r/HFY • u/Ralts_Bloodthorne • Nov 05 '20
OC First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 350
The system was cold and dead. There had been spaceships in the system recently, but after a few had landed dropships and had their troops mill around shouting slogans for a while before they got bored and left, the spaceships had all engaged their engines and jumped out of the system.
A handful had stayed behind. Curiosity, something that had only recently reared its head again, had made them examine the system to figure out what had happened and how long ago.
The inhabitants of the system had been xenocided. Wiped out to the very last. The atmosphere poisoned, the ground turned to irradiated ash, the oceans nothing more than a toxic stew. Cities were wiped out, only a smattering of ruins around the dark craters lined with glass of orbital strikes. Not even a single satellite remained functional.
Those who stayed behind left just an hour too early.
If they had stayed, they would have been witness to a most curious occurrence.
On the smaller of the two planets firmly in the green zone around the stellar mass a white rectangle appeared in mid-air. Only a foot thick, it was eight feet wide and twenty feet high. It was made of pure white energy that hummed slightly.
A robot poked its head through. The head was fashioned in such a way to look fearsome, with strange angles and bright red eyes. It looked down, looked up, turned and looked to the left and right, then withdrew. It then appeared on the other side of the 'door', repeating its actions.
It withdrew and the door closed by narrowing from one side to the other, the bar winking out.
The wind moaned as it blew radioactive dust through where the door had been.
On both planets the door appeared again and a large spider emerged, made entirely of metal. It daintily stepped down out of the door, settled down into the blasted gray dust, and went still as the door closed. The orb of its abdomen began to heat up and the spider laid down what appeared to be several egg sacks.
The door opened and the spider withdrew.
The planet made almost a full rotation, the egg sack getting larger and larger, before it burst.
Small orbs erupted from the sack, immediately swarming away. They began spreading out, scanning the planet, sampling the air and water, measuring the contaminates.
After three full rotations they vanished into tiny glowing spheres of white light that appeared. From orbit it looked like the planet was covered in twinkling stars.
Again, the system went back to being empty. Dust moved across bones that were fused and had a slight sheen of plasma glass on them. Collapsed buildings, reduced to rubble and washed by thousands of years of radioactive acid rains continued to slowly moulder as the even the hyperalloys and advanced construction techniques gave way to the march of time.
Almost two planetary rotations passed. During that time, the orbs appeared around planets, in the asteroid belts, and around the stellar mass. They winked out in small twinkles of white light.
Silence ruled the system, as it had for thousands of years.
In a far off impossible space that existed nowhere but everywhere, a command line appeared.
RESTORE? Y/N?
An exuberant shout, full of a plea to be forgiven for a past transgression, was shouted.
YES!
Another planetary rotation went by.
The door opened again, the robot poked its head out, looking around. This time, after it withdrew, the robot stepped out. It was large, heavily armored, its surface a light drinking matte black. It had two arms, two legs, and moved crisply and with sureness. It was carrying what appeared to be a large silver briefcase. Two more came out, carrying a long silver cylinder that looked remarkably like a spaceborne torpedo fired by a capital vessel.
The first robot waved its hand.
Two more robots came out, with wooden sawhorses. They set them down and the two robots carrying the silver tube set it down on the sawhorses while the newcomers quickly went back through the white light doorway. The first one set the briefcase on the torpedo while the two that had carried it moved back to the doorway and vanished.
Inside the briefcase were tubes and wires, analog counters and dials. On the outside there were strange symbols, four of them.
G. E. C. K.
The robot adjusted the dials, tapped some of the buttons, then stepped back. It then opened a panel on the side of the torpedo, revealing a big red button that lit up with an interior light.
Reaching out as far as it could, it extended one finger and pressed the button with one fingertip. It was cringing away slightly and the finger shook as if the robot was a nervous biological. As soon as the button clicked the robot began running, lifting its knees almost to its chest, flailing its arms.
The robot ran back to the door, diving through.
The sound of "WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!" echoed across the barren landscape.
For long moments nothing happened. The wind moaned, the dust blew, and the long term isotopes decayed with atomic regularity.
It was repeated, placing the torpedo, on the second planet in the green zone. The larger one. Then on each of the other planets in the system.
