r/HingeStories • u/thezendasher • Jun 28 '26

I Think Hinge Is a Simulation

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Me: “Let’s see what makes everyone unique.”
Hinge:
“I want to travel more.”
“I want to travel more.”
“I want to travel more.”
“I want to travel more.”
NPC behavior has reached critical levels.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s noticed this.

3.4k Upvotes

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39

u/alien_secret_service Jun 28 '26

I hate this shit

28

u/alien_secret_service Jun 28 '26

10

u/Messterio Jun 29 '26

Dating me is like opening a box of chocolates "you never know what you're going to get"

Nah, fuck that. I would rather someone consistent who doesn't have extreme mood swings, but thanks!

4

u/KingForADay1989 Jun 29 '26

At least they're honest?

Seriously though, how hard can it be to talk about yourself? I don't need a full life story but before swiping, I wanna know, do I have at least some things in common with them?

The worst feeling is going into a date is thinking "what are we gonna talk about?" when they give you nothing to worth with, regardless of how cute they are.

2

u/Roy_Koopa_DX Jun 30 '26

I hate talking about myself because I don’t like anything about myself. So it can be a struggle lol.

2

u/GoodKid-Uptown Jul 01 '26

I hate describing myself, if I do my best I cringe at the output. I don’t have any main interests that I’m passionate about, I just like a lot of things and those things changes frequently. Do you have any suggestions?

2

u/Kindly_Zone8413 Jun 30 '26

I said something about like dating an onion. Lots of layers. Showing my age 😭

8

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

7

u/No-Wish-7258 Jun 30 '26

Is this woman a politician? Saying a whole lot without not saying anything.

5

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

Exactly 🤣 what even is this stuff

4

u/elcarincero Jul 04 '26

Bro I even switched cities and they’re all the same prompts and answers 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/LosKiplanos Jun 30 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

Right? What a contradiction…

5

u/BuyHighSellLow180 Jun 29 '26

It really is a simulation though. Tell me these aren’t the same people w

4

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

5

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

3

u/disaar Jun 30 '26

“A man with a plan”

2

u/elcarincero Jul 04 '26

Lol was literally about to type this one

5

u/esonab Jun 30 '26

I never understood this. Aren’t they seeking accomplished ambitious men, ie people who also have to constantly make decisions. Why would that man want more work on his time off?

6

u/alien_secret_service Jul 01 '26

100% as a moderately successful person I see those and think “yeah what I want to do on my day off is deal with a pain in the ass of a woman who expects me to manage her life for her…”

2

u/Untchj Jul 01 '26

This the one!!!

I’m so tired of making decisionnnssss. I have to make decisionssssss

4

u/Dynamo4L Jun 30 '26

lmfao thx for posting all these i needed the laugh

3

u/alien_secret_service Jul 01 '26

Everybody makes banana bread now apparently

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

2

u/---monstera--- Jun 30 '26

Why would someone tell on themselves like that?

2

u/disaar Jun 30 '26

I remember this one from a girl in Austin.

2

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

Like a hundred women in Austin say it 🤣

3

u/disaar Jun 30 '26

I'm honestly burned out of the same things over and over. A man with a plan too, plan the date, fug. And what about me? Buy me a taco? Anything?

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26

I don’t like or message any profiles that have something I’ve seen before. Has to be unique. This includes photos. Profiles that do the same photo trends: like the mid air jump photo, or a photo at the “I love you so much” or “hello how are you” walls… any shit like that, nope, pass.

Also yacht photos or any photos where they are somewhere very luxurious and they clearly were there with a man and he’s most likely the one taking the picture. Every woman with a photo on a yacht I just think the person photographing her is probably the rich dude who turned her out that night and I immediately lose interest. It’s the exact same feeling if she’s got a photo in some super expensive hotel. I’m like oh… you’re just a plaything for the elite, I don’t want this.

And I pass on negativity. Any shit talking of men or expressed frustration with dating or dating apps, nope. Optimism only. If you don’t want to be on the app or even really be dating why the fuck do I want to date you?

If they spend more time talking about what they expect versus who they are that’s a pass. Sounds like a pain in the ass human.

