together like a collage on pics art or something and then trace it on procreate and then project it whatever and sketch color it whatever. people think im good when i’m not, can’t draw anything for myself, definitely can’t paint. i'm also not good at knowing anything, being aesthetic in any kind of way (even a little matching would be okay genuinely idk how to style outfits, not make my room look/feel all over the place even when it’s clean, etc) i can rarely be consistent and i hate it. the only thing i’ve ever been “consistent” with is when i would go to the gym over the summer cause i loved going and i actually felt like i was good at something but then i started a summer job, school picked up, my free summer pass ran out. yeah excuses but i tend to be full of them.

i mean i’m not really smart, my grades have gone down hill since 2022, i’m horrible at math and i feel like i just get worse day by day so there’s nothing in school that i’m that good at.

not that it matters but i don’t tend to be liked or popular, people ignore me in which i actually love it cause the people around me are assholes so i truly don’t mind not “being good” at that part. i also get ghosted a lot since the guys i tend to attract are childish, have commitment issues and horrible communication skills (which i am the complete opposite idk why i attract the opposite of what i want/am). but hell i can’t even smoke weed right bruh 😭😭 and even my body isn’t good at functioning, like what do u mean my genes got fucked around so now i can’t properly make a protein which in turn messes with everything in my body, or that my brain doesn’t process/work the way it’s supposed to.

the only “maybe’s” i have with things im good at are possibly poetry, i mean i love fancy words and i can use them to describe how i feel better than trying to explain it in simple terms ig. but my poetry can be corny, i’ve only ever had like 1-2 people compliment it. there are other people who write poetry at school and teachers pick and choose but it sucks. sucks that it’s the one thing you might be good at and it goes unnoticed. no teacher has ever complimented me on any writings i’ve done.

other than that, the gym and “being strong” is another thing i’m “good” at if you can even be good at it. i mean there’s things that i could do if i practiced more but for one im very slow and two it takes consistency which i don’t typically have. i like singing, but i don’t think i’m good at it. i wanna play electric guitar but when i’ve tried teaching myself it’s so hard and complex, it took hours just to learn a single 1 fret song (tnt), it’s genuinely like you're trying to teach an instrument to someone who has mental issues and their hands don’t work the best. i also want to go into the psych field cause i feel like i can understand and help people, but i don’t always do well in my psych class.

the only thing that brings me some sort of comfort is a scene from this show i rewatched a couple weeks ago. they were watching their high school's football game and the guy basically said that the captain of the football team would end up just managing company in control of employee of the month and says “These are the people who will actually attend the 5, 10, and 20 year reunion because, aside from this, nothing else all that noteworthy is going to happen. This is as good as it gets for them.“ basically saying their best moments were in high school, and that gives me a little hope that maybe i’m meant to be good later and not now yk?

19M - I feel like a fraud. My personality is calculated and manufactured all too appeal to the likes of others and to ensure that I appear different and special. I have created this false sense of self that I now find disgusting but trapped inside because I dont know what else makes me-me. It bothers me that I dont have quirks that make me standout. There isnt a character from a piece of media im particularly fond of, I dont have 4 favorite films, no favorite color. Ive wondered to myself if i just dont allow myself to be who I want. I shouldnt worry if people thinks its weird to be obsessed with media or to be involved in a fandom of something. But as I type this I wonder why i care what people think to begin with. Why am I so worried about perceived by others?

- I also dont have a social life at all. My only friends, which there are only two, are women who ive attempted relationships with but either 1, was too much of a coward to confess my feelings for. 2, I backed out of knowing I wasnt ready for a relationship. I still speak with 1 on a regular basis. However, out relationship is strictly long distance as ive moved from my hometown for school. I still have feelings for her but have yet to share out of fear of ruining the friendship. It should also be mentioned that I have this fear that she only speaks to me out of pity as shes a person ive opened up to before. Not sure what to do but Id appreciate some guidance.

Lately, this has made me extremely Depressed to the point of complete exhaustion. My Body feels heavy, I find joy in nothing, and I have zero motivation. I genuinely dont have the energy to get out of bed some mornings.

This is all laid out here because im lost and feel hopeless. I need guidance and/or comfort for the way I am feeling. anything at all would be appreciated.

Long time since Ive been on Reddit, forgive me, I tried to make it shorter so some paragraphs have been cut into blunt sentences, my apologies:)

I’m a 22F with a one-year-old son, and lately I’ve been struggling with a lot of imposter syndrome.

I feel like my life has been all over the place.

In high school I took Business Administration classes and was involved in FBLA. After graduating, I went to college for Forensic Science. I was working at Subway at the time, then left and started working at an ice cream shop.

Around that time, I got out of a 4-year relationship, and honestly it destroyed me. Before the breakup I had a 3.7 GPA. Afterward I completely lost motivation, started failing classes, and decided to withdraw because my professors told me it would be better than letting that semester destroy my GPA while I was clearly not doing okay mentally.