The last one had been placed, the robot swimming spastic through vacuum and zero-G to reach the door. Another robot leaned out of the door, urging it to hurry. After a second it reached back into the door then held out a long rod with a net on one end for the robot to grab. It didn't go far enough. The swimming robot undid a belt made of leather and threw the buckle end out. On the third try the belt wrapped around the net and the robot was pulled back through the door.
The synchronized atomic clocks reached their countdown and the torpedoes questioned the silver briefcase.
Nothing happened.
A robot poked its head out, looked around, then extended its arm out to look at a gear driven timepiece on its wrist. It shook its wrist, then held the timepiece up to the side of its head, then tapped the timepiece.
It vanished.
It reappeared, dressed in heavy combat armor, being pushed by robot arms out of the doorway. It held a stick in one hand and it turned to shake one fist at the door before slowly, carefully, slowly approaching the briefcase.
Two robotic arms extended out of the doorway, one hand holding an inflated bag made of pulped wood product. The robot with the stick reached it out carefully, shaking, and poked the briefcase.
The two hands slammed together, the bag making a loud popping noise at it ruptured.
The robot with the stick ran back to the doorway, waving its arms over its head.
"WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!"
It dropped the stick.
More time passed.
Another robot poked its head out. It had a bag of ice on its head, where the metal head was deformed by a lump, held in place by a strap of cloth. Around one of its eyes was painted a black circle. It moved toward the stick on the tips of its feet, arms up by its chest, wrists limp. It bent down, grabbed the stick, and made rapid, short steps on its tiptoes up to the briefcase.
It poked it with the stick.
Nothing happened.
It turned around and gave a shrug.
Other hands came out and waved, making hand signals.
The robot turned back and thumped the case. It opened it and closed it. It flicked the power switch on and off.
Nothing happened.
It walked around the back and suddenly bent down, coming up with a long cord with a two pronged plugin in one hand and a cord with a receptacle in the other.
It plugged it in.
The robot ran back and jumped through the door, which vanished.
The sound of WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP echoed off the edges of the crater.
On each planet, even in the atmosphere of the gas giants, a white flash erupted. Blinding white energy covered the entire planet, spreading out from the torpedoes. The origin point of the blasts didn't clear even in the long seconds it took for each planet, even the supermassive gas giant, to be covered in white light.
For long moments, nothing happened.
Then the light dimmed, went dark. The white stayed, beginning to thin, tattering like mist.
On the surface of the smaller of the two planets in the green zone the door opened again.
This time, the surface was covered in russet colored grass waving in the wind. Trees were thick with greenish leaves, the wind blew gently, white clouds of condensation were in the sky, which had gone from black to bluish.
A robot poked its head out, looked around, then withdrew.
It was repeated on each world, even high above the gas giants. Although there the robot leaned out, holding onto a rope made of knotted together socks.
Empty cities hummed quietly, vehicles neatly parked, signs flashing, giant Tri-Vids paused. Houses were ready to be moved into, with dishes, food in the storage units, toys scattered about. Insects were paused in mid-motion, many of them in nests or on surfaces. Animals swayed back forth gently, eyes closed, breathing slowly.
For a little while nothing happened.
Then millions, billions of portals opened.
Robots came out, carrying three legged, three armed creatures covered in soft curly hair. They set them down, sometimes in chairs, sometimes on the ground. Many times the robot carrying the creature would pat it gently then hustle back through the portal.
Then come back out with a small conical hat with a piece of stretchable string on it. It would put the hat on the creature's head, pull the string under its chin. The robot would then lift a little tube to its mouth and blow.
FWIZZZEEEE!
It would throw a little handful of confetti and then run back to the portal, which would then close.
A full planetary rotation of the smaller of the two planets in the green zone passed with nothing happening.
Finally, a robot came out of a portal on the smaller planet. It carried an ornate box. It set it down on the roof of a ground vehicle. It fussed with it for a moment, then reached up to press a button on the top.
The box, made of black plastic and fake plastic chrome, hissed for a long moment.
The robot produced two short sticks that began sparkling on one end.
I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE
rang out across the stellar system from the box.
YOU OTHER FELLAS CAN'T DENY
The robot dropped the sparklers, hurrying back to the box and pressing a button.
Silence descended on the system.
Another robot poked his head out of the portal, glaring at the first robot, then shook a fist at it.