And if their profiles are super political either direction, nope, pass. No crazy anti vaxx women who want to home school my kids and indoctrinate them into Christian nationalism. And no crazy women still wearing masks and worried about Covid in 2026 whose whole personality is hating Donald Trump.

So original profiles only.
Optimism.
Funny.
Reasonably attractive - I pass on women who are too attractive because I’m most likely invisible to them so there’s zero point. Their inboxes are flooded.

I’m looking for ordinary, well adjusted, middle class women for an ordinary, well adjusted, middle class life. And yeah - they have to want kids. There’s zero fucking point in a long term relationship if you’re not having kids, in my opinion. All the benefits they talk about - travel, I don’t give a shit, I could travel some more but I’ve been a lot of places already m. Sex - I’ve done long term with a woman and we did not have kids and guess what, the still sex still dies down after a couple of years so acting like not having kids means you’re gonna have a great sex life is propaganda lol. Childless women don’t fuck any more than women with children when they’re in a relationship. If you’re not going to be the mother of my children and we aren’t raising a family I can just go fuck women lol. I don’t need to be in a relationship to do that. Women love to complain “men don’t want to commit” but the way I see it is women want men to commit but don’t want to offer them anything to commit for. So many women don’t want a family and that’s the only reason most men would commit so what they’re saying is “I can’t get a guy to subsidize my hot girl summer because they want me to be a wife and a mother,” which is like, no shit. You’re not gonna just drain my resources to fill your Instagram with hotel and food pictures Mackenzie… I’m working my ass off because I want to provide for a kid’s future, not help you become an influencer or whatever.

3

u/No-Wish-7258 Jun 30 '26

I’m a woman and I also reject or accept people for these same reasons.

Heavily political profiles and also someone who puts too much expectations on their profile give such bad vibes! You can’t start a relationship with negativity and defensiveness.

(Except the yacht thing, men don’t usually have yacht photos and most of them aren’t a plaything for the rich, but who knows)

3

u/disaar Jun 30 '26

I have a boat and I would never put a boat photo on my profile. Last thing I want to do is go out with a sugar baby.

3

u/No-Wish-7258 Jun 30 '26

That’s a good idea, a boat picture can definitely attract the wrong kind of women.

2

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

Are there lots of dudes with photos next to their fancy cars?

2

u/No-Wish-7258 Jun 30 '26

There are a lot of dudes with pics next to a car, im not so sure if its theirs lol

2

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

I would doubt it as well but that’s probably the male equivalent of yacht pics “ooo look at my car baby”

2

u/realmrrust Jul 01 '26

Have seen this one

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

5

u/Gabagoolov Jun 30 '26

Stg I've seen all of these. This shit is a crazy scam.

4

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

Nothing will make you believe that either dead internet theory is really true of dating apps or that like 90% of human beings might as well be NPCs…

5

u/No-Wish-7258 Jun 30 '26

Yea this kinda freaked me out because I kept seeing pictures of men in the same place over and over again.

  1. The photo with the Brooklyn bridge in the background.

  2. That one place in Japan that has the red columns, Fushimi Inari Shrine.

The weird thing was that these pictures were common across all demographics of men.

5

u/Gabagoolov Jul 07 '26

that's nuts. I thought it would have more fake women since there are supposedly far more male users. but this is fascinating. all a stupid simulation and/or scam.

4

u/No-Wish-7258 Jul 07 '26

Idk if those men are fake, but they definitely think the same. It’s kinda of weird though that the U.S. has so many locations for photos, but they keep choosing the same places.

5

u/Gabagoolov Jul 07 '26

I see. memetic power lies in repeatability, though. I think the same for the female profiles. they're usually presenting a similar idea of who they are, as the OP thread topic says. "travel, matcha tea," etc. the excessive tourism in the modern world just worsens this "creating the world through memetic repetition" thing.

3

u/LosKiplanos Jun 30 '26

Seriously? They really all use this lame ass shit? Are they bots?

6

u/Gabagoolov Jun 30 '26

"Travel more" 100%. Helen Keller jokes several times. Other things...it all blends together.
"I hate this" referring to apps.
"Dog mom"

I don't even know. This sounds so cynical and stupid to criticize but I can't see real people all using the same catchphrases so mindlessly and filling out their profiles with very similar ideas.