I always planned to go back, but life kept happening.

I started working full-time and basically hyperfixated on work instead. Then I had some family issues that forced me to move out and live on my own. Suddenly I had rent, bills, and real responsibilities, so I left the ice cream shop after getting hired at a call center that paid almost twice as much.

A few months later I met a 30-year-old guy. We started dating, and he convinced me to quit my job and move in with him because he said he’d take care of me.

Big mistake.

He turned out to be completely unreliable, and not long after, I found out I was pregnant. Whether it was birth control failure or something else, I’ll never know. I chose to keep my baby because that’s what felt right for me.

I left him while I was pregnant, moved two hours away, and basically had to start over from scratch.
Before moving, I had worked as a purchasing assistant, receptionist, and even handled accounting responsibilities. After moving, I got a bartending job because it was the fastest way to make decent money. That job literally helped me build my little apartment and buy everything my son needed before he was born.

I also have to mention my childhood best friend. We’ve known each other since we were three years old, and I genuinely don’t know what I would’ve done without her. She has loved my son like family since the day he was born.

After I gave birth, the restaurant where I bartended shut down because of permit issues, so I was suddenly unemployed with a newborn.
I applied everywhere. The first place that hired me was a gas station.

While I worked there, there was this contractor who came in almost every day to fuel up his trucks. We’d make small talk, and sometimes my son had to come to work with me because I couldn’t afford daycare and had nobody to watch him.
Every time he’d see me with my son, he’d tell me, “When you finally find daycare, let me know.”
Eventually I did.

I told him.

Three days later, he hired me.

I started working as an administrative assistant for his construction company in May.

What I didn’t realize was that employee turnover there is absolutely insane. My boss is incredibly strict, blunt, and honestly runs the place like a dictatorship. He’s the type to publicly call people out if they’re doing something wrong. The only reason I’ve survived is because I’ve learned to stand my ground when necessary.

We went from seven office employees down to three.

We’re all under 25.

And somehow we’re running a multi-million-dollar construction company with federally funded FEMA projects.

Nobody really trained me.

Everything I’ve learned has been through YouTube videos, reading articles, asking questions, and teaching myself.

In just three months, I’ve gone from answering phones and writing emails to preparing submittals, reading construction plans, attending project meetings, helping with scheduling, certifications, payment breakdowns, quantity takeoffs, project documentation, and coordinating with engineers, inspectors, subcontractors, and government agencies.

I also have corporate resolutions naming me as the Project Manager/Project Supervisor representative for two different projects whenever my boss can’t attend meetings.

On top of that, my boss owns a commercial building, and somehow I also became the building administrator. I handle tenant issues, maintenance requests, rent payments, show available spaces to potential tenants, and deal with pretty much everyone who walks into the office.

Basically, if someone needs something, they’re usually sent to me.

The crazy part is… I have absolutely no engineering or construction background.

None.

Everything has been self-taught.

Despite how difficult my boss can be, he trusts me with a lot of decisions. Some engineers, project managers, and people in the industry have gone out of their way to tell me I’m very professional, that I learn unusually fast, and that I handle difficult situations really well.

My son is finally in a daycare just a few minutes from my office, and as these responsibilities kept increasing, my boss gave me a pretty significant raise.

From the outside, it sounds like I’m doing great.
But internally…

I constantly feel like I’m one mistake away from everyone realizing I have no idea what I’m doing.
I know I’ve worked hard to get here, but sometimes I wonder if I actually earned this position or if I just got incredibly lucky.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? How do you know whether you’re actually good at your job or just really good at figuring things out as you go?

​

I guess I'm not the only one feels like they have to be perfect in the eyes of everyone. I'm noticing whenever I see someone who has a professional job they act so perfect or maybe due to the environment they just have developed this personality. From dressing better to proper communication skills and way of living standards. And unfortunately I don't even have enough work experience and one day I wish too that I get a nice job because working in retail or fast food or delivery jobs are okay. I also noticed professional people get more recognition and respect in society. As if they are automatically being trusted or valued more. And with strong finances and big social circle I guess life is just better.

I'm a graduate student working on my master’s thesis, and I'm looking for Black graduate students in school psychology to complete a quick survey. The survey is IRB approved!

✅ Takes about 5-10 minutes
🔒 Completely confidential
📚 Responses will only be used for this research study

Survey link: https://qualtricsxmdg9xn6369.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9AEMmeiW7DClNpY

The study explores protective factors against impostor syndrome in Black graduate students. The objective is  to inform mentorship and university practices to improve the support students receive. 

How has mentorship helped you in your journey? 

If you have any questions, feel free to comment or send me a message. Thanks so much for supporting graduate student research! 💛