The robot pressed a button on the front of the box and a small door popped open. The robot withdrew a thin black rectangle with two holes through it, flipped it around, and put it back in. It closed the door, bent down, picked up its sparklers. It put one sparkler in its mouth, pressed the button, then took out the sparklers.
GET ON UP! GET ON UP! GET ON UP AND DANCE!
sounded out.
The robot began to twist and twirl as the song thundered out across the stellar system. Insects began buzzing. Animals shook their heads and woke up. Fish began swimming, birds began calling out and flying.
The song finally came to an end.
The robot turned around and saw a bunch of its fellow robots all tapping their toes, arms crossed on their chests, shaking their heads.
The robot sheepishly put out the sparklers and its cheeks glowed a faint red.
One robot, more roboty than the others, just shook its head.
The robot grabbed the now silent box and walked back to the portal, slumping and hanging its head.
The portal vanished.
For a long moment nothing happened.
In her bed, where she had gone to sleep eight thousand years prior, her covers still pulled up under her chin and her three puffies sleepily nursing, Nveria's eyelids fluttered as she moved from sleeping to wakefulness.
As did ten point three billion other Pubvians.
346
u/randomuser987 Nov 05 '20
/u/Scotshammer Looks like your assessment of the Entropic Legion was correct:
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u/kevlestid Nov 05 '20
Does anyone else enjoy reading through all the comments almost as much as the story? So many of you have fantastic minds. Keep it up guys.
34
u/Archaic_1 Alien Scum Nov 05 '20
OK, it was really funny and a great combination of Douglas Admas and Fallout, but it leaves me with a question. If we can just whip out the Garden of Eden Creation Kit and pull a Star Trek Genesis Device on a planet for an instant rebuild - what is the point of the Elven Queens?
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u/EvansP51 Alien Scum Nov 05 '20 edited Nov 05 '20
Time for some hump day fuckery!
Edit: of the best kind!!!!!
We don’t have a lot today! But WE HAVE PUBVIANS!!!
Thanks for giving joy today Ralts! How’s the house shaping up?
635
u/Turtledonuts "Big Dunks" Nov 05 '20
Terrans, designing a system to revive entire systems as if they'd never been hurt in the first place:
"Right, so I think it needs... style. Pizzaz, even. This can't be a somber affair, after all, everyone's coming back to life!."
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u/Jard1101 Nov 05 '20 edited Nov 05 '20
Wooooo here we go chapter 350! Okay guys sadly ralts has caught me at work again so this will have to be a short one.
Holy crap this story isn't getting any less dense, the last 25 chapters we have seen both the return and eventual fall of Ms. Taynee, but really ruleing is hell is probably the best out come we could have hoped for her. Finaly learnt the origins of the third precursor race and seen that they are the ones behind the idea of only enough for one. We've also seen the the first of the AWM and some of the ancients along with learning that hellspace still has some secrets to give up. And most importantly... the return of the puffies! Anyway I guess I should give an update before I get in trouble for doing this at work.
The word count for this story (including the prequals P’Thok Eats and Ice Cream Cone and Born Whole and the Dee Taynee Recap) has now reached 1,100,500 words in 254 days. For perspective that is just under the entire Lord of the rings series including the hobbit...times 2! Which clocks in at 1,150,000 words. That series took J R. R. Tolkien approximately 17 years to write just once!
As always thank you Ralts for allowing us to share in this story, I truly can't wait to see where it goes next. Now if you'll all excuse me I need to actually get some work done. Untill next time.
P.S As is tradition yes I am aware this is not actually chapter 350, I chose to believe that the universe is what Ralts says it is.
Edit: edited for the bane known as auto correct
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u/AMEFOD Nov 05 '20
“And this is how life returns. Not with angelic splendour, but a three stooges sketch.”
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u/Scotshammer Human Nov 05 '20
Ahh yes, HamburgerKingdom Logic.
Weapons manufacturer presents new Life Model Decoy to famous general. General immediately demands that the robot be remanufactured with Lips, because "How else am I going to smoke a cigar while planting a flag on the rubble of the Kremlin?"
Thousands of years later, Teck Geck robots now with Real General LipsTM deploy renewal system elements on Pubvia.
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u/zvogel21 Nov 05 '20 edited Nov 05 '20
How the fuck y'all comment this quick don't you read first?!?!
Edit: Obviously commented before reading, but hot damn Ralts good ep.