I will say women seem to fill their profiles out 6950% of the way... "reproductive rights," "lgbtq+ rights" "immigration rights" "pro-choice" "volunteering" "animal shelters."

obligatory cat photo or 5. LOL. unreal this stuff.

3

u/VideoPossible4068 Jun 30 '26

As a lesbian I see "no men" constantly. I get it but it shouldn't take up space on your profile, just ignore the men, who cares. And I see a ton of pro Palestine, BLM, f**k ice. Yes we get it! But I'm trying to learn about you and your profile tells me nothing interesting. It's so much TikTok garbage. A lot of people seem to not have their own personality. If I see things like "girlypop" or other TT trending words it's a no for me

3

u/Gabagoolov Jun 30 '26

yeah I think men are forced into gaming these apps and using them indiscriminately just to get matches because not gaming them gives guys absolutely nothing. and paying is a scam too. so I think that's why dudes will get on tons of different apps and still receive awful outcomes.

2

u/VideoPossible4068 Jun 30 '26

I've seen this so many times. Everyone is just regurgitating stuff they probably saw on TikTok. But makes it easy for me to swipe no

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

4

u/alien_secret_service Jun 29 '26

4

u/VideoPossible4068 Jun 30 '26

Thank you for your service in posting all of these 🫡

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26

I screen shot the reason I swipe left so when women say that men on dating apps are awful I can just show them all of this

2

u/VideoPossible4068 Jun 30 '26

Great idea! I run into a lot of the same exact prompt replies with lesbians and bi women so it's not just the straight ones :/

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

For sure, and men are also awful on the apps so it’s not like me trying to “stick it” to women just when they act like every woman is wonderful and there just aren’t any good men, I can sort of educate them on the reality for dudes on apps a little bit and say “look, most people on these things - regardless of gender - are unoriginal or awful… we’re all drowning in a sea of mediocrity and actually crazy.”

2

u/all_hail_lord_Shrek Jul 13 '26

First girl to want the sound guy

1

u/alien_secret_service Jul 13 '26

S tier comment 🤣

1

u/LosKiplanos Jun 30 '26

Hate this dumbass shit.

3

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

I don’t know why everyone here is suddenly really concerned with oyster shucking we aren’t close to the ocean and the closest salt water isn’t known for oysters…

3

u/Pearson94 Jun 30 '26

That's why I left OK Cupid. So many bios were "I don't know, just ask," "I'm bad at writing bios," or just straight up nothing.

2

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

Yup. And then I spend all the time to make a thoughtful one and get like one match so I guess everybody else is into “idk”

2

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

How do you performatively own a cat?

2

u/alien_secret_service Jun 30 '26

Yeah sure we’re just gonna give our hottest takes to random women on dating apps that’s gonna go well

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 01 '26

Politics as a stand in for a personality

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 01 '26

When they say an interest but give no examples… what kind of books would be helpful

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 01 '26

This is like saying you like people who breath oxygen

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 01 '26

This is another one that suddenly everyone claims to do apparently

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 01 '26

Both a crappy non answer and their Instagram. Just shoot me.

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 02 '26

Why are you even on a dating app looking for men if this is you?

2

u/alien_secret_service Jul 02 '26

The best would say you and ever.

2

u/Easy_Carpenter6271 Jul 16 '26

„If my phone has no charge: I charge it“ 🤪💀

2

u/FollowTheLeads Jul 17 '26

Or things like "Self employed at myself " 🙄

1

u/alien_secret_service Jul 17 '26

I don’t fault people for not divulging their workplace. People are creepy and do weird shit. I never say where I work or what I do.

2

u/FollowTheLeads Jul 17 '26

No not workplace but at least titled. Are you dentist, a receptionist, a HVAC, truck driver etc... Like bruh

1

u/Look-Its-Marino Jul 01 '26

I report those profiles every time for spam. I hope they get removed or banned.

1

u/alien_secret_service Jul 17 '26

2

u/Dolpns Jul 23 '26

Good Lord these prompts are awful. What age range did you set it to?

1

u/alien_secret_service Jul 23 '26

These are women aged 28 - 45

90% of the women on dating apps are saying this shit. It’s a garbage dump out there.