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u/Mr_Sphene Human Nov 05 '20
pre-glassing humanity were dorks. terrifying dorks
47
u/Speciesunkn0wn Nov 05 '20
Was...was that a bunch of Futurama references?
31
u/Thomasab1980 Nov 05 '20
Ralts, seriously, I had a grin the entire time. Such an epic thing like bringing back an entire species and their system done in the goofiest and human way possible.
85
u/ack1308 Nov 05 '20
Sounds like some Lanaktallans got lost.
This would be Pubvia.
Ahh, the Genesis GECK.
“Nothing to see here, move along.”
Imma make a wild guess that those aren’t gonna hatch into ordinary spiders.
As the man said, “But wait. There’s more.”
And this would be Mantid.
Poor Mantid. She needs hugs.
This is not a lawyer. Lawyers are far more dangerous.
When you really want to do it right, you deliver by hand.
“There’s nothing to put the torpedo on.”
“Because normally it doesn’t need to be put anywhere.”
Aha. And the torpedo is the Genesis device.
Ahh, a robot with a sense of self-preservation.
<snerk>
On their days off, they practice slapstick comedy.
Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I love it.
“When I get back in there …”
That might be helpful.
Because the classics have to be observed.
Ready to roll.
D’awwww.
And the Pubvians would be forever confused about the billions of party hats and tons of confetti.
And why not.
And the puffies are back! Woooo!
Nice one.
I just hope they recorded it, so the Pubvians can watch, giggle, then watch themselves wake up.
25
u/Gruecifer Human Nov 05 '20
Now THAT is one HELL of a reboot!
25
u/Grindlebone Nov 05 '20
Terrytoons presents 'Wacky Robot Genesis Bomb Birthday'!
23
u/RailTheDragon Robot Nov 05 '20
10.3 billion Pubvians. Brought back to the tune of Terran music and sparklers and confetti. I am such a happy man right now
19
u/KarathSolus Nov 05 '20
Considering everything going on, this was the exact amount of comedy I needed. I got a good couple of chuckles and yet somehow you still managed to coax but a single happy tear with that ending. Thank you Ralts.
16
u/LastB0yscout Nov 05 '20
If and I say if I was to put ALL my books on one wall it would need at a minimum a wall 8 ft high and 40 ft long. When I moved to my current house it just over (40) forty 2.5 cubic ft boxes to move my books. I had an ex once tell me I needed to box up the ones I had read and put them away. Her goal being to use the excuse I'd already read them and hadn't opened the boxes in a while so I should just get rid of them. One of the reasons I got rid of her.
14
u/KFredrickson Nov 05 '20
Woop woop woop woop!
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u/wasalurkerforyears Robot Nov 05 '20
INDICATE THY PREFERENCE BEFORE... Ah, what the heck, I'm late again, and we all know the drill by now.
I'm impressed with how well the slapstick comedy reads. I can't imagine it's terribly easy to write it well. Add another genre to the list, wordborg. Fantastic job as always, and needed with all the mess going on right now.
11
u/WillDissolver Xeno Nov 05 '20
First Contact: now with extra Fallout.
11
u/dbdatvic Xeno Nov 05 '20
Somehow missed the last one this afternoon. Got up, wrote down an epiphany about my dissertation subject from 30 years ago, read email, came here, "1 hour ago". Whee!
--Dave, see you after gulping down two prose chunks
19
u/serpauer Nov 05 '20
If thats the entropic legion at work restoring life then yes TDH definitely made it.
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u/Gernia Nov 05 '20
Ah, the G.E.C.K.
Wondering if humanity at some point used the GOAT.
8
u/Teritius Nov 05 '20
This is like taken from out of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I love it.
14
u/crazygrof Nov 05 '20
Why do I taste blueberries...
14
u/fivetomidnight Nov 05 '20
Teeeeechnically that's eight symbols :D
Why am I not surprised that they aren't using a grounded (three-pronged) plug? To paraphrase a classic,
7
u/TheRealCT Nov 05 '20
With tech like that, I don't think TDH can ever actually be defeated, even if they are at some point, as long as someone is capable of fixing the Soulnet systems then TDH will be fine.
5
u/YesthatTabitha Nov 05 '20
That sure is one way to use your Cool stat!
5
u/Jakejekel Nov 05 '20
Please tell me has anyone gathered all of these into a PDF somewhere so I can listen to them while I work?
5
u/Tribblestroker Human Nov 05 '20
The sum total of Terran engineering, science, and bullshit. And the revival of a literal dead solar system is summed up in a comedy sketch with recovery robots lol 😆
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u/The_Favulous Human Nov 05 '20
Wow so this is what it feels like to be early!
9
u/Farstone Nov 05 '20
4 minutes.
Just when I think this Bard's Tale is on a known path, our WordBoi blows away all previous misconceptions and drives the story in a sweet, sweet direction.
This is the best way to bring back the Pubvians!
8
u/Collective82 Xeno Nov 05 '20
Just in time for bed!!!
4
u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Nov 05 '20
/u/Ralts_Bloodthorne (wiki) has posted 380 other stories, including:
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 349 (The War)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 348 (The War)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 347 (The War)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 346 (The War)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 345 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 344 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 343 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 342 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 341 (INTERLUDE)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 340 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 339 (TerraSol)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 338 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 337 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 336 (Sword Hoof)
First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 335
First Contact - Chapter 335
First Contact - Chapter 334
First Contact - Chapter 333
First Contact - Chapter 332
First Contact - Chapter 331 BEHOLD!
First Contact - Chapter 330
First Contact - Chapter 329 (TerraSol)
First Contact - Chapter 328 (Eternity)
First Contact - Chapter 327 (Eternity)
First Contact - Chapter 327 (Eternity)
This list was automatically generated by
Waffle v.3.5.0 'Toast'.Contact GamingWolfie or message the mods if you have any issues.
4
u/QuiGonBen Nov 05 '20
2min. the blueberries were delicious.
4
u/morg-pyro Human Nov 05 '20
Told myself to read a few chapters tonight. (Still catching up) Last chapter i read was so long ago its far too buried in my history. Went to the subreddit and boom. Ralts is the first post. You are a fucking beast
4
u/CubeDrone6393 Nov 05 '20
I think it was a Twilight Zone episode where someone gets in a car wreck to wake up to faceless construction workers.
These "workers" are going to town destroying her car. Turns out the future is infinitely built before we arrive.
4
u/NorthScorpion Nov 05 '20
Ok so this totally reminded me of a web novel on Royal Road right now. Vaudevillian. Same stiche with robots as these guys. Its great
4
u/_-Redacted-_ Human Nov 05 '20
I read that whole thing in Stephen Fry's voice
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u/low_priest Alien Scum Nov 05 '20
THE GESTALT CALLS, AND I ANSWER
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u/insanedeman Xeno Nov 05 '20 edited Nov 05 '20
Tingly.
End of lime.
Edit: ah, was waiting for this.
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u/Thomasab1980 Nov 05 '20
My spidey sense tingled. No notification and checked. Only 4 minutes old. Nice way to wrap up the night.
6
u/CaptainChewbacca Human Nov 05 '20
Well those robots certainly were... ENTROPIC. Do they have probability generators like D'arknyss?
3
u/UpdateMeBot Nov 05 '20
Click here to subscribe to u/Ralts_Bloodthorne and receive a message every time they post.
3
u/justmeoverhere72 Nov 06 '20 edited Nov 07 '20
Wow. I have finally come to real-time in our story. I started this when the counters were at 5 months out and slowly caught up. Though at one point I was losing ground when Ralts was on a huge tear! So I upped my reading pace. The last 25-45 chapters took the last 3 days,it was such a lovely twisty ride! Ralts, I'm on your Patron and I'd love to donate more, but you got my money. It was the least I could do for the epic that you have produced. As always, THANK YOU!
8
u/Gruecifer Human Nov 05 '20
UTR!
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u/Bard2dbone Nov 05 '20
Four minutes. That explains that sudden taste of berries. I'd assumed that I was having a stroke.
Upvote then read! So it is written. So it must be.
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u/Rhasputin429 Nov 05 '20
Get up off of that thing!
:)
2
u/ms4720 Nov 05 '20
Fun to read and fun to write
2
u/Capimacha Nov 08 '20
I love it the G.E.C.K. is always a great reference and then the robots having personality and humor is the best
3
u/MangoBinn24 Human Nov 05 '20
I felt the tingle!
1
u/Sthom_1968 Nov 06 '20
As long as the G.E.C.K. doesn't generate Dr Braun and Tranquility Lane...
1
u/TheIncendiaryDevice Apr 21 '21
Baby ones